She Had No Choice

by Debra Burroughs

  After the ceremony, Eva was able to spend a little time with Mama before Carlos would be expecting her home. Mama brought Eva up to date on each of the children, purposely avoiding any talk about Carlos and the misery he continued to inflict on them. She didn’t want to taint this wonderful day. Before Sofía had to rush off, Eva took the opportunity to tell her that she was engaged and would be getting married soon.

  “Married? That’s wonderful, mi’ja. I’m so happy for you.” What else could she say? Sofía wondered to herself. She hoped Eva was making the right decision, she was so young, not quite nineteen. Sofía knew so well the suffering and despair that came from marrying the wrong man.

  “Thank you, Mama,” Eva said as her mother gave her a long, warm hug.

  “Tell me about your young man. What’s he like? Where’s he from? What does he look like?” Mama had so many questions. She had come to this ceremony today so delighted to see Eva graduate from high school. She didn’t expect to find out she was getting married, too.

  Eva went on to tell her mother about Richard and his life in Wisconsin, and that he was in the army. She described his blue eyes and thick brown hair.

  “Blue eyes? You mean he’s white?” Sofía asked.

  “Well, yes, Mama.”

  “We’ve never had a gringo in our family. And he doesn’t care you’re Mexican? He knows about your family? That we work in the fields?”

  “He knows, Mama. He doesn’t care. He loves me. I hope you’ll come to my wedding.”

  “Oh, Eva.” Mama shook her head. She dreaded the thought of having to ask Carlos for permission again, but she knew this was important. It would take some begging, some bribing, maybe even some fighting.

  “I want to be there, I just don’t know if I can. We’ll see. I have to go.” She needed to get back home before Carlos started getting mad that she was gone too long. Eva pleaded with her mother to find a way to come to the wedding.

  “I love you, Eva,” she said, her eyes glistening with tears. “I’m really happy for you.”

  Sofía didn’t know when she would be able to see her daughter again. She hoped Carlos would let her go to the wedding. She knew it would be another battle.

  “I love you, too, Mama. I really hope you can come.”

  “I’ll try to be there,” she said. “I promise, I’ll try.” She turned and walked away, not wanting Eva to see the tears beginning to form. She was happy for her daughter. She hoped Eva would find love with a good man and have the kind of life she had wanted for herself, but never found.

  Sofía’s thoughts were filled with Eva and her future as she walked home. She wanted to be at the wedding with all her heart – her first child to marry. But would Carlos let her? That she didn’t know. And with Eva marrying a white man, a “gringo,” Carlos would certainly not be pleased and would make sure she knew it. She just wanted her daughter to marry someone who would love her, take care of her, and treat her well.

  She had two months to figure out a way to attend her daughter’s wedding. It wouldn’t be easy.

  * * * *

  Naomi was a huge help in planning the wedding and overseeing the event. It wasn’t going to be anything large or fancy, but she wanted it to be special for Eva.

  She loaned her wedding gown to her, the one she had bought for her own wedding day before her fiancée was killed. As her wedding gift to the bride and groom, she offered to pay for the wedding cake, which Eva gladly accepted.

  Eva asked her friend, Margaret, to be her maid of honor and Richard chose an army buddy, Gary, to be his best man. Margaret planned to wear a lovely deep green dress she already owned and Richard and the best man would be wearing their dress uniforms.

  Miss Walker’s little brick Presbyterian Church provided the minister, the organist, the reception hall, and all the furnishings and tableware for the reception as part of the charge for renting the church. Eva covered the punch and all the decorations of the church and the hall out of her remaining savings. Her plans were coming together and everything was going well.

  She made out her guest list, which was quite short, as she didn’t have many friends and didn’t even know if her mother or siblings could come. Miss Walker invited a few of her friends to fill in the church, people that Eva had met or had worked for.

