Love after Marriage

by Chandra, Bhagya

  During dinner, Sashank requested that Roshni eat so they could leave for the airport on time.

  Roshni had already made up her mind not to go to the airport. “Bhaiya, do you want me to come to the airport?”

  Deepak just stared at her, thinking to himself, Oh, Roshni, please don’t start this again. I want you to come to the airport.

  The few days he’d spent with her after the wedding had an impact on him. He respected her and certainly appreciated all her efforts to keep up the promise to make his brothers happy.

  Roshni tried to justify why she should not go. “They do not allow visitors inside, and we don’t get to talk once Deepak goes inside. It makes no sense for all of us to go. I was planning on staying back.”

  Deepak was furious at this statement but was not surprised because of the decisions she had been making.

  At this time, Prashant intervened, “Roshni bete, I am going with Sashank, and you should go. Deepak will feel better.”

  Deepak was relieved to hear this; at least her babuji supported him. “Yes, I certainly hoped she would come, but I will leave it to her.”

  Deepak and Roshni looked at each other, and Roshni agreed to go to the airport. Deepak completed his dinner and looked at Roshni; he signaled to her about his talk. Roshni picked up a plate with a couple of chapathis and curry for her, and a bowl of kheer for Deepak, and they went to his room.

  She gave the kheer bowl to Deepak, and she took her plate and sat on the sofa. “Deepak, my apologies, we got distracted, but you wanted to say something to me. Please go ahead; I am listening,” she said.

  Deepak sat next to Roshni on the sofa. Roshni was confused, nervous, and looked at him. Even before she took her first bite, Deepak held her hand and with a sad face said, “Roshni, I am very sorry.”

  His apology was genuine; he meant it.

  Roshni was taken aback as to why he apologized; she looked at him with a questioning expression.

  Deepak had watched her enough in these few days to believe that Roshni was a woman of dignity and self-respect. He unknowingly had done a lot of harm to her; she was devastated. He was very cautious communicating to her, especially on this topic of their marriage.

  Deepak took a deep breath and continued to hold her hand. He looked into her eyes. “I feel awful for all that happened on our wedding night. I was so unsure of so many things and felt like sharing with you. I absolutely had no intention to belittle you.”

  He held her hand with both his hands. “And I realized later…whatever I said not only caused grief but you felt very insulted. Believe me, I struggled between my views on marriage and Sashank bhaiya; I could not do anything to disappoint him.” He looked at her very sadly.

  Deepak’s words touched her; however, her ego would not accept this apology. She was torn between these personalities. She was distressed, and tears came to her eyes. She put her plate on the table and tried to wipe her tears with her other hand. Deepak asked her to listen to him, and she listened.

  “You said you distrust me. I can understand your feelings and frustrations, but I want to say this to you, if I was open to the arranged marriage concept, I don’t think I would have found anybody better than you. As Sashank bhaiya said, you were the right person for me,” he confessed to her.

  Deepak waited for her response to this statement. She gradually pulled her hand away from his and wiped her tears. This was her response: no more tears, she decided to move on!

  “I wanted to apologize to you before I left. I have one request, a sincere request. Please give me some time to digest all that happened. I acted very immaturely and probably not to your expectations–”

  Roshni interrupted him, “Deepak, what is done is done. You expressed your views on marriage that day. Yes, I was…and am very upset.” She gained control of herself. “And I repeat this again, you could have been open and honest with me before the wedding. We could have averted this situation.”

  She closed her eyes, and with a deep, long sigh, she said, “I cannot forget or forgive you for that.” She paused for a few seconds, lost in thought.

  Deepak waited for her.

  “Deepak, both partners have to be open, faithful and firm, and willing to compromise to make their marriage work. When two people have different ideologies regarding marriage, as in our case, that marriage will not be successful. I have already expressed my views and–”

  “But, Roshni, please–” Deepak tried to say something.

  “Deepak, I am very disturbed. It is best we not talk anymore on this topic. It brings back memories and makes me sad.” She wiped her tears. “And I have a promise to fulfill, and I will work at it sincerely…and thanks for the cooperation.” She paused for a second. “Time is the best healer. Let’s wait and watch what is in store for us.”

