The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 626
Messenger
'Tis Alcibiades, and some twenty horse,
All of companionship.
It's Alcibiades, with about twenty cavalry,
all equals.
TIMON
Pray, entertain them; give them guide to us.
Exeunt some Attendants
You must needs dine with me: go not you hence
Till I have thank'd you: when dinner's done,
Show me this piece. I am joyful of your sights.
Enter ALCIBIADES, with the rest
Most welcome, sir!
Please, welcome them; guide them here.
You must dine with me: don't go
until I thank you: when dinner's over,
show me this piece. I am glad to see you.
You're very welcome, sir!
APEMANTUS
So, so, there!
Aches contract and starve your supple joints!
That there should be small love 'mongst these
sweet knaves,
And all this courtesy! The strain of man's bred out
Into baboon and monkey.
Well, well!
May pain invade and destroy your supple joints!
To think there is so little love lost between these cunning knaves,
and there's so much politeness! Men are evolving into
baboons and monkeys.
ALCIBIADES
Sir, you have saved my longing, and I feed
Most hungerly on your sight.
Sir, you are just what I want to see,
I'm gorging myself on the sight.
TIMON
Right welcome, sir!
Ere we depart, we'll share a bounteous time
In different pleasures. Pray you, let us in.
You're very welcome, sir!
Before we part, we will have an excellent time
at various diversions. If you please, let's go in.
Exeunt all except APEMANTUS
Enter two Lords
First Lord
What time o' day is't, Apemantus?
What time is it, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS
Time to be honest.
It's time to be honest.
First Lord
That time serves still.
It's always time for that.
APEMANTUS
The more accursed thou, that still omitt'st it.
Then you are all the worse, for failing to be so.
Second Lord
Thou art going to Lord Timon's feast?
Are you going to Lord Timon's feast?
APEMANTUS
Ay, to see meat fill knaves and wine heat fools.
Yes, to see knaves filled with meat and fools heated by wine.
Second Lord
Fare thee well, fare thee well.
Farewell, farewell.
APEMANTUS
Thou art a fool to bid me farewell twice.
You're a fool to say farewell twice.
Second Lord
Why, Apemantus?
Why, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS
Shouldst have kept one to thyself, for I mean to
give thee none.
You should have kept one for yourself, for I don't intend
to give you one.
First Lord
Hang thyself!
Go and hang yourself!
APEMANTUS
No, I will do nothing at thy bidding: make thy
requests to thy friend.
No, I'll do nothing you tell me to:
ask your friend.
Second Lord
Away, unpeaceable dog, or I'll spurn thee hence!
Go away, you quarrelsome dog, or I'll kick you out of here.
APEMANTUS
I will fly, like a dog, the heels o' the ass.
Like a dog, I'll flee from the heels of an ass.
Exit
First Lord
He's opposite to humanity. Come, shall we in,
And taste Lord Timon's bounty? he outgoes
The very heart of kindness.
He is against all mankind. Come, shall we go in,
and sample Lord Timon's hospitality? He's more
generous than generosity itself.
Second Lord
He pours it out; Plutus, the god of gold,
Is but his steward: no meed, but he repays
Sevenfold above itself; no gift to him,
But breeds the giver a return exceeding
All use of quittance.
He has a very free hand; Plutus, the god of gold,
is only his servant. Every good thing gets a reward
seven times what it deserves; there is no gift
that isn't repaid with interest.
First Lord
The noblest mind he carries
That ever govern'd man.
He has the noblest mind
any man ever had.
Second Lord
Long may he live in fortunes! Shall we in?
May he remain prosperous forever! Shall we go in?
First Lord
I'll keep you company.
I'll come with you.
Exeunt
Hautboys playing loud music. A great banquet served in; FLAVIUS and others attending; then enter TIMON, ALCIBIADES, Lords, Senators, and VENTIDIUS. Then comes, dropping, after all, APEMANTUS, discontentedly, like himself
VENTIDIUS
Most honour'd Timon,
It hath pleased the gods to remember my father's age,
And call him to long peace.
He is gone happy, and has left me rich:
Then, as in grateful virtue I am bound
To your free heart, I do return those talents,
Doubled with thanks and service, from whose help
I derived liberty.