  Eva wondered if she should invite Alex. They had been friends in junior high, but then he moved away. Since coming back to Hollister, things had been awkward between them, but they still talked briefly once in awhile. With so few friends to her credit, she counted Alex among them. Given that she had to order a minimum of fifty invitations from the printer, she had plenty of extras. She decided to send one to Alex, not expecting that he would come.

  Richard was finally back from Korea two weeks before the wedding and called Eva from Fort Ord a couple of times a week. The day before the wedding, he came to Hollister to see her and brought his best man with him.

  They were going out on the town in Monterey that evening for a bachelor’s party, the night before the big day. Richard promised Eva he would be at the church by noon the next day, in plenty of time for the wedding. Eva didn’t know they were going out with the pretty blonde waitress from Pinky’s and her friend – one last fling before tying the knot. Eva also didn’t know he had been out with her before.

  She woke up early that Saturday morning – it was her wedding day. The sun was shining, and she expected it to be a perfect day. She thought of Mama and hoped she was coming. Her mother had always been the most important person in her life, the person who encouraged her to get an education and make something of herself, the person who protected her when she could, even to her own detriment. Eva would be enormously disappointed if her mother couldn’t be there on this most special day.

  Miss Walker was already up and had breakfast waiting for her, all her favorites – pancakes, eggs sunny side up, sausages, fresh-squeezed orange juice and coffee. This would be the last day they would be having breakfast together, and Naomi wanted to savor it. Unfortunately, Eva couldn’t eat a bite because of her nerves. Naomi could tell Eva’s mind was on something other than eating – Richard and the wedding.

  Naomi had met Richard several times early on in their courtship. She thought he seemed like a nice-enough fellow. He was nice looking and polite, and always seemed to treat Eva well. But, she knew Eva had had her heart set on going to nursing school, so she wasn’t sure how that was going to work out now. It was Eva’s choice, after all, not hers. Naomi just wanted to be there to support her and make this day a happy one.

  After breakfast, they loaded the wedding gown and all the decorations in Miss Walker’s station wagon and went to the little church to decorate it and the reception hall. The decorations were not lavish, but with some flowers and candles, the cozy sanctuary would be lovely.

  There would be plenty of time for Eva to get dressed in her wedding gown after the decorating was done. Miss Walker would even have time to help her with her hair. Both Eva and Naomi were giddy with excitement.

  The wedding was scheduled for two o’clock in the afternoon, so having Richard and the best man there by noon would allow ample time for everything to be ready for ceremony to begin on time. But twelve noon came and went. Eva started to get a little panicked.

  Miss Walker helped her with her hair and tried to keep her calm, reassuring her that there was plenty of time. “They must be running a little late, that’s all,” she told Eva.

  One o’clock rolled around and the groom and best man still had not shown up. Margaret arrived already dressed and looking pretty. She went to the bride’s room in the back of the church to see if there was anything she could help with.

  Margaret tapped lightly on the door, then stepped inside. Eva was seated in front of the mirror, and turned when the door opened. Eva smiled at her, glad to see her friend. Naomi was standing behind Eva with a comb in her hand and smiled, too, when she saw Margaret come in.

  “I just wanted to see if there were any last minute things that
I could do for you,” Margaret offered.

  “Richard and Gary aren’t here yet,” Eva told Margaret, her smile turning to a frown. “Where could they be?”

  “I’m sure they’ll be here any minute. Don’t you worry, Eva. I will find ‘em.” She turned quickly and walked toward the door. “I’ll be back soon,” and she was gone.

  Margaret stepped out of the back door of the small church, closest to where she parked her car, and saw Richard and Gary getting out of a late-model black sedan. A voluptuous blonde woman was behind the wheel of the car. Gary grabbed their uniforms out of the back seat while Richard walked around to the driver’s side, leaned in and gave the woman a long, passionate kiss.

  Then the men casually walked around to the front church entrance like innocent choir boys. Neither man had seen Margaret watching them. They thought they had pulled off their wild night undetected.

  Margaret quietly slipped back inside through the back door. She felt sick, not sure what to do next. Her good friend was about to marry a man she just saw kissing another woman – on their wedding day.

