The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 666
NESTOR.
[Aside] O, this is well! He rubs the vein of him.
Ah, this is good!He's encouraging what he already thinks.
DIOMEDES.
[Aside] And how his silence drinks up this applause!
And how that's shown in his silence!
AJAX.
If I go to him, with my armed fist I'll pash him o'er the
face.
If I go to see him I'll smash him in the face with my
mailed fist.
AGAMEMNON.
O, no, you shall not go.
Oh, no, you shan't go.
AJAX.
An 'a be proud with me I'll pheeze his pride.
Let me go to him.
And if he starts being arrogant with me I'll sort his pride out.
Let me go to him.
ULYSSES.
Not for the worth that hangs upon our quarrel.
Not for everything we've spent on this war.
AJAX.
A paltry, insolent fellow!
A shabby, insolent fellow!
NESTOR.
[Aside] How he describes himself!
He's describing himself!
AJAX.
Can he not be sociable?
Can't he be friendly?
ULYSSES.
[Aside] The raven chides blackness.
The pot calls the kettle black.
AJAX.
I'll let his humours blood.
I'll treat his moods with a bloodletting.
AGAMEMNON.
[Aside] He will be the physician that should be the
patient.
He wants to be the doctor when he should be the patient.
AJAX.
An all men were a my mind-
If all men thought like me-
ULYSSES.
[Aside] Wit would be out of fashion.
There's be no brains anywhere.
AJAX.
'A should not bear it so, 'a should eat swords first.
Shall pride carry it?
He wouldn't get away with this, he would eat my sword first.
Should pride get away with this?
NESTOR.
[Aside] An 'twould, you'd carry half.
If it did, you'd be carrying half of it.
ULYSSES.
[Aside] 'A would have ten shares.
He'd take the lot.
AJAX.
I will knead him, I'll make him supple.
I'll knead him like dough, I'll soften him up.
NESTOR.
[Aside] He's not yet through warm. Force him with praises;
pour in, pour in; his ambition is dry.
He's not yet cooked.Make him rise with praises;
pour them in to him; his ambition is dry.
ULYSSES.
[To AGAMEMNON] My lord, you feed too much on this dislike.
My lord, you're thinking too much about Achilles' behaviour.
NESTOR.
Our noble general, do not do so.
Our noble general, don't do so.
DIOMEDES.
You must prepare to fight without Achilles.
You must prepare to fight without Achilles.
ULYSSES.
Why 'tis this naming of him does him harm.
Here is a man-but 'tis before his face;
I will be silent.
It's thinking we can't do without him that causes the mischief.
There's a man here- but I can't speak about him
in front of his face.
NESTOR.
Wherefore should you so?
He is not emulous, as Achilles is.
Why should you?
He's not greedy for praise like Achilles.
ULYSSES.
Know the whole world, he is as valiant.
The whole world knows he's just as brave.
AJAX.
A whoreson dog, that shall palter with us thus!
Would he were a Troyan!
A son of a bitch, who thinks he can mess us about!
I wish he was a Trojan!
NESTOR.
What a vice were it in Ajax now-
What a vice it would be if Ajax now-
ULYSSES.
If he were proud.
If he was proud.
DIOMEDES.
Or covetous of praise.
Or desperate for praise.
ULYSSES.
Ay, or surly borne.
Yes, or with a bad attitude.
DIOMEDES.
Or strange, or self-affected.
Or haughty, or conceited.
ULYSSES.
Thank the heavens, lord, thou art of sweet composure.
Praise him that gat thee, she that gave thee suck;
Fam'd be thy tutor, and thy parts of nature
Thrice-fam'd beyond, beyond all erudition;
But he that disciplin'd thine arms to fight-
Let Mars divide eternity in twain
And give him half; and, for thy vigour,
Bull-bearing Milo his addition yield
To sinewy Ajax. I will not praise thy wisdom,
Which, like a bourn, a pale, a shore, confines
Thy spacious and dilated parts. Here's Nestor,
Instructed by the antiquary times-
He must, he is, he cannot but be wise;
But pardon, father Nestor, were your days
As green as Ajax' and your brain so temper'd,
You should not have the eminence of him,
But be as Ajax.
