Aunty Marmalade

by Ruth Ann Young

  “Neither do I. I wish none of this had happened to you. It’s so unfair.”

  “I know. I wish that things were different but they aren’t.”

  “Florence, want a cuppa?” came Aunty M’s voice calling up the stairs.

  “That’s Aunty M. I’d better go. Shall we talk again tomorrow? Coming Aunty M.”

  “See you tomorrow,” said Roma.

  And she faded away to nothing.

  “Thought you’d like a cup of tea, dear. Are you alright Florence?”

  “I’m fine. Yes fine. I’m writing the dreaded diary and stuff.”

  I was pleased she didn’t ask me what the ‘and stuff’ meant. As I sipped my tea, I realised that Aunty M probably knew everything. All I had to do was ask her. I couldn’t pluck up the courage. Well, not yet anyway.

  Chapter 22

  “Was it you that rescued me and Biggles from the sea?” I asked Roma the following day.

  “Yes, I was following you around and then I realised you couldn’t get out of the sea, so I sort of dragged you out and Biggles too.”

  “Why did you mess up my room?”

  “Sorry about that but you had put that music thing away and I wanted to try it, so I had to find it. I’m not tidy like you.”

  “That’s my iPod. Do you want to listen now?”

  “Can I?” said Roma excitedly.

  “Sure.” I pulled it out of my pocket and held up the earphones. Roma took them and placed them where her ears were but as she was not ‘real’ they only sort of sat where her ears would have been. They looked like they were hanging. It looked really weird.

  “What’s funny Florence?”

  “Sorry, it’s just that I have just realised that you are…” I couldn’t think of the right word.

  “A spirit, a ghost. I know. Don’t worry I’m quite used to it.”

  I pressed the start button on. Roma winced and then started tapping her feet.

  “Do you like it?” I asked.

  “Yes it’s frozen,” she said.

  “I think you mean cool or hot!”

  “Yeah, that as well.”

  She gently removed the earphones. “I have a confession to make Florence.”

  “What?” I asked again.

  “The painting of the twins. I stole it from a car boot sale in the village. I saw it and recognised our great, great granny and her sister. Aunty M was right, it had been sold by accident and I sort of brought it back to where it belongs. It was a sign to you that we should be together again. It helped didn’t it because here we are.”

  “Well don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” And we both giggled.

  I looked into her eyes. They were hazy but I could still see they were blue like mine. A desperate feeling of sadness came over me and I realised how awful this situation was. There was nothing I could do to help her. Nothing at all. All she wanted me to do was help her rest in peace. All I wanted to do was make her come alive again so we could stay as twin sisters. Without realising it, tears were streaming down my cheeks and I couldn’t stop them.

  “Why are you crying?” Roma asked suddenly distressed.

  “It’s so unfair. Why did you have to die? We could have such fun together. I’m always so lonely. I find making friends hard as I think people think I’m stupid and I never know the right things to say.”

  “But you got on with Sam Ok, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, but she’s such an easy sort of person to get along with. You should have seen me with these two boys Pete and Matt yesterday.”

  “I did,” announced Roma.

  “You did?”

  “Yup, I’ve been following you everywhere. I’m trying to learn about your world before I have to go.”

  “You don’t have to ‘go’ soon though do you?” I asked.

  “No. I can stay for a while but I really do have to get myself settled because as the days go by, I can feel a tiredness coming over me. That is the sign that I’m being ‘called.’ It’s what happens. I can’t hang around forever. You get ‘called’ you see.”

  “Who calls you? Who wants you to go?” I asked desperately.

  “The people who have gone before us. They want me to join them and to rest in peace.”

  “I bet they do but I don’t want you to. I want you to stay with me,” I pleaded.

  “That’s not possible, Florence.”

  “Well I might not be here if it wasn’t for you. I could have drowned.”

  “Yes I know. I was a bit naughty there I shouldn’t have got involved, but I couldn’t let you drown even though I wanted you to.”

  “Really?” I said astounded.

  “Of course I wanted you to drown because then we could be together forever. Then I realised that it was unfair and that I wanted you to have every chance to live. I was being very selfish,” said Roma.

  “Thank you for what you did for Biggles and me.”

  “Have you realised we have real grandparents. Our real dad’s parents. You need to meet them. We need to bring the family back together. There was a big upset before we were born and I’m not sure what happened. Our real dad’s parents don’t know you. Once the upset is mended, I can go.”

  “I never knew about them. I thought my dad was my dad. Now I know he isn’t,” I said.

  I stood up and tried to put my arms around her but of course I couldn’t because she was only a spirit. She faded away until there was nothing left. I exhausted her obviously and as I slumped back into the sofa, I realised how tired I was myself. But she was right. We did have grandparents that we had never met. Why was our real dad such a secret? Why did mum not tell me she was married before? I knew then that I had to do something and I had to do it quickly for Roma.

  Chapter 23

  The next day, I decided that I would have to do something positive about my situation. I would have to pluck up courage and ask Aunty M. It would take guts and I really didn’t know whether I had enough courage to ask her. I decided not to plan anything. Just see how things went at the time. We got on really well together and I felt pretty confident she wouldn’t mind. I just couldn’t bear not knowing. I needed answers. I needed to know who I really was. I wasn’t sure any more.

