The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

Of his almighty dreadful little power.Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan:

  Well I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan:Some men must love my lady and some Joan.

  Some men must love women like my lady and some a virtuous woman like Joan of Arc.Exit

  Enter the PRINCESS, and her train, a Forester, BOYET, ROSALINE, MARIA, and KATHARINE

  PRINCESS Was that the king, that spurred his horse so hard

  Was that the king that spurred his horse so hardAgainst the steep uprising of the hill?

  Against the steep uprising of the hill?BOYET I know not; but I think it was not he.

  I don’t know; but I don’t think it was him.PRINCESS Whoe'er a' was, a' show'd a mounting mind.

  Whoever he was, it seemed like he had something pressing on his mind.Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch:

  Well, lords, today we will serve our purpose here:On Saturday we will return to France.

  On Saturday we will return to France.Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush

  So, forester, my friend, where is the bushThat we must stand and play the murderer in?

  That serves as the hunter’s station where we will play the murderer in?Forester Hereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice;

  Just there, upon the edge of that thicket;A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.

  There’s a station where you can make the fairest shot.PRINCESS I thank my beauty, I am fair that shoot,

  Thanks to my beauty, I am the one shooting who is fairest,And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.

  And that’s why you call it the fairest shot.Forester Pardon me, madam, for I meant not so.

  Pardon me, madam, I didn’t mean it like that.

  PRINCESS What, what? first praise me and again say no?

  What’s that? First praise me and then take it back?O short-lived pride! Not fair? alack for woe!

  O short-lived pride? I’m not beautiful? How sad that makes me!Forester Yes, madam, fair.

  Yes, madam, you are beautiful.PRINCESS Nay, never paint me now:

  No, don’t flatter me now:Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow.

  Where there is no beauty, praise will not fix that face.Here, good my glass, take this for telling true:

  Here, my true mirror, take this for telling me the truth:Fair payment for foul words is more than due.

  It’s only fair to pay for foul but honest words.Forester Nothing but fair is that which you inherit.

  You are nothing but beautiful.PRINCESS See see, my beauty will be saved by merit!

  And see now, my beauty will be complimented after receiving payment!O heresy in fair, fit for these days!

  O heresy regarding beauty, fit for these days!A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise.

  A giving hand, though it be ugly will get praised as lovely.But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill,

  But come now, give me the bow and arrow: the princess goes in for the kill,And shooting well is then accounted ill.

  And when a merciful person like a princess shoots well, they are considered ill.Thus will I save my credit in the shoot:

  So I will save my reputation in the shot:Not wounding, pity would not let me do't;

  If I miss I can say that it was pity that held me back:If wounding, then it was to show my skill,

  If I don’t then it was to show my skill,That more for praise than purpose meant to kill.

  I shot accurately more for praise than for the sake of killing.And out of question so it is sometimes,

  And undoubtedly, so it is sometimes,

  Glory grows guilty of detested crimes,

  We become guilty of horrible crimes for the sake of glory,When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part,

  When, for the sake of fame, of praise, or some other superficial thing,We bend to that the working of the heart;

  We force out hearts to adapt to seeking fame;As I for praise alone now seek to spill

  Just like I am now only for praise seeking to spillThe poor deer's blood, that my heart means no ill.

  This poor deer’s blood, that my heart wishes no harm.BOYET Do not curst wives hold that self-sovereignty

  Don’t shrewish wives hold that self-sovereigntyOnly for praise sake, when they strive to be

  Only for the sake of praise, when they try to beLords o'er their lords?

  Lords over their husbands?PRINCESS Only for praise: and praise we may afford

  Only for praise: we can afford to praiseTo any lady that subdues a lord.

  Any woman that can subdue a man.BOYET Here comes a member of the commonwealth.

  Here comes a member of the ordinary citizenry.Enter COSTARDCOSTARD God dig-you-den all! Pray you, which is the head lady?

