The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 664
because we insulted them in their own country,
and now we're afraid to justify it when we're on home soil!
CASSANDRA.
[Within] Cry, Troyans, cry.
Cry, Trojans, cry.
PRIAM.
What noise, what shriek is this?
What's that noise, that shrieking?
TROILUS.
'Tis our mad sister; I do know her voice.
It's our mad sister; I know her voice.
CASSANDRA.
[Within] Cry, Troyans.
Cry, Trojans.
HECTOR.
It is Cassandra.
It is Cassandra.
Enter CASSANDRA, raving
CASSANDRA.
Cry, Troyans, cry. Lend me ten thousand eyes,
And I will fill them with prophetic tears.
Cry, Trojans, cry. Lend me ten thousand eyes
and I will make them weep for what is to come.
HECTOR.
Peace, sister, peace.
Quiet, sister, calm down.
CASSANDRA.
Virgins and boys, mid-age and wrinkled eld,
Soft infancy, that nothing canst but cry,
Add to my clamours. Let us pay betimes
A moiety of that mass of moan to come.
Cry, Troyans, cry. Practise your eyes with tears.
Troy must not be, nor goodly Ilion stand;
Our firebrand brother, Paris, burns us all.
Cry, Troyans, cry, A Helen and a woe!
Cry, cry. Troy burns, or else let Helen go.
Exit
Virgins and boys, the middle-aged and the wrinkled old,
sweet babies, that can do nothing but cry,
add to my noise! Let's pay in advance
a part of all the moaning that is to come.
Cry, Trojans, cry! Use your eyes for tears!
Troy cannot last, or sweet Ilium either;
our firebrand brother Paris will burn us all.
Cry, Trojans, cry! Helen comes with sorrow!
Cry, cry! If you don't let Helen go, Troy will burn.
HECTOR.
Now, youthful Troilus, do not these high strains
Of divination in our sister work
Some touches of remorse, or is your blood
So madly hot that no discourse of reason,
Nor fear of bad success in a bad cause,
Can qualify the same?
Now, young Troilus, don't these great words
of prophecy from our sister give you
some cause for remorse, or are you so
hotheaded that no talk of reason,
nor fear of a bad outcome in a bad cause,
can calm you down?
TROILUS.
Why, brother Hector,
We may not think the justness of each act
Such and no other than event doth form it;
Nor once deject the courage of our minds
Because Cassandra's mad. Her brain-sick raptures
Cannot distaste the goodness of a quarrel
Which hath our several honours all engag'd
To make it gracious. For my private part,
I am no more touch'd than all Priam's sons;
And Jove forbid there should be done amongst us
Such things as might offend the weakest spleen
To fight for and maintain.
Why, brother Hector,
we can't judge everything
only by the way things turn out;
neither should we lessen our courage
because Cassandra's mad. Her insane visions
can't take away the justice of this argument
to which we have all committed our honour
to make it righteous. Speaking personally,
it affects me no more than it does all of Priam's sons;
and Jove forbid that any of us would do anything
that would give the least courageous any reason
not to fight and support.
PARIS.
Else might the world convince of levity
As well my undertakings as your counsels;
But I attest the gods, your full consent
Gave wings to my propension, and cut of
All fears attending on so dire a project.
For what, alas, can these my single arms?
What propugnation is in one man's valour
To stand the push and enmity of those
This quarrel would excite? Yet, I protest,
Were I alone to pass the difficulties,
And had as ample power as I have will,
Paris should ne'er retract what he hath done
Nor faint in the pursuit.
Otherwise the world might accuse us of lacking seriousness,
both in my actions and your advice.
But I swear to the gods, your full agreement
drove me onwards in my endeavours, and took away
any worries I had about such a serious project.
For, alas, what can these arms of mine accomplish on their own?
What protection does one man's bravery give
against the attack and hatred of those
whom this argument involves? And yet I insist,
that if I had to face these difficulties alone
and had as much power as I have desire,
Paris would never take back what he has done
and would never lose heart.
PRIAM.
Paris, you speak
Like one besotted on your sweet delights.