  I was sitting at the table having hot chocolate; steam was spilling out of my mug.

  “Aunty M can I ask you something?”

  “Yes my dear. Anything.”

  “Can I ask you something? I’m a bit worried about asking you but you’re the only one I can ask.”

  “Go on anything Flo. We know each other now so well. If I can help you I will and if I can’t I won’t.”

  “I found some old Victorian stuff in the attic.”

  “You’ve been up in the attic? “said Aunty M staring at me crossly.

  “Yes I have. I found the secret stairway and I went up to look. I wondered if I could take some of the stuff I found for my project on the Victorian’s at school.”

  “Florence, why did you not tell me before about finding the way up there? Is that what you were doing the night you fell?”

  I nodded ashamed of myself.

  “There are a lot of private things up there you know. You should have asked me first. I am a little surprised at you.”

  “Aunty M, I am so sorry. I didn’t realise that I could upset you by going up. I just read and stuff up there,” I replied, feeling absolutely wretched.

  “Anyway, what did you find?” continued Aunty M.

  I chickened out. What would I do if she refused to tell me or I embarrassed her or hurt her feelings? Suddenly I realised that what I had found out she might not know about or feel she should be the one to tell me if she did know. Was it really any of my business?

  “I found some old toys; a wooden top and a push-along-horse.”

  “Yes that’s fine. I think you had better bring them back once your project is finished but that’s fine. They’ve been in the family for years so I suppose they better stay at Apple Jack’s Cottage, but its fine for you to borro
w them. Are you sure that that is all you want to take?”

  “Yes that’s all.”

  Go on; go on ask her then I found myself saying,

  “Aunty M?”

  “Yes, Florence. Is there something else?”

  “Yes there is but I don’t know how to say it to you because I realise I’ve upset you so much. I did not realise until now what I have done. I wouldn’t upset you for the world.”

  “Say what darling?” said Aunty M.

  “Well it’s like this.”

  “What’s that sweetie?” asked Aunty M staring at me straight in the face.

  Then from somewhere, I got the courage.

  “I found some old photos and a wedding dress.”

  “Oh, you found them did you? How on earth did you find them?”

  “Yes I did. I found them quite by accident. I found the christening gowns too. They must have been for my great, great grandma and her sister.”

  “You found those too did you?”

  “My mum was wearing the wedding dress in the photo but she wasn’t marrying dad she was marrying someone else. I don’t know who he is because he’s not my dad.”

  “Is all this something to do with why mum doesn’t like me?”

  “Florence, she doesn’t not like you; she’s just cold and unfeeling. She’s always been the same. She’s that kind of person. Let me tell you what happened and then maybe you’ll be able to understand better. Things did happen that made her feel the way she does but she doesn’t blame you. None of this was your fault my dear. You were only a baby.”

  “So I am involved then. I guessed that.”

  “Come on, let’s go and sit in a comfortable chair. Florence, this is going to be a bit difficult for me but I’ll try to tell you as much as I feel I can. I don’t want to upset mum or granny or anyone come to it.”

  So I sat there with Aunty M and she told me the story about mum, dad, and me and Roma and it made all the pieces of the jigsaw fit. The curtain behind Aunty M flicked up and down a bit and I knew that Roma was there in the room with us. Even if I hadn’t seen the curtain move, I would have known she was there. I had become so close to her.

  Chapter 24

  “Your mum and dad met at university. They started to go out and after a very short time they decided to get married. They were very young”. She took a deep breath and continued, “Granny and granpy liked him very much and even though they thought it was all a bit quick, they gave their consent and as soon as they had left university they got married. Simon was supposed to marry a friend of his family. His parents were furious, and did not give their blessing to the marriage and that created a very bad atmosphere between them all. But, nevertheless, it was a lovely wedding, a very happy day. They went on honeymoon and returned to their little house in Tarlton to be near Simon’s parents and granny and granpy. Simon’s parents didn’t make the situation very easy. They continued to make your mum’s life very difficult. They made no attempts to get on with her.”

  “Poor mum, it must have been very difficult for her. What happened then?” I asked eager for the story to continue.

  “Hang on, I’m getting there.”

  “The next thing was really very exciting because your mum and dad found out they were going to have a baby. Everyone was excited of course except Simon’s parents. They continued to feel that he was far too young to be a father. He hadn’t got his career established yet. But new babies in families are always very exciting; then they discovered they were going to have twins.”

  “They were having twins,” I repeated. I felt my jaw drop down. My hands felt all sweaty and my throat became dry.

  “They were having twins,” Aunty M repeated, “Our family was ecstatic. Not one baby but two, what could be better?”

  I tried to say something but I couldn’t seem to say anything the words wouldn’t come out. The curtain shook violently behind Aunty M. Roma and I now knew who our father was and I now knew that the man that I called dad was not my dad or Roma’s dad after all. I felt the colour drain from my face.

  “Are you alright dear? You’ve gone rather pale.”

