Avren: An Auxem Novel

by Lisa Lace

  "Mother," Dar said, and she turned to look at him. I could see that she was pleased that he was calling her by a familiar name, even though he didn't remember her. "The army is gone, and so is the alien ship. We've failed. And we just lost another thirty thousand people to the aliens."

  We all stared at the space in front of the wormhole. My heart filled with grief.

  How would we defeat them now that our army was gone?

  Where were Jared and Mana and all the others?

  How would we ever get our friends back?

  Disaster

  The joint human and Susohnnan fleet attack had failed. We didn't even have a name for the enemy. We felt that giving them a name would be giving them power over us.

  The Earth government was making plans, but they didn't want to include us in the meetings. It was difficult for us to have a presence at the table while Dar had forgotten everything.

  Together, the queen and I decided to do what we could to bring back Dar's memories on his home planet Susohn. Once Dar was back, we could figure out a way to get our friends and family back.

  IF Dar ever came back.

  DAR

  I watched as the hovercraft approached the city. It could have been any city on any planet, for all I knew.

  "Are you remembering anything, Darvish?" the stranger said. I mean, my mother said.

  I shook my head. I was feeling depressed again.

  My mother had insisted that Kenna come with us to Susohn in an attempt to help me regain my memories. I had mentioned to my mother that I had flashes from the past and she wanted to try and do something. She hoped something would be able to jog my memory.

  I had tried to protect Kenna by distancing myself from her. She didn't take it very well and wasn't happy about being asked to spend a lot of time with me. But she cared about me so much that she had agreed. At least, I hoped that was why she had said yes, and not out of a strange human sense of obligation.

  It broke my heart that this amazing woman was being put through more pain because of me, but it couldn't be helped. I don't know if I had been able to stand up to my mother in my previous life, but I certainly needed her now. I looked over at Kenna who was addressing her.

  "I'm pretty sure it's not helpful to ask someone who's attempting to regain his memories if he remembers anything," Kenna said, looking my mother directly in the eye.

  There wasn't any attitude in her voice. She was simply stating what she thought and it was clear that she didn't fear my mother at all.

  The former queen arched her eyebrow and didn't say anything else. She knew that there were issues between us, but she hadn't asked me about it yet and for that I was extremely grateful. She seemed to want me to be with Kenna, though I wasn't sure why.

  I sighed. My life was so damned complicated now. The thought made me smile for a moment, in spite of the heavy feeling in my chest. Surely my life was less complicated now than it had been when I was king.

  The hovercraft touched down in front of an enormous palace. The edifice had been built like a castle but there were triangles EVERYWHERE.

  There were triangular windows. Triangular doorways. I wondered what it was about triangles and made a mental note to ask someone about it as soon as I could.

  The building was painted white. It was huge and when I looked up at it, I felt dwarfed by the structure.

  "Come on, Darvish, Kenna," my mother said, gesturing for us to enter. She started up the yellow carpet that led up the stairs and nodded to the servants that were positioned to greet us. I stared up at the enormous set of steps that stretched away, so vast and intimidating.

  I knew that the palace was meant to intimidate in order to inspire awe in the ruling monarchs, but it was disconcerting nonetheless. Now it was inspiring awe in me. Kenna glanced over.

  "Now you know how I felt the first time you brought me home to your mother," she said.

  "Completely intimidated and overwhelmed?"

  "Exactly," she said, still with no expression on her face. "But you know what made it okay?"

  "What?" I said, tilting my head and looking at her curiously.

  "That you were with me," she said, turning and walking up the steps alone.

  I followed, climbing the stairs into my home...by myself.

  KENNA

  It's funny what a few weeks and changed circumstances can do. When I arrived at the palace with Dar for the first time, I was so nervous I almost threw up. Meeting his mother had been terrifying.

  Now I was returning as a Susohnnan female. I had my citizenship papers and the scar to prove it. I was familiar with the palace and I didn't feel overwhelmed.

  When we came here for the first time, Dar had been helping me navigate through Susohnnan culture and now I was the one who needed to take care of him. Oh, and of course, now he had broken up with me instead of being head over heels in love with me.

  It was quite the reversal, indeed.

  After the necessary niceties had been attended to, we were escorted to our rooms. The former queen had assigned me a room close to Dar's. I was sure she knew that we had been sleeping together before he was mind-wiped. She wasn't stupid.

  But until a couple was engaged on Susohn, they were required to live separately. As soon as they were engaged, though, they could share a bed until the wedding, which would likely not be for at least a year — more likely three.

  Long engagements were common here, as a way of preventing people from rushing into marriage. The engagement provided the necessary release of sexual tension, while allowing the couple to get to know each other. If they decided that they weren't for each other, then they could call off the wedding.

  Because of the difficulty inherent in conceiving — both female and male Susohnnan had fertility cycles and getting them to line up was tricky — they didn't have a problem with overpopulation and unwanted pregnancies were almost unheard of.

  It all seemed to work out for the best. I wished that such traditions were in place on Earth.

