The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 231
Orland led me to his cave,
and took off his shirt, and here on the arm
the lioness had torn some flesh away,
which was bleeding all the while. He fainted
and cried as he fainted, “Rosalind!”
I helped him and bound his wound,
and after a little time, since he is a strong man,
he sent me here, since I am a stranger,
to tell you the story so that you can excuse
his absence and broken promise. And he asked me to give this handkerchief
that was dyed in his blood to the young shepherd
he playfully called his Rosalind.
ROSALIND swoons
CELIA
Why, how now, Ganymede! sweet Ganymede!
Oh, Ganymede! Sweet Ganymede!
OLIVER
Many will swoon when they do look on blood.
Many swoon when they look at blood.
CELIA
There is more in it. Cousin Ganymede!
There is more to it than that. Cousin Ganymede!
OLIVER
Look, he recovers.
He is coming to.
ROSALIND
I would I were at home.
I wish I was at our home.
CELIA
We'll lead you thither.
I pray you, will you take him by the arm?
We will take you there.
Please, will you take his arm?
OLIVER
Be of good cheer, youth: you a man! you lack a
man's heart.
Feel better, youth. Aren’t you a man? You lack a
man’s heart.
ROSALIND
I do so, I confess it. Ah, sirrah, a body would
think this was well counterfeited! I pray you, tell
your brother how well I counterfeited. Heigh-ho!
I admit that I do. Ah, sir, someone would think
that this was well faked though! Please, tell
your brother how well I faked fainting. Ha ha!
OLIVER
This was not counterfeit: there is too great
testimony in your complexion that it was a passion
of earnest.
That was not fake:
your complexion tells too honestly that this passion
was real.
ROSALIND
Counterfeit, I assure you.
I promise you, it was fake.
OLIVER
Well then, take a good heart and counterfeit to be a man.
Then take heart, and fake being a man.
ROSALIND
So I do: but, i' faith, I should have been a woman by right.
I am: truly, I should have been born a woman.
CELIA
Come, you look paler and paler: pray you, draw
homewards. Good sir, go with us.
Come on, you look paler by the minute. Please, let’s go
towards home. Good sir, come with us.
OLIVER
That will I, for I must bear answer back
How you excuse my brother, Rosalind.
I will, for I must bring an answer back
to my brother as to if he is excused, Rosalind.
ROSALIND
I shall devise something: but, I pray you, commend
my counterfeiting to him. Will you go?
I will come up with something – but please, tell him
how well I faked. Will you come?
Exeunt
Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
TOUCHSTONE
We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.
We will find a time to marry, Audrey. Be patient, gentle Audrey.
AUDREY
Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old
gentleman's saying.
Truly, that priest was good enough, even for all of that old
man’s words.
TOUCHSTONE
A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile
Martext. But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the
forest lays claim to you.
No, he was a wicked Sir Oliver, and an evil
Martext. But Audrey, there is a youth in the
forest who claims to love you.
AUDREY
Ay, I know who 'tis; he hath no interest in me in
the world: here comes the man you mean.
Yes, I know who it is. He does not interest me in the
whole world. Here comes the man you are talking about.
TOUCHSTONE
It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: by my
troth, we that have good wits have much to answer
for; we shall be flouting; we cannot hold.
I love meeting a country clown. Truly,
we who have good wits have much to apologize
for: we will be messing with him, and we can’t help it.
Enter WILLIAM
WILLIAM
Good even, Audrey.
Good evening, Audrey.
AUDREY
God ye good even, William.
Good evening, William.
WILLIAM
And good even to you, sir.
And good evening to you, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy
head; nay, prithee, be covered. How old are you, friend?
Good evening, gentle friend. Put a hat on, put a
hat on. No, please, keep it on. How old are you, friend?
WILLIAM
Five and twenty, sir.
Twenty-five, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
A ripe age. Is thy name William?
A mature age. And your name is William?
WILLIAM
William, sir.
William, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here?
A good name. Were you born in the forest?
WILLIAM
Ay, sir, I thank God.
Yes, sir, thank God.
TOUCHSTONE
'Thank God;' a good answer. Art rich?
“Thank God,” a good answer. Are you rich.
WILLIAM
Faith, sir, so so.
Honestly, sir, so-so.
TOUCHSTONE
'So so' is good, very good, very excellent good; and
yet it is not; it is but so so. Art thou wise?
“So-so” is good, very good, very excellently good.
It is not, it is only so-so. Are you wise?
WILLIAM
Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
Yes, sir, I have a good wit.
TOUCHSTONE
Why, thou sayest well. I do now remember a saying,
'The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man
knows himself to be a fool.' The heathen
philosopher, when he had a desire to eat a grape,
would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;
meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and
lips to open. You do love this maid?
You speak well. I remember a saying,
“The fool thinks he is wise, but the wise man
knows that he is a fool.” The heathen
philosopher, when he wants to eat a grape,
opens his lips when he put it to his mouth:
meaning that grapes were made to eat, and
lips were made to open. Do you love this girl?
WILLIAM
I do, sir.
I do, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
Give me your hand. Art thou learned?
Give me your hand. Are you educated?
WILLIAM
No, sir.
No, sir.
TOUCHSTONE
Then learn this of me: to have, is to have; for it
is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out
of a cup into a glass, by filling the one
doth empty
the other; for all your writers do consent that ipse
is he: now, you are not ipse, for I am he.
Then learn this from me: if you have something, you have it.
A drink, being poured out
of a cup and into a glass, fills one and empties
the other. All scholars agree that “ipse” is Latin
for “he,” but you are not ipse, for I am he.