Most honoured Timon,
the gods have been pleased to recall my father's age,
and call him to his long rest.
He has died happy, and has left me rich:
so, as I owe such a debt of gratitude
to your generosity, I return these talents,
which bought my freedom, with my
thanks and respect.
TIMON
O, by no means,
Honest Ventidius; you mistake my love:
I gave it freely ever; and there's none
Can truly say he gives, if he receives:
If our betters play at that game, we must not dare
To imitate them; faults that are rich are fair.
Oh, I won't take them,
honest Ventidius; you don't understand my love:
I always give it freely; and nobody
can really call himself a giver, if he receives:
if our betters play that game, we shouldn't dare
imitate them; the rich can get away with more.
VENTIDIUS
A noble spirit!
A noble spirit!
TIMON
Nay, my lords,
[They all stand ceremoniously looking on ]
Ceremony was but devised at first
To set a gloss on faint deeds, hollow welcomes,
Recanting goodness, sorry ere 'tis shown;
But where there is true friendship, there needs none.
Pray, sit; more welcome are ye to my fortunes
Than my fortunes to me.
They sit
No, my lords,
ceremonies were only invented
to improve the look of trivial deeds, hollow welcomes,
false goodness, which is regretted before it's shown;
when there's true friendship you don't need ceremony.
Please, sit; you are more welcome to my fortune
than my fortune is to me.
First Lord
My lord, we always have confess'd it.
My lord, we have always admitted it.
APEMANTUS
Ho, ho, confess'd it! hang
'd it, have you not?
Ho ho, admitted it! You've hanged it, haven't you?
TIMON
O, Apemantus, you are welcome.
Oh, Apemantus, you are welcome.
APEMANTUS
No;
You shall not make me welcome:
I come to have thee thrust me out of doors.
No;
you will not make me welcome:
I have come for you to kick me out.
TIMON
Fie, thou'rt a churl; ye've got a humour there
Does not become a man: 'tis much to blame.
They say, my lords, 'ira furor brevis est;' but yond
man is ever angry. Go, let him have a table by
himself, for he does neither affect company, nor is
he fit for't, indeed.
Blast you, you're a miserable devil; you've got a temper there
which doesn't suit a man: it's very bad.
They say, my lords, that anger is a brief madness; but that
man is always angry. Give him a table to
himself, for he doesn't like company, and in fact
he's not fit for it.
APEMANTUS
Let me stay at thine apperil, Timon: I come to
observe; I give thee warning on't.
You let me stay at your own risk, Timon: I've come to
watch, I warn you.
TIMON
I take no heed of thee; thou'rt an Athenian,
therefore welcome: I myself would have no power;
prithee, let my meat make thee silent.
I take no notice of you; you're an Athenian,
so you are welcome: I can't keep you quiet,
but perhaps my meat can.
APEMANTUS
I scorn thy meat; 'twould choke me, for I should
ne'er flatter thee. O you gods, what a number of
men eat Timon, and he sees 'em not! It grieves me
to see so many dip their meat in one man's blood;
and all the madness is, he cheers them up too.
I wonder men dare trust themselves with men:
Methinks they should invite them without knives;
Good for their meat, and safer for their lives.
There's much example for't; the fellow that sits
next him now, parts bread with him, pledges the
breath of him in a divided draught, is the readiest
man to kill him: 't has been proved. If I were a
huge man, I should fear to drink at meals;
Lest they should spy my windpipe's dangerous notes:
Great men should drink with harness on their throats.
I reject your meat; it would choke me, being for flatterers,
and I will never flatter you. Oh you gods, how many
men eat Timon, and he can't see it! It makes me sad
to see so many dipping their meat in the blood of one man;
and the mad thing is, he encourages them.
It amazes me that men dare to trust other men:
I think they should invite them without their knives;
they would save their meat, and it would be safer for their lives.
There are many instances of it; the man that sits
next to him now, shares the bread with him, drinks his health
from a shared cup, is the one who is readiest
to kill him: everyone knows this. If I were a
great man, I would be afraid to drink at meals,
in case they saw the vulnerable places on my neck:
great men should drink with armour round their throats.
