A BROKEN GIRL’S JOURNEY 2 (A BROKEN GIRL'S JOURNEY)

by Niki Jilvontae

  “Whoop that bitch!” A boy with a camcorder yelled as he ran pass taping the altercation.

  “Wasup with y'all pussy ass hoes?” Mesha yelled as she threw one of the patio chairs at the girls.

  Lakea picked up her pace and burst through the fence going off. She had forgotten she was pregnant and that she was trying to change her life. All she knew was three girls were trying to hurt her cousin and she couldn't let that happen. Lakea was back to the old her in that instant.

  “Maine wasup cousin?” Lakea yelled as she walked up to Mesha and Alana while wrapping her long key chain with the metal balls and spikes on it around her hand.

  “These maggot ass hoes hot cause they niggas choosing. Fat hoodbooga bitches!” Mesha said as the girls yelled a slew of, “Bitches” and “Hoes”, but did not advance pass the row of chairs.

  “Maine, we ain’t finna argue with you pussy ass hoes. Y'all bitches better swerve foe this shit get serious!” Lakea said trying to diffuse the situation, in her own subtle way.

  “Shut the fuck up bitch. We fight pregnant hoes too!” One of the three girls with a loud mouth yelled.

  “These hoes obviously don't know me cousin”, Lakea said turning from her cousin back to the girls.

  Just then the big and tall girl of the group ran up and tried to punch Lakea in the face. However, the girl didn't count on Lakea still being fast and light on her feet despite her baby bump. Lakea quickly dodged the girl's punch and followed it with a right hook right to the girl's temple. The chain on Lakea's fist cut through the girl's flesh, splitting her face on impact. Blood squirted all over Lakea's face, hands, and arms. She looked like Carrie as she kneed the girl in the stomach while holding her by her hair, and slamming her on the ground.

  All mayhem broke loose at that point. Mesha beat one of the girls with a lawn chair as Alana drug the loud mouth girl by her hair and stomped her. After Lakea got the big girl on the ground she started to get on top of her so could pound her face in, only the girl started kicking wildly. The girl kicked Lakea so hard in her stomach that she went flying back into the fence. The impact of the blow made her whole body shake. The sight of Lakea laying there pregnant and shaking caused the crowd to erupt. They pushed forward cursing, kicking, and stomping the girl who was balled up in the fetal position on the ground. Lakea was in so much pain all over, but all she could think of was her baby.

  “My baby, what have I done?” Lakea yelled as two of Alana's male friends picked her up and carried her to her truck.

  After seeing her cousin being carried away Mesha went crazy. She broke through the crowd and jumped on top of the girl delivering punch after punch to the girl's face and head. Soon blood was all over Mesha's face and hands as she continued to punch the girl with no mercy. Blood squirted out of the girl's nose and mouth and she moaned in pain. After a few more seconds and a couple more punches, Mesha ran to the truck screaming her cousin's name.

  “Is she okay?” Mesha asked the two guys as they cradled Lakea's head through the door of the backseat.

  One of the boys took of his icy white t-shirt and wiped the blood off Lakea's face and hands and then started to do the same to Mesha. Mesha stared at Lakea, laying in the back seat with blood splattered down her dress.

  “Whose blood is that? Is she OK??” Mesha yelled frantically rushing towards the driver seat.

  “She hurt but she ok”, the boy who had taken his shirt off said as he and the other boy got out of the truck.

  “You calm down. You want me to drive?” He asked Mesha after seeing how badly her hands were shaking.

  “No!” Mesha said as she jumped into the driver's seat and sped out of the parking lot.

  “You gone be okay”, Mesha said to her cousin looking into the rear view mirror.

  “Please don't let me lose my baby!” Lakea cried.

  “He all I got. Please, please, please”, Lakea continued to cry and plead as Mesha sped down Thomas Street towards The Med.

  Lakea prayed that her baby was alright. She couldn't believe that something so tragic was happening to her again, and so soon. Lakea cried hysterically in the back seat until she suddenly passed out from the stress halfway to the hospital.

  “KEA!!” Mesha yelled as she glanced at her cousin through the rear view mirror.

  Mesha prayed that her cousin and the baby would be alright, but things didn't look good.

  Chapter 5

  Mesha got Lakea to the hospital in less than 8 minutes. She sped through every red light and cut down side streets, dodging terrible Memphis drivers and potholes. Mesha was really becoming a great driver in an emergency situation. She got her cousin to the hospital quickly and safely, although she was frantic on the inside.

  As Mesha sat in the waiting room she couldn't help but feel sorry for her cousin. She had been through so much already, from doing three years in jail, watching her true love being murdered, being shot herself, and coming out of a coma to find out she was pregnant. Now she was in the hospital, possibly about to lose her baby. Not to mention all of the neglect, hurt, and abuse from her past. Mesha couldn't imagine going through all of the struggles her cousin had gone through. She couldn't imagine how her cousin had stayed so strong for so long.

