The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Faith, like enough.

  By my faith, that is likely.

  LEONATO

  O God! counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of passion came so near the life of passion as she discovers it.

  Oh God! Faking it! There was never pretence of passion that came so near the life of passion as she discovers it

  DON PEDRO

  Why, what effects of passion shows she?

  CLAUDIO

  [Aside.] Bait the hook well: this fish will bite.

  LEONATO

  What effects, my lord? She will sit you; [To Claudio.] You heard my daughter tell you how.

  What effects, my lord? She will sit in this way – [To Claudio.] You hear my daughter tell you how.

  CLAUDIO

  She did, indeed.

  DON PEDRO

  How, how, I pray you? You amaze me: I would have thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection.

  How, how, please tell me! You amaze me: I would have thought her spirit was invincible against any sort of romantic affection.

  LEONATO

  I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially against Benedick.

  BENEDICK

  [Aside] I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot, sure, hide itself in such reverence.

  [Aside] I would think this was a trick, except the white-bearded fellow speaks it: trickery cannot, surely, hide itself behind such a respectable face.

  CLAUDIO

  [Aside.] He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

  [Aside.] He has taken the infection: keep going.

  DON PEDRO

  Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

  LEONATO

  No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.

  CLAUDIO

  Tis true, indeed;so your daughter says: 'Shall I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him with scorn, write to him that I love him?'

  It is true, indeed; your daughter says so. ‘Shall I,’ Beatrice says, ‘that has so often met him with scorn, write to him that I love him?’

  LEONATO

  This says she now when she is beginning to write to him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.

  She says this now when she is beginning to write to him; for she’ll be up twenty times a night, and there she will sit in her nightgown until she has written a sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.

  CLAUDIO

  Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest your daughter told us of.

  Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a good joke your daughter told us about.

  LEONATO

  O! when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?

  Oh! When she had written it, and was reading it over, she found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?

  CLAUDIO

  That.

  LEONATO

  O! she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence; railed at herself, that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her: 'I measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I love him, I should.'

  Oh! She tore the letter into a thousand pieces; scolded herself, that she should be so foolish to write to one she knew would reject her: ‘I measure him,’ she says, ‘by my own spirit; for I would reject him, if he wrote to me; yes, though I love him, I would.’

  CLAUDIO

  Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O sweet Benedick! God give me patience!'

  Then she falls on her knees, cries, sobs, beats her chest, tears her hair, prays, curses; ‘Oh sweet Benedick! God give me patience!”

  LEONATO

  She doth indeed; my daughter says so; and the ecstasy hath so much overborne her, that my daughter is sometimes afeard she will do a desperate outrage to herself. It is very true.

  She does indeed; my daughter says so; and the emotions have so much overcome her, that my daughter is sometimes afraid she will hurt herself. It is very true.

  DON PEDRO

  It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it.

  It would be good if Benedick found out about it from someone else, if she will not reveal it.

  CLAUDIO

  To what end? he would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse.

  What good would that do? He would only turn it into a game and torment the poor lady worse.

  DON PEDRO

  An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an excellent sweet lady, and, out of all suspicion, she is virtuous.

  If he did, it would be reason enough to hang him. She’s an excellent sweet lady, and, out of all suspicion, she is virtuous.

  CLAUDIO

  And she is exceeding wise.

  And she is exceedingly wise.

  DON PEDRO

  In everything but in loving Benedick.

  In everything but in loving Benedick.

  LEONATO

  O! my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and her guardian.

  Oh, my lord, wisdom and blood in combat in such a delicate body, we have proof that blood is winning. I am sorry for her, as I have a good reason, being her uncle and her guardian.

  DON PEDRO

  I would she had bestowed this dotage on me; I would have daffed all other respects and made her half myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear what a' will say.

  I wish she had this affection for me; I would have declined all my other prospects and married her. Please, tell Benedick about it, and here what he will say.

  LEONATO

  Were it good, think you?

  Do you think that would be a good idea?

  CLAUDIO

  Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die if he love her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, and she will die if he woo her, rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crossness.

  Hero thinks she will surely die; for she says she will die if he does not love her, and she will die before she reveals her love, and she will die if he woos her, rather than take back one breath of her usual crossness.

  DON PEDRO

  She doth well: if she should make tender of her love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the man,--as you know all,--hath a contemptible spirit.

  That is right of her: if she let him know her love, it is very possible he would reject it; for the man, -- as you all know, -- has a very critical personality.

  CLAUDIO

  He is a very proper man.

  DON PEDRO

  He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

  He does indeed seem very happy.

  CLAUDIO

  Fore God, and in my mind, very wise.

  To God, and in my mind, very wise.

  DON PEDRO

  He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

  He does indeed show signs of intelligence.

  CLAUDIO

  And I take him to be valiant.

  And I believe him to be brave.

  DON PEDRO

  As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes them with a most Christian-like fear.

  As Hector, I assure you: and when dealing with quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he discreetly avoids them, or goes about them with a Christian-like attitude.

  LEONATO

  If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace: if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling.

  If he does obey God, he must necessarily keep peace: if he breaks the peace, he ought to enter into a quarre
l fearfully.

  DON PEDRO

  And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests he will make. Well, I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick and tell him of her love?

  And so will he do; for the man does honor God, even if it doesn’t always seem that way because of his jokes. Well, I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go look for Benedick and tell him of her love?

  CLAUDIO

  Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with good counsel.

  Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with good advice.

  LEONATO

  Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

  No, that’s impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

  DON PEDRO

  Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter: let it cool the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady.

