The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 628
you would be even worse. You've been giving for so long,
Timon, I fear all you'll have to give will be IOUs
shortly: what necessity is there for these feasts,
parties and vanities?
TIMON
Nay, an you begin to rail on society once, I am
sworn not to give regard to you. Farewell; and come
with better music.
Exit
No, if you're going to start criticising friendship,
I swear I won't listen to you. Farewell; come back
with something better to say.
APEMANTUS
So:
Thou wilt not hear me now; thou shalt not then:
I'll lock thy heaven from thee.
O, that men's ears should be
To counsel deaf, but not to flattery!
Exit
So. You won't listen to me now; you won't get a chance later:
I'll keep what could keep you happy from you.
What a state of affairs when men are
deaf to advice, but not to flattery!
Enter Senator, with papers in his hand
Senator
And late, five thousand: to Varro and to Isidore
He owes nine thousand; besides my former sum,
Which makes it five and twenty. Still in motion
Of raging waste? It cannot hold; it will not.
If I want gold, steal but a beggar's dog,
And give it Timon, why, the dog coins gold.
If I would sell my horse, and buy twenty more
Better than he, why, give my horse to Timon,
Ask nothing, give it him, it foals me, straight,
And able horses. No porter at his gate,
But rather one that smiles and still invites
All that pass by. It cannot hold: no reason
Can sound his state in safety. Caphis, ho!
Caphis, I say!
And recently, five thousand: to Varro and to Isidore
he owes nine thousand; there's my previous amount
in addition, which makes it twenty-five thousand. Still
throwing it about? He can't keep this up.
If I want gold, I'd just have to steal a beggar's dog
and give it to Timon–why, the dog would crap money;
if I wanted to sell my horse and buy twenty
better ones–why, I would give my horse to Timon;
I wouldn't ask him for anything, just give it to him and straightaway
he would give me excellent horses. There's no guard at his gate,
just someone who smiles and invites everyone who passes
to come in. It can't last; there's no way of looking at it
that makes it sound. Caphis, come here!
Caphis, hello!
Enter CAPHIS
CAPHIS
Here, sir; what is your pleasure?
I'm here, sir; what can I do for you?
Senator
Get on your cloak, and haste you to Lord Timon;
Importune him for my moneys; be not ceased
With slight denial, nor then silenced when--
'Commend me to your master'--and the cap
Plays in the right hand, thus: but tell him,
My uses cry to me, I must serve my turn
Out of mine own; his days and times are past
And my reliances on his fracted dates
Have smit my credit: I love and honour him,
But must not break my back to heal his finger;
Immediate are my needs, and my relief
Must not be toss'd and turn'd to me in words,
But find supply immediate. Get you gone:
Put on a most importunate aspect,
A visage of demand; for, I do fear,
When every feather sticks in his own wing,
Lord Timon will be left a naked gull,
Which flashes now a phoenix. Get you gone.
Put on your cloak, and hurry to Lord Timon;
tell him I want my money; don't be put off
by little excuses, or be silenced when he says
' give your master my compliments' and
doffs his hat to you, like this–but tell him
that I am hard pressed; I must pay my debts
out of my own money; the time he should have paid has passed:
and my reliance on his broken promises
has damaged my credit. I love and honour him,
but I can't break my back to heal his finger.
I need my money at once, and I can't
get any relief from polite words,
I need hard cash at once. Off you go;
put on a very stern face,
one that won't take no for an answer: for I fear,
when all the property has been claimed by its rightful owners,
Lord Timon will be left like a naked gull,
where now he's a Phoenix. Off you go.
CAPHIS
I go, sir.
I'm going, sir.
Senator
Ay go, sir!--Take the bonds along with you,
And have the dates in compt.
Yes, go, sir! Take the papers with you,
and have the dates of them to hand.
CAPHIS
I will, sir.
I will, sir.
Senator
Go.
Go.