  Mesha sat there with her head down feeling guilty and praying that Lakea was alright. After about 45 more minutes a doctor came out and told Mesha that Lakea was doing fine and that she could go in the back to see her. When Mesha entered the room Lakea sat there in the bed, holding her stomach with tears in her eyes.

  “Are you ok cousin?” Mesha asked sitting down next to her and grabbing her hand.

  “Yes, we alright, they did an ultrasound and the baby looks fine. Thank God”, Lakea said holding her stomach and shaking her head.

  “We think it’s a boy. The doctor said that even though I put some unnecessary stress on the baby's heart today, he is doing fine but I will have to be placed on a lot of physical limitations. He said I need to reduce my emotional stress too. That's going to be damn near impossible with all I'm dealing with”, Lakea said looking out of the window as a little blue bird landed on the window seal and began staring inside.

  Lakea stared back and she felt strength.

  “I'm going to try though cousin”, Lakea said turning back to her cousin as the little bird flew away.

  “And I'm going to help you”, Mesha said smiling at her cousin through her tears.

  Mesha did help her cousin as she always had done. That evening she drove Lakea home, made them dinner, and then helped her into bed. The both lie there together after dinner and watched Love & Basketball until Lakea began to weep. That was her and Jeremy's favorite movie to watch together. Lakea held her teddy bear close to her and ran her fingers over Jeremy's letter.

  “When are you going to open it?” Mesha asked.

  “I don't know cuzzo, when I feel ready I guess”, Lakea said closing her eyes and resting her head on her cousin's shoulder as she drifted off into a sweet dream about her one true love.

  The next couple of days were good for Lakea. Mesha stayed with her the entire time, and Felicia, Quan, Ray-Ray, and Aunt Violet were there almost every day. Lakea was also spending a lot more time with her nephew Ray-Jay. He was stuck to her like glue wherever she went. Lakea loved the family time, but she only wished it could have happened under different circumstances.

  Three days after Lakea's close call was her first group session with Dr. Roth and ten other grieving women. Lakea wasn't so sure about sitting in a circle with other sad bitches and having to tell her story, but she was willing to give it a try for her baby's sake. She arrived at Dr. Roth's office about 15 minutes late that afternoon so all of the other ladies were already in their seats sharing by the time Lakea walked in. Dr. Roth was using one of the large offices on the second floor of her building on 100 N. Main for her group meetings. Lakea was used to going to her small cozy office on the third floor. This room was huge, bright, and white. There were 12 cushy chairs placed in a circle in the middle
of the room. On the dry mark erase board in the front of the room the words: Learn to Let Hurt Go and Love Yourself. There is Life After Death! It was written in big bold letters.

  Lakea felt those words were just for her and she couldn't keep her eyes off of the board as she walked to her seat. She was so caught up in those words and what they meant she wasn't paying attention and bumped right into the lady next to her as she sat down.

  “Sorry”, Lakea said sitting down.

  She still didn't look at the person, her attention was still on the dry mark erase board. When Lakea heard the lady say, “No problem,”

  She knew that it was going to be a problem, she knew that voice. Lakea snapped her head around quickly to see the lady she had bumped into and it was no other than her worst enemy. The girl who had taken so much from her, Tia! Lakea instantly jumped to her feet as Tia did the same.

  “Bitch!” Is the only word Tia got out of her mouth before Lakea wrapped her hands around her throat and they began to tussle.

  All the women in the group screamed and jumped out of the way. Dr. Roth immediately sprang into action grabbing Lakea.

  “You know what just happened with your baby!” Dr. Roth yelled as her and three other ladies pulled Tia and Lakea apart.

  “Why do you all hate each other so much?” Dr. Roth asked as she held Lakea back.

  “She the one who caused all the tragedy in my life”, Lakea yelled with tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “This is the girl I was telling you about, the one who tried to take Jeremy from me and got her brother to attack me so Jeremy had to protect me. Then she sent him to kill me and Jeremy protected me. Everything is all her fault!” Lakea yelled while lunging forward trying to hit Tia.

  “It's my fault?” Tia yelled breaking away from the woman holding her and standing in front of Lakea.

  “I'm not going to hit her, I see she pregnant”, Tia said to the women who were grabbing her and then turned back to Lakea.

  “I ruined YOUR life? Bitch you stole my entire life. It's because of YOU I was kicked out of school after the fight and I didn't graduate. It's because of YOU my brother is gone. He was my everything and YOU took him away from me!” Tia said hitting herself in the chest as she talked with tears running down her face.

  “He was the only person besides my little sister who loved me!” Tia sobbed.

  “My mama was on drugs. All I had was my brother and after he died my life ended. My mama just got ghost, leaving me and my little sister alone so we had to go to the state. A year later my little sister was adopted and I haven't seen her since. I don't even know if she is in Tennessee or if her name is the same. I haven't seen my mama in five years, I don't know if she is alive or dead. So, I ask you who ruined whose life?” Tia asked crying hysterically.

  For the first time Lakea saw Tia as a real person and she realized that they had more in common than she had ever imagined.

