The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Thither must I, and here I leave you, sir.

  I must go there, and here I leave you, sir.

  VINCENTIO. You shall not choose but drink before you go.

  You should have a drink before you go.

  I think I shall command your welcome here,

  I think I shall demand that you be invited here,

  And by all likelihood some cheer is toward.

  And it is likely you will be most welcome.

  [Knocks.]

  GREMIO. They're busy within; you were best knock louder.

  They're busy inside; you should knock louder.

  [Enter PEDANT above, at a window.]

  PEDANT. What's he that knocks as he would beat down the gate?

  Who is he that knocks as if he would beat down the gate?

  VINCENTIO. Is Signior Lucentio within, sir?

  Is Sir Lucentio inside, sir?

  PEDANT. He's within, sir, but not to be spoken withal.

  He's inside, sir, but is not available to be spoken to right now.

  VINCENTIO. What if a man bring him a hundred pound or two to make merry withal?

  What if a man brings him a hundred pounds or two to enjoy himself with?

  PEDANT. Keep your hundred pounds to yourself: he shall need none so long as I live.

  PETRUCHIO. Nay, I told you your son was well beloved in Padua. Do you hear, sir? To leave frivolous circumstances, I pray you tell Signior Lucentio that his father is come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him.

  No, I told you your son was well-liked in Padua. Do you hear, sir? To cut to the chase, please tell Sir Lucentio that his father has come from Pisa, and is here at the door to speak with him.

  PEDANT. Thou liest: his father is come from Padua, and here looking out at the window.

  You're lying: his father has come from Padua, and is here looking out the window.

  VINCENTIO. Art thou his father?

  Are you his father?

  PEDANT. Ay, sir; so his mother says, if I may believe her.

  Yes, sir; his mother says so, if I may believe her.

  PETRUCHIO. [To VINCENTIO] Why, how now, gentleman! why, this is flat knavery to take upon you another man's name.

  Why, what's going on, man?! Why, this is trickery to take upon yourself another man's name.

  PEDANT. Lay hands on the villain: I believe 'a means to cozen somebody in this city under my countenance.

  Catch the villain: I believe he means to cheat somebody in this city under my countenance.

  [Re-enter BIONDELLO.]

  BIONDELLO. I have seen them in the church together: God send 'em good shipping! But who is here? Mine old master, Vincentio! Now we are undone and brought to nothing.

  I have seen them in the church together: God give them luck! But who is here? My old master, Vincentio! Now we are ruined and all our plans are for nothing.

  VINCENTIO. [Seeing BIONDELLO.] Come hither, crack-hemp.

  Come here, cracked-head.

  BIONDELLO. I hope I may choose, sir.

  VINCENTIO. Come hither, you rogue. What, have you forgot me?

  BIONDELLO. Forgot you! No, sir: I could not forget you, for I never saw you before in all my life.

  VINCENTIO. What, you notorious villain! didst thou never see thy master's father, Vincentio?

  What, you terrible villain! Did you never see your master's father, Vincentio?

  BIONDELLO. What, my old worshipful old master? Yes, marry, sir; see where he looks out of the window.

  What, my old respectable old master? Yes, by Mary, sir; she where he looks out of the window.

  VINCENTIO. Is't so, indeed?

  Is that so, indeed?

  [He beats BIONDELLO.]

  BIONDELLO. Help, help, help! here's a madman will murder me.

  Help, help, help! Here's a madman that will murder me.

  [Exit.] PEDANT. Help, son! help, Signior Baptista!

  [Exit from the window.]

  PETRUCHIO. Prithee, Kate, let's stand aside and see the end of this controversy.

  Please, Kate, let's stand to the side and see the end of this conflict.

  [They retire.]

  [Re-enter PEDANT below; BAPTISTA, TRANIO, and SERVANTS.]

  TRANIO. Sir, what are you that offer to beat my servant?

  Sir, who are you that tries to beat my servant?

  VINCENTIO. What am I, sir! nay, what are you, sir? O immortal gods! O fine villain! A silken doublet, a velvet hose, a scarlet cloak, and a copatain hat! O, I am undone! I am undone! While I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all at the university.

  What am I, sir? No, what are you, sir? Oh immortal gods! Oh great villain! A silk doublet, velvet stockings, a scarlet clock, and a fancy hat! Oh, I am ruined! I am ruined! While I play the good husband at home, my son and my servant spend all their money at the university.

  TRANIO. How now! what's the matter?

  What's going on? What's the matter?

  BAPTISTA. What, is the man lunatic?

  What, is the man insane?

