The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 397
When did he come to this town?
ANTONIO
To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
Today, my lord, and for three months before then,
No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
Without a pause, without even a minute apart
Both day and night did we keep company.
For every day and night we stayed together.
Enter OLIVIA and Attendants
DUKE ORSINO
Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
But as for you, fellow; fellow, your words are insanity:
Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
This youth has served me for three months;
But more of that anon. Take him aside.
But more of that in a moment. Take him aside.
OLIVIA
What would my lord, but that he may not have,
What does my lord want, but that he may not have,
Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
Where Olivia may seem enough?
Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.
Cesario, you do not keep your promise to me.
VIOLA
Madam!
My lady!
DUKE ORSINO
Gracious Olivia,--
Dear Olivia,-
OLIVIA
What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--
What do you say, Cesario? My good sir,--
VIOLA
My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.
My lord wishes to speak; my duty means I must be quiet.
DUKE ORSINO
Still so cruel?
Still so cruel?
OLIVIA
Still so constant, lord.
Still so loyal, Lord.
DUKE ORSINO
What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
What, to contrariness? You rude lady,
To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
To whose ungrateful and unlucky altars
My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
My soul has given the most faithful offerings
That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?
That devotion ever gave? What shall I do.
OLIVIA
Where goes Cesario?
Where is Cesario going?
VIOLA
After him I love
After him that I love
More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
More than I love my eyes, more than my life,
More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
More, by all the more, than I ever shall love a wife.
If I do feign, you witnesses above
If I lie, may Heaven's witnesses
Punish my life for tainting of my love!
Punish my life for spoiling my love!
OLIVIA
Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!
Oh, me, hated! How I am tricked!
VIOLA
Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?
Who tricks you? Who does you wrong?
OLIVIA
Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
Have you forgotten yourself? Is it so long?
Call forth the holy father.
DUKE ORSINO
Come, away!
OLIVIA
Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.
Where, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.
DUKE ORSINO
Husband!
OLIVIA
Ay, husband: can he that deny?
Yes, husband: can he deny that?
DUKE ORSINO
Her husband, sirrah!
Her husband, sir!
VIOLA
No, my lord, not I.
No, my lord, not me.
OLIVIA
Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
As great as that thou fear'st.
Don't be afraid, Cesario, we're safe.
Enter Priest
O, welcome, father!
Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
Here to unfold, though lately we intended
To keep in darkness what occasion now
Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.
Priest, tell them what we just did.
Priest
A contract of eternal bond of love,
Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
Attested by the holy close of lips,
Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
And all the ceremony of this compact
Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
I have travell'd but two hours.
Less than two hours ago, I married these two.
DUKE ORSINO
O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.
You liar and traitor! Fine then, marry her, take her,
but I never want to see you again.
VIOLA
My lord, I do protest--
My lord, I protest--
OLIVIA
O, do not swear!
Oh, do not swear!
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.
Have a little faith, even if you have too much fear.
Enter SIR ANDREW
SIR ANDREW
For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
For the love of God, a doctor! Send one soon
to Sir Toby.
to Sir Toby.
OLIVIA
What's the matter?
What's going on?
SIR ANDREW
He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.
He has punched me and given Sir Toby a bloody wound!
I wish I were at home.
OLIVIA
Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
Who has done this, Sir Andrew?
SIR ANDREW
The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
The count's nobleman, Cesario: we thought he was
a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.
a coward, but he's the very devil himself.
DUKE ORSINO
My gentleman, Cesario?
My servant, Cesario?
SIR ANDREW
'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
By God, here he is! You broke my head for
nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
nothing; and what I did, I was put up to
by Sir Toby.
by Sir Toby.
VIOLA
Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
Why do you speak to me like this? I never hurt you:
You drew your sword upon me without cause;
You pulled out your sword at me without a reason;
But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.
But I spoke well to you, and did not hurt you.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown
DUKE ORSINO
How now, gentleman! how is't with you?
Hello, gentleman! How are you?
SIR TOBY BELCH
That's all one: he has hurt me, and there's the end
That's not important: he ha
s hurt me, and that's the end
on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?
of it.
Clown
O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
Oh, he's drunk, Sir Toby, for more than an hour now; his eyes
were set at eight i' the morning.
where set at eight in the morning.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I
Then he's a rogue, and drunk: I
hate a drunken rogue.
hate a drunken scoundrel.
OLIVIA
Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?
Away with him! Who has made all this confusion and commotion with them?
SIR ANDREW
I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be dressed together.
I'll help you, Sir Toby, because we'll be damaged together.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a
knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!
Will you help? [Flood of insults.]
OLIVIA
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.
Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked after.
Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW
Enter SEBASTIAN
SEBASTIAN
I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
I am sorry, madam, I have hurt you relative:
But, had it been the brother of my blood,
But, had it been my own family,
I must have done no less with wit and safety.
I must have done just as much with cleverness and safety.
You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
You give me an odd look, and by that
I do perceive it hath offended you:
I do see that it has offended you:
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
Pardon me, sweet one, even for the promises
We made each other but so late ago.
We made each other just a few hours ago.
DUKE ORSINO
One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
One face, once voice, one set of clothes, and two people,
A natural perspective, that is and is not!
A strange freak of nature!
SEBASTIAN
Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
Oh Antonio, oh my dear Antonio!
How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
How the hours have tortured me,
Since I have lost thee!
Since I lost you!
ANTONIO
Sebastian are you?
Sebastian, is that you?
SEBASTIAN
Fear'st thou that, Antonio?
Are you afraid of that, Antonio?
ANTONIO
How have you made division of yourself?
How have you made yourself two people?
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
An apple, cut in half, is not more twin
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?
Than these two ones. Which is Sebastian?
OLIVIA
Most wonderful!
How strange!
SEBASTIAN
Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
Nor can there be magic in myself,
Of here and every where. I had a sister,
To be here and everywhere. I had a sister,
Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
Whom the blind waves of the sea have devored.
Of charity, what kin are you to me?
Please, what relative are you to me?
What countryman? what name? what parentage?
What country, what name, what family?
VIOLA
Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
My brother was Sebastian too,
So went he suited to his watery tomb:
He went dressed like this to his watery grave;
If spirits can assume both form and suit
If ghosts can take on both the form and clothing
You come to fright us.
You come to frighten us.
SEBASTIAN
A spirit I am indeed;
I am a spirit indeed:
But am in that dimension grossly clad
But I am in this world, clothed in the body
Which from the womb I did participate.
Which I have had since the womb.
Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
If you were a woman, as the rest is right,
I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
I should let my tears fall upon your cheek,
And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'
And say, 'Three-times welcome, drowned Viola!'
VIOLA
My father had a mole upon his brow.
My father had a mole on his forehead.
SEBASTIAN
And so had mine.
So did mine.
VIOLA
And died that day when Viola from her birth
And when Viola was
Had number'd thirteen years.
thirteen years old.
SEBASTIAN
O, that record is lively in my soul!
Oh, I remember that well!
He finished indeed his mortal act
He ended his mortal life
That day that made my sister thirteen years.
That day that made my sister thirteen years old.
VIOLA
If nothing lets to make us happy both
If there is nothing else to make us happy
But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
But this my male borrowed clothing
Do not embrace me till each circumstance
Do not embrace me till all the factors
Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
Of place, time, fortune, do come together and jump
That I am Viola: which to confirm,
That I am Viola: which to prove,
I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
I'll bring you to a sea captain in this town,
Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
Where lie my women's clothes; by whose gentle help
I was preserved to serve this noble count.
I was saved in order to serve this noble count.
All the occurrence of my fortune since
Everything that has happened to me since
Hath been between this lady and this lord.
Has been between this lady and this lord.
SEBASTIAN
[To OLIVIA] So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
So that's it, lady, you have been mistaken:
But nature to her bias drew in that.
But nature to her inclination made it right.
You would have been contracted to a maid;
You would have been married to a girl;
Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
Nor are you there, by my life, deceived,
You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.
You are engaged both to a man and a woman.
DUKE ORSINO
Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
Do not be distressed; his blood is noble.
If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
If this is so, since it seems true,
I shall have share in this most happy wreck.
I will have a part in this happy situation.
To VIOLA
Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Boy, you have said to me a thousand times
Th
ou never shouldst love woman like to me.
That you should never love a woman the way you love me.
VIOLA
And all those sayings will I overswear;
And I will swear all those sayings again;
And those swearings keep as true in soul
And keep them as true
As doth that orbed continent the fire
That severs day from night.
as the sun.
DUKE ORSINO
Give me thy hand;
Give me your hand;
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.
And let me see you in your woman's clothes.
VIOLA
The captain that did bring me first on shore
Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
Has my girl's dress: he is doing something
Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
Right now for Malvolio,
A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.
A gentleman, and a servant of my lady's.
OLIVIA
He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
He shall explain thing: fetch Malvolio here:
And yet, alas, now I remember me,
And yet, oh dear, now I remember,
They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
They say, poor gentleman, he's in a bad way.
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN
A most extracting frenzy of mine own
A most terrible frenzy of my own
From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
Made me forget about his.
How does he, sirrah?
How is he, sir?
Clown
Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a