Ballsy

by Sean Ashcroft

  With shaky legs and not much steadier hands, he poured a generous pool of shampoo into his hands, rubbed them together to spread it around, and then ran his fingers through Sam’s hair.

  It probably wasn’t how you were supposed to wash someone else’s hair, but it was the best he could do at the moment. All the energy he usually reserved for thinking was concentrated on not coming immediately as Sam’s tongue swirled around the head of his cock, making Ben rock his hips just a tiny bit.

  He knew better than to hurt Sam, but he couldn’t keep entirely still. Not when Sam’s eyes were falling closed, relaxed bliss written all over his face even as he reached down to wrap his fingers around his own cock.

  He was impossibly perfect like this, all pink lips and soft, muffled moans, getting off on having Ben’s cock in his mouth.

  Ben already knew he’d been a fool to let Sam go, but he knew it with every cell in his body now.

  Sam hollowed his cheeks and took Ben deeper into his mouth, so far that Ben could feel the head of his cock nudging the back of Sam’s throat. He whimpered, forcing himself to focus on massaging Sam’s scalp.

  Sam moaned around him as he did, making his cock vibrate with the sound. Ben could feel precome gathering at the tip again, and had to brace himself as Sam licked it away and swallowed around him, tightening his lips as he did so.

  Ben cupped the back of Sam’s skull and rocked his hips slowly and gently, using his other hand to work the shampoo into his hair. The whole shower smelled of lavender now, the steam from the warm water carrying the scent straight to Ben’s nose.

  “Feels good,” Ben murmured, tipping his head back so that it was leaning against the cool tiles and focusing on the way Sam’s lips felt, the delicate pressure of his tongue, the building tension in his own balls, in the insides of his thighs.

  Sam’s free hand moved up the inside of his leg, skimming over sensitive skin, brushing against his balls, and moving back to press firmly at the spot behind them.

  A shock of pleasure made Ben’s hips jerk forward, moaning low as he rode out the wave and then bracing himself for Sam to do it again, pushing hard against him, against some sensitive spot Ben hadn’t known about until right this moment.

  The low simmer of arousal he’d been coasting on was suddenly white hot, urgent and needy, making him pull and tug on Sam’s hair in an effort to let him know that he wanted more, please, more, harder, faster.

  He bit down on his lip as Sam’s finger circled his hole, tensing for the inevitable push inside. He hadn’t realized he was so sensitive there until this moment, until Sam was just barely brushing over the delicate skin, teasing mercilessly.

  Sam sucked and swallowed around him, but moved his finger away without pushing it inside.

  Ben wasn’t sure whether he was relieved, or disappointed.

  He was sure that he was getting close to coming, and opened his mouth to say so just as Sam wrapped his hand around the rest of the length of his cock. He groaned loudly, the sound echoing against the tiles as he gripped Sam’s hair.

  Sam pulled back, his mouth leaving Ben’s cock with an obscene pop, but Ben didn’t care. He was right on the edge now, a half-second away from coming.

  A soft, broken cry from Sam set him off, all the slow-burning pressure of Sam’s mouth around him, his hands on him, the knowledge that Sam was getting off on this hit Ben in a rush, his back arching away from the tiles behind him as he came, spilling all over Sam’s hand and his own stomach.

  He leaned back against the wall, his knees threatening to buckle any moment, his chest heaving with every breath.

  “You taste great,” Sam said, his voice cracking.

  If Ben hadn’t been completely spent, he might’ve come again just at hearing that.

  Sam stood, and without pausing for a moment, pressed himself against Ben and kissed him, parting his lips, licking his way inside his mouth while he made tiny, needy sounds. Ben settled his hands on Sam’s waist and let himself be kissed, too wrung out to do much else.

  “Thank you,” he said when Sam pulled back. “That was…”

  “Hot,” Sam finished for him. “So hot. You have a great cock.”

  Ben blushed, clearing his throat. “We need to rinse your hair,” he said.

  Sam chuckled, backing up to duck under the shower. “I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

  “You asked me to.” Ben shrugged. “I was helpless against your wishes.”

  Sam smiled a slow, wicked smile that made a shiver run down Ben’s spine. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said.

  Ben really hoped he would.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Despite spending the last ten years on one long working holiday, Sam couldn’t ever remember waking up as refreshed and content as he had this morning. He’d rolled over to see Ben beside him, smiled, kissed him, and then been told he’d woken just in time for breakfast.

  As mornings went, it was pretty perfect.

