The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 400
LUCETTA
That the contents will show.
The contents of the letter will tell you that.
JULIA
Say, say, who gave it thee?
Tell me, tell me, who gave it to you?
LUCETTA
Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.
Valentine’s servant; and I think it was sent from Proteus.He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,
He would have given it to you; but since I met him first, IDid in your name receive it: pardon the
Received it for you: forgive me thefault I pray.
Mistake, please.
JULIA
Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
Now, as I swear by my own modesty, a good go-between!Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
Do you dare to hide passionate letters from me?To whisper and conspire against my youth?
To whisper behind my back and plot against my youth?Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth
Now, believe me, it's a role of great importanceAnd you an officer fit for the place.
and you are someone fit for that role.Or else return no more into my sight.
If not, don't let me see you again.
LUCETTA
To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.
To ask for love deserves higher payment than hate does.
JULIA
Will ye be gone?
Will you leave?
LUCETTA
That you may ruminate.
I will so that you may think.
Exit
JULIA
And yet I would I had o'erlooked the letter:
And still I wish I had read the letter:It were a shame to call her back again
It would be a shame to call her back againAnd pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
And ask her to make a mistake that I scolded her for.What a fool is she, that knows I am a maid,
What a fool she is, who know I am a virgin,And would not force the letter to my view!
And would not make me read the letter!Since maids, in modesty, say 'no' to that
Since virgins, in their modesty, say 'no' to whateverWhich they would have the profferer construe 'ay.'
They want the giver to interpret as 'yes.'Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
Shame, for shame, how awkward is this foolish loveThat, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse
That, like an irritable baby, will scratch her nurseAnd presently all humbled kiss the rod!
And immediately afterward become meek and obedient!How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
How harshly I drove away Lucetta just now,When willingly I would have had her here!
When I would gladly have her be here!How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
How angrily I scowled my face,When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
When inwardly joy made my heart smile!My penance is to call Lucetta back
My punishment for this is to call Lucetta backAnd ask remission for my folly past.
And ask forgiveness for my mistake just then.What ho! Lucetta!
Come here! Lucetta!
Re-enter LUCETTA
LUCETTA
What would your ladyship?
What do you need, my lady?
JULIA
Is't near dinner-time?
Is it near dinner time?
LUCETTA
I would it were,
I wish it were,That you might kill your stomach on your meat
So that you might satisfy your anger with your mealAnd not upon your maid.
Instead taking it out on your servant.
"[JULIA bends over and picks up the letter.]"
JULIA
What is't that you took up so gingerly?
What did you just pick up so carefully?
LUCETTA
Nothing.
Nothing.
JULIA
Why didst thou stoop, then?
Why did you bend over, then?
LUCETTA
To take a paper up that I let fall.
To pick up the paper that I dropped.
JULIA
And is that paper nothing?
And is that paper nothing?
LUCETTA
Nothing concerning me.
It's nothing that is of importance to me.
JULIA
Then let it lie for those that it concerns.
Then let it stay where it is for those who it is of importance to.
LUCETTA
Madam, it will not lie where it concerns
Madam, it will not tell lies about its contentUnless it have a false interpeter.
Unless it has a dishonest reader.
JULIA
Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.
Some lover of yours has written you a poem.
LUCETTA
That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
So that I might sing it as a song, madam.Give me a note: your ladyship can set.
Give me a melody: you can compose the song, my lady.
JULIA
As little by such toys as may be possible.
I put as little effort into such games as I can.Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o' love.'
You'd better sing it to the tune of 'Light of Love.'
LUCETTA
It is too heavy for so light a tune.
It is to serious for such a lighthearted tune.
JULIA
Heavy! belike it hath some burden then?
Serious! Perhaps it has a chorus then?
LUCETTA
Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.
Yes, and if it has a melody, you would sing it.
JULIA
And why not you?
Why would I sing it and not you?
LUCETTA
I cannot reach so high.
I can't sing that high.
JULIA
Let's see your song. How now, minion!
Let's hear your song. Come on, hussy!