Exeunt
Enter FLAVIUS, with many bills in his hand
FLAVIUS
No care, no stop! so senseless of expense,
That he will neither know how to maintain it,
Nor cease his flow of riot: takes no account
How things go from him, nor resumes no care
Of what is to continue: never mind
Was to be so unwise, to be so kind.
What shall be done? he will not hear, till feel:
I must be round with him, now he comes from hunting.
Fie, fie, fie, fie!
He doesn't care, and won't stop! He's so unaware of money
that he doesn't know how to carry on
nor how to stop: he doesn't pay attention
to his outgoings and gives no thought to
how he'll carry on: nobody was ever
so foolish, to be so kind.
What's to be done? He won't listen until he feels it:
I must speak to him plainly, now, as he returns from hunting.
Damn it all!
Enter CAPHIS, and the Servants of Isidore and Varro
CAPHIS
Good even, Varro: what,
You come for money?
Good afternoon, Varro: what's this,
you've come for money?
Varro's Servant
Is't not your business too?
Isn't that what you're after too?
CAPHIS
It is: and yours too, Isidore?
It is. You as well, Isisdore's man?
Isidore's Servant
It is so.
That's right.
CAPHIS
Would we were all discharged!
I wish this would all be settled!
Varro's Servant
I fear it.
I have my doubts.
CAPHIS
Here comes the lord.
Here comes the lord.
Enter TIMON, ALCIBIADES, and Lords, & c
TIMON
So soon as dinner's done, we'll forth again,
My Alcibiades. With me? what is your will?
As soon as we've had dinner, we'll go out again,
friend Alcibiades. You want me? What do you want?
CAPHIS
My lord, here is a note of certain dues.
My lord, I have here a note of some debts that are due payment.
TIMON
Dues! Whence are you?
Debts! Where are you from?
CAPHIS
Of Athens here, my lord.
From here in Athens, my
lord.
TIMON
Go to my steward.
Go and see my steward.
CAPHIS
Please it your lordship, he hath put me off
To the succession of new days this month:
My master is awaked by great occasion
To call upon his own, and humbly prays you
That with your other noble parts you'll suit
In giving him his right.
If you please, your lordship, he has fobbed me off
from one day to the next this month:
my master has very important business which means
he needs his money, and he humbly requests
that you'll be as noble in this as you are in everything,
and pay him what you owe.
TIMON
Mine honest friend,
I prithee, but repair to me next morning.
My honest friend,
I'll just ask you to come back tomorrow morning.
CAPHIS
Nay, good my lord,--
No, my good lord -
TIMON
Contain thyself, good friend.
Be calm, good friend.
Varro's Servant
One Varro's servant, my good lord,--
I am Varro's servant, my good lord -
Isidore's Servant
From Isidore;
He humbly prays your speedy payment.
I am Isidore's servant;
he humbly requests that you pay him at once.
CAPHIS
If you did know, my lord, my master's wants--
If you only knew, my lord, what my master needs -
Varro's Servant
'Twas due on forfeiture, my lord, six weeks and past.
You were due to pay a forfeit, my lord, more than six weeks ago.
Isidore's Servant
Your steward puts me off, my lord;
And I am sent expressly to your lordship.
Your steward keeps fobbing me off, my lord;
and I have been sent to see your lordship in person.
TIMON
Give me breath.
I do beseech you, good my lords, keep on;
I'll wait upon you instantly.
Give me room to breathe.
I beg you, my good lords, go on;
I'll be with you in a moment.
Exeunt ALCIBIADES and Lords
To FLAVIUS
Come hither: pray you,
How goes the world, that I am thus encounter'd
With clamourous demands of date-broke bonds,
And the detention of long-since-due debts,
Against my honour?
Come here: I ask you,
what have things come to, for me to be attacked
with noisy demands for overdue bonds,
and accusations of unpaid debts,
calling my honour into question?
FLAVIUS
Please you, gentlemen,
The time is unagreeable to this business:
Your importunacy cease till after dinner,
That I may make his lordship understand
Wherefore you are not paid.
