She Had No Choice

by Debra Burroughs

  Stepping into the dance hall, they were greeted by many eager young men in uniform, hoping for a chance to dance with each of the girls. Eva and her friends spent the next couple of hours dancing with one young soldier after another.

  Toward the end of the evening, Eva found herself dancing with a young man stationed at Fort Ord. His name was Richard. He had piercing blue eyes fringed with dark eyelashes. His thick brown hair was neatly clipped, and he had a friendly smile at her that made her feel warm all over. They were drawn to each other like magnets, and they danced the remaining few songs only with each other.

  The first number they danced to was a slow song, “Mona Lisa” by Nat King Cole. Richard gently took Eva’s right hand in his left hand and put his right hand on the small of her back, drawing her toward him a bit. Their eyes met for an instant and then Eva looked away, too shy to maintain the gaze. Neither knowing what to say, they danced without talking for a few minutes. The song ended and they stopped, let go of each other and stood there for a moment in uncomfortable silence.

  Right away the next song began. This one was faster, and Richard led Eva around the dance floor. She wasn’t an experienced dancer, like he was, but he led her in such a way that it was easy for her to follow. She was glad, though, when the song was over that the band went back to playing another slow one. This time, Eva felt more comfortable and at ease with Richard, and they were able to have some easy conversation.

  “Are you from ‘round here?” Richard asked her.

  “Well, about an hour from here, from a little town called Hollister,” she answered.

  “Did you grow up there?” he asked.

  “No. I’ve been in Hollister since I was about five. What about you, where are you from?” she asked him, changing the subject.

  “I grew up in Wisconsin. It’s a long story. It wasn’t good. I don’t want to spoil this evenin’. We’ll save that story for the next time we’re together.”

  “The next time? How do you know there’ll be a next time?” she asked in a flirtatious way. The dazzling blue dress was somehow giving her a new boldness.

  “I’d like to come visit ya in Hollister sometime, if that’s okay.”

  “Maybe,” she said, playing a little hard to get. “Let me think about it.”

  They finished their dance and the band announced that was all for the night. Margaret and Donna were collecting their coats and purses, getting ready to head back to Hollister.

  “Eva, at least gimme your phone number.” Richard said. “I’d like to call ya tomorrow.”

  “I don’t know, I barely know you,” she answered.

  “I wanna see you again. I’m leavin’ Fort Ord next week for a few days of trainin’ at Camp Pendleton. I’d like to come see ya before I have to go.”

  She didn’t want to seem too eager. But, after the third time he asked, she eventually gave him her phone number. No boy had ever asked for her phone number before. She wondered what Miss Walker would think.

  Richard phoned her the next afternoon, and they made plans to go on a picnic Sunday at noon in Bolado Park, a few miles outside of town. Miss Walker was pleased Eva was going on a picnic with a soldier, rather than out to the movies or some other dark place. She knew Eva was inexperienced with men. An afternoon picnic seemed safe.

  Eva packed a delicious lunch in one of Miss Walker’s large picnic baskets, and she even loaned Eva an old blanket to put down on the grass. Richard stopped by the house and introduced himself to Miss Walker. He picked up the heavy basket, and Eva carried the blanket out to the car.

  Richard had come to pick her up in his buddy’s black Ford sedan. He helped Eva into the car and put the basket in the back seat. Then he slid into his seat and started the car. Naomi waved to them as they drove away, hoping this soldier boy would be a gentleman.

  It was early spring and the afternoon was sunny with a gentle breeze, perfect for their picnic. They arrived at the park and quickly found a nice spot near a large oak tree to spread out the blanket and the food. They sat and talked for hours, learning about each other, feeling the mutual attraction.

  “Tell me about yourself, Richard. I don’t even know your last name.”

  “It’s Falkenberg.”

  “Well, Richard Falkenberg, tell me about yourself and your family.”

