Damaged Love

by Riann C. Miller

  “Kole.”

  “What?” I question.

  “My name is Nikole, but everyone calls me Kole.” She gives me a small, almost sad smile, and if someone would just tell me what to do or say to make her pain go away, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

  “I don’t know all the details, but I don’t think you do, either. Let’s get out of here and go talk somewhere more private. When I leave, if you never want to see me again, then I’ll disappear from your life and leave you alone,” I lie. This girl is my sister, and like it or not, that means I’m her brother, and that’s a title I’ve always wanted.

  “Okay.” Kole’s mournful eyes lock on mine, and an unspoken bond is formed. She finally breaks eye contact, causing my stomach to flip. “I just moved into a place that’s not far from here. We can go there and talk.”

  Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I can see a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and for now, that has to be enough.

  JET

  YESTERDAY, KOLE AND I SPENT hours getting to know each other. After only a few minutes, I understood where my dad’s fear of being rejected came from. Kole’s mother and stepfather drank and did drugs to the extreme, ultimately leaving Kole in a very bad situation; a far cry from the life she would have lived if our dad had been in the picture.

  We both agreed yesterday wouldn’t be the best day for Kole to meet our dad. Once Kole told me about her mom and stepfather, I was worried she’d think Nick, our father, who at the time was at home passed out drunk, is like them, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

  Instead, she told me she had someone she wanted me to meet and that she’d call me sometime today to set up a time for us to get together. In the meantime, I’m hoping to track Rachel down. I feel like I’m starting to go through withdrawals, it’s been that long since I last laid my eyes on her.

  I stop at her apartment, unannounced. I knock, and seconds later Russ opens the door. “Hey, is Rachel home?”

  Russ’s eyes go wide at my question. “Um, no?”

  My body instantly tightens from his strange reaction. Something’s not right. Russ’s answer sounds like a question rather than an answer. “Is your sister home or not, Russ? This is a very simple question,” I growl, trying my hardest not to act like a dick.

  Instead of answering me, he bites his lip, which only pisses me off more. I grab his bicep and tug him closer to me. “Where is Rachel?”

  When he doesn’t answer, I squeeze his arm tighter. “I think she’s still at home,” he blurts in a panic.

  “You think?” I spot someone move behind him. I let go of his arm and kick the door open, but instead of finding Rachel, I see some half-naked girl I’ve never seen before.

  “Hey,” she purrs when her eyes land on me. I shake my head at her lame attempt to flirt with me while she’s here with Russ, who happens to be standing next to me.

  “You’re starting to piss me off. Where’s Rachel?” I ask again, hoping to get a better answer this time.

  “Who’s Rachel?” the girl questions, but I don’t take my eyes off Russ. His jaw clenches before he finally grinds out his answer.

  “Mom was at an all-time high last night, which involved a trip to the ER. Rachel stayed with her but...” He stops talking and hesitates for a second. “We don’t talk about this with...anyone. If Rachel wants you to know, she’ll tell you.”

  I start to relax. Somewhere in the back of my head, I was expecting Russ to tell me she was out with a guy, and while I don’t think he’s being completely honest with me, I do believe whatever Rachel is doing has something to do with her family.

  “I called her phone, but she didn’t answer,” I add as I continue to stare at him. “She didn’t take her charger. She wasn’t expecting to be gone this long. I told her I’d come and take care of things, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  “Who’s Rachel?” Russ’s friend asks again.

  “If you see her before I have the chance to talk to her, tell her to call me. Please.” I turn and walk back to my car while my mind is running away with ideas of why Russ was acting unbelievably strange.

  —

  The rest of the day passes, and I don’t hear from Rachel or Kole, which turns me into a nervous wreck. The more time that passes, the more my hackles rise. Something isn’t right. I can feel it. I don’t know where Rachel’s family home is, and I get the impression she doesn’t want me there, so instead, I head to the apartment Kole took me to yesterday, but no one answers. Next, I head over to the dorms on the UCLA campus, and I luck out when someone holds open the outside door for me, granting me access to the secured building.