LUCETTA
Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out:
You have the same temper and tune, if you keep it up you’ll finish the song and lose your mood:And yet methinks I do not like this tune.
And still I don't think that I like this song.
JULIA
You do not?
You don't?
LUCETTA
No, madam; it is too sharp.
No, madam; it is too high-pitched.
JULIA
You, minion, are too saucy.
You, hussy, are too insolent.
LUCETTA
Nay, now you are too flat
No, now you are too low-pitchedAnd mar the concord with too harsh a descant:
And mess up the harmony with too an accompaniment that is too harsh:There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.
Your song lacks a middle-part to fill it out.
JULIA
The mean is drown'd with your unruly bass.
The middle-part is drowned out by your rowdy low-voice.
LUCETTA
Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.
Yes, I’m singing on behalf of Proteus.
JULIA
This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
This nonsense will not bother me anymore.Here is a coil with protestation!
Here is the proof of my displeasure!
Tears the letter
Go get you gone, and let the papers lie:
Go, get away from here, and let the papers stay where they are:You would be fingering them, to anger me.
you would pick them up just to anger me.
LUCETTA
She makes it strange; but she would be best pleased
She pretends to not care; but she would be very happyTo be so anger'd with another letter.
to have another letter make her so angry.
Exit
JULIA
Nay, would I were so anger'd with the same!
No, I wish I were still angry with the same letter!O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
Oh, my terrible hand that tore apart those loving words!Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
Harmful wasps that feed on such sweet honeyAnd kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
And kill the bees that make it by stinging them!I'll kiss each several paper for amends.
I'll kiss each and every paper to make amends.Look, here is writ 'kind Julia.' Unkind Julia!
Look, here it says 'kind Julia.' Cruel Julia!As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
In revenge of your ungratefulness, JuliaI throw thy name against the bruising stones,
I’ll throw the name Julia against hurtful stones,Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
And scornfully trample on your contempt.And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus.'
And here is written, 'love-sick Proteus.'Poor wounded name! my bosom as a bed
Poor love-sick man! My breast pocket will hold the letter and my hear will hold youShall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly heal'd;Until your love is completely healed.
And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
And so I’ll clean your wound with a healing kiss.But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.
Only two are three times was Proteus' name written down.Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
May the breeze stay calm so it doesn't blow a word awayTill I have found each letter in the letter,
Until I have found every piece of the letter,Except mine own name: that some whirlwind bear
Except where my own name is written: that some breeze can carryUnto a ragged fearful-hanging rock
Off a jagged and frightening overhanging rockAnd throw it thence into the raging sea!
and throw it from there into the raging sea!Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ,
Look, here on one line his name it written twice,'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
'Poor desperate Proteus, passionate Proteus,To the sweet Julia:' that I'll tear away.
To the sweet Julia:' that part I'll tear away.And yet I will not, sith so prettily
And still I won’t tear it since so prettilyHe couples it to his complaining names.
He pairs my name with his pitiful names.Thus will I fold them one on another:
So I will fold them together:Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.
Now kiss, hold close, sexually embrace, do whatever you want.
Re-enter LUCETTA
LUCETTA
Madam,
Madam,Dinner is ready, and your father stays.
Dinner is ready, and your father is waiting.
JULIA
Well, let us go.
Well, let’s go then.
LUCETTA
What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?
What, and leave these papers to lie here like little signs?
JULIA
If you respect them, best to take them up.
If you value them then you’d better clean them up?
LUCETTA
Nay, I was taken up for laying them down:
No, I was scolded for picking them up:Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.
But there will not stay here in case the wind blows them away.
JULIA
I see you have a month's mind to them.
I see you have a fondness for them.
LUCETTA
Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;
Yes, madam, you may say what you think;I see things too, although you judge I wink.
I see things too, and while you judge what you see, I close my eyes to it.
JULIA
Come, come; will't please you go?
Come on; would you like to go?
Exeunt
ANTONIO's house.
Enter ANTONIO and PANTHINO
ANTONIO
Tell me, Panthino, what sad talk was that
Panthino, tell me, what was the serious talk withWherewith my brother held you in the cloister?
