The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 218
As your brain and luck allows you.
TOUCHSTONE
Or as the Destinies decree.
Or as the Fates say you will.
CELIA
Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.
Well said: you laid that on thick.
TOUCHSTONE
Nay, if I keep not my rank,--
If I don’t keep my Jester’s rank–
ROSALIND
Thou losest thy old smell.
Then you’ll lose your smell.
LE BEAU
You amaze me, ladies: I would have told you of good
wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.
Ladies, you are confusing me. I wanted to tell you of a good
wrestling match, which you have missed part of.
ROSALIND
You tell us the manner of the wrestling.
Tell us more about this match.
LE BEAU
I will tell you the beginning; and, if it please
your ladyships, you may see the end; for the best is
yet to do; and here, where you are, they are coming
to perform it.
I will tell you about the beginning, and if you find it interesting,
you can see the end, which is the best
part. In fact, they are coming here to finish the match.
CELIA
Well, the beginning, that is dead and buried.
Well the beginning is over with, it’s dead and buried.
LE BEAU
There comes an old man and his three sons,--
An old man came with his three sons–
CELIA
I could match this beginning with an old tale.
This sounds like the beginning of an old folk tale.
LE BEAU
Three proper young men, of excellent growth and presence.
Three good and right young men, big and strong, with a commanding presence.
ROSALIND
With bills on their necks, 'Be it known unto all men
by these presents.'
With signs around their necks that say, “Let it be known to everyone
by these presents.’
LE BEAU
The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the
duke's wrestler; which Charles in a moment threw him
and broke three of his ribs, that there is little
hope of life in him: so he served the second, and
so the third. Yonder they lie; the poor old man,
their father, making such pitiful dole over them
that all the beholders take his part with weeping.
The oldest brother wrestled with Charles, the
duke’s own wrestler, and Charles immediately threw him
and broke three of his ribs. It is doubtful that
he will survive. He did the same to the second and
to the third brother. They are lying over there, and their poor old father
is crying so loudly and sadly over them
that everyone watching in the audience is grieving as well.
ROSALIND
Alas!
Oh no!
TOUCHSTONE
But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies
have lost?
So what is the fun part, sir, that you say the ladies have missed?
LE BEAU
Why, this that I speak of.
Why, what I just said.
TOUCHSTONE
Thus men may grow wiser every day: it is the first
time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport
for ladies.
Men must be getting smarter every day, since this is the first
time I have ever heard someone call broken ribs a fun sport
for ladies to see.
CELIA
Or I, I promise thee.
Me too, I promise.
ROSALIND
But is there any else longs to see this broken music
in his sides? is there yet another dotes upon
rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?
But who else longs to hear the noise of breath
pushed through broken ribs? And who but us would love to see
ribs being broken? Can we see the wrestling, cousin Celia?
LE BEAU
You must, if you stay here; for here is the place
appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to
perform it.
You will if you stay here, since this is where
they will finish the wrestling, and they are ready
to keep going.
CELIA
Yonder, sure, they are coming: let us now stay and see it.
Yes – they are coming from over there. We should stay and watch.
Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, ORLANDO, CHARLES, and Attendants
DUKE FREDERICK
Come on: since the youth will not be entreated, his
own peril on his forwardness.
Come on, then. Since this young man won’t listen to pleas to stop, he
risks his own life from his hardheadedness.
ROSALIND
Is yonder the man?
Is that the man?
LE BEAU
Even he, madam.
Yes it is, madam.
CELIA
Alas, he is too young! yet he looks successfully.
Oh, but he is too young! But he looks like he can handle himself well.
DUKE FREDERICK
How now, daughter and cousin! are you crept hither
to see the wrestling?
Daughter and niece, what are you doing here? Have you come
to see the wrestling?
ROSALIND
Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.
Yes, my liege, and please allow us to watch.
DUKE FREDERICK
You will take little delight in it, I can tell you;
there is such odds in the man. In pity of the
challenger's youth I would fain dissuade him, but he
will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if
you can move him.
You will not enjoy it much, to be honest:
the odds are greatly against this young man. Out of sadness
for his youth, I have tried to persuade him against fighting, but he
will not listen. Ladies, speak to him and see if
you can get him to give up.
CELIA
Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.
Call him to us, good Mister Le Beau.
DUKE FREDERICK
Do so: I'll not be by.
Yes, and I will leave you alone to talk.
LE BEAU
Monsieur the challenger, the princesses call for you.
Mister challenger, the princesses have called to talk to you.
ORLANDO
I attend them with all respect and duty.
I come to them with my respect and obedience.
ROSALIND
Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?
Young man, have you really challenged Charles, the duke’s professional wrestler?
ORLANDO
No, fair princess; he is the general challenger: I
come but in, as others do, to try with him the
strength of my youth.
No, beautiful princess, he is the general challenger. I,
like many others, come up against him to test
my young strength.
CELIA
Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your
years. You have seen cruel proof of this man's
strength: if you saw yourself with your eyes or
knew yourself with your judgment, the fear of your
adventure would counsel you to a more equal
enterprise. We pray you, for your own sake, to
embrace your own safety and give over this
attempt.
Young man, you are too bold for your
age. You have already seen the awful effects of this wrestler’s
strength. You need to look at yourself,
or know yourself honestly; then the proper fear
of this plan will teach you to look for
a less dangerous adventure. We beg you, for your sake,
do the safe thing and give up this attempt to fight.
ROSALIND
Do, young sir; your reputation shall not therefore
be misprised: we will make it our suit to the duke
that the wrestling might not go forward.