  God give you a good evening! Please, which one of you is the head lady?PRINCESS Thou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest that have no heads.

  You shall know her, fellow, by seeing that the rest have no heads.COSTARD Which is the greatest lady, the highest?

  Which is the greatest lady, the highest?

  PRINCESS The thickest and the tallest.

  The thickest and the tallest.COSTARD The thickest and the tallest! it is so; truth is truth.

  The thickest and the tallest! That is so; truth is truth.An your waist, mistress, were as slender as my wit,

  And your waist, mistress, is as slender as my wit,One o' these maids' girdles for your waist should be fit.

  One of these maids’ girdles should be fit to your waist.Are not you the chief woman? you are the thickest here.

  Are you the chief woman? You are the thickest here.PRINCESS What's your will, sir? what's your will?

  What do you need, sir? why are you here?COSTARD I have a letter from Monsieur Biron to one Lady Rosaline.

  I have a letter from Monsieur Biron to one Lady Rosaline.PRINCESS O, thy letter, thy letter! he's a good friend of mine:

  O, your letter, your letter! he’s a good friend of mine:Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve;

  Stand aside, good messenger. Boyet you can carve;Break up this capon.

  Cut open this letter.BOYET I am bound to serve.

  I am bound to serve.This letter is mistook, it importeth none here;

  This letter is misdirected, it concerns no one here;It is writ to Jaquenetta.

  It is written to Jaquenetta.PRINCESS We will read it, I swear.

  We will read it, I swear.Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.

  Break the wax seal and read it aloud.ReadsBOYET 'By heaven, that thou art fair, is most infallible;

  ‘Heaven knows, that you are pretty, is completely certain;true, that thou art beauteous; truth itself, that

  True, that you are beautiful; truth itself, thatthou art lovely. More fairer than fair, beautiful

  You are lovely. Prettier than pretty, more gorgeousthan beauteous, truer than truth itself, have

  Than beautiful, truer than truth itself, havecommiseration on thy heroical vassal! The

  Sympathy on your heroic liege! Themagnanimous and most illustrate king Cophetua set

  Generous and most illustrious kind Cophetua hadeye upon the pernicious and indubitate beggar

  His eye set upon the baneful and undoubted beggarZenelophon; and he it was that might rightly say,

  Zenelophon; and it was he that could rightly say,Veni, vidi, vici; which to annothanize in the

  Veni, vidi, vici; which to interpret in thevulgar,--O base and obscure vulgar!--videlicet, He

  Vernacular, --O base and obscure vernacular!—namely, Hecame, saw, and overcame: he came, one; saw two;

  Came, saw, and conquered: he came, one; saw, two;overcame, three. Who came? the king: why did he

  Conquered, three. Who came? The king; why did hecome? to see: why did he see? to overcome: to

  Come? To see: why did he see? To conquer: towhom came he? to the beggar: what saw he? The

  Whom did he come? To the beggar: what did he see? Thebeggar: who overcame he? the beggar. The


  beggar: who did he conquer? The beggar. Theconclusion is victory: on whose side? the king's.

  conclusion is victory: on whose side? The king’s.The captive is enriched: on whose side? The

  The captive is enriched: on whose side? The beggar's. The catastrophe is a nuptial: on whose

  Beggar’s. The climax of the story is a wedding: on whoseside? the king's: no, on both in one, or one in

  Side? The king’s; no, on both in one, or one inboth. I am the king; for so stands the comparison:

  Both. I am the king; that is how the comparison stands:thou the beggar; for so witnesseth thy lowliness.

