The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 225
ROSALIND
Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am
caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in
my disposition? One inch of delay more is a
South-sea of discovery; I prithee, tell me who is it
quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst
stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man
out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow-
mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at
all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth that
may drink thy tidings.
Good heavens! Do you think that since I am
dressed like a man, manly attitudes carry over
to my character? One more second of delay is as arduous
as journeying through the South Seas. Please, tell me who it is
quickly, and speak to me. I wish that you could
stutter, and that then you would reveal the name of this man
like pouring wine from a narrow-
mouthed bottle, either all at once or not at
all. Please, remove the cork from your mouth so that
I can drink your words.
CELIA
So you may put a man in your belly.
And then you can put the man in your stomach.
ROSALIND
Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his
head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard?
Did God make him? What kind of man is he? Does he
wear a hat? Does he have a beard?
CELIA
Nay, he hath but a little beard.
No, only a small beard.
ROSALIND
Why, God will send more, if the man will be
thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if
thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
Well God will give him a more full beard, if the man
thanks Him, and I will wait for the beard to grow as long as
you will not make me wait longer to hear whose chin it grows on.
CELIA
It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler's
heels and your heart both in an instant.
It is young Orlando, the man who defeated both the wrestler
and your heart at once.
ROSALIND
Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and
true maid.
May the devil curse you for mocking me. Tell me, be serious
and honest.
CELIA
I' faith, coz, 'tis he.
I swear, cousin, it is he.
ROSALIND
Orlando?
Orlando?
CELIA
Orlando.
Orlando.
ROSALIND
Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and
hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said
he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes
him here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?
How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see
him again? Answer me in one word.
Oh no! What should I do with the men’s clothing I
wear? What did he do when you saw him? What did he
say? How did he look? Where did he go? Why is
he here? Did he ask about me? Where is he staying?
How did he leave you? When will you see
him again? Tell me with one word.
CELIA
You must borrow me Gargantua's mouth first: 'tis a
word too great for any mouth of this age's size. To
say ay and no to these particulars is more than to
answer in a catechism.
You must get me a giant’s mouth first: that
word would be too large to fit in any human’s mouth. To
say yes and no to each question is more than
answering questions about Christian doctrine.
ROSALIND
But doth he know that I am in this forest and in
man's apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the
day he wrestled?
Does he know that I am in the forest, and dressed in
men’s clothing? Does he look as well as he did on the
day he wrestled?
CELIA
It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the
propositions of a lover; but take a taste of my
finding him, and relish it with good observance.
I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.
It is easier to count atoms than to answer
every question of a lover. Taste my story of
finding him, and let that satisfy you through your listening.
I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.
ROSALIND
It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops
forth such fruit.
That sounds like a tree of God to drop
such wonderful fruit.
CELIA
Give me audience, good madam.
Listen to me, good madam.
ROSALIND
Proceed.
Go on.
CELIA
There lay he, stretched along, like a wounded knight.
There he lay, stretched like he was a wounded knight.
ROSALIND
Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well
becomes the ground.
It must have been a pitiful sight, but it also
must have been good for the ground to have him on it.
CELIA
Cry 'holla' to thy tongue, I prithee; it curvets
unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.
Tell your tongue to stop, please, it gallops
against its reigns. He was dressed like a hunter.
ROSALIND
O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.
Oh no! He has come to kill my heart.
CELIA
I would sing my song without a burden: thou bringest
me out of tune.
I would be singing my song easily, but you are forcing
me out of tune.
ROSALIND
Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must
speak. Sweet, say on.
Don’t you know that I am a woman? If I think something, I must
say it. Darling, continue.
CELIA
You bring me out. Soft! comes he not here?
You have made me lose track of my story. Quiet! Isn’t that him?
Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES
ROSALIND
'Tis he: slink by, and note him.
It is he. Let’s sneak by and watch him from hiding.
JAQUES
I thank you for your company; but, good faith, I had
as lief have been myself alone.
Thank you for your company, but honestly, I would
just as well be by myself.
ORLANDO
And so had I; but yet, for fashion sake, I thank you
too for your society.
So would I, but yet for politeness sake, Thank you
also for your company.
JAQUES
God be wi' you: let's meet as little as we can.
God be with you. Let us see each other as infrequently as possible.
ORLANDO
I do desire we may be better strangers.
I hope we can be better strangers.
JAQUES
I pray you, mar no more trees with writing
love-songs in their barks.
Please, harm no more trees by writing
love poems on their trunks.
ORLANDO
I pray you, mar no more of my verses with reading
them ill-favouredly.
Please, harm no more of my poems by reading
them so antagonistically.
JAQUES
Rosalind is your love's name?
Is Rosalind your love’s name?
ORLANDO
Yes, just.
Yes, that is it.
JAQUES
I do not like her name.
I do not like her name.
ORLANDO
There was no thought of pleasing you when she was
christened.
No one thought of pleasing you when they
named her.
JAQUES
What stature is she of?
How tall is she?
