Salt

by David Chambers

  ‘I think they are but it’s fine if you want out, there’s no need to pretend or whatever.’ Emma said.

  ‘I don’t want out at all. I was calling because I’m off in a couple of weeks and I wondered if you’d like to see my boat?’ Dan said.

  ‘Oh, right sorry. I’d love to see it, I don’t do much most weekends. So yeah, if you’re sure? Do you mean like stopping on it?’

  ‘Yeah. Going fishing or whatever then sleeping on it unless you don’t want to?’ Dan said.

  ‘I do want to. I just thought you were calling things off is all. Sorry.’ Emma said. She had never really had a problem getting men but they always left once things started getting serious and she told them about her past.

  ‘Definitely not calling it off. Just want to see you playing with my rod.’ Dan said smiling. ‘Do you want to come, or were you hoping I was calling it off to save you calling it off?’ Doubt suddenly grew inside him.

  ‘No I don’t want to call it off at all. I just. I don’t know. It’s just.’ Emma trailed off as she spoke, she didn’t want to say what she was going to say.

  ‘It’s just what? I don’t understand. Have I done something to make you think I’m not interested?’ Dan asked.

  ‘Nothing it’s ok, just ignore me. I’d love to come and see your boat, might even play with your rod.’ Emma hoped flirting would distract Dan from her neuroticism.

  ‘I don’t want to ignore you. Tell me what’s up? It’s bugging me why you’d think I was ending things.’ Dan picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

  ‘It’s embarrassing.’

  ‘It might be but I need to know so it doesn’t happen again. I’ve obviously done something wrong to upset you or you have had enough.’

  ‘You haven’t upset me. It’s just that usually around now I get the call telling me that it’s over and I don’t want you thinking you have to stay with me out of pity. That’s all. I’m sorry that you thought I was upset with you. I’m not.’ Emma said.

  ‘Pity? Why would I pity you?’ Dan asked confused.

  ‘You know, for what happened. I don’t want you thinking you need to stick around when you don’t want to.’

  ‘Ok. Well I do want to stick around. I don’t pity you. I’m angry at the twat who did it but I don’t pity you at all.’

  ‘Promise?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Yeah I promise. If you hadn’t told me I’d have never known. It’s just something bad that happened to you to make you who you are now. If I could I’d undo what happened but I can’t, but there’s no pity here.’

  ‘Ok, thank you. You’re lovely.’ Emma said feeling her body begin to relax.

  ‘Nah. I’m just normal, you’re the lovely one. I’m the lucky one.’ Dan said

  ‘Yeah right, you won’t be saying that in a few months.’

  ‘I’m sure I will. Anyway, do you want to see my pride and joy or not?’ Dan asked.

  ‘Yeah, course I do. I was just being silly is all.’ Emma said forcing a smile.

  ‘Cool. I’ll text you the address then unless you get the train? It’s probably easier on the train, then I can run you home afterwards if you like?’

  ‘Yeah ok, train sounds good. What do we do for food? When we’re floating I mean?’

  ‘We’re always floating, well if we stop floating we’re in the shit.’ Dan said laughing

  ‘Ha ha very funny. You know what I mean though, when we’re out on it.’

  ‘Well it’s got a kitchen in it but I usually just barbeque on the deck or we can take a pizza out. Depends what you fancy really?’

  ‘You can barbeque on it? What if it catches fire or something? Sounds dangerous to me that.’

  Dan laughed. ‘It won’t catch fire, if it looks like it will then you just chuck it out into the sea or throw water on it. No chance of a fire. You’re a cutie you are.’

  ‘Shut up you, I don’t know do I?’ Emma said as her cheeks got hotter.

  ‘I’m only kidding, but seriously there’s no chance of fires and the barbeque is fun. If you catch something edible we can cook it when its fresh.’

  ‘I don’t do seafood though, remember?’ Emma said.

  ‘Ahh yeah, no problem. We can just take some steaks or something. You eat steaks, right?’

  ‘Yes, of course I do. Just not seafood.’ Emma said.