Yes, do that, young sir. We will even make sure your reputation does not
suffer by taking it upon ourselves to request the duke
to cancel the wrestling match.
ORLANDO
I beseech you, punish me not with your hard
thoughts; wherein I confess me much guilty, to deny
so fair and excellent ladies any thing. But let
your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my
trial: wherein if I be foiled, there is but one
shamed that was never gracious; if killed, but one
dead that was willing to be so: I shall do my
friends no wrong, for I have none to lament me, the
world no injury, for in it I have nothing; only in
the world I fill up a place, which may be better
supplied when I have made it empty.
Please do not punish me with your hard
honesty. I confess that I would be very guilt to deny
either of you beautiful ladies anything, but I would rather
your beautiful eyes and good wishes follow me to
the match. If I am beaten there, then only I
get the shame, and I wasn’t thought well of anyway. But if I am killed,
then the one who dies was willing to die. I am not doing
my friends anything wrong, since I do not have friends to cry for me,
and I am not harming the world because I have nothing in the world –
I only take up space, which might be better
filled when I am out of it.
ROSALIND
The little strength that I have, I would it were with you.
I wish that the little strength I have goes with you.
CELIA
And mine, to eke out hers.
Mine as well, to join with hers.
ROSALIND
Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you!
Good luck, and I pray that I am wrong about your chances!
CELIA
Your heart's desires be with you!
May whatever you desire be with you!
CHARLES
Come, where is this young gallant that is so
desirous to lie with his mother earth?
Come on, where is that young playboy who
wants to be buried and sleep with Mother Earth?
ORLANDO
Ready, sir; but his will hath in it a more modest working.
I am ready, sir – but I am aspiring to more modest things.
DUKE FREDERICK
You shall try but one fall.
You get only one round.
CHARLES
No, I warrant your grace, you shall not entreat him
to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him
from a first.
I promise your grace, you won’t have to beg him
to fight in a second round, even though you couldn’t keep him
from a first round.
ORLANDO
You mean to mock me after, you should not have
mocked me before: but come your ways.
You should be mocking me after the fight, not
before, but whatever you want.
ROSALIND
Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!
Be as fast as Hercules, young man!
CELIA
I would I were invisible, to catch the strong
fellow by the leg.
I wish I was invisible so that I could grab onto
Charles by the leg.
They wrestle
ROSALIND
O excellent young man!
What an excellent young man!
CELIA
If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who
should down.
If I could shoot thunderbolts from my eyes, I can tell you who
would be thrown down.
Shout. CHARLES is thrown
DUKE FREDERICK
No more, no more.
No more, stop.
ORLANDO
Yes, I beseech your grace: I am not yet well breathed.
Please, I beg you, your Grace, let us continue: I’m not yet out of breath.
DUKE FREDERICK
How dost thou, Charles?
And how are you doing, Charles?
LE BEAU
He cannot speak, my lord.
He can’t speak, my lord.
DUKE FREDERICK
Bear him away. What is thy name, young man?
Carry him away. What is your name, young man?
ORLANDO
Orlando, my liege; the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.
Orlando, my liege, the youngest son of Sire Rowland de Boys.
DUKE FREDERICK
I would thou hadst been son to some man else:
The world esteem'd thy father honourable,
But I did find him still mine enemy:
Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed,
Hadst thou descended from another house.
But fare thee well; thou art a gallant youth:
I would thou hadst told me of another father.
I wish you had been someone else’s son.
The world held your father as very honorable,
but I still considered him my enemy.
Your victory would have please me more
if you were from a different family.
Still, I wish you well. You are a brave young man
and I only wish you had told me you had another father.
Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK, train, and LE BEAU
CELIA
Were I my father, coz, would I do this?
Cousin, would I do this if I were my father?
ORLANDO
I am more proud to be Sir Rowland's son,
His youngest son; and would not change that calling,
To be adopted heir to Frederick.
I am proud to be Sir Rowland’s
youngest son, and would not change that
even to become Frederick’s adopted heir.
ROSALIND
My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,
And all the world was of my father's mind:
Had I before known this young man his son,
I should have given him tears unto entreaties,
Ere he should thus have ventured.
My father loved Sir Rowland as much as his own soul,
and everyone else shared his opinion.
If I had known beforehand that he were his son,
I would have begged him with tears
not to go on with his plans.
CELIA
Gentle cousin,
Let us go thank him and encourage him:
My father's rough and envious disposition
Sticks me at heart. Sir, you have well deserved:
If you do keep your promises in love
But justly, as you have exceeded all promise,
Your mistress shall be happy.
Gentle cousin,
let’s go thank him and encourage him –
my father’s jealous meanness
upsets me. Sir, you did very well in the match,
and if you are able to love
like that, even better than how others think you can,
then your wife will be very happy.
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br /> ROSALIND
Gentleman,
Giving him a chain from her neck
Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune,
That could give more, but that her hand lacks means.
Shall we go, coz?
Gentleman,
Where this necklace for me, someone who has been unlucky
and thus cannot give you anything greater.
Shall we leave, cousin?
CELIA
Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.
Yes. Best of luck to you, fair gentleman.
ORLANDO
Can I not say, I thank you? My better parts
Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up
Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.
I can’t even say thank you? Really? All of my best parts, like my ability to speak,
are back on the wrestling mat. The only thing left, which stands here
is a dummy, a lifeless stone.
ROSALIND
He calls us back: my pride fell with my fortunes;
I'll ask him what he would. Did you call, sir?