  You are the beggar; as you yourself are aware of your lowliness.Shall I command thy love? I may: shall I enforce

  Shall I command your love? I may: shall I enforcethy love? I could: shall I entreat thy love? I

  Your love? I could: shall I entreat your love? Iwill. What shalt thou exchange for rags? robes;

  Will. What will you exchange for rags? Robes;for tittles? titles; for thyself? me. Thus,

  For dots? Titles; for yourself? Me. So,expecting thy reply, I profane my lips on thy foot,

  Expecting your reply, I desecrate my lips on your foot,my eyes on thy picture. and my heart on thy every

  My eyes on your picture, and my heart of everypart. Thine, in the dearest design of industry,

  Part of you. Yours, in the most excellent pattern of zealous gallantry,

  DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

  Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar

  So do you hear the Nimean Lion roar'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey.

  Against you, you lamb, that stand as his prey.Submissive fall his princely feet before,

  Fall submissively before his princely feet,And he from forage will incline to play:

  And he from ravening will incline to play:But if thou strive, poor soul, what art thou then?

  But if you struggle, poor soul, what are you then?Food for his rage, repasture for his den.

  Feeding for his rage, food for his den.PRINCESS What plume of feathers is he that indited this letter?

  What kind of gaudy bird is the man that wrote this letter?What vane? what weathercock? did you ever hear better?

  What weather-vain, what weathercock? Have you ever heard better?BOYET I am much deceived but I remember the style.

  I am much deceived unless I remember the style.PRINCESS Else your memory is bad, going o'er it erewhile.

  Or else your memory is bad, going over it just now.BOYET This Armado is a Spaniard, that keeps here in court;

  This Armado is a Spaniard, that live here in court;

  A phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport

  He entertains fantastic notions, displays absurd pretentions, and entertainsTo the prince and his bookmates.

  The prince and his study-mates.PRINCESS Thou fellow, a word:

  You, fellow, a word:Who gave thee this letter?

  Who gave you this letter?COSTARD I told you; my lord.

  I told you; my lord.PRINCESS To whom shouldst thou give it?

  You are you delivering it to?COSTARD From my lord to my lady.

  From my lord to my lady.PRINCESS From which lord to which lady?

  From which lord to which lady?COSTARD From my lord Biron, a good master of mine,

  From my lord Biron, a good master of mine,To a lady of France that he call'd Rosaline.

  To a lady from France that he called Rosaline.PRINCESS Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords, away.

  You have mistaken his letter. Come, lords, let’s go.To ROSALINEHere, sweet, put up this: 'twill be thine another day.

  Here, my sweet, put this away: it will be your turn another day.Exeunt PRINCESS and train

  BOYET Who is the suitor? who is the suitor?

  Who is the archer? Who is the archer?ROSALINE Shall I teach you to know?

  Shall I teach you to know?BOYET Ay, my continent of beauty.

  Yes, my container of all beauty.ROSALINE Why, she that bears the bow.

  Why, she that holds to bow.Finely put off!

  Finely answered!BOYET My lady goes to kill horns; but, if thou marry,

  My lady goes to kill the horned deers; but if you marry,Hang me by the neck, if horns that year miscarry.

  Hang me by the neck, if there is not an abundance of cuckold’s horns that year.Finely put on!

  Finely applied!ROSALINE Well, then, I am the shooter.

  Well, then I am the shooter.BOYET And who is your deer?

  And who is your dear one?ROSALINE If we choose by the horns, yourself come not near.

  If we’re choosing based on horns, you yourself don’t stand a chance.Finely put on, indeed!

  Finely answered indeed!MARIA You still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she strikes

  You still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she takesat the brow.

  Good aim right between your eyes.

  BOYET But she herself is hit lower: have I hit her now?

  But she herself is hit lower, in the heart: have I hit her now?ROSALINE Shall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was

  Shall I answer with an old saying, that wasa man when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as

  Already old when King Pepin of France was a little boy, sungtouching the hit it?

  Bawdily while dancing?BOYET So I may answer thee with one as old, that was a

  I can answer you with one as old, that waswoman when Queen Guinover of Britain was a little

  Aready old when Queen Guinevere of Britain was a littlewench, as touching the hit it.

  Girl, sung bawdily while dancing.ROSALINE

  ‘Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,

  ‘You cannot hit it, hit it, hit it,Thou canst not hit it, my good man.’