  The servants delivered our things and Dar and I each went into our own rooms across the hall from each other. I shut the door and leaned against it, closing my eyes and breathing out heavily.

  I did not want to be here.

  I got hold of myself, went into the washroom, took one of the luxurious face cloths and washed my face. Coming out again, I kicked off my shoes and bounced on to the enormous bed.

  Being on the bed made me remember making love with Dar in his bed across the hall. I recalled how he had driven me wild with desire and the intense, ecstatic orgasm that had followed. I buried my face in the pillows, feeling the tears start to fall. I would never feel that again because even though he wasn't dead, we would be separated forever.

  There were memories everywhere.

  I cried for a long time and then I sat up. I needed to get myself together. He didn't want to be with me. I wasn't going to waste my life making myself miserable over some guy. That wasn't how my Gran had raised me.

  I went and splashed cold water on my red eyes, and then came back. It was time to get ready for my audience with the former queen. I pulled out a new outfit from the closet that was stocked in my size in elegant Susohnnan clothing.

  And just like that, I was reminded of Mana. She had had an outfit just like the one I had chosen. She had been angry with me and obviously didn't like me very much, but she was Dar's best friend. Even though we weren't close, I held her in high esteem because she cared so much about Dar.

  Jared had saved my life more than once and was such a good friend to me. We had been two humans in a sea of Susohnnan and that had drawn us together.

  And now they had been captured by aliens.

  It just wasn't right that they should be enslaved. Why had this happened to such good people? It wasn't that I didn't think the other thirty thousand, weren't good people. I knew that they were. But Mana and Jared had been our friends.

  We had eaten together, joked together, planned together, and saved each other's l
ives more times than I could count. I broke down crying again. What untold horrors were they enduring because of our poor judgment?

  I went and took a shower, trying to get myself under control. There was nothing I could do about Mana and Jared right now. I needed to focus. As unpleasant as it might be, my presence here with Dar was important.

  Some of his memories had returned, and if some could, then maybe everything could, no matter what the doctors said. I needed to take him to the places we had been together and a few other places his mother suggested that had been important to him. Maybe seeing the places would help him to remember.

  If he became himself again, then we could make a plan to save Mana and Jared. If his memories never came back, everything was over with him anyway and I would join the team that was being organized to go and free the slaves.

  I would risk my life to free them because whether I lived or died was no longer of any great importance. Intellectually, I didn't want to die, but emotionally, I didn't care either way.

  One of the reasons I had agreed to come back was that it might help me take my mind off the loss of Jared and Mana. Staying there and just waiting was enough to drive me insane. Coming back here and helping Dar to remember himself seemed like an infinitely preferable option — no matter how painful it was to be close to him and to know that I was nothing to him.

  I rubbed my scar and prayed that the plan would work, for my broken heart's sake.

  I strode into the room where I was meeting Dar's mother. I no longer had any fear of this woman. And I was ready for anything she was going to dish out. I didn't know exactly what this meeting was about, but I assumed it had something to do with the reason I was here on Susohn.

  She watched me approach the table, her face was unreadable. Impressed, perhaps? Why would she be impressed with me?

  "Kenna," she said, making the sign of The Three.

  "Your highness," I said, curtsying deeply. Then I rose and made the sign of The Three to the best of my ability with a bandaged hand.

  "Let's lower our speech. You may call me Sarallia and we can dispense with the formalities when we are alone. I still expect that you will be my daughter-in-law and I will treat you as such."

  We were getting right to the meat of the conversation. Good. I hated small talk. I sat down across from her at a table that was loaded with Susohnnan pastries. A servant came forward and poured me some lemonade.

  "I hate to disappoint you, Sarallia, but I doubt that I will ever be your daughter-in-law." I felt my throat closing up but I refused to break down in front of this woman. I pushed the tears away and focused on what she was saying.

  "It might seem that way now, but I have every confidence that he will regain his memory. He has already remembered some things that he should not have if he had been properly mind-wiped. Contrary to appearances, I am not merely an old woman desperately wanting her only son to look at her and remember who she is."

  I was feeling too many emotions. Bitter and angry, as well as sad and despairing. I had somehow completely lost the filter on my mouth.

  "I thought that you would like him to forget you. That way, you could portray yourself as a sweet, old doting mother who had never done anything to harm him."

  She flinched at my words but she didn't back down.

  "You have a point. But I would rather he remember me, warts and all, than the nothingness I see when he looks at me. You know what I'm talking about."

  Oh, I knew.

  "Now we are aligned, Kenna. We both love Dar and want him to regain his memory."

  I couldn't let her continue without telling her what had happened.

  "That's true," I said. "But there's something you should know."

  "What's that?" she said, looking wary.

  "Dar broke up with me. I don't know exactly why. He doesn't want me anymore, Sarallia." I tried not to sound as pathetic as I felt.

  She didn't look upset at all. In fact, she started laughing.

  "Nonsense, that's just because he doesn't remember you right now. Don't give up hope, Kenna. He will."

  "How can you be so sure?"

