Edge of Desire

by Jessica Marin

  I don’t want to hurt Izzy.

  But I hurt with desire for her.

  I can’t promise a future together.

  But I can’t imagine not touching her.

  I want to take it slow and get to know her.

  But I can’t wait to be inside of her.

  This kiss will change everything between us and as I stare into her eyes, I wonder if she is ready for this?

  Because I’m ready to dive right into her.

  My eyes zero in on her lush, inviting lips and I slowly make my way toward them, licking my lips in anticipation. I close my eyes, ready for contact when Isla’s loud gasp snaps my eyelids open, causing me to shrink away from the blinding outdoor lights that someone has turned on us.

  Isla jumps away from me as if I burned her and starts swimming in the opposite direction of me. I shield my eyes from the glaring light, trying to see if a figure can be made out behind the windows inside the house. I turn toward the stairs that lead out of the shallow end. I walk out of the pool and make my way around it to where Isla is climbing up the ladder out of the deep end.

  “Meet me in my room,” I command softly as I get closer to her, wanting to continue where we left off. She shakes her head no and turns to leave, but not before I reach out, grab her arm, and spin her around.

  “I can get fired for this, Sean!” she hisses and snatches her arm out of my grasp.

  “No, you won’t. I will talk to Cal.” I reach again for her, but she side-steps out of my way.

  “Cal is not who I’m concerned with.” She starts walking towards the cabana bathroom door, making me have to run past her and stop in her path, forcing her to stop to look at me.

  “This is going to happen, Isla. Tell me you don’t want this and I will back down,” I challenge her as I grip her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. I need her to see how serious I am about this and I do everything I can to convey that in my facial expression. Her emerald eyes show fear and determination, but no rejection. She searches my face briefly before shaking her head out of my grasp.

  “I need some space to think, Sean. Give me some time.”

  “How much time?” I ask, making me wonder if she realizes how short our time left with each other really is before I have to leave.

  “I don’t know… just leave me alone for right now.” I don’t try to stop her this time as I watch her go inside the house.

  I take a deep ragged breath and look around for another towel, only to see that there was only the one that Isla had brought with her. I envy that towel that is wrapped around her tight, warm body. Exactly where I wanted to be tonight. I look down to see my cock still standing for attention.

  “Looks like we are going to be taking another cold shower,” I mumble as I make my way to the cabana bathroom for some relief.

  I will leave Isla alone for now.

  Twenty-four hours should be plenty of time.

  9

  Isla

  Sleep evades me as I toss and turn all night long, worry and longing occupying my mind. Worrying about who discovered us in the pool. Longing for Sean, his words and how he consumes my every thought, creating an argument between my head and my heart.

  He will only break your heart.

  Maybe he won’t.

  He still loves Cora.

  Maybe he really doesn’t.

  Don’t let him touch you.

  Give him a chance.

  You have nothing to lose.

  You have everything to lose.

  The question remains, is Sean worth risking losing it all? My job; my heart?

  As the sun starts to streak the early morning sky, I give up trying to sleep and get up to start the day. Today’s lesson plan for Avery is going to be out of the house so I can avoid Sean and his handsome face. He completely shuts down my defenses and makes it impossible for me to remember why being with him would be a bad idea.

  Not expecting anyone to be awake yet, I go downstairs to make breakfast for everyone as a nice surprise. I enter the kitchen and stop short at the sight of Cal sitting at the island, sipping on a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

  “Good morning, Isla.” He nods his head in greeting as he folds his paper and looks at me. I swallow my dread at being under his intense scrutiny. Maybe I will not be making everyone breakfast anymore.

  “Good morning, sir. I apologize for disturbing you. I will come back later.” I turn on my heel to walk out when he calls out my name, stopping me in my tracks.

  “I think we need to have a chat about what I interrupted last night between you and Sean.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck!

  I am so fired!

  “I don’t know you as well as Jenna does and quite honestly, that was done on purpose. Jenna has been thrust into a world where everyone wants to fill her head with doubt about me and our relationship, so I don’t need to add any fuel to the fire that is already out there about how we have a pretty nanny in our employment. There are already disgusting stories in the tabloids that you and I are having an affair or that we’re all having threesomes together.” I gasp in shock, outrage that people make up such vile, untrue stories. Cal just shrugs at my reaction. “Unfortunately, this comes with the territory of working for us and I am truly sorry about that.”

  “Are you letting me go, sir?” I blurt out, my stomach in knots over the agony of having to leave the kids. I honestly don’t care that my reputation is being shredded with lies in the public. I will call my parents to warn them, but I doubt they would ever believe anything they see in a tabloid.

  “No, we’re not letting you go, but Jenna wanted me to talk to you about Sean.” I exhale a sigh of relief at his words, despite not liking to hear that Jenna also knows about last night. I blink back the tears that were threatening to spill as crying in front of Cal is the last thing I want to do.