  Yesterday, when I was waiting on Kole, I looked over the file I grabbed from my dad’s bedroom, which is how I know what dorm room is hers. I make my way up to her floor and quickly knock on the door. I knock for longer than necessary before Kole finally opens the door and delivers one of the hardest blows I’ve ever received.

  “What’s wrong?” I immediately ask. She’s been crying, but it’s more than that. Her eyes look swollen like she’s been crying for a long time. “Kole? What’s the matter?” I ask again in a consoling tone, hoping she’ll tell me something. Instead of answering me, she walks straight into my arms, silently crying. “Shh, you’re going to be okay. Whatever it is, I’ll fix it.” Or I’ll die trying, I think to myself. “Kole?”

  She finally pulls away from me and proceeds to break my heart right along with hers. “A week ago, I got married, only today I found out he’s already slept with someone else.”

  The pure agony in her voice causes me to still. “What’s his name? I’ll kill him,” I growl as anger blurs my vision.

  Instead of answering me, Kole gives me a weak smile.

  “Come on, sis. You look like shit. If you’re not going to give me the asshole’s name, then at least let me take care of you.” I force a smile, hoping to lighten her mood.

  “I don’t feel like doing anything. I planned to meet your dad today, but I can’t, not like this.”

  “Our dad,” I quickly amend. “He’s our dad, and he’ll do anything in his power to fix this.”

  Kole breaks out in more tears. “Are you able to fix a broken heart? Because that’s what’s wrong.” I slowly approach her. I don’t have a lot of experience with females, even less with crying ones, but I want to take care of Kole. After all, that’s what big brothers do.

  “Okay, you’re right. I can’t magically fix this, and that sucks.” First full day on the job and already I’m failing.

  Kole takes a deep breath then sits down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder. We stay like this for a long time before she pulls her head off my shoulder and looks up into my eyes. “I’m really tired. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to lie down and rest. Maybe I can meet Nick tomorrow.”

  She called our dad by his first name. I think it’s going to take longer for Kole to accept us as her family than I was expecting. “Okay. Get some rest, but expect to hear from me tomorrow. I’ll bang this dorm room down if you decide to ignore me.” I grin.

  “Deal,” she mumbles with a yawn. I lean forward and give her a kiss on the cheek then I force myself to leave. I can only imagine the pain a parent must feel when they see their child upset because if it’s anywhere near what I felt watching Kole, then one day, parenthood might gut me.

  * * * *

  My week continued to worsen. Kole didn’t snap out of her funk. I finally broke down and told my dad that Kole knows all about us. At first, he was upset that I went behind his back and met with her without his permission, but the second he found out she was physically ill due to a relationship that ended, he went with me to see her. In the few days that had passed, Kole went from a distressed female to someone who was horribly sick. Sick enough that Dad and I actually took her to the hospital.

  I was behind with school and work, something I tried to fix between calling Rachel—and getting no answer—and checking in on Kole, who wasn’t getting better.

  When Kole was rel
eased from the hospital, I tried my fucking hardest to get her to come back home with dad and me, but she wouldn’t. I think this is her way of saying she isn’t ready to accept us into her life.

  I’m sitting at my desk in my home office, staring at the computer in front of me, but not actually doing anything when my cell phone rings. “Yo,” I answer without looking at the caller ID.

  “Jet?” Rachel’s soft voice breezes in my ear.

  “Yep, that’s me,” I reply in a harsh tone. I’m pissed that I haven’t seen or heard from her in over a week, and I’m not about to hide it.

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?” she whispers.

  “Is that why you haven’t called me? Afraid you’ll catch me at a bad time?” I’m being a jerk, and I know it, but I can’t seem to keep my anger from seeping out.

  “No. I...” She trails off.

  “You what?” I practically holler when she stops talking.

  “I’ll call you later, maybe when you’re in a better mood,” she softly says.