Which my brother kept you in courtyard?
PANTHINO
'Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.
It was about his nephew Proteus, your son.
ANTONIO
Why, what of him?
Why, what about him?
PANTHINO
He wonder'd that your lordship
He was discussing how your lordshipWould suffer him to spend his youth at home,
Allows him to spend the days of his youth at home,While other men, of slender reputation,
While other men of lesser standing,Put forth their sons to seek preferment out:
Send their sons off to seek social advancement:Some to the wars, to try their fortune there;
Some go to war to try their luck there;Some to discover islands far away;
Some go to discover islands far away;Some to the studious universities.
Some go to the academic universities.For any or for all these exercises,
For any and all of these activities,He said that Proteus your son was meet,
He said that your son Proteus was suitable,And did request me to importune you
And he asked me to urge youTo let him spend his time no more at home,
To not let him spend his time at home any more,Which would be great impeachment to his age,
Which would be a great disservice to him when he is older,In having known no travel in his youth.
To not have travelled in his youth.
ANTONIO
Nor need'st thou much importune me to that
You don’t need to urge me to do thatWhereon this month I have been hammering.
Since during this month I have been thinking hard.I have consider'd well his loss of time
I have certainly considered the loss of his youthful daysAnd how he cannot be a perfect man,
And how he can’t be an accomplished man,Not being tried and tutor'd in the world:
If he has not been put to the test and learned from being out in the world:Experience is by industry achieved
Experience is earned by hard workAnd perfected by the swift course of time.
And perfected in time as it flies by.Then tell me, whither were I best to send him?
Tell me then, where should I send him?
PANTHINO
I think your lordship is not ignorant
I believe your lordship is not unawareHow his companion, youthful Valentine,
That his friend, the young Valentine,Attends the emperor in his royal court.
Is at the royal court of the emperor.
ANTONIO
I know it well.
I know that well.
PANTHINO
'Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither:
It would be good, I think, if your lordship send him there:There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,
There he can practice jousting and tournaments,Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen.
Hear fine conversation, associate himself with noblemen.And be in eye of every exercise
And be able to see every customWorthy his youth and nobleness of birth.
That is appropriate of his youth and noble birth.
ANTONIO
I like thy counsel; well hast thou advised:
I like your advice: you have advised me well:And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,
And so that you may see how well I like it,The execution of it shall make known.
I will carry it out to show you.Even with the speediest expedition
With the quickest hasteI will dispatch him to the emperor's court.
I will send him away to the emperor’s court.
PANTHINO
To-morrow, may it please you, Don Alphonso,
Tomorrow, if you like, Don Alphonso,With other gentlemen of good esteem,
Are travelling to pay their respects to the emperorAnd to commend their service to his will.
And to hand over their service to his command.
ANTONIO
Good company; with them shall Proteus go:
They are good company; Proteus will go with them:And, in good time! now will we break with him.
And soon! No we will tell him about this.
Enter PROTEUS
PROTEUS
Sweet love! sweet lines! sweet life!
Sweet love! Sweet words! Sweet life!Here is her hand, the agent of her heart;
Here is her handwriting, which conveys her feelings;Here is her oath for love, her honour's pawn.
Here is her promise of love, her pledge of honor.O, that our fathers would applaud our loves,
Oh, how our fathers will approve of our love,To seal our happiness with their consents!
And finalize our happiness with their consent to our marriage!O heavenly Julia!
Oh, heavenly Julia!
ANTONIO
How now! what letter are you reading there?
What’s this! What letter are you reading there?
PROTEUS
May't please your lordship, 'tis a word or two
If you would like to know, my lord, it’s a letterOf commendations sent from Valentine,
Of good wishes sent from Valentine,Deliver'd by a friend that came from him.
Delivered to me by a friend that he sent.
ANTONIO
Lend me the letter; let me see what news.
Hand me the letter; let me see what news it tells.
PROTEUS
There is no news, my lord, but that he writes