Matchpoint

by Gus Ralthocco

  Chapter Nine

  “I SHOULDN’T have done that.” The words came with an edge of desperation from Diego’s mouth.

  Inches away, he lifted his eyes to meet Caio’s, and Diego wasn’t sure of what he saw—maybe regret because of the kiss or maybe something that could nourish the hope inside his chest, that could give him something to hold on to, even if this wasn’t the right time for him and Caio together.

  “I—” Caio let his head fall against the wall.

  Their position wasn’t comfortable, so Diego sat back on the floor and the distance grew between them.

  Diego searched for Caio with his eyes.

  “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” Diego apologized for the single most reckless decision of his life. Now he was loath to face the reality of what he’d just done, even though he couldn’t very well hide from it.

  “It’s nothing,” Caio said, and Diego winced involuntarily. “I mean, I’m not trying to say we don’t—”

  “I know, I know,” Diego stopped him, and Caio blinked a couple of times, seemingly frustrated.

  “I’m not trying to make it seem like this doesn’t matter.” Caio sounded earnest, but there was something guarded in his eyes, a reluctance that had never been there before. “It’s just that now is not the right time for this.”

  Diego was afraid of those words, because it seemed like he had just fallen into a trap of his own making. He wasn’t even sure if what he could see in Caio’s eyes was their bond pulling them together or just the seams ripping apart in the middle.

  Diego wanted to close his eyes and pretend like nothing happened. He hugged his knees, and a hand reached out to touch him. He leaned into it, because Caio was a magnet he was always attracted to.

  “I think I need time to think,” Caio said.

  A cold vise grabbed Diego from inside, and he couldn’t say a word.

  Then Caio got up and moved away, and the temperature in the room seemed to drop. Diego heard his steps on the floor. Then the door opened and closed with a click.

  The rain seemed to be letting up.

  Diego’s phone pinged with a message, but he took his time to reach for it. It was from the Federation.

  All games scheduled for the remainder of day 9 of the Olympics are canceled due to the conditions at the Beach Volleyball Arena. According to the planning committee, the schedule will be altered to accommodate further changes.

  Diego looked up to the window. He didn’t know what happened in the city during the rain, but the debris from another storm was strewn around inside his chest.

  He wasn’t sure if there was anything else to do but wait. Another apology was trapped inside, just waiting for an opportunity to come out. But when Caio came back a few minutes later, it vanished from his mouth.

  “Hey,” Diego said, as Caio walked to his shelf, deposited his toiletry bag, and picked up another shirt to change.

  “Hey,” Caio answered, but didn’t turn around. “I… talked to Marina.” Caio sounded distant.

  “Yeah?”

  “She said they were stranded in a store during the rain. And you know Alice is afraid of storms, so I was thinking of going out to see her.” It was an implicit request for time away from Diego.

  Diego nodded. “Did you get the message from the Fed?”

  “Yeah. It seems like things were pretty bad around the 7th District and the Eiffel Tower. The arena took the brunt of it, but for now, it seems like nothing beyond that. It’s going to be under repairs until tomorrow.”

  Diego wondered if he could call a crew to repair the distance between them.

  “I think I’m going to call my parents,” Diego said more to himself than Caio.

  “That’s good. I’m leaving,” Caio told him, almost as an afterthought, and Diego watched as Caio finished getting ready and then up and left.

  [Diego] Mom, are you guys okay? I have some free time, can we do something together?

  Completely dejected, Diego almost didn’t hit Send, but when he did, his mom immediately replied. He didn’t have a single ounce of will to leave the room, but as the weather outside calmed down, Diego got up from the floor and decided to take a shower.

  He could smell Caio’s soap in the bathroom and could feel his touch on him.

  DIEGO’S parents had booked a walking tour around Montmartre that was happening even after the rain. The guide accepted a last-minute addition so Diego could join them, although he wouldn’t have minded staying behind, if only he could deal with staying in that room all by himself….

  At least his parents were happy to spend time with him.

  “I’m so excited,” his mother said when they were in the car, driving away from the village. At least someone was excited.

  As they drove through the streets, there were cleanup crews along the sidewalk. The sun had appeared amid the clouds, and the tourists crowded the Parisian walkways again. Diego looked out at the people on the streets, but he was searching for someone he knew wouldn’t be there.

  “Was the tour expensive?” Diego asked his parents and closed his eyes when he saw a man who looked like Caio but wasn’t him. Diego only wanted to see his partner. “Because I can pay you back for the voucher or something.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s a little gift for you.”

  Diego wasn’t going to insist.

  From the driver’s seat, his father turned his face to the side to peek at the back seat. “Did something happen at the village?” he asked.

  Diego felt the air rush from his lungs. Had his parents caught on to something?

  “We only had some heavy rain. It didn’t seem that bad.” His father paired the comment with a shrug, and Diego relaxed when he realized the question was only about the weather.

  “Some wind rattled the blinds, but I didn’t see much.” He was careful with his words.