If you please, gentlemen,
this isn't a good time for this business:
postpone your demands until after dinner,
so I can help his lordship to understand
why you haven't been paid.
TIMON
Do so, my friends. See them well entertain'd.
Do that, my friends. Make sure they are well fed.
Exit
FLAVIUS
Pray, draw near.
Now, please come with me.
Exit
Enter APEMANTUS and Fool
CAPHIS
Stay, stay, here comes the fool with Apemantus:
let's ha' some sport with 'em.
Wait, wait, here comes the fool with Apemantus:
let's have some fun with them.
Varro's Servant
Hang him, he'll abuse us.
Hang him, he'll abuse us.
Isidore's Servant
A plague upon him, dog!
Curse him, the dog!
Varro's Servant
How dost, fool?
How are you, fool?
APEMANTUS
Dost dialogue with thy shadow?
Are you talking to your shadow?
Varro's Servant
I speak not to thee.
I wasn't talking to you.
APEMANTUS
No,'tis to thyself.
To the Fool
Come away.
No, you were talking to yourself.
[to the Fool]
Come away.
Isidore's Servant
There's the fool hangs on your back already.
There's the fool hanging on your back already.
APEMANTUS
No, thou stand'st single, thou'rt not on him yet.
No, you're standing alone, you're not there yet.
CAPHIS
Where's the fool now?
Where's the fool now?
APEMANTUS
He last asked the question. Poor rogues, and
usurers' men! bawds between gold and want!
He's the one who asked the last question. Poor scoundrels,
moneylenders' men! Pimps between money and need!
All Servants
What are we, Apemantus?
What are we, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS
Asses.
Asses.
All Servants
Why?
Why?
APEMANTUS
That you ask me what you are, and do not know
yourselves. Speak to 'em, fool.
Because you ask me what you are, and don't know
yourselves. Speak to them, fool.
Fool
How do you, gentlemen?
How are you, gentlemen?
All Servants
Gramercies, good fool: how does your mistress?
Well, thanks, good fool; how is your mistress?
Fool
She's e'en setting on water to scald such chickens
as you are. Would we could see you at Corinth!
She's just boiling the water to pluck chickens
like you. If only we could see you in Corinth!
APEMANTUS
Good! gramercy.
Very good! Praise God.
Enter Page
Fool
Look you, here comes my mistress' page.
Look, here comes my mistress' page.
Page
[To the Fool] Why, how now, captain! what do you
in this wise company? How dost thou, Apemantus?
Why, hello there, captain! What are you doing
amongst all these wise people? How are you, Apemantus?
APEMANTUS
Would I had a rod in my mouth, that I might answer
thee profitably.
I wish I had a cane instead of a tongue, to give
you a proper lashing.
Page
Prithee, Apemantus, read me the superscription of
these letters: I know not which is which.
Please, Apemantus, read the addresses on these
letters for me: I don't know which is which.
APEMANTUS
Canst not read?
Can't you read?
Page
No.
No.
APEMANTUS
There will little learning die then, that day thou
art hanged. This is to Lord Timon; this to
Alcibiades. Go; thou wast born a bastard, and thou't
die a bawd.
Not much learning will die then, the day
you're hanged. This one's for Lord Timon; this for
Alcibiades. Go; you were born a bastard, and you'll
die a pimp.
Page
Thou wast whelped a dog, and thou shalt
famish a
dog's death. Answer not; I am gone.
You're a son of a bitch, and you'll die as
a starving dog. Don't answer me, I'm gone.
Exit
APEMANTUS
E'en so thou outrunnest grace. Fool, I will go with
you to Lord Timon's.
This is just how you run away from salvation. Fool,
I will go with you to Lord Timon's.
Fool
Will you leave me there?
Are you going to leave me there?
APEMANTUS
If Timon stay at home. You three serve three usurers?
If Timon stays at home. You three work for moneylenders?
All Servants
Ay; would they served us!
Yes, we wish they worked for us!
APEMANTUS
So would I,--as good a trick as ever hangman served thief.
I wish that too - that they'd work the trick on you the hangman