  “Okay. Well, let’s see. My father was from Germany and my mother was from England. I don’t know exactly when they came here to the U.S., sometime before I was born. My father had family in Wisconsin, so that’s where they settled down. I never knew my father ‘cause he died when I was a baby. My mom got married again after a few years, and my stepdad moved in with us. We got along okay. Then, my mom died when I was twelve. That was really an awful time.”

  “I’m sorry, Richard. I’ve never had anyone close to me die. It must’ve been terrible.”

  “It was. What made it worse was that I had to be raised by my stepfather – there wasn’t anyone else, I guess. He was okay to me when my mom was alive, but after she died he resented having to be stuck with me, not being his own blood and all. Then came the new wife, that made things worse. My stepdad remarried, moved that woman into our house. And the woman brought her two no-good sons with her. They made my life hell. I was still just a boy, and I really missed my mom. My new stepbrothers were hellions, always doin’ bad things. But all they had to do was blame stuff on me and I got beat for it. My stepdad never believed me, so he beat me a lot.”

  “That sounds horrible,” Eva said, empathizing with what he had gone through.

  “It was bad, real bad. So, when I was seventeen, I ran away and joined the army, hopin’ it would be better than stickin’ around that miserable place. But enough about my life, tell me about you.”

  Eva could relate to Richard and his life story. She was well acquainted with an abusive stepfather. But at least she had her mother.

  “I’m living with Miss Walker now, but I have seven brothers and two sisters. I’m the oldest. I don’t get to see my mama very often. Like you, I have a mean stepfather, too. He beat my brothers and me. But what I really couldn’t take anymore was his beating my mama.”

  “How come you’re livin’ with Miss Walker?” Richard asked.

  “Well…because one day the old man was hitting my mama and I just snapped. I took an axe and almost killed him with it. I would have, too, if one of my brothers hadn’t stopped me. I knew right then that it was time to get out, or next time I would kill him for sure.”

  Richard could see he wasn’t the only one with a tough past. He found Eva strong and interesting. She had a beautiful smile and made him feel like she cared about him. It had been a long time since he felt like anyone cared about him. He was thoroughly enjoying her company.

  As she was talking, he reached out and put his hand on hers, and she felt a tingle go up her arm. Stopping for a just moment, her mind went blank. She forgot what she was saying until he picked up the rest of the sentence.

  They continued talking and sharing back and forth about the details of their lives. Time passed quickly and the sun was beginning to set, signaling it was time to go home. They packed up their blanket and picnic basket and headed to the car. He slipped his arm around her shoulder and she felt a warmth flood her body. This was a new sensation for her, and she decided she liked it.

  Their easy conversation continued on the drive back to Hollister. Richard helped Eva out of the car and carried the basket to the front door. She knew Miss Walker would be waiting for her inside, eager to hear about her afternoon. But she paused at the door and turned to face Richard.

  “I had a wonderful time today,” she told him.

  “So did I. Do you think we could do it again sometime?”

  “What did you have in mind?” she asked.

  “How ‘bout a movie next Saturday night?”

  “Sounds like fun.” She nervously looked down at the blanket draped over her arm.

  Richard stroked her cheek with his finger and she felt a chill down her
spine. He bent down and kissed her softly on the lips. Their first kiss – her first kiss. She looked up at him and gave him a sweet little smile. He looked into her hopeful eyes for an instant and then turned and stepped off the porch with a grin.

  “I’ll phone you this week, Eva,” he called to her as he walked to the car. She felt the lingering warmth of his lips on hers. She waved at him as he drove away, then turned and floated into the house.

  Their bond quickly grew and deepened over the next few months. Richard came to visit her as often as he could, called her when he couldn’t. When he wasn’t able to borrow a buddy’s car, he would take the Greyhound Bus and then walk the mile and a half to her house.

  Richard’s commanding officer called him to his office one day and told him he had new orders for him. He was going to be shipped out to Korea. After leaving his C.O.’s office, Richard went directly to a payphone on base and called Eva. He told her he was being sent to Korea soon and would be gone for the next six months.