Thank goodness, lord, that you have a sweet nature.
I give thanks to your father and mother;
let your teacher be famous, and your natural talents
be three times more, beyond all intellect;
but the one who taught you how to fight-
let Mars split eternal fame in two
and give you half; as for your strength,
bull-carrying Milo will have to cede his title
to muscly Ajax.I will not praise your wisdom,
which is like a boundary, a fence, a shore, which
runs all round your great gifts.Here's Nestor,
who has learned from the ancients-
he must be, he is, he can't help but be wise;
but, if you'll pardon me, father Nestor, if you were as
young as Ajax, with the same mind you have,
you would not be greater than him,
you'd be equals.
AJAX.
Shall I call you father?
Shall I call you father?
ULYSSES.
Ay, my good son.
Yes, my good son.
DIOMEDES.
Be rul'd by him, Lord Ajax.
Follow his orders, lord Ajax.
ULYSSES.
There is no tarrying here; the hart Achilles
Keeps thicket. Please it our great general
To call together all his state of war;
Fresh kings are come to Troy. To-morrow
We must with all our main of power stand fast;
And here's a lord-come knights from east to west
And cull their flower, Ajax shall cope the best.
It's no use waiting here; Achilles won't
come out of hiding.If our great general agrees,
gather together all his forces;
Troy shall have new rulers.Tomorrow
we must put out our full strength;
and we have a lord - knights can come from all over,
wanting to show off their chivalry; Ajax will match the best.
AGAMEMNON.
Go we to council. Let Achilles sleep.
Light boats sail swift, though greater hulks draw deep.
Exeunt
Let's go to council.Let Achilles sleep.
Light boats can travel swiftly while great ones need deep water.
Music sounds within. Enter PANDARUS and a SERVANT
PANDARUS.
Fri
end, you-pray you, a word. Do you not follow the young
Lord Paris?
Friend - a word with you, please.Don't you follow young Lord Paris?
SERVANT.
Ay, sir, when he goes before me.
Yes sir, when he's in front of me.
PANDARUS.
You depend upon him, I mean?
I mean, you depend on him?
SERVANT.
Sir, I do depend upon the lord.
Sir, I depend on the Lord.
PANDARUS.
You depend upon a notable gentleman; I must needs praise
him.
You depend upon an important gentleman; I need to praise
him.
SERVANT.
The lord be praised!
Praise the Lord!
PANDARUS.
You know me, do you not?
You know who I am, don't you?
SERVANT.
Faith, sir, superficially.
Vaguely, sir.
PANDARUS.
Friend, know me better: I am the Lord Pandarus.
Friend, you should know me better: I am the Lord Pandarus.
SERVANT.
I hope I shall know your honour better.
I hope I shall know your honour better.
PANDARUS.
I do desire it.
That's what I want.
SERVANT.
You are in the state of grace?
You are in the state of grace?
PANDARUS.
Grace! Not so, friend; honour and lordship are my titles.
What music is this?
Grace!Not me, friend; I am called 'honour' and 'lordship'.
What's this music?
SERVANT.
I do but partly know, sir; it is music in parts.
I only know parts sir; it's made of parts.
PANDARUS.
Know you the musicians?
Do you know the musicians?
SERVANT.
Wholly, sir.
Completely, sir.
PANDARUS.
Who play they to?
Who are they playing to?
SERVANT.
To the hearers, sir.
To the people who are listening, sir.
PANDARUS.
At whose pleasure, friend?
Whose pleasure is it?
SERVANT.
At mine, sir, and theirs that love music.
Mine, sir, and anyone who loves music.
PANDARUS.
Command, I mean, friend.
I mean who commands it, friend.
SERVANT.
Who shall I command, sir?
Who shall I command, sir?
PANDARUS.
Friend, we understand not one another: I am too courtly,
and thou art too cunning. At whose request do these men play?
Friend, we don't understand each other: I'm too polite,
and you're too devious.Who asked these men to play?
SERVANT.
