The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 667
What is he playing at? Where is he eating tonight?
HELEN.
Nay, but, my lord-
No, but, my lord–
PANDARUS.
What says my sweet queen?-My cousin will fall out with
you.
What's my sweet queen saying?–Paris will be angry with you for interrupting.
HELEN.
You must not know where he sups.
He doesn't want you to know where he's eating.
PARIS.
I'll lay my life, with my disposer Cressida.
I'll bet my life he's eating with his mistress Cressida.
PANDARUS.
No, no, no such matter; you are wide. Come, your disposer
is sick.
No, no, nothing of the sort; you're wide of the mark. How could he,
Cressida is ill.
PARIS.
Well, I'll make's excuse.
Well, I'll make his excuses.
PANDARUS.
Ay, good my lord. Why should you say Cressida?
No, your poor disposer's sick.
Yes, my good lord. Why did you mention Cressida?
No, the poor girl is sick.
PARIS.
I spy.
I spy.
PANDARUS.
You spy! What do you spy?-Come, give me an instrument.
Now, sweet queen.
You spy! What do you spy? Come, give me an instrument.
Now, sweet queen.
HELEN.
Why, this is kindly done.
Well, thank you for agreeing.
PANDARUS.
My niece is horribly in love with a thing you have, sweet
queen.
My niece is desperately in love with something you have, sweet
queen.
HELEN.
She shall have it, my lord, if it be not my Lord Paris.
She shall have it, my lord, as long as it's not my Lord Paris.
PANDARUS.
He! No, she'll none of him; they two are twain.
Him! No, she doesn't want him; they have nothing in common.
HELEN.
Falling in, after falling out, may make them three.
Maybe after falling out they would make up, and then there might be three of them.
PANDARUS.
Come, come. I'll hear no more of this; I'll sing you a
song now.
Come along. No more of this talk; I'll sing you a
song now.
HELEN.
Ay, ay, prithee now. By my troth, sweet lord, thou hast a
fine forehead.
Yes, yes, now please. I swear, sweet lord, you have a
fine forehead.
PANDARUS.
Ay, you may, you may.
Get along with you.
HELEN.
Let thy song be love. 'This love will undo us all.' O Cupid,
Cupid, Cupid!
Sing a song about love. ‘This love will undo us all.’ Oh Cupid,
Cupid, Cupid!
PANDARUS.
Love! Ay, that it shall, i' faith.
Love! Yes, it certainly shall, I swear.
PARIS.
Ay, good now, love, love, nothing but love.
Yes, please, love, love, nothing but love.
PANDARUS.
In good troth, it begins so.
[Sings]
Love, love, nothing but love, still love, still more!
For, oh, love's bow
Shoots buck and doe;
The shaft confounds
Not that it wounds,
But tickles still the sore.
These lovers cry, O ho, they die!
Yet that which seems the wound to kill
Doth turn O ho! to ha! ha! he!
So dying love lives still.
O ho! a while, but ha! ha! ha!
O ho! groans out for ha! ha! ha!-hey ho!
Love, love, nothing but love, still love, still more!
For, oh, Cupid's arrow
hits the male and female;
the shaft overwhelms,
though it doesn't wound
it still tickles the gash.
And the lovers cry, ‘Oh! Oh!’, they die!
But what seems to be a fatal wound
then turns ' Oh! Oh!' To 'Ha, ha, he!'
So the love that was dying still lives.
‘Oh! Oh!’ for a while, but then ‘Ha, ha, ha!'
'Oh ho!' groans into 'Ha! Ha! Ha! Hey-ho!’
HELEN.
In love, i' faith, to the very tip of the nose.
I swear he's got love off to a T.
PARIS.
He eats nothing but doves, love; and that breeds hot blood,
and hot blood begets hot thoughts, and hot thoughts beget hot
deeds, and hot deeds is love.
He eats nothing but doves, love; and that gives him hot blood,
and hot blood gives him hot thoughts, and hot thoughts start hot
deeds, and hot deeds make love.
PANDARUS.
Is this the generation of love: hot blood, hot thoughts,
and hot deeds? Why, they are vipers. Is love a generation of
vipers? Sweet lord, who's a-field today?
Is this how love is made: hot blood, hot thoughts,
and hot deeds? Why, they are terrible things. Is love made of
terrible things? Sweet lord, who's gone to the battle today?
PARIS.
Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all the gallantry
of Troy. I would fain have arm'd to-day, but my Nell would not
have it so. How chance my brother Troilus went not?
Hector, Deiphobus, Helenus, Antenor, and all the gallant men
of Troy. I would have gone today myself, but Helen would not
let me. Why didn't my brother Troilus go?
HELEN.
He hangs the lip at something. You know all, Lord Pandarus.
He's sticking his lip out at something. You know everything, Lord Pandarus.
PANDARUS.
Not I, honey-sweet queen. I long to hear how they spend
to-day. You'll remember your brother's excuse?
I don't, honey sweet queen. I can't wait to hear how they spent
the day. You'll remember to give your brother's excuses?
PARIS.
To a hair.
Just as you said.
PANDARUS.
Farewell, sweet queen.
Farewell, sweet queen.
HELEN.
Commend me to your niece.
Give my best to your niece.
PANDARUS.
I will, sweet queen.
I will, sweet queen.
Exit. Sound a retreat
PARIS.
They're come from the field. Let us to Priam's hall
To greet the warriors. Sweet Helen, I must woo you
To help unarm our Hector. His stubborn buckles,
With these your white enchanting fingers touch'd,
Shall more obey than to the edge of steel
Or force of Greekish sinews; you shall do more
Than all the island kings-disarm great Hector.
They've come from the field. Let's go to Priam's hall
to greet the warriors. Sweet Helen, I must ask you
if you would help take our Hector's armour off. His stubborn buckles,
touched with your enchanting white fingers,
will come off more easily than when attacked with swords
or Greek strength; you will do more
than all the kings of Greece can do- disarm great Hector.
HELEN.
'Twill make us proud to be his servant, Paris;
Yea, what he shall receive of us in duty
Gives us more palm in beauty than we have,
Yea, overshines ourself.
I will be proud to be his servant, Paris;
the duty I shall do him
will give me more credit than I have for my beauty,
it will make me greater.
PARIS.
Sweet, above thought I love thee.
Dearest, I love you more than you can imagine.
Exeunt
Enter PANDARUS and TROILUS' BOY, meeting
PANDARUS.
How now! Where's thy master? At my cousin Cressida's?
Hello there! Where's your master? At my cousin Cressida's?
BOY.
No, sir; he stays for you to conduct him thither.
No, sir; he's waiting for you to take him there.
Enter TROILUS
PANDARUS.
O, here he comes. How now, how now!
Oh, here he comes. Hello there, hello!
TROILUS.
Sirrah, walk off.
Sir, off you go.
Exit Boy
PANDARUS.
Have you seen my cousin?
Have you seen my cousin?
TROILUS.
No, Pandarus. I stalk about her door
Like a strange soul upon the Stygian banks
Staying for waftage. O, be thou my Charon,
And give me swift transportance to these fields
Where I may wallow in the lily beds
Propos'd for the deserver! O gentle Pandar,
From Cupid's shoulder pluck his painted wings,
And fly with me to Cressid!
No, Pandarus. I hang around her door
like a soul on the banks of the Styx
waiting to be carried over. You be my ferryman,
and grant me swift passage to the Elysian Fields
where I can wallow in the beds of lilies
which are promised to the deserving! Oh gentle Pandarus,
steal the painted wings from Cupid's shoulder,
and fly with me to Cressida!
PANDARUS.
Walk here i' th' orchard, I'll bring her straight.
Walk here in the orchard, I'll bring her at once.
Exit
TROILUS.
I am giddy; expectation whirls me round.
Th' imaginary relish is so sweet
That it enchants my sense; what will it be
When that the wat'ry palate tastes indeed
Love's thrice-repured nectar? Death, I fear me;
Swooning destruction; or some joy too fine,
Too subtle-potent, tun'd too sharp in sweetness,
For the capacity of my ruder powers.
I fear it much; and I do fear besides
That I shall lose distinction in my joys;
As doth a battle, when they charge on heaps
The enemy flying.
I am dizzy; hope is spinning around.
Just imagining what could happen is so sweet
that it enchants my senses; what will it be like
when our starved palates actually get a real taste
of the pure nectar of love? I fear death,
or fainting fits, from some joy too wonderful,
too subtle and powerful, too overwhelmingly sweet
for my rough soul to cope with.
I'm very afraid of that; and I also fear
that I shall lose the ability to tell one joy from another,
like in a battle, when they charge indiscriminately
on the fleeing enemy.
Re-enter PANDARUS
PANDARUS.
