First Up

by Ella Jackson

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. I just wasn’t sure what I could do about it just now. With a resigned sigh, I headed out into the street. Hopefully, it would be enough. At least for a few hours.

  Seventeen

  Luckily, I'd had the foresight to talk to Joe about it, at least, so he was expecting her. Because I just got the message. I didn’t want to leave Tanya like this, but my gut told me if I didn’t let her go, she’d fight even more.

  Part of me never wanted to get used to this. But I understood what she was saying. It would be easier this way. Her life was moving in one direction, and mine in another.

  We were moving on to prepping for our inaugural game. Earlier in the day I’d called to make sure that the team were around and to see if they wanted to come and join us, so it was no surprise to find Ricky and Joe sitting back in the cafe, drinking coffee and comparing notes on formations.

  She just distanced herself with that message, and I was so mad, I didn’t really process what was happening in that moment, or how she felt.

  I was worried about her.

  Now, being here with the team, I almost felt like I was back in high school. I wanted to ask what Tanya was thinking, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. She didn’t know what I was up to, but it couldn’t be as bad as she'd thought.

  On the television, the crowd roared, as my former teammates in England celebrated after a goal. I didn’t even know what Tanya did when she wasn't working, and I was kicking myself for not asking more questions.

  I thought back to our race toward the first game, and the natural way I had wanted to tell Tanya all about it. I thought about her face, trying to get an idea of what she want, but all I could do is think back over that message.

  I looked up just in time to see Ricky slap Joe on the back of the head.

  It was time to get everything between Tanya and I out in the open, to confront it head-on. Now that my mind was made up, and I was sure, I needed her to know about it. It was cold this morning, and Ricky had convinced me to go for a run before training, like some kind of idiot. I was sore, but at least I had my bag packed and was ready to leave for home.

  Arsenal were up one-nil at half-time, and the rest of the team cheered with me when they scored another just after the break.

  “Look at that! Just keep it.” Joe finished his coffee and looked at me.

  "Do you miss being there?"

  I shook my head. "No. This is crazy, what we’re trying to pull off here, and I wouldn't miss it." I was past the point of lying about how I felt about Tanya and our future.

  I didn’t bother telling him I’d thought we weren’t going through with it anymore.

  I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I saw Matt from the station heading straight towards me. I thought I knew what was happening, but evidently I was wrong. Tanya wasn’t there with him.

  “Hey, it’s Will, right?” he asked.

  I nodded my head and he continued.

  “Look, I was hoping for Tanya to be here, but this works too.” He coughed. "If she’s into you and you feel the same, then you need to let her know. She's been struggling with this all week, and I’m sick of it."

  "But-"

  He carried on, cutting me off. "Listen, I've got a plan, alright?"

  I nodded unenthusiastically. She would never blow me off if it wasn't a serious matter.

  “Is she at the station?”

  “Yeah, she's still there. Go and see her and tell her how you feel.”

  “Thanks.”

  "Don't wait, man. This is important." He prods me, giving me the third degree because he knows I’m keeping something from her.

  ”But she's not that type of person. She told me that was it."

  “When was the last time you saw her?”

  “Wednesday evening.”

  Three days? “Okay, thanks.”

  "I’ll see you later." I shook his hand, grateful for his advice. Not that he’d know that. Leaving the cafe, I headed down the street towards the station.

  I contemplated if I could make it there in time before she left. I could follow her home by care, but that didn’t sit well with me.

  And yes, I was prepared to lose the girl I thought was my chance then, if she decided her career was what she really loved — not me.

  I was a block from the station, and crossing the road when I saw her. Stepping out of the double doors, hair in a ponytail.

  "Tanya!" I called out, but she didn't see me. She stopped at the crosswalk and paused, waiting for the traffic to clear.

  I was half a block away.

  She stepped out - and the roar of an engine sounded, followed by a loud bang. A car swerved, putting her right into its path.

  "Tanya, look out!" I shouted as loud as I could.

  She looked up and threw herself forward, but she wasn't fast enough, and the car hit her a glancing blow, throwing her six feet onto the asphalt.

  Holy shit. I sprinted toward her, ignoring the traffic.

  “Tanya!” One minute she was standing, and the next she lay in a crumpled heap. Behind me, the car accelerated away down the street.

  I brushed her hair back from her face. She was very pale. Her eyes were open but unresponsive, a faraway look in them.

  “Tanya?”

  How long had she been in there? Where was her home? I grabbed the towel from my bag, and put it under her head. She stirred, and her head moved, but she didn't speak. I grabbed my phone, punching buttons frantically.

  "What's your emergency, please?"

  "Ambulance. There's been a traffic accident, corner of Vine and...shit. Vine and Lakewood."

  "Putting you through now. Stay on the line, please."

  Around me, a small crowd was growing, looking concerned.

  "Is she okay?" A young woman knelt down next to me. "Did you see what happened?"

  I shook my head, struggling to speak. "A car hit her, then drove off. That's all. Ambulance is coming."

  "Are you her boyfriend? Should we call someone?"

  "No. I'm..a friend. I'll stay with her. She's a police officer - go and tell someone in the station. Quickly!"

