The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 327
DON JOHN
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The ladies follow her and but one visor remains.
Surely my brother is in love with Hero, and has spoken privately with her father about it. The ladies follow her and only one mask remains.
BORACHIO
And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.
And that is Claudio: I know him by how he walks.
DON JOHN
Are you not Signior Benedick?
Aren’t you Sir Benedick?
CLAUDIO
You know me well; I am he.
DON JOHN
Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him from her; she is no equal for his birth: you may do the part of an honest man in it.
Sir, you are very dear to my brother: he is enamored with Hero; please, persuade him not to go after her; she is too lowborn for him: you may do the part of an honest man in it.
CLAUDIO
How know you he loves her?
DON JOHN
I heard him swear his affection.
I heard him promise he loved her.
BORACHIO
So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night.
So did I, too; and he promised he would marry her tonight.
DON JOHN
Come, let us to the banquet.
Let us go to the banquet.
[Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO.]
CLAUDIO
Thus answer I in name of Benedick,
I answer in this way under the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
But here this bad news with the ears of Claudio.
'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself.
It is certain; the prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Friendship is loyal in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love:
Except for in the business of love:
Herefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;
From now on all hearts in love should use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
Against whose magic powers faith melts into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
This is an accident of time,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
When I was too trusting. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
[Re-enter Benedick.]
BENEDICK
Count Claudio?
CLAUDIO
Yea, the same.
Yes, it’s me.
BENEDICK
Come, will you go with me?
CLAUDIO
Whither?
Where?
BENEDICK
Even to the next willow, about your own business, count. What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your neck, like a usurer's chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? You must wear it one way, for the prince hath got your Hero.
To the next willow tree, on your own business, Count. How will you wear the garland? Around your neck, like a banker’s chain? Or under your arm, like a lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the prince has got your Hero.
CLAUDIO
I wish him joy of her.
BENEDICK
Why, that's spoken like an honest drovier: so they sell bullocks. But did you think the prince would have served you thus?
Why, that’s spoken like an honest herder: that’s how they sell cattle. But did you think the prince would have done this to you?
CLAUDIO
I pray you, leave me.
Please, leave me alone.
BENEDICK
Ho! now you strike like the blind man: 'twas the boy that stole your meat, and you'll beat the post.
Ha! Now you strike out like a blind man: it was the boy that stole your food, and you’ll beat the post.
CLAUDIO
If it will not be, I'll leave you.
[Exit.]
BENEDICK
Alas! poor hurt fowl. Now will he creep into sedges. But, that my Lady
Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince's fool! Ha! it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it is the base though bitter disposition of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, I'll be revenged as I may.
Oh dear, the poor wounded bird. Now he will crawl around and mope. But, that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The prince’s fool! Hah! I might go under that title because of my cheerfulness. Yes, but I am also inclined to do myself wrong; I am not thought of that way: it is the resentment of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, I’ll take what revenge I can.
[Re-enter Don Pedro.]
DON PEDRO
Now, signior, where's the count? Did you see him?
BENEDICK
Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the good will of this young lady; and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.
Truthfully, my lord, I have played the part of Fate. I found him here all gloomy. I told him, and I think I was right, that your Grace had got the good will of this young lady; and I offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as someone who has lost, or to make him a switch, as being worthy to be whipped.
DON PEDRO
To be whipped! What's his fault?
BENEDICK
The flat transgression of a school-boy, who, being overjoy'd with finding a bird's nest, shows it his companion, and he steals it.
The basic error of a schoolboy, who, being overjoyed with finding a bird’s nest, shows it to his companion, and his companion steals it.
DON PEDRO.
Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is in the stealer.
Will you make it wrong to trust someone? The wrong is in the thief.
BENEDICK
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen his bird's nest.
Yet it would not have been unsuitable if a switch had been made, and a garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have given to you, who, as I understand, have stolen his bird’s nest.
DON PEDRO
I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.
I will only teach the birds to sing, and restore them to the owner.
BENEDICK
If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say honestly.
If their singing is the same as your saying, by my faith, you are being honest.
DON PEDRO
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the gentleman that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.
The Lady Beatrice has a quarrel with you: the gentleman that danced with her told her you have much wronged her.
BENEDICK
O! she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with one green leaf on it, would have answered her: my very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the prince's jester, that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me, that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would inf
ect to the north star. I would not marry her, though she were endowed with all that Adam had left him before he transgressed: she would have made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire too. Come, talk not of her; you shall find her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose because they would go thither; so indeed, all disquiet, horror and perturbation follow her.
Oh! She abused me more than even a block of wood could endure: an oak with only one green leaf on it would have answered her: my very mask began to come to life and scold her. She told me, not thinking that I had been myself, that I was the prince’s jester, that I was more boring than watching ice melt; adding joke upon joke with such an impossible attack of me, that I stood like a man at a target, with a whole army shooting at me. She speaks with spears, and every word stabs: if her breath was as terrible as her words, nothing could live near her; she would infect everything from here to the North Star. I would not marry her, even if she possessed every possible other good quality. She would have made Hercules commit suicide. Come, do not talk about her; you shall find her a well-dressed demon. I pray to God some scholar will write about her, for certainly, while she is here, a man may live as quietly in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin on purpose to go there; so indeed, all chaos, horror, and distress follow her.