You have the honey still, but these the gall;
So to be valiant is no praise at all.
Paris, you speak
as one who is obsessed with the joy of what you've got.
You still have the sweetness, but these others have the bitterness;
so there's no credit to you for your bravery.
PARIS.
Sir, I propose not merely to myself
The pleasures such a beauty brings with it;
But I would have the soil of her fair rape
Wip'd off in honourable keeping her.
What treason were it to the ransack'd queen,
Disgrace to your great worths, and shame to me,
Now to deliver her possession up
On terms of base compulsion! Can it be
That so degenerate a strain as this
Should once set footing in your generous bosoms?
There's not the meanest spirit on our party
Without a heart to dare or sword to draw
When Helen is defended; nor none so noble
Whose life were ill bestow'd or death unfam'd
Where Helen is the subject. Then, I say,
Well may we fight for her whom we know well
The world's large spaces cannot parallel.
Sir, I'm not just asking you to think
about the pleasures such a beauty brings to me;
I want the stain of her kidnapping
to be wiped out by honourably keeping her.
How disloyal it would be to the stolen queen,
what a disgrace to your great reputations, and a shame to me,
to now surrender her
because we've been dishonourably forced to! Can it be
the case that such degenerate thoughts
have found a place in your generous hearts?
The meanest lowest person on our side
will still risk himself and draw his sword
to defend Helen; and there is nobody so noble
that he would not give his life and be celebrated for it
if he fell for Helen. So I say
it is right that we, whom we know have no match
in the whole world, should fight for her.
HECTOR.
Paris and Troilus, you have both said well;
And on the cause and question now in hand
Have gloz'd, but superficially; not much
Un
like young men, whom Aristotle thought
Unfit to hear moral philosophy.
The reasons you allege do more conduce
To the hot passion of distemp'red blood
Than to make up a free determination
'Twixt right and wrong; for pleasure and revenge
Have ears more deaf than adders to the voice
Of any true decision. Nature craves
All dues be rend'red to their owners. Now,
What nearer debt in all humanity
Than wife is to the husband? If this law
Of nature be corrupted through affection;
And that great minds, of partial indulgence
To their benumbed wills, resist the same;
There is a law in each well-order'd nation
To curb those raging appetites that are
Most disobedient and refractory.
If Helen, then, be wife to Sparta's king-
As it is known she is-these moral laws
Of nature and of nations speak aloud
To have her back return'd. Thus to persist
In doing wrong extenuates not wrong,
But makes it much more heavy. Hector's opinion
Is this, in way of truth. Yet, ne'er the less,
My spritely brethren, I propend to you
In resolution to keep Helen still;
For 'tis a cause that hath no mean dependence
Upon our joint and several dignities.
Paris and Troilus, you've both spoken well;
and you've given a summary of the matter in hand, though
only a superficial one;this is what young men do,
that's why Aristotlethought they were
not suited to hearing moral philosophy.
The reasons you put forward are more influenced
by your hotheaded passions than
a determination to make a proper choice
between right and wrong; desire and revenge
are deafer than adders when they hear the voice
of unbiased decisions.Nature desires
that everything should go to its owners.Now,
in all of human life, what is closer
than a wife to her husband?If this natural law
is corrupted by giving in to passion,
so that great minds allow their senseless desires
to behave contrary to that law;
every civilised country has laws
to rein in those raging appetites that are
most disobedient and obstinate.
If Helen, then, is the wife of the king of Sparta-
as we know she is- the moral laws
of nature and of all countries say
that she should be given back.To carry on doing wrong
does not wipe out the original wrong,
but makes it worse.Hector is right
about this.But, nevertheless,
my spirited brothers, I propose that we
still keep determined hold of Helen;
because the matter is very important
in relation to all our honours.
TROILUS.
Why, there you touch'd the life of our design.
Were it not glory that we more affected
Than the performance of our heaving spleens,
I would not wish a drop of Troyan blood
Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector,
She is a theme of honour and renown,
A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds,
Whose present courage may beat down our foes,
And fame in time to come canonize us;
For I presume brave Hector would not lose
So rich advantage of a promis'd glory
As smiles upon the forehead of this action
For the wide world's revenue.