  “There is nothing going on between Mr. Lindsey and I, sir. I can assure you that nothing will happen. This job is very important to me. I love your children and really enjoy working for you and Ms. Pruitt. I give you my word I will stay away from Mr. Lindsey.” I look him straight in the eyes, my voice firm with understanding that I know what the consequences may be if I continue engaging with Sean.

  He smiles and shakes his head at me. “You don’t understand that once Sean has his sights set on something, he will not let it go until he has no more need for it.” He gives me a knowing look and understanding fills my head at his meaning.

  “It’s nice to see Sean interested in someone else other than Cora and you might be the person who finally rids him free of her. Unfortunately, trying to discover if you are indeed that person might lead to heartbreak. We’ve been down this road before with him. If you choose to continue a relationship with Sean, my warning to you is to be careful. As much as I love him like a brother, I am weary of what his true intentions are with you.”

  “I promise nothing will happen between us,” I reassure him, hoping we can end this discussion so I can run back to my room and hide until the kids are awake.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Isla.” He stands up and pours himself a second cup of coffee. “Consider yourself warned. What you choose to do is your prerogative.” He gives me one last smile before heading out of the kitchen.

  I walk over to the counter and slowly sit down on the barstool, my hand over my racing heart. This conversation with Cal was scarier than any serious conversation I have ever had with my own father. But, I am relieved that this happened and quite frankly, I am happier this conversation comes from Cal and not Jenna. Will Cal say something to Sean about this? They have meetings with their agent today downtown, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this turns out to be a car ride conversation. Dread starts to fill me, wondering if Sean will back down once Cal talks to him.

  Do I want him to stop pursuing me?

  Hell no, my heart screams.

  It is for the best, my head responds.

  I’ve got to get out of this house. Screw maki
ng breakfast, I am taking the kids out for breakfast.

  I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and text Jenna, asking permission to start our day so I can concentrate on everything else but Sean Lindsey.

  “This has been the best. day. ever!” Avery screams as she skips toward the car for us to make our way back home. Her arms are filled with two stuffed animals that are almost the same size as her. Her aqua eyes are shining with delight, her ponytail barely holding her hair back anymore. I love seeing her like this and I laugh at her excitement, happy that she feels this way as it has been a pretty great day.

  As soon as I got the green light from Jenna to take them, I grabbed Brooks’ stroller, his diaper bag, snacks and a bodyguard to start our adventure. We ate breakfast at a local restaurant before making the trip to downtown Chicago. We started at the Shedd Aquarium, ate lunch, walked over to the Adler Planetarium and ended our day at the Lincoln Park Zoo. I am envious of Brooks right now, who has been sleeping the last hour and stays asleep as I strap him into his car seat. I get into the passenger seat of the car and nod to our bodyguard that we are ready to go. I text Jenna to let her know that we are on our way and then I sit back and try to relax as we ease into Friday evening traffic.

  Today was exactly what I needed as I didn’t think about the situation with Sean while I was with the kids. I feel the situation is cut and dry — either I am going to be with him or not. I know that he is only staying with us until it is time for the press tour and then who knows where he is going after that. He owns properties in Ireland and London, but barely spends time at either of those places. Sean’s a gypsy and is showing no signs of slowing down. He has unlimited funds, endless opportunities and women throwing themselves at his feet.

  And I’m just a nanny.

  Helping to shape children’s futures is far more important than being an actor, but, unfortunately, we don’t get the same respect and pay. Sure, I come from money, but I was taught at a very young age that nothing will be handed to me. That I can go and be whatever I want, but I better work hard at it. So I have. I am a strong, independent woman who has paved my own life, made my own money and am determined to one day open a school that will be a home to educate young women on how to do the same.

  We are worlds apart and nothing is going to change that.

  I snap out of my thoughts when I realize we are almost home. I turn around to tell Avery, only to notice that she is fast asleep like her brother. I text Jenna when we pull through the gate to let her know. We pull into the garage just as Jenna opens the door to help get one of the children out. We carry them to their bedrooms and put them in their beds fully clothed, not wanting to take the chance at waking them as they are probably done for the evening.

  “Are you hungry? Dinner is ready.” I nod my head at Jenna and follow her to the dining room. She motions for me to sit as she heads toward the kitchen and comes back with our food. I notice only two place settings are prepared and wonder if Cal and Sean are still downtown.

  “So tell me how today was? I missed them so much,” Jenna says before taking a bite of her salad. I recap our daily activities, telling her how I incorporated my lesson plan with what we saw today. I told her how adorable Avery was when she saw the dolphins and how Brooks slept through the whole planetarium show.

  “Sounds like it was a great day! I am sad I missed it, but so grateful to you for taking them. Thank you, Isla.” She wipes her mouth with her napkin and puts it down. “I know Cal talked with you this morning about Sean. I just want to let you know that I am here if you ever need to talk or anything.” She smiles and looks down at her hands, not being able to hide her awkwardness.