  The news was so unexpected it made her stomach twist. A cloud of sadness enveloped her and she had to sit down because she felt her knees weaken. She was falling in love with him and now he was going to be gone for a long time.

  “Give me a minute, Richard, I feel sick.”

  “I’m sorry, Eva. I didn’t wanna have to tell you, but they didn’t give me much time. I love being with you. Please understand, it wasn’t my choice.”

  “I know, I know.” Tears began to flow, and she was glad Richard couldn’t see her.

  They made plans to go out to dinner one last time before he shipped out the next morning. He picked her up early that evening, and they drove to Pinky’s, a popular diner in town. The restaurant was busy, but Richard had called ahead and reserved a booth for them. Sitting across the table from each other, they held hands and made small talk. Neither one wanted to talk about his leaving in the morning.

  The attractive blonde waitress came and took their orders, giving Richard a wink as she left. The waitress didn’t think Eva saw it, but she did. Eva wondered to herself why she would do that. Just a flirt, she thought and dismissed it. When the food came, another waitress brought it because they were so busy. Just helping out, she said.

  They ate their dinner, hardly tasting it, just making small talk. Their minds were on his leaving, but they tried to avoid the subject by talking about anything else. They could avoid it no longer. Once they were through eating their dinner, the conversation came around to Richard’s departing in the morning.

  Richard took Eva’s hand in his and looked at her face. He wasn’t going to see it again for a long time and he wanted to remember her eyes, her smile, her hair. She studied his face and wondered what he was thinking. He wanted to tell her how much he was going to miss her, but the words were difficult to say.

  “These last few months with you have been terrific, Eva. I can’t believe I’m leaving tomorrow, and I won’t see you for at least six months. It’s going to be hard…really hard.”

  “I feel the same way. It’ll be torture, Richard. I won’t see you until after I graduate. It’ll be like an eternity.” She hung her head and was starting to softly cry. Picking up her napkin, she dabbed her eyes. “I’m sorry for being so …”

  “I love you, Eva,” Richard interrupted.

  This surprised Eva. She looked up at him, through her tears. It wasn’t just that they hadn’t been going out that long, for she was having those feelings, as well. It was that she couldn’t ever remember anyone in her entire life saying those words to her. She knew her mother loved her, but she couldn’t recall hearing those words actually being said out loud.

  “I love you, too,” she blurted out in response, before she could think about it too much.

  “I wanna marry you when I come back from Korea. Will you wait for me?” he asked.

  “Oh, Richard!” she said, “It’s only been a few months. Are you really sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. Will you marry me?”

  “Yes, yes, yes!”

  He leaned over the table and kissed her firmly on the mouth. She was dizzy with excitement, and Richard seemed pleased with himself.

  They got up to leave and started toward the door. Passing by the pretty blonde waitress, Eva again noticed she winked at Richard. I’m sure she thinks he’s handsome, she’s just flirting with him, Eva thought to herself. He’s my man, she told herself confidently, and he’s going to be my husband.

  Richard stopped at the cashier’s counter and paid the bill, then held the door open for Eva to walk out of the diner first. She took his arm as they walked down the street to the car, his buddy’s black Ford sedan. He opened the car door for her, and she turned and gave him a warm passionate kiss before getting in.

  She cuddled up next to him as he drove her home, and he put his arm around her. She felt safe and loved in that moment, a feeling she had never felt before. She wanted that feeling to last forever.

  There was no ring yet, only a promise. The next six months would pass quickly, she assured herself. She would keep busy finishing her senior year at school, saving her money and planning her wedding. When he returned from Korea, she kept reminding herself, they would start their wonderful new life together as man and wife.