  ‘Well that’s that then, steak it is and maybe some salad, pasta and a nice wine. How’s that sound?’

  ‘Sounds good but let me buy the food.’ Emma said.

  ‘Why? I can pick stuff up. It’s no problem.’

  ‘It’s just that you pay for everything, it’s not fair.’ Emma said.

  ‘It’s no problem. It doesn’t cost much but if you want to buy some stuff then you can come to the shops with me after I get you from the station. Do you want to fish or just leave it?’

  ‘No, fishing’s fine. I just don’t want to eat them.’ Emma said.

  ‘Ok cool. So, if I send you the details and you just let me know if you can’t make it, ok? Dan asked.

  ‘Yeah ok. I’ll try life on the ocean waves.’ She giggled.

  ‘Excellent. It will be fun. Are you still on for next week? I’ve got a suite this time.’

  ‘Oh, a suite, get you. What’s the occasion?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Nobody puts baby in a normal room and since they didn’t have any other rooms free I got a discount so it made sense.’ Dan said.

  ‘Frugal and romantic, every girl’s dream and I love that film you know.’

  ‘Every girl does. Right. I’ve got to get back to this shitty spreadsheet though. See you soon ok baby?’ Dan asked.

  ‘See you soon sexy pants.’ Emma held the phone after hanging up, maybe he wouldn’t ditch her yet after all.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ‘Do you usually watch this stuff?’ Dan asked.

  ‘Not all the time, just sometimes really. It’s just easy watching.’ Emma said sitting against him on the hotel sofa, her feet were tucked beneath her as she snuggled under his arm. His feet rested on the glass coffee table with a cold bottle of Budweiser in his hand. They fitted together like two jigsaw pieces. The room was dim and beige, decorated in the non-offensive way every chain hotel was. The main lights were off, the light from the bathroom and television providing the only illumination.

  The television showed a rotten toothed teenager with a baseball cap and a thin moustache cultivated since puberty. He argued with a fat teenage girl with equally blackened teeth about whether she had slept with his friend.

  ‘You know it’s all fake though, right?’ Dan asked.

  ‘What’s fake?’ Emma asked still focused on the screen.

  ‘This. The show. Its fake.’ Dan said.

  ‘How do you know it’s fake?’

  ‘I worked with a guy who went to see it live, then on the way home he saw a family who’d been fighting stopped in a services all happy and shoving Greggs in their faces.’

  ‘Maybe they made up. Eating Greggs doesn’t mean it’s fake.’ Emma’s eyes didn’t leave the screen as she spoke.

  ‘Maybe but two hours after threatening to kill each other, making up over a sausage roll is a bit unlikely don’t you think?’ Dan asked.

  ‘They are good sausage rolls though, I could eat one now you’ve brought them up.’ Emma said licking her lips.

  ‘They are nice but that doesn’t stop this being fake.’ Dan said.

  ‘I think maybe some of them are fake but a lot are real, they really go for each other.’ Emma said.

  ‘Well even if some of it is real, it’s shit. I can feel my brain cells dying as I watch. The only thing it does do is make me feel more attractive and intelligent.’

  ‘Maybe we should turn it off then, that ego doesn’t need to get any bigger.’ Emma said giggling.

  ‘Cheeky bitch.’ He said as he squeezed her tighter into him.

  ‘You like me cheeky.’ She said nuzzling into him.

  ‘Nope I like your cheeks.’ Dan said.

&nbs
p; Emma blushed. ‘You make everything dirty you do.’

  ‘No, I don’t. You just make me think dirty all the time.’ Dan said.

  ‘How do I do that? I haven’t done anything.’ Emma said.

  ‘Yeah you do. You’re all sexy all the time. I can’t help it, I’m just a man.’

  ‘Oh behave. I’m not sexy at the minute sat here like this.’ Emma said.

  ‘Sitting in a little vest and knickers isn’t sexy? Behave. I’d have killed to just see you like this when I was a teenager.’

  ‘Oh shut up you.’ Emma’s face began to turn a from pink to red. ‘I need the loo. Do you want a beer?’

  ‘Yes please, I’d love one.’ Dan said knowing Emma was changing the subject.