TIMON
My lord, in heart; and let the health go round.
My lord, your good health; and let the toast go round.
Second Lord
Let it flow this way, my good lord.
Let it flow this way, my good lord.
APEMANTUS
Flow this way! A brave fellow! he keeps his tides
well. Those healths will make thee and thy state
look ill, Timon. Here's that which is too weak to
be a sinner, honest water, which ne'er left man i' the mire:
This and my food are equals; there's no odds:
Feasts are too proud to give thanks to the gods.
Apemantus' grace.
Immortal gods, I crave no pelf;
I pray for no man but myself:
Grant I may never prove so fond,
To trust man on his oath or bond;
Or a harlot, for her weeping;
Or a dog, that seems a-sleeping:
Or a keeper with my freedom;
Or my friends, if I should need 'em.
Amen. So fall to't:
Rich men sin, and I eat root.
Eats and drinks
Much good dich thy good heart, Apemantus!
Flow this way! A bold chap! He keeps his eye on the tide.
All this drinking of healths will actually make you ill, Timon.
Here's something which is too weak to cause sin,
honest water, which never left any man in trouble:
my food is much the same, there is no difference between them:
those who eat feasts are too proud to give thanks to the gods.
Immortal gods, I want no money;
I'm praying for no one but myself.
Never let me become so stupid,
as to trust a man on his oath or word;
or believe a harlot's tears,
or a dog that seems to be asleep,
or a jailer with my freedom,
all my friends, when I need them. Amen.
And so let's eat:
rich men sin, and I eat vegetables.
TIMON
Captain Alcibiades, your heart's in the field now.
Captain Alcibiades, your heart is on the battlefield.
ALCIBIADES
My heart is ever at your service, my lord.
My heart is always at your service, my lord.
TIMON
You had rather be at a breakfast of enemies than a
dinner of friends.
You'd rather be having breakfast with your enemies than
dinner with your friends.
ALCIBIADES
So they were bleeding-new, my lord, there's no meat
like 'em: I could wish my best friend at such a feast.
Provided they were newly bleeding, my lord, there's no meat
to match them: I'd wish my best friend was at such a feast.
APEMANTUS
Would all those flatterers were thine enemies then,
that then thou mightst kill 'em and bid me to 'em!
I wish all these flatterers were your enemies then,
then you might kill them and ask me to eat them!
First Lord
Might we but have that happiness, my lord, that you
would once use our hearts, whereby we might express
some part of our zeals, we should think ourselves
for ever perfect.
I wish we could have the privilege, my lord,
of you just once putting our affection to the test, so that
we could show a little part of our enthusiasm, that would
make us happy for ever.
TIMON
O, no doubt, my good friends, but the gods
themselves have provided that I shall have much help
from you: how had you been my friends else? why
have you that charitable title from thousands, did
not you chiefly belong to my heart? I have told
more of you to myself than you can with modesty
speak in your own behalf; and thus far I confirm
you. O you gods, think I, what need we have any
friends, if we should ne'er have need of 'em? they
were the most needless creatures living, should we
ne'er have use for 'em, and would most resemble
sweet instrume
nts hung up in cases that keep their
sounds to themselves. Why, I have often wished
myself poorer, that I might come nearer to you. We
are born to do benefits: and what better or
properer can we can our own than the riches of our
friends? O, what a precious comfort 'tis, to have
so many, like brothers, commanding one another's
fortunes! O joy, e'en made away ere 't can be born!
Mine eyes cannot hold out water, methinks: to
forget their faults, I drink to you.
Oh, do not doubt, my good friends, that the gods
have made sure I get great comfort
from you: otherwise why would you be my friend? Why
do you have that loving title from the thousands I could choose from,
if you're not firmly in my heart. I have commended
you more to myself than you could with modesty say
on your own behalf; and so I confirm your position as my friends. Oh you
gods, I think, what need do we have of any friends, if we
never have any need of them? They would be the most
useless creatures living if we never had a use for
them, they would be like sweet instruments
hung up in cases, that keep their sounds to themselves.
Why, I have often wished that I was poorer so I
might be closer to you. We are born to do good;
what is it more right that we can call our own