  Richard and Gary had been in Monterey for his bachelor’s party, and it appeared to Margaret that Richard had spent the night with this blonde. Her head was spinning. She leaned against the wall to steady herself. Should she tell Eva what she saw? Save her from a bad marriage? Or should she keep quiet and hope it meant nothing?

  Miss Walker caught sight of Richard and Gary coming in the church doors, and she quickly made her way over to them.

  “Richard, you’re late,” Naomi scolded.

  “I know, sorry.”

  “We don’t have much time. You boys follow me and I’ll show you where to change.”

  She escorted them to the groom’s room to change into their dress uniforms. Then she stopped briefly at the bride’s room to let Eva know they had finally arrived.

  “Richard and Gary are here, and I put them in the groom’s room to get dressed,” Miss Walker informed her. Eva’s nerves began to calm down. “I’m going to go back to the sanctuary to see to some last minute details. Do you need anything?”

  “Just my mother.”

  Besides fretting about where Richard was, Eva was also worried that Mama might not make it. She badly wanted her mother to share in her special day, but she knew it could be dangerous for her.

  “I’ll keep an eye out for her. You just relax. This is your big day.” Miss Walker left and headed for the foyer. She saw Sofía come through the front doors and went over and greeted her with a big smile. Sofía was happy to see Miss Walker, too, and told her how much she appreciated the help she had given Eva.

  “Let me take you to the bride’s room so you can see your daughter. She’s back there getting ready,” Naomi told her. Sofía’s eyes lit up with delight.

  Miss Walker knocked on the door and waited for a reply.

  “Come in,” Eva said.

  Miss Walker walked in first, and then Sofía came in behind her. When Eva saw her mama, she jumped out of her chair and ran over to her mother, throwing her arms around her.

  “Oh, Mama! I’m so happy you’re here, I’m so happy you’re here! I didn’t know if you would make it.” They embraced for a long time, both trying not to cry, then finally released.

  “You need to get your wedding dress on, mi’ja.”

  “Help me with it, Mama.”

  Sofía helped Eva into her wedding gown and fastened her veil on her head.

  “You look beautiful, Eva!” Sofía could no longer contain her emotions and started to cry.

  “Oh, Mama, no.” Eva reached for a tissue and handed it to her mother.

  “I’m so happy, mi’ja.” Sofía wiped her eyes.

  “I don’t mean to interrupt, but it’s almost time, Eva,” Miss Walker advised. “We really should get your mother to her seat.”

  “I’d better go,” Sofía said, giving Eva one more quick hug before she followed Miss Walker out of the room. She stopped in the doorway and turned back momentarily for one more glimpse of her daughter in her wedding dress. Eva looked so lovely, so grown up. Sofía whispered a prayer over her and closed the door.

  Naomi escorted Sofía down the aisle to sit on the front row, in the place reserved for the mother of the bride.

  “Here, Mrs. Gonzalez. This is your seat,” she said as she motioned toward it with her hand.

  “Gracias.” Sofía proudly sat down in her place of honor. Naomi took the seat next to her.

  “I’m so glad you were able to come today. How did you manage it?” Naomi asked, knowing from Eva that Carlos would probably forbid it.

  “I told my husband weeks ago about Eva’s wedding. I asked him if the niños and I could come. At first he said no, he wouldn’t let me or the niños come. But, this was too important to just let that be the end of it. I just kept asking as often as I could. I guess I just wore him down.”

  From what Eva had shared about her stepfather and his temper, Naomi knew what a risk Sofía had taken to keep asking Carlos for permission to come. Somehow she had convinced Carlos to at least let her come by herself, after all it was her daughter’s wedding. But he remained adamant that none of the children could go.

  Most of their sons were in junior high and high school by that time, but the boys refused to defy their father. They had learned what a high price they would pay if they disobeyed him. So Sofía was content to come alone.