  ‘Ok babe.’ Emma stood and wiggled her bum at Dan as she walked, glancing back and smiling as she closed the bathroom door behind her.

  Dan smiled and shook his head. He loved how she flirted, it was cheeky but at the same time a little shy. In public she wouldn’t flirt at all and would blush at even the slightest comment but in private she was different. He could still make her blush but when she was in the right mood she would do something to tempt him, a wiggle or just a little smile that instantly make him want to grab her.

  The talk show was coming to an end on the television, the screen changed from a close up of the hosts face to the contact details for anyone who wanted to be a future guest.

  ‘Have you or someone you’re close to been the victim of sexual assault? Maybe you were abused and would like to share your experience? If so please contact us at the number shown on screen. As always, all calls are treated confidentially and for this show we will provide a year’s free counselling to any guests to help you move past your ordeal.’

  The voice continued in the background but Dan couldn’t hear. The screen held him in a state of stupor, he looked at the screen but the words sounded like the white noise of someone else’s conversation in a coffee shop. He sat unmoved on the sofa. It wasn’t unusual to hear about abuse on television, he usually expected it after nine o’clock, maybe in a film or episode of Game of Thrones but not on an afternoon chat show. Previously it hadn’t bothered him, he never understood why a rape scene in Downton Abbey had caused such discussion on social media. It was just a programme and probably happened all the time back then. This was the first time Dan was bothered by something like this and he knew it was because of Emma. He was glad she was still in the toilet and didn’t see it although she was probably used to it.

  Things were different for him now. He did know someone who was the victim of sexual assault, he did know someone who had been raped. Thankfully, she would never go on a show like that and hopefully she wouldn’t want to watch some woman talk about how she was violated while the crowd all made noises of astonishment and the host flooded the room with faux sympathy while listening in his ear for tips on how to boost ratings. He could see it now, the woman would sit there on stage, tissues and a glass of water beside her. The host would glibly coax out her story, telling her that she didn’t need to go on but that getting it out into the open would help her. He would kneel down on the stage, putting himself at eye level with her, standing would be far too threatening for her to handle and pulling a chair up would seem too blatant. The whole show would be managed to perfection to get the right amount of sympathy for her but enough juicy details to keep the viewers hooked. The same rubber neck mentality that causes traffic jams across the country would keep people watching. Everyone looking to see something they wish they hadn’t if they actually see it.

  As the story got more involved and the more sordid details began to flow the host might go so far as to put his hand on her knee like a creepy drunk uncle, he would encourage her to keep going and then the camera would scan the crowd, open mouths and tears accompanying the gasps and groans. The camera would cut back to the victim, tears freely flowing. He would prompt her with questions, digging deeper into her wound with a sympathetic face, she might even get a hug. Her family or friends would be backstage, maybe even a boyfriend waiting to come out and explain how it had affected them all. The boyfriend, a boyfriend like Dan would be called out to get a gentle round of applause, the round of applause you get for dating a rape victim.

  ‘Are you ok babe?’ Emma asked standing in front of him holding out his beer.

  He flinched, woken from his shitty day dream. ‘Hmm, sorry babe, what’s that? He looked at her and took the cold beer bottle.

  ‘I asked if you were ok. Are you?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Yeah sorry, I’m fine. Just miles away.’ Dan said.

  She sat beside him on the sofa. ‘Anywhere nice?

  ‘Where?’ Dan asked confused.

  ‘Where you were when you were miles away.’

  ‘No. Nowhere nice just work stuff.’ He said, his mind still not warmed up.

  ‘Everything ok?’ Emma asked growing concerned.

  He took a swig from the bottle of Budweiser ‘Yes. It’s nothing honestly.

  ‘Well that’s ok then.’ She said sliding closer.

  He lifted his arm so she could settle back into him. ‘You do fit nicely in there babe.’ He said lowering his head to smell her hair.

  ‘Did you just smell my hair you weirdo?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Yes it’s lovely. Smells all sexy.’

  ‘I haven’t washed it today, gross. Pack it in.’ Emma said pulling her head away.

