The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 330
And did they command you to tell her of it, madam?
HERO
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
They did plead with me to let her know about it;
But I persuaded them, if they lov'd Benedick,
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him wrestle with affection,
To wish him to overcome his feelings of affection,
And never to let Beatrice know of it.
And to never let Beatrice know of them.
URSULA
Why did you so?
Why did you do that?
Doth not the gentleman
Does the gentleman not
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
Deserve fully as a wonderful marriage
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
As Beatrice could ever be able to make?
HERO
O god of love!
Oh Cupid!
I know he doth deserve
I know he does deserve
As much as may be yielded to a man;
As much as a man may be able to get;
But nature never fram'd a woman's heart
But nature never framed a woman’s heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
Of prouder stuff than Beatrice’s’
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Disapproval and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising what they look on, and her wit
Devaluing what they look upon, and her wit
Values itself so highly, that to her
All matter else seems weak.
Everything else seems weak.
She cannot love,
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
Nor take any shape or form of love,
She is so self-endear'd.
She is so in love with herself.
URSULA
Sure I think so;
I surely think so;
And therefore certainly it were not good
And therefore certainly it would not be good
She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
That she knew his love, in case she might make fun of it.
HERO
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
Why, you speak the truth. I have never yet seen a man,
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur'd,
No matter now wise, now noble, young, how handsome,
But she would spell him backward: if fair-fac'd,
But that she would drive him away: if handsome,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antick,
If dark, why, she would say Nature, drawing a picture
Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
Blotted the ink; if tall, like a badly made spire;
If low, an agate very vilely cut;
If short, like a jewel very badly cut;
If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
If speaking, why, a weathervane blown with all winds;
If silent, why, a block moved with none.
If silent, why, a block moved by none.
So turns she every man the wrong side out,
So she gets the wrong image of every man,
And never gives to truth and virtue that
And never gives in to the truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
Simplicity and merit buys.
URSULA
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
Sure, sure, such pickiness is not praiseworthy.
HERO
No; not to be so odd, and from all fashions,
No; not to be so against things, and from all kinds,
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable.
As Beatrice is, cannot be praiseworthy.
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
But who would dare tell her so? If I spoke,
She would mock me into air:
She would tease me endlessly:
O! she would laugh me
Oh! She would laugh me
Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
Out of myself, squeeze me to death with wit.
Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,
Therefore let Benedick, like a covered flame,
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:
Fade away in sighs, waste away inwardly:
It were a better death than die with mocks,
It would be a better death than to die of mockery,
Which is as bad as die with tickling.
Whish is as bad as to die from being tickled.
URSULA
Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.
Still tell her about it: hear what she will say.
HERO
No; rather I will go to Benedick,
No; instead I will go to Benedick,
And counsel him to fight against his passion.
And advise him to fight against his passion.
And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
And, truly, I’ll come up with some honest insults
To stain my cousin with.
To make my cousin less appealing.
One doth not know
One does not know
How much an ill word may empoison liking.
How much an unkind word may poison liking.
URSULA
O! do not do your cousin such a wrong.
Oh! Do not do your cousin such a wrong.
She cannot be so much without true judgment,
She cannot be so much without good judgment,
-- Having so swift and excellent a wit
-- Being so clever and quick-witted
As she is priz'd to have,--as to refuse
As she is proud to be – as to refuse
So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.
Such a rare gentleman as Sir Benedick.
HERO
He is the only man of Italy,
He is the best man in Italy,
Always excepted my dear Claudio.
Except my dear Claudio, of course.
URSULA
I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
Please, do not be angry with me, madam,
Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
Sharing my opinion: Sir Benedick,
For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,
For appearance, for behavior, cleverness, and courage,
Goes foremost in report through Italy.
Is the first man in everything throughout Italy.
HERO
Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
Indeed, he has an excellent reputation.
URSULA
His excellence did earn it, ere he had it. When are you married, madam?
His excellence did earn it, before he had it. When will you be married, madam?
HERO. Why, every day, to-morrow.
Why, tomorrow.
Come, go in: I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
Come, go in: I’ll show you some clothes, and get your advice
Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
Which would be the best for me to wear tomorrow.
URSULA
She's lim'd, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.
She is caught, I believe, madam.
HERO
If it prove so, then loving goes by haps:
If it turns out that way, than loving goes my circumstance:
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
[Exeunt HERO and URSULA.]
BEATRICE
[Advancing.] What fire is in mine ears?
What fire is in my ears?
Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
Can this be true? Do I stand so much condemned for pride and scorn?
Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
Farewell, contempt! And goodbye maiden pride!
No glory lives behind the back of such.
No glory lives behind either of them.
And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,
And, Benedick, love on; I will love you in return,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
Taming my wild heart to your loving hand:
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
If you do love, my kindness shall bring you
To bind our loves up in a holy band;
To tie our loves together in a holy ring;
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
For others say you do deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.
Believe it more than they think I do.
[Exit.]
A Room in LEONATO'S House.
[Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO.]
DON PEDRO
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon.
