The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  [Exit BAPTISTA.]

  Now, I fear thee not:

  Now, I am not afraid of you:

  Sirrah young gamester, your father were a fool

  Young gambler, your father was a fool

  To give thee all, and in his waning age

  To give you all, and in his declining years

  Set foot under thy table. Tut! a toy!

  Set food under your roof. Sheesh! A toy!

  An old Italian fox is not so kind, my boy.

  [Exit.]

  TRANIO. A vengeance on your crafty wither'd hide!

  Revenge on your clever, wrinkled skin!

  Yet I have fac'd it with a card of ten.

  Yet I have bluffed you with a card of ten.

  'Tis in my head to do my master good:

  It is in my head to do my master good:

  I see no reason but suppos'd Lucentio

  I see nothing for it but the man who's supposed to be Lucentio

  Must get a father, call'd 'suppos'd Vincentio';

  Must get a father, called 'supposed Vincentio';

  And that's a wonder: fathers commonly

  And that's an amazing thing: fathers usually

  Do get their children; but in this case of wooing

  Get their children; but in this case of wooing

  A child shall get a sire, if I fail not of my cunning.

  A child shall get a father, if my cleverness does not fail me.

  [Exit.]

  Padua. A room in BAPTISTA'S house

  [Enter LUCENTIO, HORTENSIO, and BIANCA.]

  LUCENTIO. Fiddler, forbear; you grow too forward, sir.

  Fiddler, calm down; you are becoming rude, sir

  Have you so soon forgot the entertainment

  Have you already forgotten the entertainment

  Her sister Katherine welcome'd you withal?

  Her sister Katherine welcomed you with earlier?

  HORTENSIO. But, wrangling pedant, this is

  But, arguing teacher, this is

  The patroness of heavenly harmony:

  The woman who appreciates and supports heavenly harmony:

  Then give me leave to have prerogative;

  Then give me permission to go first;

  And when in music we have spent an hour,

  And when we have spent an hour on music,

  Your lecture shall have leisure for as much.

  You will have time for a lecture that long.

  LUCENTIO. Preposterous ass, that never read so far

  Ridiculous fool, that never read far enough

  To know the cause why music was ordain'd!

  To know why music was invented!

  Was it not to refresh the mind of man

  Was it not to refresh the human mind

  After his studies or his usual pain?

  After studies or usual work?

  Then give me leave to read philosophy,

  Then give me permission to read philosophy,

  And while I pause serve in your harmony.

  And when I take a break you can teach harmony.

  HORTENSIO. Sirrah, I will not bear these braves of thine.

  Man, I will not endure these attempts of yours.

  BIANCA. Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong,

  Why, gentleman, you both wrong me,

  To strive for that which resteth in my choice.

  To fight over what is actually up to me.

  I am no breeching scholar in the schools,

  I am no young student in the schools,

  I'll not be tied to hours nor 'pointed times,

  I will not be tied to hours or appointed times,

  But learn my lessons as I please myself.

  But learn my lessons however it pleases me.

  And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down;

  And, to stop this conflict, let us sit down here;

  Take you your instrument, play you the whiles;

  You take your instrument, play the scales;

  His lecture will be done ere you have tun'd.

  His lecture will you be done before you have tuned.

  HORTENSIO. You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune?

  [Retires.]

  LUCENTIO. That will be never: tune your instrument.

  BIANCA. Where left we last?

  Where did we stop before?

  LUCENTIO. Here, madam:-- Hic ibat Simois; hic est Sigeia tellus; Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.

  BIANCA. Construe them.

  Explain them.

  LUCENTIO. 'Hic ibat,' as I told you before, 'Simois,' I am Lucentio, 'hic est,' son unto Vincentio of Pisa, 'Sigeia tellus,' disguised thus to get your love, 'Hic steterat,' and that Lucentio that comes a-wooing, 'Priami,' is my man Tranio, 'regia,' bearing my port, 'celsa senis,' that we might beguile the old pantaloon.