ORLANDO
Just as high as my heart.
She comes up to here – my heart.
JAQUES
You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been
acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conned them
out of rings?
You have many pretty answers. Are you
well acquainted with goldsmiths’ wives, and have memorized these answers
from their rings where little poems are written?
ORLANDO
Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from
whence you have studied your questions.
No, but I answer you just like these noble tapestries from
where you studied your questions.
JAQUES
You have a nimble wit: I think 'twas made of
Atalanta's heels. Will you sit down with me? and
we two will rail against our mistress the world and
all our misery.
You have a quick wit, perhaps made of
Atalanta’s heels. Will you sit with me? We
can complain about the world, our true mistress, and
all of our misery.
ORLANDO
I will chide no breather in the world but myself,
against whom I know most faults.
I will rebuke no human in the world except myself,
since I know my faults best.
JAQUES
The worst fault you have is to be in love.
The worst fault is that you are in love.
ORLANDO
'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue.
I am weary of you.
That is a fault I will not change for the best virtue.
You are tiring me.
JAQUES
By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found
you.
Honestly, I was looking for a fool when I found
you.
ORLANDO
He is drowned in the brook: look but in, and you
shall see him.
The fool has drowned in the brook – stare in and you
will see him.
JAQUES
There I shall see mine own figure.
I will only see myself.
ORLANDO
Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.
Which is either a fool or a code.
JAQUES
I'll tarry no longer with you: farewell, good
Signior Love.
I will wait on you no longer. Goodbye,
Mister Love.
ORLANDO
I am glad of your departure: adieu, good Monsieur
Melancholy.
Your departure makes me happy. Goodbye Mister
Sadness.
Exit JAQUES
ROSALIND
[Aside to CELIA] I will speak to him, like a saucy
lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.
Do you hear, forester?
I will speak to him, like an obnoxious
boy, and under that character play a trick on him.
–Can you hear me, forester?
ORLANDO
Very well: what would you?
Very well: what do you want?
ROSALIND
I pray you, what is't o'clock?
Please, what time is it?
ORLANDO
You should ask me what time o' day: there's no clock
in the forest.
You would be better off asking me what time of day it is – there is no time by the hour
in the forest.
ROSALIND
Then there is no true lover in the forest; else
sighing every minute and groaning every hour would
detect the lazy foot of Time as well as a clock.
Then there is no true lover in the forest, or else
he would by sighing every minute and groaning every hour
mark the slow foot of Time like any clock.
ORLANDO
And why not the swift foot of Time? had not that
been as proper?
Why not the swift foot of Time? Isn’t that
more correct?
ROSALIND
By no means, sir: Time travels in divers paces with
divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles
withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops
withal and who he stands still withal.
Not at all, sir. Time travels differently with
different people. I can tell you whom Time walks
with, whom Time jogs with, whom it gallops
with, and whom he stands still with.
ORLANDO
I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
Tell me, whom does he jog with?
ROSALIND
Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the
contract of her marriage and the day it is
solemnized: if the interim be but a se'nnight,
Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of
seven year.
Well, he jogs with a young maid who is between
her engagement and the day of her
marriage. If the interim time is only a week,
Time still has such a pace that it always feels like
seven years.
ORLANDO
Who ambles Time withal?
And who does it walk with?
ROSALIND
With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that
hath not the gout, for the one sleeps easily because
he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because
he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean
and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden
of heavy tedious penury; these Time ambles withal.
With a priest who cannot read Latin, and a rich man who
does not have the gout: one sleeps easily because
he can’t study Scripture and the other lives happily because
he has no pain. The first lacks the burden of
learning too much, and the second doesn’t know the burden
of heavy and wearying poverty. With these men Time walks.
ORLANDO
Who doth he gallop withal?
Whom does he gallop with?
ROSALIND
With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as
softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.
With the thief on his way to the gallows, because though he goes
as slowly as feet can fall, he always finds himself there too soon.
ORLANDO
Who stays it still withal?
And who does it stand still with?
ROSALIND
With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between
term and term and then they perceive not how Time moves.
With lawyers when they are on vacation, because they just sleep
on their holidays and thus don’t feel how Time moves.
ORLANDO
Where dwell you, pretty youth?
Where do you live, pretty young man?
ROSALIND
With this shepherdess, my sister; here in the
skirts of the forest, like fringe upon a petticoat.
With the shepherdess here, my sister, on the
edge of the forest,
like the fringe on a skirt.
ORLANDO
Are you native of this place?
Are you a native here?
ROSALIND
As the cony that you see dwell where she is kindled.
As much as the rabbit who lives wherever she is born.
ORLANDO
Your accent is something finer than you could
purchase in so removed a dwelling.
Your accent sounds finer than you could
get in such a distant home.
ROSALIND
I have been told so of many: but indeed an old
religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was
in his youth an inland man; one that knew courtship
too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard
him read many lectures against it, and I thank God
I am not a woman, to be touched with so many
giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their
whole sex withal.