  I smile back, but don’t want to have another conversation of how Sean is wrong for me. “Thank you. Where are Cal and Sean anyway? I thought they would be back by now.”

  “They decided to stay and have dinner with Philip. They had a lot to go over today before the press tour.”

  “What is the plan for the press tour? Are we still all going?” I ask, curious as to what our schedule will be as I would like to take some time off to go home and see my parents and friends.

  “Everyone will come with us to London. You and the kids will stay with Cal’s family while Cal and I go to the Paris and Berlin premiere. We will then spend an extra week back in the UK, which I figured you might want to take off to go home to Ireland or just do whatever you want to do.”

  I nod my head in excitement, happy that she was thinking exactly what I was hoping for. “That would be wonderful, Jenna, if I can have that week off and go home.”

  “Of course you can. You can just meet us in New York for the next premiere and then Cal and I will go by ourselves to the Los Angeles premiere while you stay here with the kids. I’ll get the whole itinerary from Robert on paper for you to have.” She picks up her phone to send Robert a quick text before she forgets.

  “How did today go for you? Is everything settled for the party tomorrow?” I knew taking the kids out of the house would also benefit Jenna, as she had her staff come to do one more walk through of her house for the surprise party. Sean plans on taking Cal out the whole day with sailing and golfing while Jenna’s staff and vendors set up the party for outside. Cal is not due back until night time. Jenna will have the curtains inside drawn close so Cal can’t see everyone hiding outside, waiting for him to come out to say ‘surprise’.

  “Everything seems to be in place. While I am excited to see his reaction, I will be happy when this party is over with.” I laugh with her and am about to ask more questions when we hear a door slam and footsteps walking toward us. Cal walks in the doorway and smiles. He goes straight to Jenna, looks lovingly into her eyes before kissing her on the mouth.

  I look in back of me to see if Sean follows suit, but after ten-seconds and still no Sean, I can’t keep my curiosity at bay.

  “Where’s Sean?” I ask, looking at Cal. He grimaces and looks down at Jenna before answering me.

  “He’s with Cora.”

  10

  Sean

  I shouldn’t be here right now, with her.

  I should’ve gone to dinner with Cal and Philip instead.

  I should’ve never answered my text messages when I saw her’s, saying she had landed in Chicago.

  But I did answer, and here we are at dinner together.

  My appetite is gone with the knowledge that Isla probably now knows where I am and who I am with. If Cal didn’t tell her, then TMZ probably did as the paparazzi were waiting for us when we arrived at the restaurant. Out of all the places to eat in Chicago, they just happen to know we were coming here. I didn’t even know we were coming here until Cora’s driver pulled up to the front of the restaurant. Did she call the paparazzi? I wonder. And if so, why? I shake my head at this, refusing to believe she would be that calculated and continue toying with my food, half listening to a word she is saying. She’s complaining about how mean Philip has been to her and that she’s thinking of hiring a different agent. I wish she would, as that would be another tie severed from her. But she is all talk as I know she won’t.

  Because keeping Philip is another connection to Cal for her.

  Just like I am.

  I look up at her at this realization and study her. She looks beautiful, as usual, but tonight she’s very dressed up for a casual dinner. Her dark hair is down in soft waves around her shoulders. Her makeup highlights her sharp cheekbones, her black heavy eye liner bringing out her cat-like eyes. Her white, off shoulder dress shows the smooth silkiness of her shoulders while giving a hint of her cleavage. The dress stops above her knees, showcasing her slender legs and ankles, with her feet looking delicate in bright red heels that match her lipstick. She looks like she’s Snow White with how the ambient lighting in the restaurant makes her glow.

  A very naughty, evil Snow White.

  “Why are you staring at me like that, Sean? Do I have something on my face?” I shake my head no at her and look back down at my uneaten food, disappointment la
cing through my veins as I’ve realized what a waste my night has been.

  “Can you show a little bit more enthusiasm for wanting to be here with me, Sean? You are starting to give a girl a complex.” She laughs, but it wasn’t genuine. I stare into her eyes and see a flash of hurt before her walls are put right back into place.

  “Why are we friends, Cora?” I ask abruptly, curious as to what her answer may be. I know she would never tell me the real truth as to why she keeps me around, but even her lies would be entertaining to hear.

  “What kind of question is that?” She looks genuinely confused and caught off guard by my question. That’s exactly how I want her to be - I don’t want her to have time to think about what the perfect answer should be.

  “A simple one, really. Why are we friends?” I lean back in my seat, cross my arms against my chest and raise my eyebrows at her. She continues to stare at me, but this time with a blank stare. She really is a good actress as I know the wheels are turning in her brain to try to figure out what kind of answer I am looking for.

  “Sean, we’ve been friends for close to eighteen years. We started our careers together. We have vacationed together. We have been through highs and lows together. You know all about my family, just like I know all about your family. Why wouldn’t we be friends?” She challenges back and I mentally give her kudos for trying to turn the question back around on me.