  'Hic ibat,' as I told you before, 'Simois,' I am Lucentio, 'hic est,' the son of Vincentio of Pisa, 'Sigeia tellis,' disguised this way to get your love, 'Hic steterat,' and that Lucentio that is wooing, 'Priami,' is my servant Tranio, 'regia,' wearing my clothes, 'celsa senis,' so that we may trick the old father of yours.

  HORTENSIO. {Returning.] Madam, my instrument's in tune.

  BIANCA. Let's hear.--

  [HORTENSIO plays.]

  O fie! the treble jars.

  Oh dear! The treble sounds awful.

  LUCENTIO. Spit in the hole, man, and tune again.

  BIANCA. Now let me see if I can construe it: 'Hic ibat Simois,' I know you not; 'hic est Sigeia tellus,' I trust you not; 'Hic steterat Priami,' take heed he hear us not; 'regia,' presume not; 'celsa senis,' despair not.

  Now let me see if I can explain it: 'Hic ibat Simois,' I do not know you; 'hic est Sigeia tullus,' I do not trust you; 'Hic steterate Priami,' make sure he does not hear us; 'regia' don't make false assumptions; 'celsa senis,' but do not despair.

  HORTENSIO. Madam, 'tis now in tune.

  Madam, it is now in tune.

  LUCENTIO. All but the base.

  HORTENSIO. The base is right; 'tis the base knave that jars. How fiery and forward our pedant is! [Aside] Now, for my life, the knave doth court my love: Pedascule, I'll watch you better yet.

  The base is fine; it is the base troublemaker that upsets things. How fiery and bold our teacher is! [Aside] Now, for my life, the troublemaker is courting my love: little teacher, I'll watch you better yet.

  BIANCA. In time I may believe, yet I mistrust.

  Eventually I may believe, yet I distrust.

  LUCENTIO. Mistrust it not; for sure, A Eacides Was Ajax, call'd so from his grandfather.

  Do not distrust it; for it is as true as Eacides was Ajax, named after his grandfather.

  BIANCA. I must believe my Master; else,

  I must believe my Master; otherwise,

  I promise you, I should be arguing still upon that doubt;

  I promise you, I would still be arguing on that point;

  But let it rest. Now, Licio, to you.

  Good master, take it not unkindly, pray,

  Good teacher, please do not be troubled

  That I have been thus pleasant with you both.

  That I have acted pleasantly with you both.

  HORTENSIO. [To LUCENTIO] You may go walk and give me leave awhile;

  You may go walk and leave me alone for a while;

  My lessons make no music in three parts.

  LUCENTIO. Are you so formal, sir?

  [Aside] Well, I must wait,

  And watch withal; for, but I be deceiv'd,

  And watch all the while; for, unless I am mistaken,

  Our fine musician groweth amorous.

  Our fine musician is becoming romantic.

  HORTENSIO. Madam, before you touch the instrument,

  To learn the order of my fingering,

  To learn the way I teach fingering,

  I must begin with rudiments of art;

  I must begin with the basics of art;

  To teach you gamut in a briefe
r sort,

  To teach you the basics in a briefer way,

  More pleasant, pithy, and effectual,

  More pleasant, short, and effective,

  Than hath been taught by any of my trade:

  Than it has been taught by any other music teacher:

  And there it is in writing, fairly drawn.

  BIANCA. Why, I am past my gamut long ago.

  Why, I learned the basics long ago.

  HORTENSIO. Yet read the gamut of Hortensio.

  BIANCA. 'Gamut' I am, the ground of all accord, 'A re,' to plead Hortensio's passion; 'B mi,' Bianca, take him for thy lord, 'C fa ut,' that loves with all affection: 'D sol re,' one clef, two notes have I 'E la mi,' show pity or I die.

  'Gamut' I am, the foundation of all harmony, 'A re,' to beg for Hortensio's love; 'B mi,' Bianca, marry him, 'C fa ut,' that loves with all affection: 'D sol re,' one clef, two notes I have 'E la me,' show pity or I will die.

