A Walk Through Fire

by Felice Stevens

  They all gathered up their plates and dumped them in the garbage, signaling they’d finished what they could, at least for tonight.

  Keith, car keys in hand, knelt next to Stevie on the sofa.

  “Think about what we talked about and I’ll be in touch with you either way in the next few days.”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  Drew let them out, then returned to Stevie.

  “Keith will make sure it’ll work out, and Ash will keep you safe.” Drew ruffled the Stevie’s hair. “He’s a great guy, huh?”

  With a face full of hero worship, Stevie sat up and turned to Ash. “You’re the best. I only wish it would all happen like Keith says.”

  Drew held Ash’s gaze. “When Keith makes a promise, he keeps it. Don’t worry, Stevie; it’ll all be over soon.” They left, Ash not saying another word, his hand remaining on Stevie’s shoulder in a protective clasp.

  Drew cleaned up and remembered he had sent out invitations to the women from the dating website and when he checked his e-mail, he found that three of the seven had already accepted. That thought brought him no joy or excitement as it once might have.

  Somehow the clinic had become his reality; but without any human comfort he’d go mad from loneliness and heartache. So whether or not he was excited about meeting these women, he’d do what he must to start to feel alive again.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Where the heck do you put it, kiddo?” Ash couldn’t help but laugh as Stevie came back with a second burrito, a bag of chips, and guacamole.

  Instead of apologizing as he might have when they first met, Stevie grinned and peeled back the foil wrapping. “Hey, I’m a growing boy, like Dr. Drew’s cat.” He took a big messy bite and chewed away as he rummaged around in the bag for a handful of chips.

  Regret burned through Ash at the mention of Drew’s name, leaving a scorched, bitter path in its wake. That night they had together all those weeks ago seemed almost dreamlike, and as the brightness of the memory turned hazy with the passage of time, he wondered if the intense emotions of the night were as real as he recalled.

  Better that they moved on with their separate lives. He leaned back in the chair, enjoying the sight of Stevie demolishing his Mexican food. After that talk with Keith, Stevie started working at the clinic, helping Javier at the front desk. He’d gained confidence and even admitted to Ash he had a little bit of a crush on the older boy. Ash knew Keith had tried to find the kids who bullied Stevie to scare some sense into them, but he no longer felt comfortable enough with Drew to ask if there’d been any progress made.

  Luckily, Stevie seemed more at ease. He’d begun to gain weight and grow, although Ash suspected it was meals like these and the ones Drew’s grandmother provided him at the clinic that contributed to his healthier look. “So, you’re going into junior year of high school. Have you thought about what you want to do after you graduate, like college?”

  Stevie chewed and swallowed. “I talked to Dr. Drew, and he said he’d help me with tests and my applications and stuff. I know I’m not smart enough to be a doctor, but I thought I could maybe be a technician or something.”

  “You can be anything you want to be. Remember that.” Ash leaned forward, elbows on the table.

  “Well, yeah, but my grades aren’t so good. But I wanna help the doctors, you know?”

  The excitement in Stevie’s eyes warmed Ash’s heart. To think that only two months ago he’d been a scared, shy child, afraid to look people in the eye or express an opinion. Now his confidence, while not at its peak, had certainly soared to heights never before imagined.

  “Take your time, and when you get ready to apply, we’ll all be here to help.” Ash checked his watch and asked in what he hoped sounded like a casual voice, “You’ve gotten to be very friendly with Dr. Drew, haven’t you?”

  Stevie’s eyes lit up. “Yeah, he’s really nice and friendly. Did you know he has a girlfriend? I met her when he invited me to his apartment. She came over, and we played with his cat.”

  The taco chip he’d been holding crumbled to bits between Ash’s fingers. “No, I didn’t know. What’s her name?”

  “Um, Shelly. She seemed nice. And she’s pretty.” He grinned. “I think she really likes him. She kept standing close to him and touching his shoulder.” He made a face. “I even caught them kissing once.”

  Another good thing in his life he’d fucked up. What did he expect? Drew wasn’t going to remain celibate forever, and his divorce would be final soon. Obviously he’d decided to move on and found a perfectly nice woman, like he should. The pain lancing through him made it impossible to breathe. “What time do you have to be home? It’s almost five o’clock.” He barely managed to choke out the words.