  "He will remember you and you will be together. I will have grand babies before I die, Kenna."

  "What makes you so sure?"

  She stared down at her hands.

  "He said that you were his sheeranla, Kenna. Do you know what that is? What that means?"

  "I looked it up. The dictionary says it means soul mate or chosen one."

  "Yes, but Unified doesn't do the word justice. In our language, sheeranla is a spiritual mate as well as someone that you partner with — body, mind, and soul. A sheeranla comes with you through all your lifetimes until you join with The Three forever."

  My eyebrows nearly touched my hairline.

  "Yes. So, now you know how surprised I was that he named you as his sheeranla. A Susohnnan male does not do that lightly."

  "But look at how it has all turned out, Sarallia. It was a mistake. I'm not his sheeranla."

  "You do not understand, Kenna. A male does not make a mistake about his sheeranla. I have never heard of a man naming his sheeranla and being incorrect."

  I looked at her, feeling skeptical but wanting to believe her with my heart.

  "Finding out that you are my son's sheeranla changed everything for me. He will remember and you will be reunited, Kenna. Believe me."

  "I don't think so, Sarallia," I said, standing up. "But I appreciate you telling me all this. It makes me feel like maybe Dar and I could have had a chance. And don't worry, I'll still do my best to help him remember."

  "Kenna, don't give up hope," she said as I turned to walk away.

  I looked back at her when I got to the doorway.

  "I'm sorry, Sarallia," I said, feeling empty inside. "But I already have."

  Dar and I had started on a tour of the planet, hoping that seeing places with me would trigger memories. I hoped this therapy was doing something for him, because it was simply painful for me. Right now we were at an active volcano.

  We walked around it and I shivered, remembering how close we had come to death. Dar stopped and stared at a platform we had been left on. Did he remember anything about it? Did he remember getting so dehydrated that I had almost lost him?

  His mother's treachery still made me sick to my stomach. But she had obviously turned over a new leaf — I was pretty sure of that after our last conversation. At the time, she had been protecting Dar. Now she knew that I cared about him and she believed that I was his sheeranla. I hoped that she would never do anything to hurt either one of us again.

  "Do you remember something?" I said, breaking my own rule about not asking him.

  He frowned.

  "No. Nothing."

  I nodded.

  "Let's go. I wish I could forget what happened here, too."

  He gazed at me intently but I turned away to get back into the hovercraft. I didn't want him asking difficult questions because I didn't feel like giving the answers.

  Our final stop was the oasis. I had left it for last because I was avoiding it.

  I didn't want to remember what had happened here. It was ironic that one of us was trying desperately to remember while the other just wanted to forget.

  We walked through the warm, wet air enjoying the respite from the dry heat of the desert. I led him through the foliage until we came out at the spot where I had emerged alive having completed the ritual that would make me Susohnnan.

  I looked around, feeling all the fear and despair that I had felt before — along with the courage and strength that I had gained in a test of my endurance and spirit. Absentmindedly, I rubbed my hip where the scar was located.

  Then I glanced at Dar and realized that it had all been in vain because I had lost him anyway.

  "I remember having a flashback in this place. But I can't actually recall the memory or anything about what happened here," he said, looking despondent.

  "That's okay," I said and I couldn't keep the bitterness
out of my voice. "You can make new memories here, with someone else."

  "Kenna, please," he said, looking pained.

  "Sorry. Sorry," I said, raising my hands in a gesture of apology. "Come on, there's one more spot we need to visit."

  "Okay," he said and followed me.

  It only took a few minutes to get to the cave entrance. It was right where I remembered it. I stepped forward and pressed the triangle. I glanced over at him. But he was completely surprised when the doorway in the rock opened up.

  Damn. I thought that might jog something, but apparently not.

  I walked into the cave, not waiting to see if he followed me. A few seconds later, and we were in the middle of a huge cavern that had beautiful colors flowing across the ceiling. I gazed up at the natural loveliness around me but I couldn't find it in my heart to properly appreciate it.

  I was so bitter and disappointed, lately, that those feelings were pushing out any other emotions.

  "What is this place?" he said, sounding as awestruck as I had been the first time he had brought me here.

  "A safe haven," I told him. I was echoing back words he had said to me in the past.

  I remembered how I had asked him why he was going to so much trouble for me. That was when he told me that he loved me.

  "This place feels important, Kenna. Why?" he said, looking over at me.

  I didn't want to tell him, but what if my knowledge could help him remember? I owed him that.

  I met his eyes, swallowing hard.

  "You told me that you loved me here," I said, trying not to think about how it had felt when he had said it. "Not for the first time, but it was special."

  His eyes seemed fixated on my face and I couldn't look away.

  "I said: But I haven't told you that I loved you back. And you said..."

  "I never asked you to," he finished and for a moment his eyes changed. He was my Dar. He was back.

  Then he blinked his eyes and everything was forgotten again.

  "Dar?" I said, staring at him. He had just been here! Now he was only a stranger again.

  "Yeah?" he said. "What were you saying? I blanked out there for a second."