  TRANIO. Sir, you seem a sober ancient gentleman by your habit, but your words show you a madman. Why, sir, what 'cerns it you if I wear pearl and gold? I thank my good father, I am able to maintain it.

  Sir, you seem a serious elderly gentleman by your clothes, but your words show you to be a madman. Why, sir, what business is it of yours if I wear pearls and gold? I thank my good father that I can afford it.

  VINCENTIO. Thy father! O villain! he is a sailmaker in Bergamo.

  Your father! Oh villain! He is a sailmaker in Bergamo.

  BAPTISTA. You mistake, sir; you mistake, sir. Pray, what do you think is his name?

  You are mistaken, sir; you are mistaken, sir. Please, what do you think is his name?

  VINCENTIO. His name! As if I knew not his name! I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio.

  His name! As if I did not know his name! I have brought him up ever since he was three years old, and his name is Tranio.

  PEDANT. Away, away, mad ass! His name is Lucentio; and he is mine only son, and heir to the lands of me, Signior Vicentio.

  Away, away, mad fool! His name is Lucentio; and he is my only son, and the heir to the lands of me, Sir Vicentio.

  VINCENTIO. Lucentio! O, he hath murdered his master! Lay hold on him, I charge you, in the Duke's name. O, my son, my son! Tell me, thou villain, where is my son, Lucentio?

  Lucentio! Oh, he has murdered his master! Capture him, I order you, in the Duke's name. Oh, my son, my son! Tell me, you villain, where is my son, Lucentio?

  TRANIO. Call forth an officer.

  [Enter one with an OFFICER.]

  Carry this mad knave to the gaol. Father Baptista, I charge you see that he be forthcoming.

  Carry this insane man to the jail. Father Baptista, I ask you to make sure it happens.

  VINCENTIO. Carry me to the gaol!

  Carry me to the jail?!

  GREMIO. Stay, officer; he shall not go to prison.

  BAPTISTA. Talk not, Signior Gremio; I say he shall go to prison.

  Be quiet, Sir Gremio; I say he shall go to prison.

  GREMIO. Take heed, Signior Baptista, lest you be cony-catched in this business; I dare swear this is the right Vincentio.

  Listen, Sir Baptista, so you don't get tricked in this business; I think this really is the correct Vincentio.

  PEDANT. Swear if thou darest.

  Swear if you dare.

  GREMIO. Nay, I dare not swear it.

  No, I don't dare swear it.

  TRANIO. Then thou wert best say that I am not Lucentio.

  Then it would be best for you to say that I am not Lucentio.

  GREMIO. Yes, I know thee to be Signior Lucentio.

  Yes, I know you to be Sir Lucentio.

  BAPTISTA. Away with the dotard! to the gaol with him!

  Away with the senile old man! To the jail with him!

  VINCENTIO. Thus strangers may be
haled and abus'd: O monstrous villain!

  This is how strangers may be greeted and abused: oh monstrous villain!

  [Re-enter BIONDELLO, with LUCENTIO and BIANCA.]

  BIONDELLO. O! we are spoiled; and yonder he is: deny him, forswear him, or else we are all undone.

  Oh! We are spoiled; and he is over there: get rid of him, or else we are all ruined.

  LUCENTIO. [Kneeling.] Pardon, sweet father.

  VINCENTIO. Lives my sweetest son?

  Is my sweetest son alive?

  [BIONDELLO, TRANIO, and PEDANT, run out.]

  BIANCA. [Kneeling.] Pardon, dear father.

  BAPTISTA. How hast thou offended? Where is Lucentio?

  What have you done wrong? Where is Lucentio?

  LUCENTIO. Here's Lucentio,

  Right son to the right Vincentio;

  The actual son of the actual Vincentio;

  That have by marriage made thy daughter mine,

  That has married your daughter and made your daughter mine,

  While counterfeit supposes blear'd thine eyne.

  While lies and tricks confused you.

  GREMIO. Here 's packing, with a witness, to deceive us all!

  Here's the truth, with a witness, to fool us all!

  VINCENTIO. Where is that damned villain, Tranio,

  That fac'd and brav'd me in this matter so?

  That faced and braved me in this business so much?

  BAPTISTA. Why, tell me, is not this my Cambio?

  BIANCA. Cambio is chang'd into Lucentio.

  Cambio has changed to Lucentio.

  LUCENTIO. Love wrought these miracles. Bianca's love

  Love made these miracles. Bianca's love

  Made me exchange my state with Tranio,

  Made me exchange my position in life with Tranio,

  While he did bear my countenance in the town;

  While he held up my duties and identity in the town;

  And happily I have arriv'd at the last

  And fortunately I have arrived at last

  Unto the wished haven of my bliss.