  “Maybe I wouldn’t be in such a shitty mood if you had stopped and called me in the last week.”

  I’m greeted with dead silence for several long moments before Rachel finally speaks up. “I’m sorry. This has been a bad week. I didn’t mean to blow you off. Apparently, I’m not good at juggling life.” Her voice sounds hoarse, almost like she was holding back tears, which has me feeling like an even bigger jerk.

  I’m upset, and a lot of that has to do with Kole and her issues, and I’m taking it out on Rachel.

  “I don’t think this is working out,” Rachel says, sending me into a new state of panic. “I never meant to upset you and—”

  “No!” I shout, interrupting her. “I’m being an asshole. I’m pissed and not even entirely at you. Please. Let’s drop this conversation and start a fresh one. I’ll start. I miss you really fucking bad, and I can’t wait to see you.” I made sure my tone was serious because I meant every word I just spoke.

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? Please, Rachel, tell me you missed me, even if you have to lie,” I plead.

  “I missed you too, and I’m not lying.” I can hear the smile in her voice.

  “Good, then forgive me for being an asshole and tell me when I can see you again.”

  “Tomorrow?” she replies, making her answer sound more like a question.

  “I’ll take it. You name where and when and I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll be home by five o’clock,” she adds.

  “Then I’ll be at your apartment a few minutes after five.”

  She lightly chuckles, but she still doesn’t sound like her normal self. “I’m really sorry, Jet.” Her voice is off, making me wonder exactly what her family has put her through this week.

  “Forget about it. I know I already have.”

  “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Seconds later, she thankfully disconnects the call before I have the chance to say anything else—something along the lines of how I more than just missed her. How somewhere in the last few weeks I’ve come to depend on having her in my life and the thought that she might disappear scares the living shit out of me.

  * * * *

  Today has been the best day I’ve had in over a week. For starters, Kole opened up to my dad, and the two of them are forming some type of bond. I’m not sure it’s exactly what I was hoping for, but I think we’re on the road to becoming a family.

  My mood skyrocketed because I just knocked on Rachel’s door. “Hey,” she greets seconds later.

  “Hey, yourself.” I step toward her and lift her face up to mine. The second our lips meet, the rest of the tension I’ve been carrying around melts. I knew I liked Rachel—hell, I more than like her—but this moment only assures what I’ve been thinking all week: that I’m actually falling hard for her.

  Our kiss is light and sweet and not at all heated like I would’ve preferred, but Rachel steps back before I am able to show her how badly I’ve missed those delicious lips.

  When our eyes meet, I can tell she’s still not herself, at least not the easy-going Rachel that I’ve grown to care about.

  “Is something wrong?” I ask, hoping like hell she’s still not pissed at me for acting like an asshole last night.

  “No, everything is fine. I’m still coming down from being at home for a while. My mom had an accident and ended up in the hospital. When she was released, I didn’t think it was fair to stick Russ with her by himself. I ended up staying a few days and...I hate that place. I’m always in a funk when I leave, especially if I spend more than a few hours trapped there.” She attempts to laugh off her statement, but my chest aches. She just spent most of the week with her family, and she used the word trapped. Trapped. Damn, her family has to be a thousand times worse than anything I’ve imagined.

  “God, I’m so sorry. I wish there were something I could do or say that would take away your problems, but—”

  “Being here with me helps.” She interrupts my babbling with a smile on her face. “Usually, when my mom bounces back, Russ sits with me until I’m feeling better, but this time it’s taking Mom longer than usual. You just being here with me is exactly what I need to feel better.” She’s still wearing a sad smile as I wrap my arms around her.

  “I’m sorry for being a dick on the phone last night,” I say into the side of her neck. Now that I can see the stress she’s been under, I feel even worse than I did when we hung up.