That's to't, indeed, sir. Marry, sir, at the request of
Paris my lord, who is there in person; with him the mortal Venus,
the heart-blood of beauty, love's invisible soul-
Now we've got to the point, sir.Well, sir, at the request of
my lord, Paris, who is there himself; with him is the living Venus,
the very heart and soul of beauty -
PANDARUS.
Who, my cousin, Cressida?
Who, my cousin Cressida?
SERVANT.
No, sir, Helen. Could not you find out that by her
attributes?
No sir, Helen.Couldn't you tell from the description?
PANDARUS.
It should seem, fellow, that thou hast not seen the Lady
Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from the Prince Troilus; I
will make a complimental assault upon him, for my business
seethes.
It would appear, fellow, that you haven't seen Lady
Cressida.I've come from Prince Troilus to speak with Paris; I
will attack him with compliments, for my business is on the boil.
SERVANT.
Sodden business! There's a stew'd phrase indeed!
Boiling business?There's an overcooked phrase!
Enter PARIS and HELEN, attended
PANDARUS.
Fair be to you, my lord, and to all this fair company!
Fair desires, in all fair measure, fairly guide them-especially
to you, fair queen! Fair thoughts be your fair pillow.
Fair wishes to you, my lord, and all this fair company!
May fair desires, in fair measures, fairly guide them–especially
you, fair Queen! May you havefair dreams.
HELEN.
Dear lord, you are full of fair words.
Dear lord, you are full of fair words.
PANDARUS.
You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fair prince,
here is good broken music.
You speak your fair pleasure, sweet queen. Fair Prince,
this is good broken music.
PARIS.
You have broke it, cousin; and by my life, you shall make it
whole again; you shall piece it out with a piece of your
performance.
You're the one who broke it, cousin; and I swear, you shall make it
whole again; you shall repair it with a bit of your own
singing.
HELEN.
He is full of harmony.
He looks full of harmony.
PANDARUS.
Truly, lady, no.
Truly, Lady, I'm not.
HELEN.
O, sir-
Oh, Sir–
PANDARUS.
Rude, in sooth; in good sooth, very rude.
Rough, I swear; in all honesty, I'm very unpolished.
PARIS.
Well said, my lord. Well, you say so in fits.
I agree, my lord. Though you don't always say this.
PANDARUS.
I have business to my lord, dear queen. My lord, will you
vouchsafe me a word?
I have business with my lord, dear queen. My lord, will you
allow me to have a word?
HELEN.
Nay, this shall not hedge us out. We'll hear you sing,
certainly-
No, you won't fob us off that easily. We'll definitely hear you sing–
PANDARUS.
Well sweet queen, you are pleasant with me. But, marry,
thus, my lord: my dear lord and most esteemed friend, your
brother Troilus-
Well, sweet queen, you are kind to me. But, look here,
my lord: my dear lord and my great friend, your
brother Troilus–
HELEN.
My Lord Pandarus, honey-sweet lord-
My Lord Pandarus, honey–sweet lord–
PANDARUS.
Go to, sweet queen, go to-commends himself most
affectionately to you-
Just a minute, sweet queen, just a minute–gives you his affectionate
greetings–
HELEN.
You shall not bob us out of our melody. If you do, our
melancholy upon your head!
You shan't cheat us of our song. If you do, our
sadness will be upon your head!
PANDARUS.
Sweet queen, sweet queen; that's a sweet queen, i' faith.
Sweet queen, sweet queen; you are a sweet queen, I swear.
HELEN.
And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.
And to make a sweet lady sad is a sour offence.
PANDARUS.
Nay, that shall not serve your turn; that shall it not,
in truth, la. Nay, I care not for such words; no, no. -And, my
lord, he desires you that, if the King call for him at suppe
r,
you will make his excuse.
No, that's not going to work; I should say not, definitely!
No, such talk can't affect me; no, no.–And, my
lord, he asks you that if the king asks where he is at supper,
you make an excuse for him.
HELEN.
My Lord Pandarus!
My Lord Pandarus!
PANDARUS.
What says my sweet queen, my very very sweet queen?
What's my sweet queen saying, my very very sweet queen?
PARIS.
What exploit's in hand? Where sups he to-night?