And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series)

by Heather A Buchman

  “No, it isn’t. It’s because of you that you’re doin’ this and don’t you ever forget it.”

  “A little bird told me that Livvie is competin’ in her first rodeo this weekend.”

  “Bill Patterson, are you tellin’ the truth? Our Livvie is gonna be barrel racin’ in a rodeo this weekend?”

  Liv was bent over with her hands on her knees, taking in a deep breath. When she stood up her hat flew into the air and she let out the loudest “Woohoo,” Dottie had ever heard out of a girl.

  “Micah, did you hear that?” She nuzzled up against him. “We’re ready boy.”

  She wished Renie could be here this weekend to see her mom in her first barrel race, but she’d probably be too busy with school. Oh the hell with that, thought Liv. This was her first barrel race. Renie damn well better come down for it.

  There were a couple other people she’d love to invite to come. One, in particular, but that was the reason she lost her focus today. She’d dreamt about Ben last night and this morning she just couldn’t get him off her mind.

  It wasn’t unusual for her to dream about him. She did almost every night. Some nights they were just talking about something. Or she’d dream that she was walking Micah out of the barn and he was standing there waiting for her.

  Last night had been an entirely different kind of dream. She and Ben were having sex, and the dream was so vivid, she could’ve sworn he was in the room with her when she woke up, sweating.

  She missed him. Every day. She missed him more than she thought it was possible to miss someone.

  It had been two months and twenty-eight days since she walked out of his life. She could probably count the hours too. He was on tour now. She knew because she still checked CB Rice’s Facebook page. And Twitter. And Instagram. She could tell that he wasn’t the one writing the posts, they didn’t sound anything like him. Every once in a while she’d be able to tell when it was him who answered someone’s question on Facebook, or retweeted with a comment on Twitter. Those were the posts she longed to see, that was when she felt some connection to him.

  The photos from the tour were amazing. He looked good, and healthy. Sexy as ever, with that smile that made her knees weak. As much as she tried to tell herself she didn’t love him, she knew she did. She’d always love him.

  She wondered if he’d met someone yet, someone who fit him better than she did. Liv shook her head, hard. She needed to stop this. If she didn’t, she might as well not even go to Woodward this weekend. Her focus would be shot to hell.

  ***

  Ben would’ve liked to kill Paige Cochran. He’d been texting her for two days and the last he heard from her, she said she had news about Liv. Now she wasn’t answering him. He’d give her another hour and then he was gonna call her.

  Fifty-three minutes later, he got an answer. Woodward, Oklahoma is 9 hours and 48 minutes from Crested Butte. That’s what it said. What in the world was Paige talking about. And had that text been meant for him?

  Huh? He answered.

  Get in your truck and DRIVE cowboy. Mark and I will meet you there.

  Ben had no idea what Paige was up to. But what the hell, he had five days off between now and the band’s next show. He might as well get in his truck and drive.

  There were at least ten different times during the 570 mile drive that Ben thought about turning his truck around and heading home. But something in his gut told him to keep driving. Paige was a live wire, there was no question about that, but if she was trying to get him to Woodward, Oklahoma, home of exactly nothing, it must have something to do with Liv.

  His palms were sweaty. When was the last time his palms were sweaty?

  ***

  The day Liv left, Ben went and talked to his mom. He hoped she could help him figure out what Liv’s words meant.

  She sat very quietly for a very long time before she answered him. “Liv needs some time to figure out who she is Ben. And she needs to do it on her own.”

  “Do you think she might come back to me after she does?” That was really all he cared about, that she came back to him someday. He’d wait forever for her, he just hoped it didn’t take that long.

  “It all depends on what her journey leads her to,” his mother had answered.

  That hadn’t helped at all. What if Liv’s journey led her to another man? A better man, one who wasn’t an alcoholic?

  “Then that’s the road she’ll take,” his mother responded.