[Re-enter CLAUDIO, BEATRICE, HERO, and LEONATO.]
DON PEDRO
Look! here she comes.
BENEDICK
Will your Grace command me any service to the world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John's foot; fetch you a hair off the Great Cham's beard; do you any embassage to the Pygmies, rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy. You have no employment for me?
Will your Grace command me to do any task for you far away? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can come up with to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpick from the furthest corner of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John’s foot; fetch you a hair off the Great Cham’s beard; be an ambassador to the Pygmies, rather than exchange three words with this harpy [a mythological monster with a woman’s head and a bird’s body]. Do you have anything for me to do?
DON PEDRO
None, but to desire your good company.
Nothing, except to want your company.
BENEDICK
O God, sir, here's a dish I love not: I cannot endure my Lady Tongue.
Oh God, sir, here’s a dish I hate: I cannot endure my Lady Tongue.
[Exit.]
DON PEDRO
Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick.
BEATRICE
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave him use for it, a double heart for a single one: marry, once before he won it of me with false dice, therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it.
Indeed, my lord, he lent it to me awhile; and I exchanged something for it, a double heart for a single one: by the Virgin Mary, once before he won it from me through a trick, therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it.
DON PEDRO
You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.
BEATRICE. So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
So I would rather he not do that to me, my lord, otherwise I might turn out to be the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to look for.
DON PEDRO
Why, how now, count! wherefore are you sad?
Why, what’s going on, Count? Why are you sad?
CLAUDIO
Not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO
How then? Sick?
CLAUDIO
Neither, my lord.
BEATRICE
The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; but civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous complexion.
The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor cheerful, nor well; but a polite count, polite as an orange, and similar to that jealous skin color.
DON PEDRO
I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; though, I'll be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won; I have broke with her father, and, his good will obtained; name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy!
By my faith, lady, I think you are right; though, I swear, if he is that way, he’s acting under a delusion. Here, Claudio, I have wooed on your behalf, and beautiful Hero is won; I have asked permission from her father, and have gained it; name the day of marriage, and God give you joy!
LEONATO
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his Grace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it!
Count, take my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his Grace has made the match, and all grace agrees with it!
BEATRICE
Speak, Count, 'tis your cue.
Speak, Count, it is your cue.
CLAUDIO
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours: I give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.
Silence is the most perfect herald of joy: I would be only a little happy if I were capable of saying how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours: I give myself away for you and deeply love the exchange.
BEATRICE
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss, and let not him speak neither.
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, shut him up with a kiss, and keep him from speaking too.
DON PEDRO
In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.
By my faith, lady, you have a cheery heart.
BEATRICE
Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.
Yes, my lord; I think it, poor fool, it protects me from worries. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.
CLAUDIO
And so she doth, cousin.
And so she does, cousin.
BEATRICE
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the world but I, and I am
sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!
Good Lord, for marriage! In this way everyone in the world goes but I, and I am sunburned. I may sit in a corner and wail for a husband!
DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
BEATRICE
I would rather have one of your father's getting. Hath your Grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.
I would rather have one your father got. Does your Grace have a brother like you? Your father got excellent husbands, if a young woman could come across them.
DON PEDRO
Will you have me, lady?
BEATRICE
No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days: your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But, I beseech your Grace, pardon me; I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
No, my lord, unless I might have another for weekdays: your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But, I beg your Grace, please pardon me; I would born to speak nothing but silliness.
DON PEDRO
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for out of question, you were born in a merry hour.
Your silence most offends me, and to be cheerful shows you at your best; for out of the question, you were born in a merry hour.
BEATRICE
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. Cousin
s, God give you
My mother cried; but then a star danced, and other that I was born. Cousins, God give you joy!
LEONATO
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?
Niece, will you go take care of those things I mentioned?
BEATRICE
I cry you mercy, uncle. By your Grace's pardon.
Forgive me, uncle. Pardon me, your Grace.
[Exit.]
DON PEDRO
By my troth, a pleasant spirited lady.
Truthfully, a pleasant spirited lady.
LEONATO
There's little of the melancholy element in her, my lord: she is never sad but when she sleeps; and not ever sad then, for I have heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.
There is very little gloominess in her, my lord: she is never sad except when she sleeps; and not always sad then, for I have heard my daughter say she has often dreamed of unhappiness and waked herself with laughter.
DON PEDRO
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
She cannot stand to have a husband suggested to her.
LEONATO
O! by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.
Oh, by no means: she drives all her wooers away with mocking.
DON PEDRO
She were an excellent wife for Benedick.
She would be an excellent wife for Benedick.