WILLIAM
Which he, sir?
Which he, sir?
TOUCHSTONE
He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you
clown, abandon,--which is in the vulgar leave,--the
society,--which in the boorish is company,--of this
female,--which in the common is woman; which
together is, abandon the society of this female, or,
clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better
understanding, diest; or, to wit I kill thee, make
thee away, translate thy life into death, thy
liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison with
thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy
with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with
policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways:
therefore tremble and depart.
He, sir, who will marry this woman. Therefore, you
clown, abandon – or as a commoner would say, “leave” º the
society – or as a commoner would say, “company,” – of this
female – or as a commoner would say, “woman.” All
together that is: abandon the society of this female, or,
clown, you will perish, or in other
words so you understand, die, or, I will kill you, make
you go away, translate your life into your death, your
liberty into imprisonment: I will give you poison,
or beat you with a club, or kill you with a sword. I will toss
you around and overrun you with my
words. I will kill you a hundred and fifty ways,
therefore shake from fear, and leave.
AUDREY
Do, good William.
Do leave, good William.
WILLIAM
God rest you merry, sir.
Goodbye, sir.
Exit
Enter CORIN
CORIN
Our master and mistress seeks you; come, away, away!
The master and mistress have asked you to come away!
TOUCHSTONE
Trip, Audrey! trip, Audrey! I attend, I attend.
Quickly, Audrey, quickly! I am coming.
Exeunt
Enter ORLANDO and OLIVER
ORLANDO
Is't possible that on so little acquaintance you
should like her? that but seeing you should love
her? and loving woo? and, wooing, she should
grant? and will you persever to enjoy her?
Is it possible that from knowing her so little you
should fall for her, and that you fall in love with her from seeing
her? And then woo her, and then have her
accept you? And will you really then marry her?
OLIVER
Neither call the giddiness of it in question, the
poverty of her, the small acquaintance, my sudden
wooing, nor her sudden consenting; but say with me,
I love Aliena; say with her that she loves me;
consent with both that we may enjoy each other: it
shall be to your good; for my father's house and all
the revenue that was old Sir Rowland's will I
estate upon you, and here live and die a shepherd.
Don’t question the foolishness of it,
or her poverty, or our little knowing each other, or my quick
wooing, or her accepting, but say it along with me:
“I love Aliena.” Say with her that she loves me,
and consent that we may enjoy each other. It
is to your benefit: our father’s house and all
of Sir Rowland’s fortune I leave
to you so that I may live and die as a shepherd.
ORLANDO
You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow:
thither will I invite the duke and all's contented
followers. Go you and prepare Aliena; for look
you, here comes my Rosalind.
You have my consent. Let your wedding be tomorrow,
and I will invite the duke and all of his happy
followers. Go and get Aliena ready, for look,
here comes my Rosalind.
Enter ROSALIND
ROSALIND
God save you, brother.
God be with you, brother.
OLIVER
And you, fair sister.
And with you, dear sister.
Exit
ROSALIND
O, my dear Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee
wear thy heart in a scarf!
O my Orlando, it saddens me to see you
wear your heart in a sling!
ORLANDO
It is my arm.
It is my arm.
ROSALIND
I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws
of a lion.
I thought your heart was wounded from the
lion’s claws.
ORLANDO
Wounded it is, but with the eyes of a lady.
It is wounded, but only from a lady’s eyes.
ROSALIND
Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to
swoon when he showed me your handkerchief?
Did your brother tell you how I faked to
faint when he showed me the bloody handkerchief?
ORLANDO
Ay, and greater wonders than that.
Yes, and more amazing things than that.
ROSALIND
O, I know where you are: nay, 'tis true: there was
never any thing so sudden but the fight of two rams
and Caesar's thrasonical brag of 'I came, saw, and
overcame:' for your brother and my sister no sooner
met but they looked, no sooner looked but they
loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner
sighed but they asked one another the reason, no
sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;
and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs
to marriage which they will climb incontinent, or
else be incontinent before marriage: they are in
the very wrath of love and they will together; clubs
cannot part them.
O, I know what you are talking about. It’s true, there was
never anything as sudden as their love except the fight of two rams,
nothing as quick as Caesar bragging, “I came, I saw, and
I conquered,” for your brother and my sister had just
met when they looked, and when they looked they
loved, and when they loved they sighed, and
when they sighed they asked each other why, and
when they knew why they looked for a way to fix their pains of love –
and so on until they built by each step a set of stairs
to marriage which they will climb without control, or
else they will be without control before they marry. They are in
the height of passion and they will be together: even sticks
cannot separate them.
ORLANDO
They shall be married to-morrow, and I will bid the
duke to the nuptial. But, O, how bitter a thing it
is to look into happiness through another man's
eyes! By so much the more shall I to-morrow be at
the height of heart-heaviness, by how much I shall
think my brother happy in having what
he wishes for.
They will be married tomorrow, and I will ask the
duke to come to the ceremony. But O, how bitter it
is to look at happiness through another man’s
eyes! As happy as he will be, I will tomorrow be
that depressed in seeing that
my brother will have everything he desires.
ROSALIND
Why then, to-morrow I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind?
Tomorrow, can I be your Rosalind again?
ORLANDO
I can live no longer by thinking.
I can no longer keep pretending.
ROSALIND
I will weary you then no longer with idle talking.
Know of me then, for now I speak to some purpose,
that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit: I
speak not this that you should bear a good opinion
of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you are;
neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in
some little measure draw a belief from you, to do
yourself good and not to grace me. Believe then, if