  “I saw something in the news, and they’re postponing some of the games, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  Diego searched on the internet for news about what went down at the arena. Until they got to Montmartre he didn’t pay attention to the conversation between his parents. They even asked about Caio, but Diego told them Caio was with Alice and Marina and made no further comment.

  They left the rental a couple of blocks away from the Blanche Station, where a small group of tourists had gathered to start the tour. Diego couldn’t help but check his phone every now and again on the off chance Caio would message him, even if it was to simply ask if he was all right, but that didn’t happen.

  The air was damp when they started the walk. There were puddles on the sidewalk, and leaves littered the streets. They crossed in front of La Machine du Moulin Rouge and its windmill, and Diego briefly recalled how the romance between Satine and Christian went down. At least they got to live their love. What about Diego and Caio?

  He was glad when they left Moulin Rouge behind as the guide took them through a path and into some side streets after Rue Lepic, and they stopped at the first eatery on their way.

  Diego wasn’t allowed to drink during the competition, as much as he’d like to taste something that would make him forget the day, so he grabbed a bottle of water and watched as the other tourists feasted while he nibbled on the treats to pass the time. He knew how enchanting Paris could be, and his parents seemed to be enjoying the trip just fine, but his heart wasn’t in it.

  He tried to pretend he was all right, and he managed to put a smile on when his mother looked at him. He knew she wasn’t fooled by it, and when they stopped to taste more cheese, she came to him.

  She didn’t ask anything at first, only glanced his way with a worried look. Diego wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about it, but he knew she was going to question him.

  “What happened to you?” She sounded concerned. Roberta was right next to him as Diego perused a tray of cheese slices, though he wasn’t interested in eating them.

  “What do you mean?” His confusion was less than convincing, and his mot
her gave him an unimpressed look.

  Diego sighed. He wasn’t in the business of hiding things from her, but he had never told his mother about his feelings for Caio.

  “Well, you don’t always look like you want to stay at home and sulk, but when you do, it’s very hard for you to hide, especially from me,” his mother said.

  Diego tried to walk away from her to the next station, but she followed him.

  “Something happened that made you come here with us, but now you won’t even pay attention to what you’re doing.” She pointed to his hands, and Diego realized he’d taken a used napkin and was folding it between his fingers.

  He threw the paper onto the table.

  “I don’t know if I want to talk about it.” He tried for an honest answer, and his mother nodded.

  “That’s fair. I won’t make you talk about anything you don’t want to. But you know I’m here, right?”

  She reached for his hand and squeezed it once. Diego looked down, and a wave of tears formed in his eyes. He hadn’t cried in a long time.

  “I know. It’s just—” Diego stopped himself and huffed out a breath. He glanced at the group of tourists who were a lot more interested in eating and drinking and were oblivious to his inner turmoil. But his father wasn’t, and he looked worried although he made no motion to join them.

  They were a very close family. Most of the time, Diego and his mom did the talking, but his father was still there. And he always supported Diego, even though he wasn’t good with words.

  “I kissed Caio today.” Diego let it out before he could stop himself.

  His mom tried to hide her surprise, but her eyebrows climbed up her forehead. She opened her mouth to say something, but she hesitated.

  “And I take it things didn’t end very well?”

  “I don’t know, to be honest.” He wondered if he could give her an answer that would be satisfying, and not only to her. “We barely talked after that, and then he left.”

  “That’s… understandable.” When he frowned, his mom continued. “Maybe he wanted some time to think, instead of jumping to conclusions, like I think you’re doing right now. Do you think this is… what you should’ve done?” Roberta asked, not a trace of judgment on her voice.

  “Not sure,” he said.

  At the front of the group, the guide asked them to move on to the next stop. His mother said nothing else, but she slung an arm around his shoulders, the way Caio had done many times. It was a kind of comfort he welcomed, but very different from what he really wanted.

  They walked together all the way to the Funicular, and his mother didn’t press for more. They got into a wagon and climbed up to Sacré-Cœur while Diego pulled out his phone to take some pictures and to search for a message that never came.

  It was a losing battle.

  When they reached the top of the hill, they saw a multitude of tourists milling around the cathedral. Down there, somewhere, Caio would be spending his time with Alice and Marina, and Diego was far away from him.

  The memory of that kiss lingered, and he treasured that memory, even if it didn’t come without pain.

  “What about a family picture?” Roberta gave her phone to a woman in their group, and she took a picture of the three of them, with Diego in the middle between his parents. The smile that came to his face managed to release some of his tension, but as soon as the moment was over, he felt his lips curling down.

  He turned around to walk away, but his father reached an arm over his shoulders and stopped him in place.

  “You know nothing lasts forever, right?” he said. Diego wasn’t sure what he meant, but he nodded anyway. “If there’s a storm today, the sun is going to come out tomorrow.”

  And maybe the universe agreed, because right then the sun came out from under the clouds and caused a flurry of activity as people took more pictures in the light.

  “That was nicely done,” Diego said to his father’s chuckle.

  “It doesn’t matter if it hurts now. You can make it better. Maybe not now, but there’s still tomorrow.” His father grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and gently tugged him close to land a smooch on his cheek.