  ‘Well I like it. Deal with it.’ He said holding her tight and taking a deep, loud sniff of her hair.

  She struggled against his arm ‘Pack it in weirdo or I’ll have to go shower.’ She said wriggling.

  ‘Sounds good, I’d like to see you all soapy and wet.’

  ‘I think you need a shower, a cold one you dirty bastard.’ She said laughing. ‘Now put a film on or something to calm you down.’

  ‘How about that White Chicks? You’re always on about that.’

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  ‘You sure you’re ok?’ She asked. ‘You’ve hardly spoke since we started watching.’

  ‘I’m watching the film. I’ve not seen it before and it’s not too bad.’ Dan was half telling the truth, he hadn’t seen it before but it was better than not bad. He was enjoying it and didn’t want to admit he was wrong when he’d said it looked rubbish.

  ‘Don’t be funny, you know what I mean. What’s wrong?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Nothing’s wrong, I’m just watching. I didn’t think two black guys dressed as blonde girls would be funny.’ Dan said.

  ‘I told you it was a good film. You’ve still been really quite though. Is it me? Have I done something wrong?’ She sat up and looked into his face.

  ‘No, don’t be silly. You haven’t done anything wrong, I was just thinking.’ Dan said.

  ‘Thinking about what though? About binning me?’ She said pulling away from him. ‘You are, aren’t you?’

  ‘No of course not, I was just thinking about something.’ Dan said unsure if he wanted to continue.

  ‘What though?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Nothing, it doesn’t matter.’ Dan said not wanting to explain.

  ‘It does matter. If you want to end it then just tell me please. Don’t pretend just to be nice or something.’

  ‘I don’t want to end it. I was just wondering how it happened, but it’s important. I don’t know if I really want to know.’

  ‘I don’t mind telling you if you want to hear.’

  ‘I don’t know if I want to but its bugging me. I kind of want to hear but also don’t if you know what I mean?’ Dan asked.

  ‘I do. You should probably know though, even if it will put you off me.’ Emma said.

  ‘It won’t put me off you. You’re still you. I just keep wondering and I think knowing would mean I wasn’t wondering. You know?’

  ‘Yeah I know. You sure?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Yes. Sorry, I need to know babe.’ Dan said knowing that knowing would be bad but that not knowing would constantly eat away at him.<
br />
  ‘Ok, well I was fourteen and got talking to a guy over the internet.’

  ’Fourteen, fucking hell.’ Dan said already regretting asking.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Dan didn’t know how long Emma spoke for. Time distorted so it felt like she had been talking for hours but at the same time only moments. He sat motionless, silent as she spoke. He expected her to cry but there were no tears. She recited her story as dispassionately as a news reader talking about a change in the FTSE rather than explaining part of her horrific past.

  Emma had been fourteen, at the point where puberty kicks in its confusion fully. The time when she was still a girl but desperate to be a woman. She described herself as studious, doing well at school but considered a Plain Jane by the other kids. Her friends all had boyfriends and some had lost their virginity, most said they had but she was sure some lied. Sex was something she wanted but no guys ever paid her attention, she’d found her dad’s porn DVD collection when she was younger and used to watch it whenever her parents went out. She enjoyed watching but couldn’t imagine how it could happen to her when she hadn’t even been kissed.

  Then she’d found a chat room for teens with questions about sex and dating. You were supposed to be eighteen but all you had to do was enter a birthday and tick to say you weren’t lying. She called herself Pumpkinkitty and set her birthday back a few years to make herself nineteen, setting it as eighteen seemed too obvious so she settled on nineteen. Emma uploaded a picture of a kitten as her avatar and began reading the threads. She introduced herself in a ‘New Joiners’ group and after a few days she had started talking to a few girls who admitted they were her age.

  After the second week she received a message from a boy called Yunghunk19, she could still remember his name clearly. He started with normal questions and explained about himself. She was excited by the attention and they soon moved to chatting on Skype. They chatted most nights. As soon as she finished her homework and eaten she went to her bedroom to study or for an early night and she would talk to Yunghunk19 until the early hours of the morning.