  * * *

  Matt was there before the ambulance, obviously out of breath. "What the hell happened?"

  I shook my head wearily. "Car came out of nowhere, hit her. She was on the crosswalk, never had a chance." In the distance I could hear sirens.

  "Was it deliberate?" He grabbed my shoulder. "Was it?"

  Angry, I slapped his hand away. Underneath me, Tanya shuddered and coughed, blood coming up and staining her shirt. "I don't know, dammit!"

  “This is my friend, Will. She wouldn't just walk out without looking.”

  “Where’s the damn ambulance?” Just as I said that, there was a screech of tires, and the red-and-blue lights overshadowed me. Paramedics gently pushed Matt and I out of the way, kneeling over her.

  * * *

  It's been six hours, and she'd been in surgery. I’d been waiting here, trying to get to see her ever since. How could I ever have thought that she wasn’t already part of my heart? I was supposed to lead this team, but how could I do it when my head was whirling with thoughts of her.

  I couldn’t believe this was happening. The waiting room doors opened, and Matt came in, obviously exhausted.

  "Have you heard anything?"

  I shook my head.

  “Is she out of surgery?”

  “I don't know.”

  “Can you tell me what happened?”

  I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand. “I hadn’t spoken to her in a few days. I knew we had agreed we weren't going to be together, but after you and I talked, I figured I should at least see her. When I was crossing the road, I saw her at a distance, but before I got to her, the car hit her."

  “What if she doesn’t remember any of it? Were there any other witnesses?"

  "Maybe. I don't know. There were enough people around, you'd assume some would have seen what happened." I pulled out my
phone and called Jessie.

  “Will? What's happened?" Her voice was concerned.

  "It's Tanya. She's been in a car accident. We're at the hospital right now; she's in surgery."

  "Oh, no. That's awful. I'm on my way."

  I shook my head. "No, wait. Stay by the phone in case we need stuff. In the meantime, can you find the contact details parents, or something? I don't really know where to start."

  "Sure. Right away. Will, are you okay?"

  "Yeah. Just worried." I rang off. Matt was making calls in the corner, talking in a low voice. He looked over at me.

  "Has anyone ever told you you’re a stubborn bastard?"

  I grinned. “Yes, sir, many times.”

  “Good. Does she trust you?”

  “I think so.”

  “She’s going to need someone to take her home from hospital, and to keep an eye on her. She's going to resist, but she can’t be all over the place with her injuries."

  ”Got it." If Tanya had been there, I would have been so busted. “I should’ve come back sooner.”

  Matt shook his head. "You didn't know. Let’s just focus on today.”

  “I didn’t mean to leave her behind.”

  "You didn't. She's her own woman, we both know that."

  He was right. "Thanks."

  “Look, the investigators are here. I’m going to go and see them and come back down. Give me your email and phone number, and I’ll see you tomorrow morning."

  “Sure, man.” I scribble them down for him, and threw my phone down.

  “Alright. See you in a minute.” The nurse walked through the doors from the ward, and approached me.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Can you tell me what's happening?”

  She sighed. “Are you family?

  "I'm her fiancé." I would deal with the lie later. Right now, I didn't care.

  "Okay. She's out of surgery now, but still unconscious. The impact broke her spine, and a number of her ribs as well. She's had a lot of trouble breathing, and we've had to keep her intubated. She's going to need to stay like that for a while."

  "What are her long-term chances?"

  The nurse sighed, and put a hand on my arm. "It's too early to tell. You just have to be patient. We are going to get through this, and I’m going to talk to the surgeon and explain that I told you to stay here.”

  “Thank you.”

  She pushed through the doors back to the ward, and I walked to the front door, unable to be in that room one more second. I pulled out my phone and called Tanya's father.

  “Hello?” He answered in a low voice.

  “Mr Harrison? My name is William. I'm a...friend of your daughter's."

  The line was silent so long I checked to make sure the call was still connected.

  "Go on."

  ”I'm afraid we’re at the hospital. Tanya was hit by a car this afternoon, and she's in surgery now."

  “God. Will she-will she-” He sounded more worried than I had ever heard anyone sound.

  "I don't know, sir. I'm sorry."

  “She never told me anything about what she was doing. We haven't talked in months. How can I help you?"

  Make an effort to be involved, maybe? I pushed those thoughts aside.

  “What can I do?”

  “Just stay with her and keep an eye on her. I can’t leave here. Not until Friday.”

  “Of course, sir.”

  “Thank you. I’ll be in touch."

  I felt like a kid doing this. And I had no idea what to do.

  Wait.

  Why couldn't I call my team? Coach? He was a grumpy bastard, of course, but there was no need to confirm it for him.

  Ricky? Joe? Jessie? All of them. I needed every one of them.

  I picked up my phone and sent a quick text to Sam and the people at the cafe.

  This was way harder than I expected. I wanted to see my family.

  Eighteen

  My lungs felt like they had a hundred-pound weight on them. I opened my eyes, and tried to take a breath.

  I got some oxygen, but not much. The light was so bright, I squinted and couldn't see anything.