She's making her ready, she'll come straight; you must be
witty now. She does so blush, and fetches her wind so short, as
if she were fray'd with a sprite. I'll fetch her. It is the
prettiest villain; she fetches her breath as short as a new-ta'en
sparrow.
She's getting herself ready, she'll come at once; you must be
sparkling now. She blushes so much, and breathes so heavily, as
if she had seen a ghost. I'll get her. She is the
most charming wretch; she's panting like a newly captured
sparrow.
Exit
TROILUS.
Even such a passion doth embrace my bosom.
My heart beats thicker than a feverous pulse,
And all my powers do their bestowing lose,
Like vassalage at unawares encount'ring
The eye of majesty.
The same excitement fills my soul.
My heart is beating faster than a sick man's pulse,
and all my faculties have lost their powers,
like a humble subject who has unexpectedly
found the King is looking at him.
Re-enter PANDARUS With CRESSIDA
PANDARUS.
Come, come, what need you blush? Shame's a baby.-Here she
is now; swear the oaths now to her that you have sworn to me.-
What, are you gone again? You must be watch'd ere you be made
tame, must you? Come your ways, come your ways; an you draw
backward, we'll put you i' th' thills.-Why do you not speak to
her?-Come, draw this curtain and let's see your picture.
Alas the day, how loath you are to offend daylight! An 'twere
dark, you'd close sooner. So, so; rub on, and kiss the mistress.
How now, a kiss in fee-farm! Build there, carpenter; the air is
sweet. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere I part you. The
falcon as the tercel, for all the ducks i' th' river. Go to, go
to.
Come now, why are you blushing? You're not a baby.–Here he
is now; now swear the oaths to her that you have sworn to me.–
What, have you gone again? I have to keep my eye on you before you
become tame, is that it? Come on, come on; if you go
backwards, we'll put a harness on you.–Why don't you speak to
her?–Let's take this veil away and see your face.
How unhappy for the day, that you don't want to show your face in the light! If
it was dark you'd get to grips sooner. That's it, on you go, and kiss the mistress.
What's this, a kiss which claims the property! Build there, carpenter ; the air is
sweet. Well, you would tear your hearts out before I parted you. The female
is just as keen as the male, I'll bet anything. Go on, go on.
TROILUS.
You have bereft me of all words, lady.
You have stripped me of all words, lady.
PANDARUS.
Words pay no debts, give her deeds; but she'll bereave
you o' th' deeds too, if she call your activity in question.
What, billing again? Here's 'In witness whereof the parties
interchangeably.' Come in, come in; I'll go get a fire.
Words won't pay the rent, give her deeds; but she’ll strip you
of the deeds too, if she questions your manliness.
What, kissing again? Two parts of a single whole, clearly.
Come in, come in. I'll go and light the fire.
Exit
CRESSIDA.
Will you walk in, my lord?
Will you come in, my lord?
TROILUS.
O Cressid, how often have I wish'd me thus!
Oh Cressida, how often I've wished for this!
CRESSIDA.
Wish'd, my lord! The gods grant-O my lord!
Wished, my lord! The gods grant–oh my lord!
TROILUS.
What should they grant? What makes this pretty abruption?
What too curious dreg espies my sweet lady in the fountain of our
love?
What should they grant? What causes this sweet interruption?
What hidden dirt does my sweet lady see in the fountain of our
love?
CRESSIDA.
More dregs than water, if my fears have eyes.
More dirt than water, if my fears see correctly.
TROILUS.
Fears make
devils of cherubims; they never see truly.
Fears make devils out of angels; they never see properly.
CRESSIDA.
Blind fear, that seeing reason leads, finds safer footing
than blind reason stumbling without fear. To fear the worst oft
cures the worse.
Blind fear, led by seeing reason, is on safer ground
than blind reason stumbling without fear. If you fear the worst,
you can often avoid it.
TROILUS.
O, let my lady apprehend no fear! In all Cupid's pageant
there is presented no monster.
Oh, don't let my lady be afraid! There's no such monster
in Cupid's plays.
CRESSIDA.
Nor nothing monstrous neither?
And nothing monstrous either?
TROILUS.
Nothing, but our undertakings when we vow to weep seas,
live in fire, eat rocks, tame tigers; thinking it harder for our
mistress to devise imposition enough than for us to undergo any
difficulty imposed. This is the monstruosity in love, lady, that
the will is infinite, and the execution confin'd; that the desire