  Stevie gulped down his soda, then wiped his mouth. “Yeah, I’d better get back now, or I’ll be late for dinner.” He stopped and stared. “You okay? You look kinda funny.”

  “I’m fine. Come on.” Ash stood and took Stevie’s tray to the front of the restaurant as they walked outside. “I’ll drive you home.” He draped his arm around the boy’s shoulders.

  “Do you think you should?” For the first time, Stevie sounded uncertain. “I don’t want those guys to see me drive up in your car.”

  “Don’t worry; I won’t drop you off right in front of the house.” He took the keys from his pants pocket and disabled the alarm. “Hop in.”

  With a grin, Stevie slid into the front seat. “This is such a cool car.” His hands smoothed over the leather seat. “It must cost a ton.”

  “You know, Stevie, remember I started off like you, no family, gay, and abused. But I knew if I wanted to get out, I had to get an education and make something out of myself.” Ash drove toward Red Hook, where Stevie lived.

  “But I’m not smart like you or Dr. Drew.” Stevie stared out of the window. “I can’t be a lawyer or doctor.”

  “You do your best and be whatever you can be, only be the best at it, and help people along the way. Paying it forward is the best thing you can do.” Ash turned down Van Brunt St. and pulled into a space about a block away from Stevie’s house. “They’ve been leaving you alone lately, haven’t they? You haven’t complained or shown up hurt.”

  Stevie didn’t answer for a few moments, fidgeting instead with the seat belt. “They have, but I don’t know.” He shrugged his thin shoulders with the bravado of the very young and spoke with surprising strength. “Something’s off with them, but as long as they leave me alone, I don’t care.” After unbuckling his seat belt, he gave Ash a shy smile. “Thanks for the ride.”

  “No problem.” After Stevie got out of the car and came on to the sidewalk by the driver’s side window, Ash continued to speak. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

  Before Stevie could answer, a yell echoed from down the block. “Yo, shrimp.”

  Stevie paled. “Oh shit, no.”

  From the description Stevie had given him, Ash knew right away these were the boys Stevie told him about, Jimmy and Donny. He got out of the car and leaned against the hood, arms folded across his chest. The two young men swaggered over wearing tight muscle T-shirts and baggy cargo shorts. Ash pegged the one with the cruel face, hair buzzed short over a bullet-shaped head, and sneering expression as Jimmy. The other one, Donny, he presumed, danced on the balls of his feet, his face covered in stubble and a mistrustful look in his eyes.

  “Shrimpy, who’s the dude?” Jimmy’s eyes brightened with an evil light. “He must be a rich man with that car. Is he your sugar daddy? You fucking him?”

  A sickening feeling crept through Ash. This could go very wrong, very fast if it wasn’t handled carefully. “Hey, guys, I’m a friend of Steve’s. I gave him a ride home from work.”

  Jimmy eyed him with undisguised hostility. “Yeah? What’s he do for you? Ride your dick?” He laughed at his own joke and high-fived Donny.

  Ash’s lips tightened. “Steve helps out the doctors in the clinic. I know he’s told you. He’s a very
valuable member of our staff.” Shit, he’d love to punch these two punks in their leering faces.

  “Yeah, he’s told us. We’re sick of hearin’ about Dr. Drew this and Dr. Jordan that. Bunch o’ fuckin’ pussies, all of you.” Jimmy cracked his knuckles. “Comin’ around here in your rich-ass car showin’ off to everyone, thinkin’ you’re better than us.” He walked away, Donny following him, then called over his shoulder. “Better kiss him good-bye and go home, Stevie boy. Don’t wanna make everyone mad.” Then he kept walking. Donny hurried to keep up with Jimmy’s long strides, shooting uncertain looks over his shoulder.

  “Shit, are you going to be all right tonight?” Ash raked his hand through his hair, frustration tightening his voice. “Text me later and let me know if everything’s fine.”

  “I will.” Stevie hefted the backpack he always carried with him onto his back. “Thanks for the snack and everything. I gotta go.”

  “Bye, kiddo.” Ash watched him hurry up the block to his house. After he disappeared around the corner, Ash shook his head, returned to his car and drove off, back home to his Park Avenue apartment, a million miles away.

  The phone rang, and he pressed the button. “Davis here.”

  “Mr. Davis, this is Martinson. I have some more news.”