  After Margaret came back inside from the parking lot, she wanted to go to the bride’s room to stay with Eva until the wedding started, but she had not yet decided what she should do about Richard. She wrestled with whether or not to tell Eva what she just saw. Should she tell her and ruin her wedding day? Maybe ruin her happiness for life? Or maybe by telling Eva she would keep her from marrying an unfaithful man? But, on the other hand, she thought to herself, should she simply keep quiet because maybe it was just the remains of an out-of-control bachelor party and it’s over? She went back and forth, back and forth in her mind.

  “Eva loves him,” Margaret told herself. “They will be married today, and then they’ll be living on the base, far away from here. I can’t imagine how he’ll ever see that woman again.” She decided she would not tell Eva.

  She went to the bride’s room and stayed with Eva until it was time for the ceremony to start. After a little while, Naomi came in and told them it was time to begin, then went back to her seat. Richard was already standing at the front of the sanctuary with the minister and the organist was in place.

  Margaret walked with Eva to the foyer and found Gary already there, waiting to walk down the aisle with the maid of honor. The organist started to play. Margaret, with a small bouquet of yellow flowers in one hand, put her other hand through Gary’s arm. They slowly marched down the aisle, turning as they took their places at the front.

  Eva took her position in the back and waited for the music to change. She had no father or brothers there to walk her down the aisle, as most girls do. She was left to walk down the aisle alone.

  Holding her modest display of white roses and carnations with both hands, she nervously waited for her cue. The organist began to play the wedding march, and the minister gave the hand signal for everyone to rise. The guests instinctively turned to watch the bride entering. Alex was seated on the aisle, but Eva didn’t notice. Her eyes were focused on her groom. She stepped into the sanctuary and slowly proceeded to the front. A big smile spread across Richard’s face when he saw Eva, and it made her whole body tingle.

  Sofía and Naomi had a front-row view of the nuptials, and they generously shared a box of tissue. Their girl was getting married.

  The minister began his discourse, and Richard and Eva exchanged their vows. Margaret’s stomach was churning as she stood next to Eva, and she began to sweat. She knew what was coming.

  “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not be joined together, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the minister recited.

  Margaret chose to say nothing. She hoped she was
doing the right thing.

  Chapter 18: Hope for Sofía

  The year was 1957. Eva had been gone from her family for years, traveling from army base to army base, following Richard as the military moved him around the country. Her return to her hometown in California was bittersweet. She was returning to her family, but she was also coming back to a place that held painful memories.

  Eva wasn’t sure how she would feel coming home to Hollister because so many things in her life had changed. She was a different person than the naïve young bride who left. Now she was married, living the lonely life of a military wife, with children of her own. She was raising her children mostly by herself – a son and a daughter. This was not the life she had dreamed of as a teenager, but this was the life she had, and she was determined to make it work.

  The first person she wanted to see was her mother, Sofía. But she was afraid of running into her stepfather. Visiting her mother would be tricky. If she timed it just right, hopefully Carlos would be out working, and she would have some time alone with Mama.

  As soon as Eva arrived in town, she checked her family into a small motel on the edge of Hollister. The faded blue paint was peeling and weeds were growing up through the old, cracked asphalt in the parking lot. A sign blinked “VACANT” with an irregular beat. The motel was in desperate need of repairs, but the price was right.

  Early that afternoon, she drove out to the farm worker shanties in her old green Ford station wagon with the children in the back seat. Rory was four years old and Angie was three. Eva told them that they were going to meet their Grandma Sofía and that she wanted them to be on their best behavior.

  As the car approached the rickety old house, Eva felt the familiarity of it. She saw the same cluster of rundown shacks in which she had spent so many difficult years. The sight of them brought back a flood of painful memories. Her back stiffened and her stomach tensed. There were a handful of pleasant memories in this place, with her mama and her siblings, but they were few and far between.

  Eva pulled the car up in front of the familiar front porch and helped the children out. She hadn’t seen her mother in more than six years, and this would be the first time Sofía would see her grandchildren. Eva thought this would be a wonderful surprise for her poor mother.