Well, you've put your finger on the crux of my plan.
If we didn't value glory above
just taking revenge out of spite,
I wouldn't want another drop of Trojan blood
to be lost in keeping her.But, good Hector,
she is a notable and honourable cause for which to fight,
an inspiration for brave and selfless deeds,
the courage of which may in the present defeat our enemies,
and in time may make us immortal;
I assume brave Hector would not sacrifice
such a great opportunity for glory
as this matter offers,
not for all the money in the world.
HECTOR.
I am yours,
You valiant offspring of great Priamus.
I have a roisting challenge sent amongst
The dull and factious nobles of the Greeks
Will strike amazement to their drowsy spirits.
I was advertis'd their great general slept,
Whilst emulation in the army crept.
This, I presume, will wake him.
Exeunt
I am with you,
you brave son of great Priam.
I have sent a boastful challenge to
the dull and quarrelling nobles of the Greeks
which will certainly astonish their sleepy spirits.
I was told that their great general was sleeping,
whilst the army had begun to copy him.
I assume this will wake him up.
Enter THERSITES, solus
THERSITES.
How now, Thersites! What, lost in the labyrinth of thy fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and I rail at him. O worthy satisfaction! Would it were otherwise: that I could beat him, whilst he rail'd at me! 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, a rare engineer! If Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that little little less-than-little wit from them that they have! which short-arm'd ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider without drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the Neapolitan bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse depending on those that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil Envy say 'Amen.' What ho! my Lord Achilles!
What's this, Thersites!What, lost in the
maze of your anger?Shall the thick skinned clumsy Ajax have the better of it
in this way?He beats me, and I shout at him.Well that's a great comfort!
I wish it was different: that I could beat him, whilst he shouted at me!
By God, I'll learn magic and summon devils, I'll get some result from my
spiteful curses.Then there's Achilles, what a plotter!If Troy
can't be beaten until these two defeat her, she'll stand there
until her walls crumble and fall by themselves.Oh. you great thunder-
thrower on Olympus, forget that you are Jove, the king of
gods, and, Mercury, may you lose all the power of your snake-wrapped wand,
if you can't deprive these two of what little intelligence they have!
Useless ignorance itself can see how stupid they are,
they couldn't save a fly from a spider without lugging out their great swords
and chopping away at the web.And after that, take revenge
on the whole army!Actually, give them all the clap!For that, I think,
is the curse that will fall on those who go to war for a bit of skirt.
I have said my prayers, and the demon Envy says, "Amen!"
Hello there!My lord Achilles!
Enter PATROCLUS
PATROCLUS.
Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and
rail.
Who's that?Thersites!Good Thersites, come in and attack us.
THERSITES.<
br />
If I could 'a rememb'red a gilt counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipp'd out of my contemplation; but it is no
matter; thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly
and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! Heaven bless thee from
a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
direction till thy death. Then if she that lays thee out says
thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't she never
shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles?
If I could have remembered a worthless fake,
I would have included you in my curses.Never mind,
just be yourself!May you have a great quantity of
the common curse of mankind, stupidity and ignorance!
May heaven protect you from teachers, don't let instruction
come near you!Let your passions rule over you until you die,
then if the woman who prepares you for the grave says
that you are a good looking corpse I'll swear to it that she
had only ever laid out lepers before.Amen.Where's Achilles?
PATROCLUS.
What, art thou devout? Wast thou in prayer?
What, are you pious?Were you praying?
THERSITES.
Ay, the heavens hear me!
Yes, may the gods hear me!
PATROCLUS.
Amen.
Amen.
Enter ACHILLES
ACHILLES.
Who's there?
Who's there?
PATROCLUS.
Thersites, my lord.
Thersites, my lord.
ACHILLES.
Where, where? O, where? Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my
digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so
many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?
Where, where?Oh, where?Have you come?Why, my after dinner treat,
why haven't you appeared at my mealtimes for so long?
Come, tell me who Agmemnon is.
THERSITES.
Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus, what's