  "Tanya?"

  "Who's that?" I didn't even recognize my voice.

  "Are you able to hear me?"

  Why wouldn’t I be?

  "Tanya, it's Will. Don't move."

  Where was I?

  Will? What was he doing here? I opened my eyes wider, but didn’t see anything except the light, so I closed them again.

  Nineteen

  One by one, they arrived.

  Ricky was pacing between the soda machine and the hard plastic seats, and his gaze was sweeping through the room, taking in the rest of the small crowd of people.

  Jessie and Joe were talking in low tones at the end. The rest of the team were off making sure things were taken care of at the stadium.

  I stood there, looking around. That was all I knew how to do. She better be OK in there.

  I had no idea those words were coming.

  I wanted us to be together and have a future just as much as she had said before the accident.

  While it was a common accident, I was worried. Was this a deliberate thing? Did someone try and hurt her?

  I ignored the stares I knew I was getting and stepped outside.

  Was it possible that I was wrong about her? Why was she stuck here with noone to visit her?

  I thought I was bad for her. I wanted this to be good for her. What didn’t I know?

  "Mr. Dempsey?” I stood at the door, wanting to go back to the front desk and ask for answers, but a nurse caught my attention. I stood and looked at her.

  “Yes? How is she?"

  “She’s stable for the moment, and they’re moving her to a recovery ward, but she’s asking for you.”

  I nodded and followed her as she led me through the door.

  Her head was thrown back, tubes in her throat and nose, and her breathing was audible, but her eyes were open.

  “Hey, you.”

  She turned and flashed me a little smile, a wrinkle at the corners of her mouth that told me she was still in there.

  “Hey, sports guy. How you doing?”

  I smiled at her as she started to sit up and the nurse walked over to her.

  “She probably won't be able to move much for the next week or so, but you can come and visit her whenever you want to.” I nodded then realized the nurse was talking to me. “Thank you.”

  I grabbed Tanya’s hand and squeezed. "I'm glad you're OK, kiddo."

  Her hands went to my head to pull me closer; even in a half-sleep haze, she was doing her best to keep her eyes fixed on me.

  ”You saved my life."

  Her voice was shaky and her eyes filled with tears.

  “I’m sorry I couldn't do more.”

  I had been so in my own head, so lost in thoughts about what I was going to tell Tanya when I saw her, that I didn’t even notice Jessie and Joe enter the room until they were literally standing right behind me. She waved to them.

  “I’m doing fine, guys.”

  “You’re not.” Joe grumbled. "You're a mess."

  She relaxed. “Thanks, Mr Helpful.”

  “Someone's got to say it, dummy.”

  I coughed. "I, uh, spoke to your dad."

  Her eyes widened. “You talked to him already?”

  I nodded. “Of course he was worried about you.” Her face suggested that it wasn’t unusual for him to forget. "He said he wanted to get out here as soon as possible."

  She looked away. “Why didn’t you tell me, Will?”

  I sighed. "He's evidently stubborn, just like you.” She squeezed my hand and reached for me again. After a while, she gave up.

  “I know I’ve been here quite a while,” she said with a smile, “I was aware of time passing, but that was about it."

  I nodded. "Yeah, you've been staring at my ugly mug for quite some time." It wasn’t happening. I was a long way off from going to school
. At first, I’d just been pissed. I thought I was okay being alone. My body lunged and I was able to catch her with one arm, but I pulled my fingers out, afraid I’d hurt her before we got started. I squeezed her hand. I had to do something about this.

  “It’s six-thirty and your practice is at seven.”

  I nodded. “I know.”

  “You should get going already.” She looked up at me, mouth set in a line.

  “They can manage without me tonight. I'm staying with you.”

  “I make a lousy patient.”

  “For such a badass cop, you sure don't seem to know much about getting better in hospital, so I'm not going to try to tell you that it's going to take a while for you to get better.”

  She shrugged. “I guess so. What if I don't get better?”

  My heart dropped into my stomach. "You will. You're tough, remember?"

  “There’s a first time for everything.”

  I blew out a breath. Whatever this was about, it was serious.

  “Tanya, it’s fine. You'll be back on your feet in no time. You just wait.”

  “Maybe it won’t come to that.”

  Of course, she's bound to be a bit shaken at this point. That's all it is. I shook my head. “You haven’t gotten over the trauma yet. That's just the accident talking.”

  She closed her eyes. “I think I don't have much good news for you.”

  At the time I didn’t care. I'd learned to trust my gut out on the field, and it was telling me there was something going on here—I just had to figure out what it was.

  She sounded defeated. I hated it. I didn’t make this happen.

  “It wasn’t an accident,” she said.

  “You don't know that.”

  “Then why else would it have happened right then and there?” She lifted up an arm, covered in tubes. “I was on a crosswalk, and it wasn't even busy."

  It wasn’t okay. I didn’t expect her to wake up thinking someone was out to get her.

  Maybe a suspect with a grudge? I looked at my watch and saw that I had to leave.

  “Are you able to sit up?”

  “Yeah, I can try.” The muscles in her shoulders tensed and she painfully hunched forward as the bed eased up.