  A ray of hope kindled in Deepak’s heart. For the first time since their wedding, he heard something positive from her regarding their marriage. This was some good news.

  He nodded at what she said. “And yes, you can count on me for all the cooperation you need. I wish you all the best, Roshni!”

  She acknowledged his response.

  Deepak looked at Roshni and asked, “Roshni, can I have a hug?” This was the first time they would come this close; he had to ask her permission.

  Roshni popped her eyes wide open. She sat there, and Deepak waited eagerly for her to respond or for a hug from her.

  After a few seconds, she came forward and hugged him. Deepak hugged her and slowly whispered, “Thank you, Roshni, thank you. This means a lot to me!”

  They remained in each other’s arms for a couple of minutes; then Roshni pulled herself from him. He smiled, held her hand, and thanked her for everything again.

  He handed her her dinner plate and signed for her to eat while he picked up the kheer bowl. Both quietly ate and glanced at each other a few times.

  Deepak looked at his watch. It was almost 7 p.m. “Oh, time to go! Roshni, are you done?”

  “Yes.”

  “Let’s go down. I will bring the suitcases while you get ready.” He smiled at her and felt very relieved after the conversation they’d had.

  Within a few minutes, everybody was ready to drop Deepak at the airport. Deepak hugged Akash and bid him good-bye, he touched Kaki’s feet and took her blessings, bid good-bye to Lakshmi aunty, and touched Babuji’s and Sashank bhaiya’s feet and took their blessings.

  After loading the suitcases in the car, they left for the airport. Sashank and Prashant sat in the front while Deepak and Roshni took the back seat. On the way, Sashank and Prashant talked and involved Deepak in the conversation. Prashant and Sashank noticed that Roshni was very quiet; they had no clue to the internal stress the young couple was going through.

  They arrived at the airport and unloaded the suitcases, Deepak bid good-bye to all. He hugged Sashank bhaiya and thanked him for everything; this was a sad moment for him, leaving behind his family, he was dull and did not say much. Sashank was also unhappy at this time; he hugged Deepak and kissed him on his forehead. Sashank wished him good luck and reminded him again about the formalities for Roshni’s VISA. Deepak and Roshni looked at each other. Deepak walked closer to Roshni, bid her good-bye, and wished her good luck. He pulled his cart and entered the airport to check in and take care of other formalities.

  Chapter 8

  Deepak arrives in the US

  After completing the immigration and customs formalities in San Francisco, Deepak came out of the airport and spotted Vivek and Vaishali waiting for him. He walked to them and hugged Vivek.

  “Deepak, welcome back! How was your trip? By the way, congratulations!”

  “Good, thanks,” replied Deepak, not enthusiastic at all. He looked at Vaishali, who stood beside Vivek. “Vaishali, how are you?”

  “I am well, Deepak bhai. Congratulations!”

  Deepak acknowledged their congratulations, and they left. Deepak thanked Vivek for picking him up and requested to be dropped at his condominium. Vai
shali had prepared dinner, so Vivek persuaded Deepak to go to their house.

  It was dinner time, so they decided to have dinner first and then talk. Deepak went to freshen up while Vaishali and Vivek worked together and got the food and table ready.

  Sitting down to dinner, Deepak enquired, “So, Vivek, how is everything?”

  Vivek updated him and said all was normal. He continued, “So, Deepak, how was your trip?”

  “The trip was good, very relaxing, and I spent time with Sashank bhaiya and Akash bhaiya.”

  “How are they doing?”

  Deepak gave Vivek and Vaishali all the details.

  Vaishali from the kitchen area yelled, “Deepak bhai saab, how come you are not giving any details about your marriage. Tell us about your wedding. Do you have wedding pictures? We are excited to hear all about it.”

  Deepak sighed. “Yeah, the wedding, all went well.”

  He was depressed as he talked. One would have expected him to be cheerful and enthusiastic to share more details, but Deepak was calm and somber. Vivek and Vaishali wondered why Deepak was so quiet.

