The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 399
Or else wisdom destroyed by a mistake.
PROTEUS
So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.
So, by your descriptions, you think that I’m a fool.
VALENTINE
So, by your circumstance, I fear you'll prove.
So, in your situation, I’m afraid you will prove yourself to be one.
PROTEUS
'Tis love you cavil at: I am not Love.
It’s love itself that you dispute with: I am not Love.
VALENTINE
Love is your master, for he masters you:
Love is your master, because he control you:And he that is so yoked by a fool,
And man that is controlled by a fool,Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.
I think, should not be labeled as being wise.
PROTEUS
Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud
But writers say that just as in the sweetest flowerThe eating canker dwells, so eating love
Lives a destructive worm, so does destructive loveInhabits in the finest wits of all.
Live in the finest minds of all.
VALENTINE
And writers say, as the most forward bud
And writers say that just as the earliest flowerIs eaten by the canker ere it blow,
Is destroyed by the worm before it blossoms,Even so by love the young and tender wit
So does love turn the young and tender mindIs turn'd to folly, blasting in the bud,
Into a fool, withering in the bud,Losing his verdure even in the prime
Losing his vitality just at his primeAnd all the fair effects of future hopes.
And all the excellent outcomes that the future might bring.But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee,
But why do I waste my time giving you advice,That art a votary to fond desire?
You who are a worshipper of foolish desire?Once more adieu! my father at the road
Once more, farewell! At the harbor, my fatherExpects my coming, there to see me shipp'd.
Is waiting for my arrival, to see me off to sea.
PROTEUS
And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
And I will bring you there, Valentine.
VALENTINE
Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave.
Sweet Proteus, no; let us say our goodbyes now.To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
While I’m in Milan, send me letters to tell meOf thy success in love, and what news else
Of your fortune in love, and what other newsBetideth here in absence of thy friend;
Takes place here in the absence of your friend;And likewise will visit thee with mine.
And I will send you letters with news of my endeavors.
PROTEUS
All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!
May you only have happiness happen to you in Milan!
VALENTINE
As much to you at home! and so, farewell.
And the same to you at home! And now, good bye.
Exit
PROTEUS
He after honour hunts, I after love:
He hunts after honor, and I hunt after love:He leaves his friends to dignify them more,
He leaves his friends to bring more honor to them,I leave myself, my friends and all, for love.
And I leave myself, my friends and everyone, for love.Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
You, Julia, you have transformed me,Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
Made me neglect my studies, waste my time,War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
Argue with good advice, and consider the world worthless;Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
It’s made my mind weak from pondering, and my heart sick from worry.
Enter SPEED
SPEED
Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?
Sir Proteus, God save you! Have you seen my master?
PROTEUS
But now he parted hence, to embark for Milan.
Just now he left here to set off for Milan.
SPEED
Twenty to one then he is shipp'd already,
Twenty to one odds that he has boarded the ship already then,And I have play'd the sheep in losing him.
And I have made a big mistake in losing him.
PROTEUS
Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,
It’s true, a sheep might very often wander off,An if the shepherd be a while away.
If the shepherd isn’t near.
SPEED
You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then,
Are you saying that my master is a shepherd, then,and I a sheep?
And I am a sheep?
PROTEUS
I do.
I am.
SPEED
Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
Well then, since he is my master, my horns are his horns, whether I am awake or asleep.
PROTEUS
A silly answer and fitting well a sheep.
That’s a silly answer and one that fits a sheep well.
SPEED
This proves me still a sheep.
This still shows me to be a sheep.
PROTEUS
True; and thy master a shepherd.
True; and your master is a shepherd.
SPEED
Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
No, that I can refute with a good explanation.
PROTEUS
It shall go hard but I'll prove it by another.
It will go badly, but I’ll prove it to be so by another explanation.
SPEED
The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the
The shepherd seeks the sheep, and the sheep doesn’t seek theshepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks
Shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master doesn’t seeknot me: therefore I am no sheep.
Me: therefore I am not a sheep.
PROTEUS
The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the
The sheep follows the shepherd for food; theshepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for
Shepherd doesn’t follow the sheep for food: you wages followest thy master; thy master for wages
Follow your master for your pay; the masterfollows not thee: therefore thou art a sheep.
Doesn’t follow you for pay: therefore you are a sheep.
SPEED
Such another proof will make me cry 'baa.'
Another explanation like that one will make me ‘baa’ like a sheep.
PROTEUS
But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia?
But are you listening? Did you give my letter to Julia?
SPEED
Ay sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her,
Yes sir: I, just a lost sheep, gave your letter to her,a laced mutton; and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a
A lacy whore; and she, a lacy whore, gave me, alost mutton, nothing for my labour.
Lost sheep, nothing for my efforts.
PROTEUS
Here's too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
This place is too small of a pasture for so many sheep.
SPEED
If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
If the land is overstocked, it you be better for you to kill her.
PROTEUS
Nay: in that you are astray, 'twere best pound you.
No: in that you are wrong, it would be best for me to put you in the pound.
SPEED
Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for
No, sir, less than a pound will pay me forcarrying your letter.
Carrying your letter.
PROTEUS
You mistake; I mean the pound,--a pinfold.
You are mistaken; I mean the pound—the pen for stray animals.
SPEED
From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over,
Down from a pound to a penny? Multiply that over and over,'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to
It’s three-times too little for carrying a letter toyour lover.
You lover.
PROTEUS
But what said she?
But what did she say?
SPEED
[First nodding] Ay.
[He nods first and then speaks] Yes, she nodded, ‘aye’.
PROTEUS
Nod--Ay--why, that's noddy.