  Good thing he was at a light; otherwise he might’ve rear-ended the car in front of him. “Go on, tell me.”

  Martinson cleared his throat. “I found him, sir. Mr. Luke Conover lives in an apartment in Chelsea. He changed his name legally from Carini five years ago. For the past two years he’s worked for the investment firm of Lambert and North as a financial consultant. He’s single and has no children. The people at his firm speak very highly of him, but they all say he’s quiet and doesn’t socialize much. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs and has never been arrested.”

  Ash let out a long stream of breath. I didn’t think you existed, but thank you, God. Un-fucking-real. All these years Luke had lived here, in the same city, and he didn’t know it. “Do you have an address for him?”

  Through the phone, the pages of a notebook crackled. “It’s 1655 West 19th St., Apartment 4C.”

  Glancing at the dashboard clock, Ash saw it was after six o’clock. Still early to be home, but he’d take a chance. If he had to camp outside all night, he was going to see Luke. “Thank you, Martinson. Excellent work. Any news of Brandon?”

  “No, sir. But now that I’ve located Mr. Conover, I can concentrate my attention on his case. I presume that is what you want.”

  “Absolutely. Keep me posted. And thank you, again.” Ash clicked off and headed over the Brooklyn Bridge. Traffic was heavy, but he made it down Chambers St. to the West Side Highway. By the time he reached the exit by Chelsea Piers, it was almost six forty. Nothing like rush hour in the city to eat away valuable time. Ash maneuvered through the maze of downtown streets and soon found himself on West 19th St.

  He pulled into a parking lot and walked toward Ninth Avenue. There were some new high-rises and lovely brownstones in this neighborhood. Obviously, Luke had done well to be able to afford to live here. His heartbeat quickened as he spotted the glass-and-steel high-rise where Luke lived.

  Pulse racing, he could hardly contain his excitement as he approached the concierge desk. “I’m here to see Mr. Conover. Is he home?”

  The concierge, an older gray-haired man, barely looked up from the desk. “I’m sorry, sir. Mr. Conover is away on business. He isn’t expected back for several weeks.”

  Joy faded, replaced by the pain of disappointment. “I see. Thank you very much.”

  “You’re welcome, sir. Have a good evening.”

  His steps dragging, Ash returned to his car. Now that he knew where Luke was, he wanted to swing from the trees and yell from the rooftops. A sobering thought hit him as he started the car. What if Luke doesn’t want to see me?

  Two weeks passed and Ash returned once again to Luke’s building, only to be met with the same response. Mr. Conover was still out of town, and they had no firm date for his return. His phone vibrated in his suit pocket, and when he saw several missed calls from Drew, he grew alarmed.

  “What’s the matter?” Aside from hurried hellos and good-byes in the clinic, he and Drew had barely spoken to one another in the past month. Ash had caught a glimpse of Drew’s girlfriend when she stopped by the clinic one evening to meet him for a date. Small, with long dark hair and big brown eyes, she gazed at Drew as if the sun rose and set on his every word. Everyone in the clinic except him had met her earlier, but he had no desire to sit and watch her put her hands and lips all over the man he couldn’t stop thinking about.

  He remembered all too well what Drew felt and tasted like.

  “It’s Stevie. I’ve called Keith and Jordan. Can you come over to my apartment?” Drew’s tense voice sent a chord of anxiety thrumming through him.

  “I’m in the city. It’ll take me a while to get back to Brooklyn.”

  “Get here as fast as you can.”

  Drew’s terse voice had him speeding through yellow lights. He took the Battery Tunnel back into Brooklyn since it was less crowded, and within twenty minutes, he pulled up in front of Drew’s apartment building. He recognized Jordan’s car as he ran across the street and up the front steps. Someone buzzed him in right away, and he pounded up the stairs. Jordan held the door open for him.

  “It’s bad.” Jordan’s tone was grim. “Luckily nothing was broken, but he’s scared to death.” He pointed to the living room. “Drew has him lying down on the sofa.”

  Ash barely heard him as he hurried past. His gaze fell on Stevie’s huddled body on the couch, his face hidden from sight. Drew’s cat lay curled up next to him, his large furry body pressed against the boy as if to give him strength.

