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The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

Page 389

by William Shakespeare


  MALVOLIO

  Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me

  Sir Toby, I must be honest with you. My lady told me

  tell you, that, though she harbours you as her

  to tell you that, though she is allowing you to stay

  kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If

  as her relative, she has no loyalty to your faults. If

  you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you

  you can separate yourself and your bad behavior, you

  are welcome to the house; if not, an it would please

  are welcome to the house; if not, go away,

  you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid

  she is very willing to tell

  you farewell.

  you goodbye.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'

  'Farewell, dear heart, since I must leave.'

  MARIA

  Nay, good Sir Toby.

  No, good Sir Toby.

  Clown

  'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

  'His eyes are showing that his death is near.'

  MALVOLIO

  Is't even so?

  Is that so?

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  'But I will never die.'

  'But I will never die.'

  Clown

  Sir Toby, there you lie.

  Sir Toby, that's a lie.

  MALVOLIO

  This is much credit to you.

  This is a true thing.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  'Shall I bid him go?'

  "Shall I tell him to go?'

  Clown

  'What an if you do?'

  'And what if you do?'

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

  'Shall I tell him to go, without flinching?'

  Clown

  'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

  'Oh no no no no, you don't dare to.'

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a

  Out of tune, sir: you are lying. Are you any more

  steward? Dost thou think, because thou art

  than a steward? Do you think, because you are

  virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

  virtuous, that there shall be no more food and drink?

  Clown

  Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too.

  Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot in the

  mouth too.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with

  You are correct. Go sir, rub your chain with

  crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

  crumbs. Some wine, Maria!

  MALVOLIO

  Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at any

  Madame Mary, if you valued my lady's favor more than

  thing more than contempt, you would not give means

  you do, you would not help make possible

  for this uncivil rule: she shall know of it, by this hand.

  this rowdy behavior: she shall know about it from me.

  Exit

  MARIA

  Go shake your ears.

  Oh, enough of you.

  SIR ANDREW

  'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's

  It is as good a deed as to drink when a man

  a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to

  is hungry, to challenge him to battle, and then to

  break promise with him and make a fool of him.

  break your promise with him and make a fool out of him.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll

  Do it, knight: I'll write you a challange, or I'll

  deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

  let him know about the challenge by word of mouth.

  MARIA

  Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since the

  Good Sir Toby, be patient about tonight; since the

  youth of the count's was today with thy lady, she is

  servant of the count's was with your lady today, she is

  much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me

  in a bad mood. As for Mister Malvolio, leave me

  alone with him: if I do not gull him into a

  alone with him: if I do not trick him

  nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not

  and make him the victim of a prank, do not think

  think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed:

  I am clever enough to lie straight in my bed:

  I know I can do it.

  I know I can do it.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.

  Explain to us, explain to us: tell us things about him.

  MARIA

  Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

  By Mary, sir, sometimes he is a bit of a puritan.

  SIR ANDREW

  O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!

  Oh, if I thought that I'd beat him like a dog!

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,

  What, for being a puritan? What is your excellent reason,

  dear knight?

  my dear knight?

  SIR ANDREW

  I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason

  I have no excellent reason for it, but I have a reason

  good enough.

  good enough.

  MARIA

  The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing

  constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,

  that cons state without book and utters it by great

  swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so

  crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is

  his grounds of faith that all that look on him love

  him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find

  notable cause to work.

  He is uptight, a showoff, and things way too highly of himself,

  and it is through that fault of his I will be able to take

  revenge on him.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What wilt thou do?

  What will you do?

  MARIA

  I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of

  love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape

  of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure

  of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find

  himself most feelingly personated. I can write very

  like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we

  can hardly make distinction of our hands.

  I will let him come upon some secret supposed love letters,

  which by complimenting the color of his beard, the shape

  of his leg, the way of his walking, the expression of his face,

  he will find himself very emotionally described. I can write

  very like my lady your niece: in fact we have gotten our

  handwriting confused before.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Excellent! I smell a device.

  Excellent! I smell a great prank.

  SIR ANDREW

  I have't in my nose too.

  I have it in my nose too.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,

  He shall think, by the letters that you will drop,

  that they come from my niece, and that she's in

  that they were written by my niece, and that she's in

  love with him.

  love with him.

  MARIA

  My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.

  That is basically it,
yes.

  SIR ANDREW

  O, 'twill be admirable!

  Oh, that will be amazing!

  MARIA

  Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic will

  Much fun, I promise you: I know my strategy will

  work with him. I will plant you two, and let the

  worth with him. I will position you two, and let the

  fool make a third, where he shall find the letter:

  observe his construction of it. For this night, to

  watch what he makes of it. But for tonight, go

  bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

  to bed, and dream about the event. Farewell.

  Exit

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Good night, Penthesilea.

  SIR ANDREW

  Before me, she's a good wench.

  She's a good woman.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me: what o' that?

  She's a good woman who adores me, what of it?

  SIR ANDREW

  I was adored once too.

  I once had someone in love with me too.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for

  Let's go to bed, knight. You will need to ask for

  more money.

  more money.

  SIR ANDREW

  If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

  If I can't get your niece to marry me, I will be in bad shape.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'

  Send for money, knight:

  the end, call me cut.

  I'm sure you'll get her.

  SIR ANDREW

  If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

  If I don't, never trust me, whatever you make of that.