  “See this is great progress”, Dr. Roth said as both girls stood inches apart staring at each other with pain and hurt in their eyes.

  “At least you both can see how you have hurt each other and now maybe you all can begin to move past it. I don't expect you all to be best friends or anything like that, but you two do have to forgive one another so that those broken hearts can begin to heal”, Dr. Roth said taking them both by the hand and returning them to their seats.

  They both stared at each other for a minute after sitting down. Tears were on both of their cheeks.

  ‘Maybe I can forgive her. I did forgive Felicia after all she did to me. Maybe our stories are the same.’ Lakea thought to herself.

  Lakea didn't know it then, but Tia's story was very similar to hers. She found that out over the next few weeks in therapy. Tia revealed her own demons to the group as everyone sat in silence with a familiar pain in their eyes. Tia told stories involving her being sold by her mother to dope boys since the age or six and being abuse by her mother. When her mother was high on crack, which was almost every day, she would become violent and beat Tia and her little sister. That's why her brother Red was her everything, he would protect them. One time she had even knocked Tia's two front teeth out with an iron because she said she talked back. Tia's life just like Lakea's had been no fairytale. They both quickly realized that after they had each heard the others story.

  The next couple of weeks went by fast and the girls began to share more and more of their sorted pasts and found various similarities. The animosity that had grown between them over the years was slowly fading, and they were learning to put their differences aside. They both had already lost so much, they had to at least try to reach that level of peace and tranquility Dr. Roth said would come with forgiveness. So one day towards the end of the group sessions when Lakea was eight and a half months pregnant Tia approached her as she wobbled into the room.

  “Hey!” Tia said looking down. I just wanted to let you know that...I'm sorry”, Tia said in tears.

  “I'm sorry too”, Lakea said as the tears welled up behind her eyes, and then she and Tia hugged.

  Both broken girls were taking the steps necessary to be whole again. Lakea smiled. It felt good to let go of that part of her past and move forward. She knew that she and Tia wouldn't magically become best friends or no shit like that, but at least they didn't have to hate and blame each other anymore.

  After that Lakea was excited to go to therapy. They were helping her so much. Her individual therapy was helping her to deal with all of her emotions related to the losing Jeremy, being pregnant, and learning how to heave a healthy relationship with her mama. Her group therapy was helping her to see that she was not alone and deal with the demons of her past. That therapy was helping Lakea to see that tragedy happened to everyone. Lakea wondered what her family therapy would reveal. She couldn't stop thinking about what her daddy had said to her about her mama having a secret. She wondered what the secret was and what it would do to her and her mother's already fragile relationship. She didn't have to wait long to find out though because her first family session with her mother was one week away, on the day she would turn 38 weeks.

  Chapter 6

  It was a cool February day, Valentine's Day to be exact, when Lakea pulled into the parking garage attached to Dr. Roth's office. She sighed to herself as she prepared to make her way to the elevator that would take her to the office on the third floor. The wind cut through her black pea coat, burgundy sweater dress, and black tights as she walked across the parking garage and to the elevator. Lakea tried to move fast to quickly get out of the cold, but the extra 50 pounds she was now carrying around made it difficult. Lakea munched on the huge stick of beef jerky she had in her hand as she entered Dr. Roth's office and greeted her mama in the waiting room.

  Lakea hadn't talked to her mama in the past three days, which was pretty unusual since everything had happened. She wondered was Felicia up to her old tricks. Had she found another kick-yo-ass-sit-on-yo-couch-and-live-off-you-beat-yo-ass-at-random type of nigga to occupy her time again?

  “Hey ma, where you been?” Lakea asked her mama still eating her beef jerky while trying to make eye contact.

  Felicia looked everywhere but at Lakea. Something was wrong, Lakea just couldn't figure out what it was.

  “I haven't been feeling well baby. Something has been eating me up inside for a long time. I been trying to build up my courage to tell you that.....” Felicia said looking at Lakea with tears in her eyes.

  “Hello Ladies!” Dr. Roth interrupted as she walked out of her office.

  “Are you ladies ready?” Dr. Roth asked smiling until she saw the looks on their faces.

  Lakea looked confused, while Felicia looked as if her whole world was crumbling.

  “Is everything ok? Are you ladies ready for today?” Dr. Roth asked as she held the door to her office open and encouraged the women to enter.

  “I'm about ready as I will ever be”, Felicia said walking into the office. Then suddenly she stopped and turned to Lakea who was ente
ring the room behind her.

  “I just hope, no I pray that everything is still ok with us after I tell you what I have to say”, Felicia said, and then she turned and took her seat.

  Lakea followed dazed. She didn't know what to expect and she couldn't stop the aching feeling she had in her heart. Dr. Roth sighed softly then entered the room closing the door behind her. Lakea couldn't take her eyes off of Felicia as she took her seat. She wondered what the secret was that her mother was hurting so much over. They had already suffered through so much; she wondered what could be this bad and how the information might affect her.

  “Ladies, so who would like to begin?” Dr. Roth asked sitting down and clasping her hands on her hands together on her desk.