  “I’ve never really had a...” She pauses as if she’s looking for the right word. “Guy...waiting around for me before. My mom, that house...it’s hard to remember the positive things that exist in the outside world. I’m sorry. I know you had a lot going on with finding your sister and I wasn’t there for you.” Her voice is barely a whisper.

  “Forgive me. I shouldn’t have acted like that.” Rachel gives me a small but beautiful smile.

  “You’re forgiven. Now tell me all about your sister.”

  “God, it still seems surreal to hear someone call her my sister.” I can’t help the huge smile that crosses my face from thinking about Kole. “I think having a sister is going to be amazing, but truthfully, she’s going through a bad breakup right now, which fucking sucks because there’s nothing I can do to help her.”

  Rachel squeezes my hand to bring my attention back to her. “Sometimes all I need Russ to do is be there for me. Knowing there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other, it’s...powerful. If your sister doesn’t understand that yet, she will.” Kole has been wrapped up in her own heartbreak, and my dad has been wrapped up in her problems that I didn’t know how much I needed someone to tell me everything would be all right.

  “Thank you,” I say before I give her a quick kiss.

  “I’m hungry.”

  “Good, because I’m starving.”

  It’s amazing how quickly life can change because suddenly, sitting here with Rachel, everything seems better.

  JET

  I COME AWAKE SUDDENLY, TRYING to figure out where the hell I am. I smell something clean and sweet when I remember. I’m lying on Rachel’s sofa with her wrapped up in my arms.

  We ordered carryout and sat on her couch, talking for hours about my life, my family, but Rachel never brought up her mom or the accident she had, or why her life this last week was consumed by her family. I won’t lie and say this didn’t bother me, but at the same time, I got the impression that Rachel wasn’t keeping anything from me as much as she didn’t want to relive the last week by talking about it.

  After spending the evening getting to know each other on a deeper level, we turned on a movie. I quickly pulled her body tight against mine, and some time later, we fell asleep.

  My eyes scan the room, looking for a clock when I see one on the wall in the kitchen. It’s after two in the morning. If I get up and go home now, I risk waking my dad, who hasn’t had a lot of sleep lately thanks to worrying about Kole.

  My movements wake Rachel. She turns and looks at me with the most
beautiful sleepy face I’ve ever seen. “Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you,” I softly tell her.

  “You’re not leaving, are you?”

  “I wasn’t planning to.” Her face immediately relaxes. “Let’s move to my bed. We can stretch out and have more room rather than sleep on this old couch.” Rachel slides out from under me and walks to her room. Thoughts of what we did in here last time flood my mind, which instantly makes me hard. Rachel clearly wants to go back to sleep, but that might take me a bit longer seeing as I’m going to have to will my erection away. Once I get into her room, I’m a goner...the battle is completely lost.

  Rachel takes off her t-shirt and bra and tosses them on the floor then steps out of her shorts, leaving her in only a pair of panties. She walks to her dresser and grabs out a tank top and turns to find me gawking at her fantastic body.

  “My eyes are up here.” Rachel’s voice is laced with desire, which has my eyes slowly moving from her amazing rack up to her face.

  “Yes, and you have beautiful blue eyes. I’ve seen them a lot, including a lot of nights when I’m dreaming, but these” —I stop and wave my hand toward her chest— “this is only the second time I’ve seen these beautiful babies.” I step closer in a serious state of lust and hunger. A type of hunger I didn’t know was possible until I met Rachel. My eyes slowly trail up Rachel’s body again before our eyes lock.

  I’m trying hard to gauge her reaction to my current state of desire. Slowly, I reach out and rub one of her breasts. Her eyes go heavy, which I take as a good sign. I bring my finger and thumb to her nipple and give it a soft pinch, which rewards me with a sexy moan. I move my other hand up to her other breast, giving it the same attention. Rachel’s soft noises are fueling me on. I lean forward and take one into my mouth, causing her to gasp loudly.

  “You like that?”

  She nods her head yes, so I switch to the other one, sucking it deep into my mouth, but I have to stop and catch Rachel when her legs begin to give out.