  You cannot hit it, my good man.’BOYET ‘An I cannot, cannot, cannot,

  ‘And I cannot, cannot, cannot,An I cannot, another can.’

  And I cannot, another can.’Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINECOSTARD By my troth, most pleasant: how both did fit it!

  My goodness, that was very pleasant: how both of them fit it!MARIA A mark marvellous well shot, for they both did hit it.

  A target marvelously well shot, since they both hit it.BOYET A mark! O, mark but that mark! A mark, says my lady!

  A target! O, mark that target! A target says my lady!

  Let the mark have a prick in't, to mete at, if it may be.

  Let the mark have a bullseye in it, to aim at, if it may be.MARIA Wide o' the bow hand! i' faith, your hand is out.

  You missed the target to the left side, your hand is inaccurate.COSTARD Indeed, a' must shoot nearer, or he'll ne'er hit the clout.

  Indeed, he must shoot nearer, or he’ll never hit the bullseye.BOYET An if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.

  And If my hand is inaccurate, perhaps your hand is not.COSTARD Then will she get the upshoot by cleaving the pin.

  Then she will get the best shot, by cleaving the nail in two.MARIA Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul.

  Come, now, your talk is gross; your lips grow foul.COSTARD She's too hard for you at pricks, sir: challenge her to bowl.

  She’s to hard for you at archery, sir: challenge her to bowl.BOYET I fear too much rubbing. Good night, my good owl.

  I fear too much rubbing of the bowling balls. Goodnight, my good owl.Exeunt BOYET and MARIACOSTARD By my soul, a swain! a most simple clown!

  By my soul, a country boy! A simple clown!Lord, Lord, how the ladies and I have put him down!

  Lord, lord how the ladies and I put him down just now!O' my troth, most sweet jests! most incony

  Oh my word, such funny jokes! How rare and finevulgar wit!

  Vulgar wit!When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it

  When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it

  were, so fit.

  Were, so fit.Armado o' th' one side,--O, a most dainty man!

  Armado on the one side, -- Such a refined and dainty man!To see hi
m walk before a lady and to bear her fan!

  To see him walk in front of a lady and carry her fan!To see him kiss his hand! and how most sweetly a'

  To see him kiss his hand! And how most sweetly hewill swear!

  Will swear!And his page o' t' other side, that handful of wit!

  And his page on the otherside, that handful of wit!Ah, heavens, it is a most pathetical nit!

  Oh heavens, he is a most touching little mite.Sola, sola!

  To hunt, to hunt!Shout withinExit COSTARD, running

  Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL

  SIR NATHANIEL Very reverend sport, truly; and done in the testimony

  A very honorable sport, and done with a warrantof a good conscience.

  Of a good conscience.HOLOFERNES The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe

  The deer was, as you know, in prime condition; ripeas the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in

  Like the pomewater apple, who now hangs like a jewel inthe ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;

  The ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven;and anon falleth like a crab on the face of terra,

  And eventually falls like a crab apple on the face of terra,the soil, the land, the earth.

  The soil, the land, the earth.

  SIR NATHANIEL Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly

  Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetlyvaried, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I

  Varied, like a scholar to say the least: but, sir, Iassure ye, it was a buck of the first head.

  Assure you, it was a buck of about five years, with newly full antlers.HOLOFERNES Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

  Sir Nathaniel, I don’t believe it.DULL 'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

  Not it was not a haud credo; it was a young buck.HOLOFERNES Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of

  What a barbaric interruption! Yet a kind ofinsinuation, as it were, in via, in way, of

  Insinuation, as it were, in viw, in a way, ofexplication; facere, as it were, replication, or

  Expounding; to make, as it were, explanation, orrather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his

  Rather, ostentatiously, showing, as it were, hisinclination, after his undressed, unpolished,

  Inclination, after his undressed, unpolished,uneducated, unpruned, untrained, or rather,