  “Deepak, what is the matter? Did all go well with your wedding?”

  “Yes, Sashank bhaiya had already selected this girl; actually the wedding was almost fixed by the time I arrived.”

  “What do you mean? Did you get to meet her? What is bhabhi’s name?” asked Vivek.

  “Roshni,” replied Deepak.

  “Haan, Deepak and Roshni…how wonderful!” said Vaishali.

  Deepak looked at her. For the first time he comprehended their names formed a good combination; Deepak meant light and Roshni is spreading light. He’d never paid any attention to this.

  Vivek helped Vaishali with the food. “Deepak, what is the matter? You don’t look happy?”

  “Vivek, it is a long story. I don’t want to discuss it now. Shall we discuss this later?”

  Vivek began to sense something was not right but did not force him. He and Deepak had been good friends for a very long time, so he knew Deepak would discuss it when he was ready. Deepak was not in the mood for company, so soon after dinner he asked Vivek to take him home. Vivek and Vaishali were confused, but Vivek agreed to drop him, and they left. Deepak thanked his friends before he left.

  ~ ~ ~

  At home, Deepak changed into his pyjamas and noticed groceries in the refrigerator. He was thankful for having Vivek and Vaishali as his good friends.

  Of course, thoughts of Roshni constantly came to his mind. All through his return journey, he thought of the conversations he and Roshni had had on the wedding night and her reactions. He’d returned to the US, but the thoughts continued.

  He valued her openness, her honesty and responsibility to fulfill the promise she’d made to her father. He admired her quick mind and comfortable presence. All these thoughts kept him from sleeping for a long time. He felt guilty for his immature and irresponsible behavior.

  Roshni’s statement that he deceived her and that he was not dependable pierced him deep; he was restless and felt the need to discuss this with Vivek. He felt Vivek was dependable to share all his thoughts and feelings with, and hoped to find some guidance to proceed further. He decided to visit them that weekend. This gave him some solace, and finally he fell asleep.

  ~ ~ ~

  The next morning was Sunday. Deepak made chai – he made his own chai after five weeks. Ha, how he missed life in India! Of course, he did not have fresh ginger; the only spice he had was cardamom powder. The chai did not taste as good, but he compromised.

  The telephone rang, and he picked it up. “Hello.”

  “Good morning, Deepak, how are you?”

  “Oh, Vivek, good morning. I’m all right.”

  “Did you get some rest last night?” asked Vivek.

  “Yes, a little. Where are you?” enquired Deepak.

  “I came to an ATM to withdraw some cash. Deepak, are you really all right? You looked very worried last night. Vaishali and I are concerned. Can I come over?”

  Deepak agreed that he was troubled. He also mentioned that he wanted to share a few things about his marriage, so he invited Vivek and Vaishali over that afternoon. Vivek agreed and hung up the phone.

  Deepak unpacked the suitcases. He smiled at the items and appreciated Roshni for her efficiency – all items intact. As he removed the clothes and other items he brought from India, he noticed a small bag and the envelope that Roshni had given him. The small bag contained her bracelets that were given to her by Sashank bhaiya at the time of the wedding. On it was a note: “Deepak, these belong to your wife. Please give them to her.” Then he noticed the envelope with the power of attorney in it. He shook his head and left these both safely in his closet, thinking that he might need them in the future.

  Vivek’s parcel was right in front of him together with the shawl and Kurta that he purchased in Jammu. He remembered the scene when Roshni reminded him and how considerate she was to think of others. He mentally thanked her, and the doorbell rang. It was 4 p.m., and Vivek and Vaishali had arrived at Deepak’s house.

  Deepak prepared chai, and all three had chai and enjoyed snacks that Deepak brought from India.

  Vivek initiated the conversation. “Deepak, is everything all right with your marriage?”

  Deepak looked at both of them. “Not really,” he responded.

  Vivek and Vaishali looked at each other and then towards Deepak; they waited for Deepak to share his concerns.

  Deepak sighed and narrated the entire story: how he and Sashank bhaiya disagreed on the marriage philosophies, and how everything was already settled by the time he arrived in India.