  Chapter 17: Wedding Bells

  As Eva expected, the next six months were a whirlwind of activities. She and Richard wrote letters back and forth, and she updated him on the wedding plans and the money she was saving. Working a part-time job as a nursing assistant, Eva put every penny aside for the wedding and their future together. She wrote to Richard every week and got at least one letter each month from him. Girls, she told herself, are a lot better at writing letters, I guess.

  While making all the wedding arrangements, Eva finished her senior year and was preparing to graduate from Hollister High. It was 1951. One day, at the end of a long day at school, Eva was coming out of the front doors of the main building. Her arms were full of books and she had wedding plans on her mind.

  “Hey, Eva!” The male voice sounded familiar. She spun around to see a tall, good-looking young man with wavy dark-hair coming through the doors behind her.

  “Alex?” She was surprised to see him. They had been friends in junior high, but then his family moved away. She missed their lunches in the park. She missed him.

  “Who’d you think it was?” He grinned at her. He had grown about a foot and was quite handsome.

  “Well, I don’t know. I haven’t seen or heard from you in over three years.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. My voice has changed since then.”

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “What? No ‘welcome back’, no ‘happy to see you’?”

  “Okay, okay. Welcome back, Alex, I’m so happy to see you.” She hoped he picked up the sarcasm in her voice.

  “That’s better.” A big smile spread across his face.

  “So, why are you here?” she asked again.

  “My family just moved back. I was in the office enrolling. I’m starting classes tomorrow. Surprise!”

  “That’s great. I’m glad to have you back.” She didn’t want to tell him she was heartbroken when he left, that he was the only bright spot in her life. She had had a secret crush on him in junior high, but she was sure he didn’t return the feelings.

  “If you’re not doing anything tonight, why don’t we get together. You can catch me up on all the town gossip.”

  “Well, I don’t know.” She didn’t know why, but she hesitated to tell him she was engaged.

  “Oh, come on. It’s Friday night. Unless you already have a date.”

  “No, I don’t have a date tonight. But, well…I’m engaged.”

  “Oh.” His countenance fell. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Congratulations, Eva.” He looked disappointed, like a little boy who just had his bike taken away.

  “Thank you.” She stood there awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

  “I guess I’ll see you in class then
. Talk to you later.” Alex felt awkward, too, and he walked off quickly.

  “That was uncomfortable,” Eva said to herself, making a quick exit in the other direction.

  Eva finished out the school year and only spoke briefly to Alex on a few occasions. Even though at one time she had a big crush on him, she couldn’t think of him like that anymore. She tried to block him out of her mind, reminding herself she was committed to marrying Richard. They would both be graduating soon and pursuing separate paths in life. Her life would be with Richard.

  * * * *

  Occasionally, Eva ran into her mother at the market in town or on the street, and they would hug and talk for just a few minutes. Sofía could never stop for very long to chat, though; she always needed to get back home before too long.

  It was during one of those brief visits that Eva told her mother about her graduation day and implored her to please come. She said she would try, but it wouldn’t be easy.

  Over the next few weeks, Mama was often on Eva’s mind. It was one of the most important days in her life, and she sincerely wanted her mother to be there. She wasn’t sure Carlos would let Mama and her brothers and sisters come to the graduation because he hated Eva so much.

  But, it turned out to be a wonderful day. Mama was able to come and share that special day with her. Unfortunately, she had to come alone. Carlos eventually gave in to Sofía’s pleading, but he had forbidden Eva’s brothers and sisters from coming.

  Lydia, Eva’s little sister, babysat the two youngest so their mother would be free to attend. Eva was overjoyed to see Mama that day. Not just because it was her graduation day, but also because, since moving out at sixteen, she hadn’t seen much of her family at all. Carlos absolutely would not allow it.

  Sofía was so happy to be there for Eva on this special day. She was so proud of her daughter, the first in her family to graduate from high school. She could see how much Eva had grown up, how happy and confident she looked. Her hair was cut into a stylish bob and she spoke with more confidence and directness than Sofía had remembered.