  Call you this gamut? Tut, I like it not:

  You call this basic? Hm, I do not like it:

  Old fashions please me best; I am not so nice,

  Traditions please me best; I am not so precise,

  To change true rules for odd inventions.

  [Enter a SERVANT.]

  SERVANT. Mistress, your father prays you leave your books,

  Miss, your father requests that you leave your books,

  And help to dress your sister's chamber up:

  And help decorate your sister's room:

  You know to-morrow is the wedding-day.

  You know tomorrow is the wedding-day.

  BIANCA. Farewell, sweet masters, both: I must be gone.

  Farewell, both good teachers: I must go.

  [Exeunt BIANCA and SERVANT.]

  LUCENTIO. Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay.

  By my faith, mistress, then I have no reason to stay.

  [Exit.]

  HORTENSIO. But I have cause to pry into this pedant:

  But I have reason to examine this teacher:

  Methinks he looks as though he were in love.

  I think he looks like he is in love.

  Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble

  Yet if your thoughts, Bianca, are so without pride

  To cast thy wand'ring eyes on every stale,

  To have feelings for every common person,

  Seize thee that list: if once I find thee ranging,

  Stop such behavior: if I once find you ranging,

  Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing.

  Hortensio will be done with you by changing.

  [Exit.]

  The same. Before BAPTISTA'S house

  The same. In front of BAPTISTA'S house

  [Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, LUCENTIO, and ATTENDANTS.]

  BAPTISTA. [To TRANIO.] Signior Lucentio, this is the 'pointed day

  Sir Lucentio, this is the appointed day

  That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,

  And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.

  And yet I hear nothing of my son-in-law.

  What will be said? What mockery will it be

  What will people say? How ridiculous it will be

  To want the bridegroom when the priest attends

  To be without the bridegroom when the priest attends

  To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!

  To speak the ceremonial rituals of marraige!

  What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?

  What does Lucentio say to this shame of mine?

  KATHERINA. No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc'd

  No shame but mine; I must, truthfully, be forced

  To give my hand, oppos'd against my heart,

  To give my hand, opposed against my heart,

  Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen;

  To a crazy rude man, full of arrogance;

  Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.

  Who wooed quickly and means to wed whenever he feels like it.

  I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,

  I told you, I did, that he was a hasty fool,

  Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour;

  Hiding his bitter jokes in blunt behavior;

  And to be noted for a merry man,

  And to be known as a cheerful man,

  He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,

  He'll woo a thousand, appoint the day of marriage,

  Make friends invited, and proclaim the banns;

  Invite friends, and announce the date;

  Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.

  Yet never means to wed where he has wooed.

  Now must the world point at poor Katherine,

  Now the world must point at poor Katherine,

  And say 'Lo! there is mad Petruchio's wife,

  And say, 'Look! There is crazy Petruchio's wife,

  If it would please him come and marry her.'

  If it would please him to come and marry her.'

  TRANIO. Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.

  Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,

  By my life, Petruchio only means well,

  Whatever fortune stays him from his word:

  Whatever fate is preventing him from fulfilling his promise:

  Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;

  Though he is blunt, I know he is very wise;

  Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.

  Though he can be silly, he's always honest.

  KATHERINA. Would Katherine had never seen him though!

  If only Katherine had never seen him though!

  [Exit, weeping, followed by BIANCA and others.]

  BAPTISTA. Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,

  Go, girl, I cannot blame you for crying,

  For such an injury would vex a very saint;

  For such an offense would trouble a saint;

  Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.

  Even more so a rude woman of your impatient personality.

  [Enter BIONDELLO.]

  Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of!

  BAPTISTA. Is it new and old too? How may that be?

  BIONDELLO. Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio's coming?

  BAPTISTA. Is he come?

  BIONDELLO. Why, no, sir.

  BAPTISTA. What then?

  BIONDELLO. He is coming.

  BAPTISTA. When will he be here?

  BIONDELLO. When he stands where I am and sees you there.

  TRANIO. But, say, what to thine old news?

  But, say, what is your old news?

  BIONDELLO. Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta'en out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep's leather, which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman's crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread.