The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  I've put some of them in limbo, and they should stay there

  for the next three days; and after that they'll get

  a whipping from the beadles.

  Enter Chamberlain

  Chamberlain

  Mercy o' me, what a multitude are here!

  They grow still too; from all parts they are coming,

  As if we kept a fair here! Where are these porters,

  These lazy knaves? Ye have made a fine hand, fellows:

  There's a trim rabble let in: are all these

  Your faithful friends o' the suburbs? We shall have

  Great store of room, no doubt, left for the ladies,

  When they pass back from the christening.

  Dear me, what a crowd there is!

  They're still growing; they're coming from all quarters,

  as if there was a fair here! Where are those porters,

  those lazy scoundrels? You've made a great job of this, fellows:

  you've let a great crowd in: are all these

  your great friends from the suburbs? We shall have

  plenty of room left, doubtless, for the ladies,

  when they come back from the christening.

  Porter

  An't please

  your honour,

  We are but men; and what so many may do,

  Not being torn a-pieces, we have done:

  An army cannot rule 'em.

  If you'll excuse us, your honour,

  we are only men; and what our number could do,

  without being torn to pieces, we have done:

  an army can't rule them.

  Chamberlain

  As I live,

  If the king blame me for't, I'll lay ye all

  By the heels, and suddenly; and on your heads

  Clap round fines for neglect: ye are lazy knaves;

  And here ye lie baiting of bombards, when

  Ye should do service. Hark! the trumpets sound;

  They're come already from the christening:

  Go, break among the press, and find a way out

  To let the troop pass fairly; or I'll find

  A Marshalsea shall hold ye play these two months.

  I swear on my life,

  if the King makes me pay for it, I'll have you all

  in the stocks, at once; and I'll impose heavy fines

  on you for neglect of duty: you lazy scoundrels;

  you're sitting here teasing drunkards when

  you should be driving them out. Listen! The trumpets sound;

  they are already coming from the christening:

  go, break through the crowd and find a way

  to let the parade go through peacefully; otherwise

  you will find yourselves in the Marshalsea prison

  for the next two months.

  Porter

  Make way there for the princess.

  Make way there for the Princess.

  Man

  You great fellow,

  Stand close up, or I'll make your head ache.

  You great fellow,

  Move aside, or I'll make your head ache.

  Porter

  You i' the camlet, get up o' the rail;

  I'll peck you o'er the pales else.

  You in the posh coat, get up on the rail;

  if you don't I'll chuck you over the fence.

  Exeunt

  Enter trumpets, sounding; then two Aldermen, Lord Mayor, Garter, CRANMER, NORFOLK with his marshal's staff, SUFFOLK, two Noblemen bearing great standing-bowls for the christening-gifts; then four Noblemen bearing a canopy, under which the Duchess of Norfolk, godmother, bearing the child richly habited in a mantle, & c., train borne by a Lady; then follows the Marchioness Dorset, the other godmother, and Ladies. The troop pass once about the stage, and Garter speaks

  Garter

  Heaven, from thy endless goodness, send prosperous

  life, long, and ever happy, to the high and mighty

  princess of England, Elizabeth!

  Heaven, with your endless goodness, give the

  high and mighty Princess of England, Elizabeth,

  a prosperous, long and always happy life!

  Flourish. Enter KING HENRY VIII and Guard

  CRANMER

  [Kneeling] And to your royal grace, and the good queen,

  My noble partners, and myself, thus pray:

  All comfort, joy, in this most gracious lady,

  Heaven ever laid up to make parents happy,

  May hourly fall upon ye!

  And for your royal grace, and the good Queen,

  my noble partners and myself pray for you that

  you will have all comfort and joy in the most gracious lady

  Heaven ever sent to make parents happy,

  may it come to you every hour!

  KING HENRY VIII

  Thank you, good lord archbishop:

  What is her name?

  Thank you, good Lord Archbishop:

  what is her name?

  CRANMER

  Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth.

  KING HENRY VIII

  Stand up, lord.

  Stand up, Lord.

  KING HENRY VIII kisses the child

  With this kiss take my blessing: God protect thee!

  Into whose hand I give thy life.

  Take my blessing with this kiss: may God protect you!

  I put his life in your hands.

  CRANMER

  Amen.

  Amen.

  KING HENRY VIII

  My noble gossips, ye have been too prodigal:

  I thank ye heartily; so shall this lady,

  When she has so much English.

  My noble godparents, you have been too generous:

  I give you my hearty thanks; so shall this lady,

  when she has learned to talk.

  CRANMER

  Let me speak, sir,

  For heaven now bids me; and the words I utter

  Let none think flattery, for they'll find 'em truth.

  This royal infant--heaven still move about her!--

  Though in her cradle, yet now promises

  Upon this land a thousand thousand blessings,

  Which time shall bring to ripeness: she shall be--

  But few now living can behold that goodness--

  A pattern to all princes living with her,

  And all that shall succeed: Saba was never

  More covetous of wisdom and fair virtue

  Than this pure soul shall be: all princely graces,

  That mould up such a mighty piece as this is,

  With all the virtues that attend the good,

  Shall still be doubled on her: truth shall nurse her,

  Holy and heavenly thoughts still counsel her:

  She shall be loved and fear'd: her own shall bless her;

  Her foes shake like a field of beaten corn,

  And hang their heads with sorrow: good grows with her:

  In her days every man shall eat in safety,

  Under his own vine, what he plants; and sing

  The merry songs of peace to all his neighbours:

  God shall be truly known; and those about her

  From her shall read the perfect ways of honour,

  And by those claim their greatness, not by blood.

  Nor shall this peace sleep with her: but as when

  The bird of wonder dies, the maiden phoenix,

  Her ashes new create another heir,

  As great in admiration as herself;

  So shall she leave her blessedness to one,

  When heaven shall call her from this cloud of darkness,

  Who from the sacred ashes of her honour

  Shall star-like rise, as great in fame as she was,

  And so stand fix'd: peace, plenty, love, truth, terror,

  That were the servants to this chosen infant,

  Shall then be his, and like a vine grow to him:

  Wherever the bright sun
of heaven shall shine,

  His honour and the greatness of his name

  Shall be, and make new nations: he shall flourish,

  And, like a mountain cedar, reach his branches

  To all the plains about him: our children's children

  Shall see this, and bless heaven.

  Let me speak Sir,

  for heaven orders me; and let nobody think

  that the words I say flattery, for they will find them to be true.

  This royal infant, may God always be near her,

  although she's in her cradle, promises

  to bring a million blessings upon this land

  in the fullness of time: she shall be–

  though few now living can see her goodness–

  a model for all princes of her time,

  and all who follow her: the Queen of Sheba

  never had as much wisdom and beautiful virtues

  as this pure soul shall have. All the princely graces

  which go to make up a person like this,

  with all the virtues good people have,

  will be doubled in her. Truth shall be her nurse,

  holy and heavenly thoughts her advisers;

  she shall be loved and feared: her own people shall bless her;

  her enemies will shake like a field of corn in a storm,

  and hang their heads in sorrow: she shall bring good;

  in her time every man will be safe to eat

  what he has grown under his own trees, and to sing

  the merry songs of peace to all his neighbours.

  God will be properly worshipped, and those around her

  shall see the perfect way to behave with honour, and derive their greatness from that, not from their ancestry.

  This peace shall not die with her; it shall be

  like that wondrous bird, the maiden Phoenix,

  another heir shall spring from her ashes

  as much admired as herself,

  so she shall pass on her greatness to someone–

  when heaven calls her from this dark life–

  who shall rise like a star from the

  sacred ashes of her honour, as famous as she was,

  that's how he shall be. Peace, plenty, love, truth, terror,

  that all served this chosen child,

  will then be his, and grow around him like a vine;

  wherever the bright sun of heaven shall shine,

  his honour and the greatness of his name will also

  shine there, and establish new countries. He shall grow

  like a mountain cedar, his branches will hang over the plains all around him: our grandchildren

  shall see this, and thank heaven for it.

  KING HENRY VIII

  Thou speakest wonders.

  You are speaking of amazing things.

  CRANMER

  She shall be, to the happiness of England,

  An aged princess; many days shall see her,

  And yet no day without a deed to crown it.

  Would I had known no more! but she must die,

  She must, the saints must have her; yet a virgin,

  A most unspotted lily shall she pass

  To the ground, and all the world shall mourn her.

  She shall live to a great age, to the

  joy of England; she shall have many days,

  and there won't be one day without some good deed in it.

  I wish I knew no more! But she must die,

  she must, the saints want her with them; she'll die a virgin,

  she'll go to her grave an unblemished flower,

  and all the world shall mourn for her.

  KING HENRY VIII

  O lord archbishop,

  Thou hast made me now a man! never, before

  This happy child, did I get any thing:

  This oracle of comfort has so pleased me,

  That when I am in heaven I shall desire

  To see what this child does, and praise my Maker.

  I thank ye all. To you, my good lord mayor,

  And your good brethren, I am much beholding;

  I have received much honour by your presence,

  And ye shall find me thankful. Lead the way, lords:

  Ye must all see the queen, and she must thank ye,

  She will be sick else. This day, no man think

  Has business at his house; for all shall stay:

  This little one shall make it holiday.

  Oh Lord Archbishop,

  you have ensured my prosperity! I never had

  anything before I had this fortunate child:

  these words of comfort have made me so happy,

  that when I am in heaven I shall ask

  to see what this child does, and praise my maker for it.

  I thank you all. I'm most indebted to you

  my good Lord Mayor, and your good brothers;

  your presence is a great honour,

  and you will find me grateful. Lead the way, lords:

  you must all see the Queen, and she must thank you,

  she will be upset otherwise. Let no man do

  any work today; everyone should stay here:

  this little child makes it a holiday.

  Exeunt

  EPILOGUE

  'Tis ten to one this play can never please

  All that are here: some come to take their ease,

  And sleep an act or two; but those, we fear,

  We have frighted with our trumpets; so, 'tis clear,

  They'll say 'tis naught: others, to hear the city

  Abused extremely, and to cry 'That's witty!'

  Which we have not done neither: that, I fear,

  All the expected good we're like to hear

  For this play at this time, is only in

  The merciful construction of good women;

  For such a one we show'd 'em: if they smile,

  And say 'twill do, I know, within a while

  All the best men are ours; for 'tis ill hap,

  If they hold when their ladies bid 'em clap.

  It's ten to one this play will never please

  everyone who's here: some have come for a rest,

  and to sleep through an act or two; but I'm afraid

  we have startled them with our trumpets; so obviously

  they'll say it's rubbish: others came to hear the city

  insulted, so they could shout, ‘That's witty!’

  and we haven't done that either: I'm afraid

  that the only good opinion we're likely to hear

  of this play at the moment will come from

  the kind interpretation of good women;

  for we showed them someone like them: if they smile,

  and say it's good, I know that within a while

  all the best men will be on our side; for it goes badly

  for them if they hold back when their ladies tell them to clap.

  THE END

  William Shakespeare’s

  In Plain and Simple English

  KING OF FRANCE.

  THE DUKE OF FLORENCE. BERTRAM, Count of Rousillon.

  LAFEU, an old Lord.

  PAROLLES, a follower of Bertram.

  Several young French Lords, that serve with Bertram in the Florentine War.

  Steward, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

  Clown, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

  A Page, Servant to the Countess of Rousillon.

  COUNTESS OF ROUSILLON, Mother to Bertram.

  HELENA, a Gentlewoman protected by the Countess.

  An old Widow of Florence.

  DIANA, daughter to the Widow.

  VIOLENTA, neighbour and friend to the Widow.

  MARIANA, neighbour and friend to the Widow.

  Lords attending on the KING; Officers; Soldiers, &c., French and Florentine.

  Enter BERTRAM, the COUNTESS of Rousillon, HELENA, and LAFEU, all in black

  COUNTESS

  In delivering my so
n from me, I bury a second husband.

  In sending away my son, it is as if I buried my husband again.

  BERTRAM

  And I in going, madam, weep o'er my father's death

  anew: but I must attend his majesty's command, to

  whom I am now in ward, evermore in subjection.

  And in going away, madam, I weep for my father's death

  over again: but I must obey his Majesty's command,

  for he is now my guardian and I am forever under his rule.

  LAFEU

  You shall find of the king a husband, madam; you,

  sir, a father: he that so generally is at all times

  good must of necessity hold his virtue to you; whose

  worthiness would stir it up where it wanted rather

  than lack it where there is such abundance.

  You shall find the king like a husband, madam; you

  sir will find him like a father: he is always so good

  that he will of course be good to you; you

  deserve it and would provoke goodness if it was lacking,

  so you will not lack it where there is so much available.

  COUNTESS

  What hope is there of his majesty's amendment?

  What hope is there of his Majesty getting better?

  LAFEU

  He hath abandoned his physicians, madam; under whose

  practises he hath persecuted time with hope, and

  finds no other advantage in the process but only the

  losing of hope by time.

  He has given up on his doctors, madam; he had

  hoped to get more time through them, and now

  he thinks that the only thing they can give him

  is that he will lose hope over time.

  COUNTESS

  This young gentlewoman had a father,--O, that

  'had'! how sad a passage 'tis!--whose skill was

  almost as great as his honesty; had it stretched so

  far, would have made nature immortal, and death