  It made him laugh, and Diego felt better.

  Chapter Ten

  “SO… are we not going to talk about why you’re sulking?” Marina asked, not even glancing at Caio.

  They were seated on a bench a couple of blocks away from the village. Even though the storm had caused damage around Paris, the late-afternoon sun was beating down on them.

  From where they were, both could watch Alice playing with a gymnastics ribbon they bought in one of the stands not far from where they were. She wasn’t an expert with the stick and its trailing streamer, but she wasn’t training to compete in rhythmic gymnastics. She could enjoy the sport without that pressure.

  Looking at her prompted Caio to remember the lie he told Diego a few hours ago, only so he could run away from their room.

  “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Caio tried to pretend, but from the corner of his eye, he could see the incredulous look Marina aimed at him.

  He sighed and let his head fall into his hands. Marina leaned against his shoulder.

  “Tell me what happened. First it was the prez this morning, and now you’re like this. Is this about Diego? Because you also didn’t say a thing about him all afternoon.”

  She knew him too well.

  “Maybe,” he conceded. “A bit of everything.”

  Marina said nothing as he gathered the resolve to speak his mind. He feared they were going to enter the same rabbit hole that had almost finished his career.

  “I kissed Diego,” he put it out there, his voice wavering.

  For a moment it seemed as though Marina was just taking it in, because she went still and then relaxed.

  “When did it happen?”

  “This morning. Right before I left the village. After our talk with the prez.”

  She let out a breath. “And what happened with the prez?” Marina asked. She ignored the part about the kiss, but Caio knew they would go there again.

  “He threatened us. If we don’t let the other two win.” Caio tried to downplay the threat with a roll of his eyes, but Marina raised her head to look at him. Caio turned away from her gaze, but he was still sitting on that bench, right beside her.

  “It’s impossible to know if you’re even going to play against them.” She shook her head. “What did he say to you?”

  Caio sighed. “The same stuff he’s said before. About ending my career. The prez and his friends almost did it once, but I didn’t give up. Now there’s Diego, though…. I didn’t want to get him involved in this.”

  “So you went there and kissed him instead.”

  Caio groaned. “I know. It’s complicated.”

  For a moment Marina said nothing while Caio tried to make sense of things, but it wasn’t simple.

  “Do you have feelings for him?” Marina asked, and Caio wasn’t sure if he had an answer.

  Up until that moment, Caio thought he was sure of the extent of his feelings for Diego. They were more platonic than anything else, and he felt comfortable around the guy. The age difference didn’t seem like a problem, and there was nothing stopping them from being who they were with each other. At least Caio thought there wasn’t, but Diego had never kissed him out of nowhere before, so maybe, somewhere, there were latent feelings.

  But Caio wasn’t against having those feelings for Diego. He didn’t have a name for what he felt, but it was there.

  “I can’t say I don’t. But I’d never do anything to mess with what we have now, you know? At least I thought I wouldn’t,” he corrected himself.

  “It’s not like you guys are going to implode on the court on the next game, or are you?”

  “I hope not,” Caio said, but at this point, he wasn’t sure. There were a lot more moving pieces.

  “Then you need to talk to him about what happened, not run away hoping that e
verything will go back to how it was before. Which I think it’s exactly what you’re doing now.”

  Caio knew she was right, but he was confused and tired and yearning for resolution.

  Marina didn’t press for more. She seemed to know that Caio was at his limit.

  Alice turned his way with a smile on her face. She reminded Caio of a time when things were a lot simpler, when it seemed like he could do anything. Caio used to love being in the thick of it, but he felt drained. It had been a long time coming.

  “I didn’t want anything to distract me or throw me a ball to the chest, especially when I realized that I’m not long for this game. I thought since these were my last Olympics, I was in the clear.” He lifted his shoulders and let them fall heavily.

  “You never considered there was a chance of this happening?”

  He wasn’t sure how to answer that, because Caio had been caught off guard. He always liked Diego. They were good together, and they could spend a lot of time with one another without fighting about stupid things. But that had been the truth with Adônis too. With Adônis, they were good in the court and good in bed, but look how that turned out.

  “I don’t know.”

  “But you liked the kiss, right?”

  Begrudgingly, he confirmed with a nod of his head.

  “And you’d do it again?”

  “It’s pointless to say I don’t want to,” he answered, looking ahead. A few tourists were watching Alice, and Caio wanted to have an easy smile on his lips, to enjoy the warmth of the sun, but all he could feel was regret—over the things he did and those he didn’t.

  “You know both of you need to sit down and think about what you want, especially with the prez paying close attention to your every move.”

  Marina was making too much sense.

  “You didn’t use to be this wise when we were younger,” Caio said, trying to move away from the scrutiny. Marina laughed.

  “I was terrible at giving you advice, but I think we both learned a lot about life since we were young. We had to, being just the two of us. We’re too old not to have enough experience to know when things are wrong. But I have the feeling that Diego is not one of those things.”