  “Hey, kiddo. What’s going on?” He knelt beside him and touched Stevie’s hand. The boy shuddered, then spoke, his voice muffled as his lips were buried in the crook of his arm.

  “Ash? Is that you?”

  Tears stung his eyes. “Yeah, it’s me. Come on, talk to me. I’m not going anywhere.” He laid his hand firmly on Stevie’s back and rubbed it in a soothing circular motion. “It’ll be all right.” Behind him he heard Rachel and Mike speaking quietly. The whole protection squad was here to rally around this broken child.

  When Stevie picked up his head, Ash’s breath caught in his throat. Dark bruises mottled his throat and the top of his chest where his collarbone stuck out. Both eyes had been blackened and his knuckles were scraped raw, as if he’d tried to defend himself.

  For a moment everything went black before his eyes. Bile rose in his mouth, and a faint buzzing sounded in his ears. If he didn’t get control of himself, he’d pass out. Several deep breaths later, he had it under control. “Who did this to you? Was it Jimmy and Donny?”

  Stevie shook his head. “No. I was jumped by some random kids. I swear.”

  But Ash had seen the flicker in Stevie’s eyes and suspected he wasn’t telling the truth.

  “Did they hurt you any other place, Stevie?” Ash held the boy’s gaze, searching his eyes for the truth. But Stevie wouldn’t look him in the eye when he answered.

  “No, I’m really fine. I don’t know why I came here.” He shifted on the couch and sat up, wincing a little at the movement.

  Ash spoke over his shoulder. “Jordan, you checked him out already?”

  “Yeah. No broken bones. The nose will be swollen for a while and turn all sorts of amazing colors.”

  Mike stepped up next to Ash. “Hey, buddy boy. Can I check your mouth?” At Stevie’s nod, he manipulated his jaw and checked his teeth. After he was finished, he stood back, hands on his hips.

  “Hmm. I’d like you to come in for some X-rays tomorrow. I need to check to make sure your teeth are secure. Okay?”

  Stevie nodded. He pulled on Ash’s shirtsleeve. “Can I talk to you and Dr. Drew?”

  “Sure, kiddo.” He got to his feet and approached Drew, who was in the center of the group
. And there stood his girlfriend, in the middle of telling Rachel how Stevie had shown up at the apartment while they were eating dinner. Never one to care about what people thought of him, Ash interrupted her.

  “Drew, Stevie wants to talk to us.”

  The conversation halted in midsentence. Drew left the circle and came over to him. “Did he talk to you? He said he tried calling your cell phone but couldn’t get in touch with you.”

  Guilt squeezed in his chest. Right, he’d been busy stalking Luke’s apartment building. Helping no one and failing everyone again.

  “Hi, I’m Shelly, Drew’s girlfriend.” Her smile faded when he failed to return it with one of his own.

  “I’m not here to make friends, sweetheart. This isn’t a dinner party.” It didn’t bother him in the least to see her face flame with embarrassment and her big brown eyes fill with tears.

  “Don’t be such a prick, Ash.” Drew kissed Shelly’s cheek and murmured something in her ear. She shot Ash an unreadable look, then returned to the others.

  “Was that really necessary? She didn’t mean any harm.” Drew’s exasperated tone bugged the shit out of him.

  “Yes, it was. I’m not going to be her friend. I’m here for Stevie.” Ash glared at him. “I never would’ve come back here if it wasn’t for him. Christ, Drew, I’m barely your friend anymore.”

  “Whose fault is that, you bastard? You walked out on me,” Drew shot back, obviously a little louder than intended as the room quieted around them.

  Ash cocked his brow. “Are we done? I want to talk to Stevie and go home.”

  Drew, pale and scowling, brushed by him to sit with Stevie on the couch. “What’s up, buddy? Are you gonna let Keith arrest those two now?”

  Alarm flared in Stevie’s eyes. “No. It wasn’t them. I swear. Don’t do anything, please, Dr. Drew.”

  Ash knew child services had again been to the house at Keith’s urging. Nothing untoward had been found. The home was neat, there was food in the refrigerator, and the fact that Stevie was doing much better in school as well as holding down an after-school job lent credence to his foster mother’s claim that everything was going well. There had never been any reports of abuse from either the school or the neighbors. In other words, as of now, there was no reason to remove Stevie from the home. Drew held the young boy close. “Please tell us the truth, Stevie.”