  To the wished safe home of my bliss.

  What Tranio did, myself enforc'd him to;

  What Tranio did, I ordered him to;

  Then pardon him, sweet father, for my sake.

  VINCENTIO. I'll slit the villain's nose that would have sent me to the gaol.

  BAPTISTA. [To LUCENTIO.] But do you hear, sir? Have you married my daughter without asking my good will?

  VINCENTIO. Fear not, Baptista; we will content you, go to: but I will in, to be revenged for this villainy.

  Don't worry, Baptista; we will make it right for you: but I will be involved, to get revenge for this villainy.

  [Exit.]

  BAPTISTA. And I to sound the depth of this knavery.

  And I to see the full extent of this trickery.

  [Exit.]

  LUCENTIO. Look not pale, Bianca; thy father will not frown.

  Don't look pale, Bianca; your father will come around.

  [Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA.]

  GREMIO. My cake is dough, but I'll in among the rest;

  I will gain nothing, but I'll join in among the rest;

  Out of hope of all but my share of the feast.

  Not hoping for anything but my share of the feast.

  [Exit.]

  [PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA advance.]

  KATHERINA. Husband, let's follow to see the end of this ado.

  Husband, let's follow to see the end of this business.

  PETRUCHIO. First kiss me, Kate, and we will.

  KATHERINA. What! in the midst of the street?

  PETRUCHIO. What! art thou ashamed of me?

  What! Are you ashamed of me?

  KATHERINA. No, sir; God forbid; but ashamed to kiss.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, then, let's home again. Come, sirrah, let's away.

  Why, then, let's go go home again. Come, man, let's head out.

  KATHERINA. Nay, I will give thee a kiss: now pray thee, love, stay.

  No, I will give you a kiss: now please, love, stay.

  PETRUCHIO. Is not this well? Come, my sweet Kate:

  Isn't this wonderful? Come, my sweet Kate:

  Better once than never, for never too late.

  [Exeunt.]

  A room in LUCENTIO'S house

  [Enter BAPTISTA, VINCENTIO, GREMIO, the PEDANT, LUCENTIO, BIANCA, PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, HORTENSIO, and WIDOW. TRANIO, BIONDELLO, and GRUMIO, and Others, attending.]

  LUCENTIO. At last, though long, our jarring notes agree:

  At last, though it took a long time, we have settled our disagreements:

  And time it is when raging war is done,

  And it is time, once raging war has ended,

  To smile at 'scapes and perils overblown.

  To smile at escapades and dangers we have survived.

  My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,

  My beautiful Bianca, welcome my father,

  While I with self-same kindness welcome thine.

  While I with the very same kindness welcome yours.

  Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina,

  And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,

  And you, Hortensio, with your loving widow,

  Feast with the best, and welcome to my house:

  My banquet is to close our stomachs up,

  My banquet is to fill up our stomachs,

  After our great good cheer. Pray you, sit down;

  After our great happiness and celebration. Please, sit down;

  For now we sit to chat as well as eat.

  [They sit at table.]

  PETRUCHIO. Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!

  BAPTISTA. Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio.

  Padua gives us this kindness, son Petruchio.

  PETRUCHIO. Padua affords nothing but what is kind.

  Padua gives nothing but what is kind.

  HORTENSIO. For both our sakes I would that word were true.

  PETRUCHIO. Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow.

  WIDOW. Then never trust me if I be afeard.

  Then never thrust me if I am afraid.

  PETRUCHIO. You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense: I mean Hortensio is afeard of you.

  You are very sensible, and yet you misunderstand: I mean Hortensio is afraid of you.

  WIDOW. He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.

  He that is dizzy thinks the world is spinning around.

  PETRUCHIO. Roundly replied.

  Good answer.

  KATHERINA. Mistress, how mean you that?

  Madame, what do you mean?

  WIDOW. Thus I conceive by him.

  That's how I conceive by him.

  PETRUCHIO. Conceives by me! How likes Hortensio that?

  Conceives by me! How does Hortensio like that?

  HORTENSIO. My widow says thus she conceives her tale.

  My widow says this is how she conceives her story.

  PETRUCHIO. Very well mended. Kiss him for that, good widow.

  That's a good fix. Kiss him for that, good widow.

  KATHERINA. 'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round':

  I pray you tell me what you meant by that.

  Please tell me what you meant by that.

  WIDOW. Your husband, being troubled with a shrew,

  Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe;

  Compares my husband's troubles by his suffering;