  Vivek and Vaishali listened to him very intently, throwing occasional glances at each other. So far so good.

  Deepak narrated his conversation with Roshni on the wedding night. Vivek and Vaishali were stupefied. Deepak said such things to Roshni on the first night itself!

  Vivek ran his fingers through his hair. He was dismayed and studied Vaishali’s reactions. “Deepak, did you really say all this to her?”

  Deepak nodded. He continued, “I did not mean to, but…”

  Vaishali exclaimed, “Oh my God, how did she respond?”

  “She felt betrayed and offended.”

  Vivek could not be quiet. “I am not surprised. Deepak, what…I mean, why did you have to talk about your views on marriage that night? I can’t believe you really said all this to her. What else did she say?”

  “She asked if I was interested in somebody else.”

  He admitted to Vivek that he’d talked about Karen Foster to Roshni. Vivek was aware that Deepak had showed some interest in Karen, but Deepak had never talked with Karen.

  Vivek and Vaishali were very furious at Deepak for his immature behavior. They shook their heads; it was unwarranted for Deepak to reveal anything about Karen, especially when he was not sure himself. Vivek and Vaishali were speechless.

  Vivek asked Deepak how Roshni had reacted to all this, and Deepak revealed every detail. He mentioned how she’d conveyed that she did not have faith in him anymore and that she had no respect for him.

  Vivek and Vaishali stared at each other.

  “Deepak, why did you do this?” Vaishali asked. “Bhai saab, what were you thinking?”

  Vivek lectured Deepak regarding how stupid it was for him to discuss all this with Roshni, especially since that was their maiden night after marriage and Roshni had trusted him and his family and agreed to this wedding with responsibility and dedication. On the other hand, Deepak had behaved so immaturely.

  Vivek and Vaishali were agitated, and they wanted to know what happened next. Deepak gave them the details regarding his trip to Vaishno Devi with Roshni, their conversation that night in Jammu, and how Roshni decided to separate and end their relationship.

  Vivek stroked his chin in despair. He was not happy at all. Vaishali and Vivek looked at each other with expressions of disbelief.

  Deepak continued to tell them how she had reques
ted time to fulfill her promise to her father and asked for one year’s time, after which she was out of his life and house. She suggested that they pretend to be husband and wife until this time. He also narrated the incident with the power of attorney papers: she wanted him to apply for divorce here because it was faster.

  After all the conversation was over, there was absolute silence in the room.

  Vaishali felt sorrowful. “I can’t believe all this happened. My thoughts are with Roshni.” She looked at Deepak. “Deepak bhai saab, can you even imagine her mental trauma when you mentioned being forced into this marriage – all her dreams shattered, a big blow to her morale and self-respect. I can’t even imagine the stress she went through and what she is going through now. If it was me, I would have been thinking of committing suicide.”

  Deepak was worried. He wondered with fear if Roshni would really take that step; he could not forgive himself if any such thing happened.

  “She appears to be very mature and…and I feel for her!” Vaishali added.

  Vivek could not stop. “I agree with Vaishali, Deepak. Everything you said was absolutely not necessary. Any girl would feel anxious and degraded; I completely agree with Roshni if she does not credit you or revere you. You have really caused a lot of hardship to her. It is evident she does not want to continue this relationship with you.”

  Vivek moved back on the sofa and nodded his head, wondering how and why Deepak behaved as such. This was not typical of Deepak, and he was very disappointed in him.

  “So, Deepak, what do you plan to do now? Roshni was smart, and she already made her decision. What about you?” asked Vivek.

  Deepak was quiet. He’d already destroyed Roshni’s self-esteem and their relationship. He shook his head and indicated his mind was muddled; he did not know how to proceed.

  He paused, looking at both of them. “I know I messed up. I was stressed, and I wanted to share my feelings, and unfortunately, I blurted it out in front of the wrong person at the wrong time.” He sighed. “It bothered me a lot…it was no fault of hers. Believe me; I tried to explain to her, but…but…” He was silent for a few moments as he recollected. “One thing I became aware of is that she is decent and virtuous, and my next move has to be carefully planned out.”