  That wasn’t good enough as far as Ben was concerned. But what could he do? It was either accept that Liv would never come back, or live with the hope that she would. Since he had no intention of pursuing any other woman ever again, he might as well live with hope.

  ***

  He was fiddling with the radio, trying to find a station when the road sign caught his attention. “Hope, next exit,” it said. Like everything, he convinced himself it meant something. Something about Liv.

  Where are you? Another text from Paige.

  Filling up the gas tank in a place called Hope, he answered.

  You’re close. Hurry.

  Ben swore Paige would be the death of him one day. But she was his only connection to Liv. He’d put up with her until he took his last breath if he had to.

  Ben got back on the highway and drove to Woodward. As his Google search had predicted, there was nothing in Woodward, except a rodeo, and it was tonight. He parked the truck and texted Paige.

  At the rodeo, is this where I’m supposed to be?

  Ticket waiting at will call for you.

  Yep, she was a laugh a minute, that Paige.

  Ben saw Paige and Mark sitting in the center section of the stands, about halfway up. Renie was sitting with them. He looked out at the arena. He couldn’t figure out for the life of him what he was doing here.

  He gave Paige a kiss on the cheek when he got to his seat and whispered, “This better be good.”

  “Oh, it will be,” she answered. “I guarantee it.”

  Mark shook his hand and shook his head. Renie waved at him. He supposed there’d be time for talking later.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, our next event tonight is barrel racing,” the announcement came through the loud speaker. “We’ve got a line-up of some of the finest barrel racers in the state of Oklahoma. Y’all are in for a real treat. And, I’ve just been told that two of the grand dames of the sport are with us tonight, with one of their protégé riders. Everybody give a big round of applause for Ms. Mary Beth Wagner and Ms. Jolene Berger.”

  The two women rode the arena loop as the announcer listed their impressive achievements in barrel racing. The crowd was on its feet cheering for them.

  “First up tonight is a little lady out of Monument, Colorado. Ms. Mary Beth and Ms. Jolene have been workin’ this girl hard, and they tell us they expect to see her in Las Vegas come the end of the year. Everybody give a big welcome to Olivia Fairchild, ridin’ Micah.”

  Every bit of air left Ben’s lungs as he saw Liv and Micah come out of the alley. And suddenly she was off. Micah went left around the barrel, then right. Both barrels were standing as Liv guided him to the third and final barrel. He rounded it perfectly and she was off, heading home. The horse and rider both looked like they were flying.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, coming in with a time of sixteen-eight is the little lady from Colorado. That is an unbelievable time for a first-time racer. Let’s give her and Micah a big round of applause. Wow! I’d say Mary Beth and Jolene have trained a champion, wouldn’t you folks?”

  The crowd was on its feet again. Everyone except Ben, who was still trying to find the air he needed to breathe. He looked up at Renie who was looking straight at him. They both had tears in their eyes.

  “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” Renie came and sat next to Ben who was still having a hard time speaking.

  “So amazing.” He wiped his eyes, but it didn’t seem to do any good. There were so many reasons he wanted to cry that he couldn’t figure out which was
affecting him the most. Was it that he was just so proud of Liv that he couldn’t contain his emotion? Or was it that he was just so damn glad to see her? Or was it that he missed her so much his heart ached every minute of every day?

  “You must think I’m . . .”

  “I don’t think you’re anything, except maybe in love with my mom.” Renie put her hand on Ben’s. “I don’t know what happened, but I think this change in her is because of you.”

  “I wish I could see it as a good thing,” he laughed.

  “Maybe it will be, eventually. I’ve never seen my mom so determined about anything. And passionate. I never knew she had it in her, is that terrible for me to say?”

  “Your mom is one of the most passionate people I’ve ever known. And I don’t mean that in the way you’re assuming I do.”

  Renie laughed out loud. “I’m not assuming anything Ben.” The smile it brought to her face stayed there.

  “I better get going.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you going to tell me your mom knows I’m here?”