Nod—‘Aye’—well, that’s ‘noddy’, a fool.
SPEED
You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask
You misunderstood, sir; I said that she nodded: and you askedme if she did nod; and I say, 'Ay.'
Me if she nodded; and I say, ‘Aye.’
PROTEUS
And that set together is noddy.
And when you put that together it’s ‘noddy’, which means a fool.
SPEED
Now you have taken the pains to set it together,
You are the one who has troubled yourself to put it together,take it for your pains.
Take the name as a reward for your trouble.
PROTEUS
No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.
No, no; it’s your reward for carrying the letter.
SPEED
Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
Well, I guess I must carry the name with you.
PROTEUS
Why sir, how do you bear with me?
Well sir, how do you carry with me?
SPEED
Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing
By Mary, sir, the letter I carried very properly; being given nothingbut the word 'noddy' for my pains.
But the word ‘noddy’ for my trouble.
PROTEUS
Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
Devil take me, you have a very quick mind.
SPEED
And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
But still my quick mind isn’t a match for your slow money-pouch.
PROTEUS
Come come, open the matter in brief: what said she?
Come on, relate the subject-matter quickly: what did she say?
SPEED
Open your purse, that the money and the matter may
Open your purse so that the money and the subject-matter maybe both at once delivered.
Be given at the same time.
“[PROTEUS gives SPEED a coin]”
PROTEUS
Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?
Well, sir, here is payment for your troubles. What did she say?
SPEED
Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her.
To tell the truth, sir, I don’t think you’ll win her over.
PROTEUS
Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?
Why, could you tell that much from her?
SPEED
Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no,
Sir, I could get nothing from her at all; no,not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter:
Not even a gold coin for delivering your letter:and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I
And since she was so hard on me, who brought the letter expressing your feelings, I’mfear she'll prove as hard to you in telling your
Afraid she’ll end up being just as hard on you when you tell her yourmind. Give her no token but stones; for she's as
Feelings in person. Don’t give her any tokens of your affection except for jewels; for she’s ashard as steel.
Hard as steel.
PROTEUS
What said she? nothing?
What did she say? Nothing?
SPEED
No, not so much as 'Take this for thy pains.' To
No, not even, ‘Take this for your troubles.’ Totestify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned
Respond to your gift, I thank you, you have tipped me a six-pence; me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your
In repayment of that, after this you can carry yourletters yourself: and so, sir, I'll commend you to my master.
Letters yourself: and so, sir, I’ll give your greetings to my master.
PROTEUS
Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,
Go, go on, go away, go save your ship from wrecking,Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Because it cannot wreck if you are aboard,Being destined to a drier death on shore.
Since you are destined to a death by hanging on the shore.
Exit SPEED
I must go send some better messenger:
I must go send some better messenger:I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
I’m afraid that my Julia wouldn’t accept my words,Receiving them from such a worthless post.
Since she was receiving them from such a worthless messenger.
Exit
Garden of JULIA's house.
Enter JULlA and LUCETTA
JULIA
But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
Tell me, Lucetta, now that we are alone,Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
Would you advise me to fall in love?
LUCETTA
Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
Yes, madam, providing that you don’t fall carelessly.
JULIA
Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
Of all the splendid crowd of gentlemenThat every day with parle encounter me,
That meets me with conversation everyday,In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
In your opinion which is the worthiest of my love?
LUCETTA
Please you repeat their names, I'll show my mind
Please, repeat their names for me, I’ll tell you what I thinkAccording to my shallow simple skill.
Based on my silly simple observations.
JULIA
What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
What do you think of the excellent Sir Eglamour?
LUCETTA
As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;
As a knight he is well-spoken, elegant and refined;But, were I you, he never should be mine.
But, if I were you, he would never be my lover.
JULIA
What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?
What do you think of the rich Mercatio?
LUCETTA
Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.
I think well of his wealth; but of him as a person, he’s so-so.
JULIA
What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?
What do you think of the noble Proteus?
LUCETTA
Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us!
Dear Lord! To see how silly we women can be!
JULIA
How now! what means this passion at his name?
What’s this! Why this passionate outburst when name him?
LUCETTA
Pardon, dear madam: 'tis a passing shame
Forgive me, dear madam: it’s a supreme shameThat I, unworthy body as I am,
That I, unworthy servant that I am,Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
Should pass judgment like this on a loving gentlemen.
JULIA
Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
Why should you not pass judgment on Proteus as you did for the rest of them?
LUCETTA
Then thus: of many good I think him best.
I will say this: of the many good men, I think he is the best.
JULIA
Your reason?
What’s your reason?
LUCETTA
I have no other, but a woman's reason;
I have no reason but a woman’s reason;I think him so because I think him so.
I think he’s the best because I think he’s the best.
JULIA
And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
And would you have me give him my love?
LUCETTA
Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
Yes, if you thought your love was not being wasted.
JULIA
Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved me.
Why, out of all of them, he has never made a move on me.
LUCETTA
Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.
But out of all of them, I think he loves you the most.
JULIA
His little speaking shows his love but small.
His few words about it show that his love is not that much.
LUCETTA
Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.
Passion that’s kept closest to the chest burns most of all.
JULIA
They do not love that do not show their love.
They are not in love if they don’t show their love.
LUCETTA
O, they love least that let men know their love.
Oh, the ones who let everyone know of their love, love the least.
JULIA
I would I knew his mind.
I wish I knew what he was thinking.
LUCETTA
Peruse this paper, madam.
Read this letter, madam.
JULIA
'To Julia.' Say, from whom?
‘To Julia.’ Tell me, who is this from?