I will only stay until your marriage is accomplished, and then I will go to Arragon.
CLAUDIO
I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me.
I’ll take you there, my lord, if you wish me to.
DON PEDRO
Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage, as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth; he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
No, that would be as large a stain on the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only request Benedick for his company; for, from the top of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all amusement; he has two or three times cut Cupid’s bowstring, and the little hangman does not dare shoot at him. He has a heart as strong as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK
Gallants, I am not as I have been.
My friends, I am not the same as I was.
LEONATO
So say I: methinks you are sadder.
I agree: you seem sadder.
CLAUDIO
I hope he be in love.
I hope he is in love.
DON PEDRO
Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants money.
Hang him, the no-show! There’s no true drop of blood in him, to be truly touched with love. If he is sad, he wants money.
BENEDICK
I have the tooth-ache.
I have a toothache.
DON PEDRO
Draw it.
Pull it out.
BENEDICK
Hang it.
Tie it up.
CLAUDIO
You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
You must tie it up first, and pull it out afterwards.
DON PEDRO
What! sigh for the tooth-ache?
What, you’re all worked up about a toothache?
LEONATO
Where is but a humour or a worm?
Which is only a temporary illness?
BENEDICK
Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it.
Well, it’s easy to overcome a trouble until you have it.
CLAUDIO
Yet say I, he is in love.
DON PEDRO
There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as to be a Dutchman to-day, a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
There is no appearance of fancifulness in him, unless it is a fancifulness that he has to strange disguises; such as to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all sloppy, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he has a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he has, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
CLAUDIO
If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs: a' brushes his hat a mornings; what should that bode?
If he is not in love with some woman, there is no reason to believe old signs: if he brushes his hat in the mornings, what does that mean?
DON PEDRO
Hath any man seen him at the barber's?
Has any man seen him at the barber’s?
CLAUDIO
No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him; and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis-balls.
No, but the barber’s assistant has been seen with him; and the hair that used to decorate his face is now stuffing tennis balls.
LEONATO
Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.
Indeed, he looks younger than he did, now that he has no beard.
DON PEDRO
Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him out by that?
Now, if he rubs himself with cologne, can you smell him out by that?
CLAUDIO
That's as much as to say the sweet youth's in love.
DON PEDRO
The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
The most obvious sign of it is his melancholy.
CLAUDIO
And when was he wont to wash his face?
And since when has he had a tendency to wash his face?
DON PEDRO
Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear what they say of him.
Yes, or to decorate himself? For I have heard they say he does.
CLAUDIO
Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into a lute-string, and new-governed by stops.
No, only his jesting spirit; which has now crept into a lute-string, and is newly controlled by holes.
DON PEDRO
Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, conclude he is in love.
Indeed, the evidence is strong. Conclude, conclude he is in love.
CLAUDIO
Nay, but I know who loves him.
No, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO
That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.
I know that too: I figure someone who does not know him.
CLAUDIO
Yes, and his ill conditions; and in despite of all, dies for him.
Yes, and his flaws; and despite all of it, dies for him.
DON PEDRO
She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK
Yet is this no charm for the tooth-ache. Old signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.
Yet this is no cure for a toothache. Old sir, walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these jokesters must not hear.
[Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO.]
DON PEDRO
For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
By my life, he intends to ask for Beatrice’s hand.
CLAUDIO
'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
It is so. Hero and Margaret have by this time played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
[Enter DON JOHN.]
DON JOHN
My lord and brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO
Good den, brother.
Hello, brother.
DON JOHN
If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
If you have the time, I would like to speak with you.
DON PEDRO
In private?
DON JOHN
If it please you; yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I would speak of concerns him.
If it pleases you; yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I wish to speak of involves him.
DON PEDRO
What's the matter?
DON JOHN
[To CLAUDIO.] Means your lordship to be married to-morrow?
Does your lordship mean to be married tomorrow?
DON PEDRO
You know he does.
DON JOHN
I know not that, when he knows what I know.
I don’t know about that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
If there is any obstacle, please reveal it.
DON JOHN
You may think I love you not: let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage; surely suit ill-spent and labour ill bestowed!
You may think I dislike you: let that prove wrong from now on, and think better of me by what I will share with you now. For my brother, I think he holds you in high esteem, and in his fondness has helped to bring about your ensuing marriage; surely a waste of time and terrible gift!
DON PEDRO
Why, what's the matter?
DON JOHN
I came hither to tell you; and circumstances shortened,--for she has been too long a talking of,--the lady is disloyal.
I came here to tell you; and to put it briefly, -- for we have discussed her for too long already, -- the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO. Who, Hero?
DON JOHN
Even she: Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero.
CLAUDIO
Disloyal?
DON JOHN
The word's too good to paint out her wickedness; I could say, she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding-day: if you love her then, to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour to change your mind.
The word’s too good to describe her wickedness; I could say she was worse: you think of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Do not wonder until there is further reason: just go with me tonight, you shall see her chamber-window entered, even the night before her wedding day: if you love her then, marry her tomorrow; but it would better fit your honor to change your mind.