  “I’m fine, Aunty M,” I said. But I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Simon became very concerned with his parents behaviour and decided he could not let the situation continue. What was worrying him more was that your mum was getting very upset and this was not good for her or the two babies.”

  “So one night after he finished at his lawyer’s practice,” continued Aunty M, “he didn’t go home but went shopping. He bought two huge teddies for the new babies and drove straight to his parent’s house. He wanted to try to make them see sense. He even took the teddies inside with him probably to make them realise there was nothing he could do he was in love with your mum and there were two new little babies coming into the family.”

  “What happened? Bet they realised they were being stupid,” I couldn’t believe this story as it was unfolding, but the worse was to come.

  “There was a terrible argument. They wouldn’t listen or even try to understand so Simon stormed out of the house. The police found his crashed car in the woods. He had skidded off the wet road and hit a tree. He died instantly they said, all alone.”

  “What happened to mum?” I asked horrified.

  “She was frantic when he did not come home from work. She had phoned his office and got no answer. She phoned granpy and he went around to their house and he decided that the police would have to be called.”

  “They found the teddies in the front seat. Simon had even put the seat belt around them. He was on the road just down the road from his parent’s house. It was a tragic accident.”

  “So Simon died before the babies were born. They never knew their dad. He never saw his own babies. This is the saddest story I have ever heard,” I felt the tears trickle down my face and I had to blow my nose.

  “Your mum was too ill to go to the funeral. It was probably for the best as it had been Simon’s parents who were to blame in some ways for the accident.”

  “If he hadn’t gone to try to talk to them, it never would have happened, would it?”

  “We’ll never know Florence. But if he hadn’t gone that night he could still be alive.”

  “When were the twins born?”

  “Two little girls were born on the 24th March.”

  “That’s the same date as my birthday.”

  “Yes Florence. Simon was your father. You look very similar to him you know. He was dark, you get the red hair from our side of the family, but you have his eyes and the gap between your front teeth just like him. Do you know too, you are so like him in so many ways? Very kind, quiet and gentle. You are a real credit to him you know.”

  “But I have a twin sister too. What happened to her?” I knew of course but I had to protect Roma and Roma didn’t know the entire story either.

  “She became ill when you were just six months old and died in hospital. She was not a strong little baby like you. Mum blamed all the upset over Simon’s death. Your mum was very poorly before you were born.”

  “Where is my twin sister buried?”

  “She’s buried in the churchyard here in Tarlton in Saint Luke’s Church. Would you like to visit it?”

  “Yes I would. Can we go first thing in the morning?”

  “Sure and we’ll take some flowers too. I haven’t been since you came down.”

  “Do you go there often?”

  “Yes I do, every week. I always take her some flowers.”

  “Aunty M?”

  “Yes dear.”

  “I just realised. I have a dad who isn’t my dad. I have grandparents who aren’t really my grandparents and I have grandparents that I have never met. How spooky is that?”

  “Good and spooky Florence. Good and spooky.”

  “Aunty M, I just can’t believe what has happened to my dad, my sister and my mum.” I could feel the back of my throat start to choke and the tears pouring down my face, �
�I just can’t believe mum and dad never said anything to me. Why didn’t they?”

  “Florence, you know what grown ups are like with their secrets. We all have secrets and sometimes we can’t find it in us to share them. Sometimes even adults find telling the truth hard, particularly if they’ve done something silly. I don’t think any of us wanted you to be upset and hurt by what happened. I was worried about telling you and to be honest, I think I may have said too much. Granny will probably disown me and as for your mum, she’ll never forgive me. The family thought you might never find out and that it would all be for the best. Trust it to be me that ends up being the one that tells you. If only I could turn back the clock. If only things had been different. Florence, will you ever be able to forgive me?”

  “What do you mean? You’ve done nothing, Aunty M.”

  Then to my horror, I saw tears streaming down Aunty M’s face. She pulled out a huge red and white spotty hankie from the pocket of her floral tent dress and blew her nose. I once heard granny say that when Aunty M blew her nose it sounded like the Queen Mary ship sounding her horn leaving for a voyage and I now knew what she meant. But now was not a time to laugh. Aunty M got up and quietly walked out of the room.

  I sat for a while trying to make sense of what I had heard. I was surprised that she got so upset when she was not really that involved. The door slammed shut and I guessed that Roma had left the room too. Could ghosts cry? I didn’t know. But I knew then and there that I had to get in touch with my real grandparents. I wanted to get to know them; they were part of me. They could be a way of connecting with my real father. And I had to do it soon.

  Chapter 25

  I went up to bed. As I lay there I thought about all that had happened. I thought back to the wedding photos of my mum and Simon. He had looked so familiar and yet I didn’t know him. I looked a little bit like him. What I couldn’t get out of my head was I had grandparents that I did not know I had until today. I hadn’t thought of that before. There were people in my family that I didn’t even know about - new people that in a funny sort of way could bring my dad, my real dad, closer to me. I felt so sad, so full of odd feelings. How could I miss someone I had never known? And yet I did, I really did. I couldn’t bear the feelings any longer, so I climbed the steps to the attic. I needed to look back at the photo album and see if I could get any clues as to my father’s family name.