  “No. She doesn’t.” The smile was gone.

  “This is her night. I’m not going to make it about me. She was very clear the last time we saw each other that we were through. If she ever feels differently about that, she knows how to get in touch with me.”

  “She doesn’t know Paige and Mark are here either.”

  “Yeah, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t kick them out of her life either.”

  Renie looked down at her feet and shook her head. “Nope, she didn’t.”

  Ben squeezed Paige’s hand and winked at her, there weren’t tears in her eyes until she looked at him. “Thank you,” he mouthed before he stood, shook Mark’s hand and left the stands, hands in his pockets.

  He only hoped he could get out of there and into his truck without completely breaking down. It would be so humiliating if he cried all the way to the parking lot.

  Something over by the barn caught his eye. Liv. And she was running into the arms of a cowboy who picked her up and spun her around in a circle. The look on her face, it was pure joy. The cowboy’s too. Joy. He forgot about trying not to cry, now he was worried he wouldn’t make it to the truck before his chest cracked open with the pain burning in it.

  “Olivia Fairchild, am I ever proud of you,” Billy Patterson Jr. hooted at her before he swept her off her feet and spun her in a circle.

  “Can you believe it? I got a sixteen-eight? I was sure there was something wrong with the clock and I was going to be disqualified. Shit Billy, sixteen point eight!”

  “My mom and dad said you worked hard for it girl. They’re damn proud of you. And I hope you don’t mind me sayin’ I am too.”

  “Thanks Billy, that means a lot to me.”

  “Whaddaya say we go do a little celebratin’ tonight. Just you and me?”

  “Billy—”

  “Shit I’m just messin’ around, but it was worth a try. Maybe you were so delirious with happiness that you forgot I don’t do it for ya. God Livvie, I feel like I’ve loved ya most of my life.”

  “There are plenty of girls you do it for Billy Patterson. Plenty. You never loved me and you know it. I was somebody safe you flirted with.”

  There was that word again. Liv was safe. She was sick and tired of being safe. “Come out with us later. I’m meeting up with your folks and some friends. I’m feeling awfully happy right now,” she winked at him.

  “Whoo-wee, you keep that up girl and I’ll be flirtin’ with you all night long.”

  Liv turned to walk Micah back to the barns. There was another round tomorrow night and if she did well, she might just be in the money on Sunday. At her first rodeo.

  She walked back out after Micah was settled and looked up at the stars. “Ben, are you looking at the same night sky I am?” She put her arms around her waist, as though she was holding him close to her. “What I would’ve given to have you here tonight. I wonder what you would’ve thought about all this?”

  She knew damn well Ben would be proud of her. If she’d told him she wanted to do this, he would’ve done everything in his power to help her. He never would’ve tried to talk her out of it. She could say all this now. Three months ago she didn’t know whether she could even qualify for a rodeo, let alone do so well her first time out.

  For the hundredth time today, the millionth time this week, Liv wondered if she’d made a horrible mistake saying goodbye to Ben Rice.

  Don’t go home, the text from Paige said. What the hell? If heartbreak didn’t kill him the heart attack Paige gave him would. Was there a more infuriating woman alive?

  Ben pulled off the road. He didn’t know where he was going. He couldn’t drive home, at least not tonight. He was going to have to find a place to stay, get some sleep, and leave in the morning.

  Don’t go home, the text came through again.

  I’m not, he wrote back.

  Where are you?

  Couple blocks away.

  Meet us at Blue Water on Main.

  Shit. What was Paige up to now? Enough with the texts, he was calling her.

  “Hey,” she answered.

  “Paige, I gotta tell you, I don’t think I’ve been this close to havin’ a drink in over a year. You have to let up on me a little bit. I know you mean well, but . . .”

  “She knows you’re here.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Renie decided she needed to know.”

  Fuck. Now what? Ben laid his head against the steering wheel. He never should have come. Liv was not going to be happy about this. No matter what he did next it would be the wrong thing.