  Well, we will hear more about it from your daughter: leave it be for now. I love Benedick well, and I wish he would humbly examine himself, to see how unworthy he is of so good a lady.

  LEONATO

  My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.

  Will you come with me, my lord? Dinner is ready.

  CLAUDIO

  [Aside.] If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation.

  [Aside.] If he does not become devoted to her after this, I will never trust my expectations.

  DON PEDRO

  [Aside.] Let there be the same net spread for her; and that must your daughter and her gentle-woman carry. The sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

  [Aside.] Let the same net be spread for her; and your daughter and her servant must carry it. The game will be when each is convinced of the other’s devotion: that’s the scene I want to see, a real show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

  [Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO.]

  BENEDICK

  [Advancing from the arbour.] This can be no trick: the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections have their full bent. Love me! why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured: they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive the love come from her;they say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy are they that hear their detractions, and can put them to mending. They say the lady is fair: 'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous: 'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving me: by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage; but doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No; the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in her.

  [Coming from the tree.] This can be no trick: the conference was a sad one. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections are very strong. Love me! Why, I must love her back. I hear how I am criticized: they say I will carry myself proudly, if I see the love comes from her; they say too that she will die rather than give any sign of affection. I never thought to marry: I must not seem proud: it is good for people to be able to hear about their flaws and go about fixing them. They say the lady is beautiful: it is true, I can confirm if; and virtuous: it is true, I cannot disprove it; and wise, except for loving me: truthfully, it is no addition to her intelligence, nor a great sign of foolishness, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may have to deal with some teasing, because I have complained and criticized marriage so much; but doesn’t appetite change? A man loves the food when young that he cannot stand when aged. Shall quips and wisecracks prevent a man from following his feelings? No; the world must be populated. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I would live until I was married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! She’s a beautiful lady: I do notice some signs of love in her.

  [Enter BEATRICE.]

  BEATRICE

  Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

  Against my will I have been sent to tell you to come in to dinner.

  BENEDICK

  Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

  Lovely Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

  BEATRICE

  I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would not have come.

  BENEDICK

  You take pleasure then in the message?

  BEATRICE

  Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's point, and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signior: fare you well.

  Yes, just as much as you may take in the point of a knife, and choking a bird with it. You have no appetite, sire: farewell.

  [Exit.]

  BENEDICK

  Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner,' there's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me,' that's as much as to say, Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.

  Ha! ‘Against my will I have been sent to tell you to come in to dinner,’ there’s a double meaning in that. ‘I took no more pains for those thanks than your took pains to thank me,’ that’s as much to say, ‘Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.’ If I do not pity her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a miser. I will go get her picture.

  [Exit.]

  Leonato's Garden.

  [Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA.]

  HERO

  Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour;

  Good Margaret, go run to the parlor;

  There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice

  There you shall find my cousin Beatrice

  Proposing with the prince and Claudio:

  Talking to the prince and Claudio:

  Whisper her ear, and tell her, I and Ursala

  Whisper in her ear and tell her Ursala and I

  Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse

  Are walking in the orchard, and our whole conversation

  Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us,

  Is all about her; say that you overheard us,

  And bid her steal into the pleached bower,

  And tell her to sneak into the tidy grove,

  Where honey-suckles, ripen'd by the sun,

  Where honeysuckle flowers, ripened by the sun,

  Forbid the sun to enter; like favourites,

  Forbid the sun to enter; like favorites,

  Made proud by princes, that advance their pride

  Made proud by princes, that use their pride

  Against that power that bred it.

  Against the power that made it happen.

  There will she hide her,

  There she will hide herself,

  To listen our propose.

  To listen to our conversation.

  This is thy office;

  This is your job;

  Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.

  Do it well and leave us alone.

  MARGARET

  I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.

  I’ll make her come, I promise you, in a moment.

  [Exit.]

  HERO

  Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,

  Now, Ursula, when Beatrice comes,

 
; As we do trace this alley up and down,

  As we walk up and down this path,

  Our talk must only be of Benedick:

  We must only talk about Benedick:

  When I do name him, let it be thy part

  When I mention him, let it be your role

  To praise him more than ever man did merit.

  To praise him more than any man ever deserved.

  My talk to thee must be how Benedick

  My talk to you must be about how Benedick

  Is sick in love with Beatrice: of this matter

  Is sick with love for Beatrice: of this matter

  Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,

  Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,

  That only wounds by hearsay.

  That only wounds by rumor.

  [Enter BEATRICE, behind.]

  Now begin;

  For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs

  For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing bird, runs

  Close by the ground, to hear our conference.

  Close by the ground, to hear our conversation.

  URSULA

  The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish

  The most pleasant angling is to see the fish

  Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,

  Cut with her golden fins the silver stream,

  And greedily devour the treacherous bait:

  So angle we for Beatrice; who even now

  Is couched in the woodbine coverture.

  Is crouched in the woody cover.

  Fear you not my part of the dialogue.

  Do not worry about me doing my part of the dialogue.

  HERO

  Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing

  Then we will go near her, so her ear will lose nothing

  Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.

  Of the lying sweet bait that we set out for it.

  [They advance to the bower.]

  [They walk forward to the clump of trees.]

  No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;

  No, truly, Ursula, she is too disapproving;

  I know her spirits are as coy and wild

  I know her spirits are as shy and wild

  As haggards of the rock.

  As mountain-dwelling animals.

  URSULA

  But are you sure

  That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?

  HERO

  So says the prince, and my new-trothed lord.

  So says the prince, and my new fiancé.

  URSULA

  And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?