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late

  Come, come, I'll go have some more to drink, it is too late

  to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.

  to go to bed now: come now, knight, come now, knight.

  Exeunt

  Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and others

  DUKE ORSINO

  Give me some music. Now, good morrow, friends.

  Give me some music. Now, good day, friends.

  Now, good Cesario, but that piece of song,

  Now, my dear Cesario, about that bit of song,

  That old and antique song we heard last night:

  That old traditional song we heard last night:

  Methought it did relieve my passion much,

  I thought it made me feel a lot better,

  More than light airs and recollected terms

  More than the lighter tunes

  Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times:

  Of these fast-paced modern times:

  Come, but one verse.

  Now, just one verse.

  CURIO

  He is not here, so please your lordship that should sing it.

  He is not here, the man your lordship wanted to sing it.

  DUKE ORSINO

  Who was it?

  CURIO

  Feste, the jester, my lord; a fool that the lady

  Feste, the jester, my lord; a clown that my lady

  Olivia's father took much delight in. He is about the house.

  Olivia's father much enjoyed. He is around the house.

  DUKE ORSINO

  Seek him out, and play the tune the while.

  Go look for him, and play the tune while we wait.

  Exit CURIO. Music plays

  Come hither, boy: if ever thou shalt love,

  Come here, boy: if you ever shall love,

  In the sweet pangs of it remember me;

  In the sweet waves of pain of it remember me;

  For such as I am all true lovers are,

  For I am the way that all true lovers are,

  Unstaid and skittish in all motions else,

  Unsteady and wavering in all other motions,

  Save in the constant image of the creature

  Except in the constant view of the person

  That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?

  That is beloved. How do you like this tune?

  VIOLA

  It gives a very echo to the seat

  It gives a perfect echo to the seat

  Where Love is throned.

  Where Love sits on a throne.

  DUKE ORSINO

  Thou dost speak masterly:

  You speak wisely:

  My life upon't, young though thou art, thine eye

  By my life, even though you are young, your eye

  Hath stay'd upon some favour that it loves:

  Has been upon something that it loves:

  Hath it not, boy?

  Hasn't it, boy?

  VIOLA

  A little, by your favour.

  A little, if you would indulge me.

  DUKE ORSINO

  What kind of woman is't?

  What kind of woman is she?

  VIOLA

  Of your complexion.

  Similar in appearance to you.

  DUKE ORSINO

  She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?

  She is not worth you, then. How old, by my faith?

  VIOLA

  About your years, my lord.

  About as old as you are, my lord.

  DUKE ORSINO

  Too old by heaven: let still the woman take An elder than herself: so wears she to him,

  Someone older that herself: that is how she wears to him,

  So sways she level in her husband's heart:

  So that she stays steady in her husband's heart:

  For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,

  For, boy, no matter how much we praise ourselves,

  Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,

  Our feelings are more dizzy and unsteady,

  More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,

  More intense, more changing, more quickly over

  Than women's are.

  Than women's feelings are.

  VIOLA

  I think it well, my lord.

  I think it good, my lord.

  DUKE ORSINO

  Then let thy love be younger than thyself,

  Then let your love be younger than you,

  Or thy affection cannot hold the bent;

  Or your affection will not be able to last,

  For women are as roses, whose fair flower

  For women are like roses, whose beautiful flower

  Being once display'd, doth fall that very hour.

  Having been once displayed, fall that same hour.

  VIOLA

  And so they are: alas, that they are so;

  And so they are: what a shame, that they are that way;

  To die, even when they to perfection grow!

  To die, even when they reach such perfection!

  Re-enter CURIO and Clown

  DUKE ORSINO

  O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.

  Oh, good man, come, sing that song we had last night.

  Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;

  Listen, Cesario, it is old and plain;

  The spinsters and the knitters in the sun

  The spinning women and the knitters in the sun

  And the free maids that weave their thread with bones

  And the weaving women

  Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,

  Used to chant it: it is silly truth,

  And dallies with the innocence of love,

  And speaks of the innocence of love,

  Like the old age.

  Like the old age.

  Clown

  Are you ready, sir?

  Are you ready, sir?

  DUKE ORSINO

  Ay; prithee, sing.

  Yes, please, sing.


  Music

  SONG.

  Clown

  Come away, come away, death,

  Come away with me, death,

  And in sad cypress let me be laid;

  And in a coffin let me be laid;

  Fly away, fly away breath;

  Leave me now, leave me now breath;

  I am slain by a fair cruel maid.

  I have been killed by a beautiful cruel young woman.

  My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,

  My shroud of white cloth

  O, prepare it!

  Oh, prepare it!

  My part of death, no one so true

  My experience of death, no one so true

  Did share it.

  Shared it.

  Not a flower, not a flower sweet

  Not a flower, not a sweet flower

  On my black coffin let there be strown;

  Be put on my black coffin:

  Not a friend, not a friend greet

  Not a friend, not a friend ever visit

  My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:

  My poor corpse, where my bones will be thorn:

  A thousand thousand sighs to save,

  A million sighs to save,

  Lay me, O, where

  Lay me, oh, where

  Sad true lover never find my grave,

  No one can ever find my grave,

  To weep there!

  To cry there!

  DUKE ORSINO

  There's for thy pains.

  Here's for your trouble.

  Clown

  No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

  No pain, sir: I enjoy singing, sir.

  DUKE ORSINO

  I'll pay thy pleasure then.

  I'll pay for your pleasure then.

 

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