  “Does she want to see me?” He couldn’t believe those words actually came out of his stupid mouth. Of course she didn’t want to see him. He hit the steering wheel, hard and answered before she had a chance to. “Fuck Paige, why are you doing this to me?”

  He hit the off button on the phone and threw it against the passenger window, hoping it would break. Why had he come?

  ***

  “Hey sweet mama,” Renie said, meeting her mother outside the barn. “Do you have any idea how proud I am of you? How happy I am for you?”

  Liv hugged Renie with all her might. Thank God her daughter was here. If she hadn’t been, tonight would’ve meant so much less.

  “There were some people in the stands tonight cheering you on that I don’t think you expected to be here.”

  Liv knew her eyes flew open, she tried to breathe in, and almost choked, she couldn’t catch her breath.

  “Mom, are you okay?” Renie started slapping Liv on the back.

  “Stop! Stop it. I’m okay, just went down the wrong pipe.” Liv coughed a couple times trying to get her breath back. “Who?”

  “Well, Paige and Mark came down, you probably figured they would. And you already knew that Dottie and Bill were here. But there was one more person you probably didn’t expect.”

  Liv was so close to strangling her daughter. “Who Renie? Quit playing games and tell me.”

  “Ben.”

  Liv turned and walked back toward the barn. Ben was here. Where was he? Why was he here? She had a million questions running through her head.

  “Mom, come back. Don’t run away.”

  Liv turned toward her daughter but kept her feet firmly planted where they were. “You shouldn’t have interfered in this.” She turned back around and went into the barn.

  “Mom, wait a minute. Stop, quit walking away from me dammit!” Renie had never once, in twenty-one years raised her voice to her mother, she’d never had any reason to. Until tonight.

  “Irene, you had no right,” Liv said through her tears.

  “First of all, I didn’t interfere, Paige did.” Liv laughed. “And secondly, that man loves you so much, you should have seen his face. He had tears in his eyes he was so proud of you.”

  “He did?” Liv whispered.

  “Yes, he did. And if you don’t talk to him, a
t least thank him for being here, be gracious to him, then I will be very, very disappointed in you.”

  Renie sounded just like her. Whenever her daughter had done anything wrong, Liv’s tactic was always the one Renie was using right now. She wasn’t a yeller, or even a shouter. She’d just simply tell her that she’d be very, very disappointed in her if she didn’t improve her behavior. Now Renie was handing it back to her.

  “I expect better from you Mom.”

  Yep, Liv had used that line too, plenty of times.

  “Where is he?”

  “I don’t know. Paige is trying to keep him from leaving.”

  What should she do? Liv had no idea. Should she call him and thank him for coming? Should she let Paige handle it? Should she run as fast and as far away from all this as she could? She didn’t know.

  “Renie?”

  “What Mom?”

  “I don’t know what to do.” It came out somewhere between a gasp and a whisper. She grabbed her daughter’s arm, as if it had become her lifeline. “Help me.”

  “Call him.”

  Liv walked in a circle. Why was somebody always trying to get her to call him? First Dottie, then Paige, now Renie. Should she call him? She didn’t know.

  ***

  Ben picked his phone up off the floor of his truck and hit the “on” button. Nothing. He’d done it. He broke it. That was what he wanted to do wasn’t it? That way Paige couldn’t get a hold of him. He couldn’t find out if Liv wanted to see him. He couldn’t do anything. His phone was broken. What the hell had he been thinking?

  “It went to straight to voicemail. Shit.” Paige said to Mark, furious at how she had handled it.

  ***

  “It went straight to voicemail.” Liv said to Renie, not knowing what to do next.

  Chapter 14

  Ben got out of the truck and paced along the side of the road. He didn’t know what the hell to do. Paige told him to come to Blue Water on Main. He assumed that was a restaurant, or a bar. He could probably find Main Street, since there were only two roads in the whole town, and he was on the other one.