  “You look happy,” Ben said between bites of pancake.

  Awful as the owners of this place had turned out to be, they knew how to put together a decent breakfast. Sam had always thought that no one was truly evil.

  Cruel, maybe, or selfish, but not evil.

  “I am,” Sam responded. He hadn’t been happy like this, down to his bones, in a long time.

  He definitely hadn’t been this at peace since he’d left. Ben had a way of making him feel safe and calm in a world that was otherwise terrifying.

  “Good,” Ben smiled a tiny, shy smile at his pancakes.

  No matter how good he felt right now, though, Sam was already starting to dread that this would all be over when they left. That Ben would decide it had been fun playing pretend, but that once they went back to the real world, their lives would be too separate to weave them back together.

  Sam didn’t even have a place to stay once this was over. He could find an apartment as long as he wasn’t picky about it, but he didn’t have any plans.

  What if Ben took that as a sign that he wasn’t serious? That he was ready to run away again at a moment’s notice?

  Ben had no reason to believe he wouldn’t. He’d done it once already.

  Sam’s suddenly sour mood didn’t improve at all when he looked up and saw Annie walking toward the table.

  “Good morning,” she chirped, a broad, fake smile spreading across her face. “This is for you, as promised.”

  She handed an envelope over to Ben, who accepted it grudgingly. His mood had obviously just taken a nosedive as well, although that might have been acting.

  Sam was learning that Ben was a better actor than he would have given him credit for.

  That didn’t help at all with his fears about whether or not Ben would want to stay together once they left here. Maybe he’d just gotten used to playing the part.

  “Thanks,” he said, back to his gruff, shut-off normal self. The self he showed to just about everyone else in the world.

  Except Sam. The warm, playful man under that outer shell had been reserved for him once upon a time.

  Sam bristled as Annie ran her hand up Ben’s arm. He knew he didn’t need to be jealous, that Ben wasn’t interested, that he was just playing along for the sake of the story, but jealousy still swirled in his gut as he watched.

  He looked away, focusing on his plate instead.

  “And good morning to you too, handsome,” Annie said. “You look worn out.”

  Sam shifted uncomfortably at being called handsome. It felt pointed, like she was just trying to draw his attention to his scars.

  If that was the point, it was working. Not that Sam was about to let her know that. He looked up again, smiling just as broadly as she was.

  “Ben wore me out this weekend,” he said, unable to keep a note of venom out of his tone. “He was definitely right about us coming here. Thanks for helping us reconnect.”

  Annie blinked at him for a few moments, confused.

  Sam’s stomach sank. What if he’
d just blown Ben’s cover? What if she realized now that something was wrong, and Ben couldn’t get all the proof he needed?

  What if he’d just screwed up Ben’s last chance at saving Ballsy, the kind of project he’d always wanted, even when they were young?

  Ben would never forgive him for that. Any chance of happiness they might have had would be gone, and all because he couldn’t just play along for thirty seconds.

  To Sam’s surprise, Ben reached out across the table and took his hand. “It’s been wonderful,” he said. “I’ve realized that I’d do anything to keep him.”

  Annie’s expression changed, her eyes glinting. Ben had sold it to her.

  Of course he was being more affectionate and attentive than usual. He was supposed to be afraid of losing Sam. That was natural behavior.

  All the same, Sam hadn’t thought about that. He’d just been blindly jealous, and even though it was only for a split second, he could have blown the whole thing.

  Maybe Ben had been right not to want to bring romance into the mix between them. Maybe his concern for his career had been justified, just not quite in the way Sam had imagined he feared for it.

  He thought Ben was afraid that being out would mess up his opportunities—the second a reporter was gay, they were suddenly only allowed to report on gay interest news, after all, with very few exceptions.

  But maybe he’d just been afraid that Sam himself would screw it up. That he was too intense, too clingy, too needy.

  Sam’s stomach turned. He set his fork down, sickened by even the thought of eating.

  If he lost Ben now, after knowing what it could have been like, where the hell would he go next? Could he spend the rest of his life running from an even worse heartbreak than the last time?

  He watched Annie walk away with an uncomfortable bubble of fear filling his stomach.

  “Sorry about that,” Sam said softly, still not making eye contact with Ben.

  “Sorry about what?” Ben asked. Sam finally braved looking up at him to see him frowning, confused.

  “I nearly blew the whole thing ‘cause I was jealous. I could have ruined everything.”

  “You didn’t… wait, you were jealous?” Ben asked.

  He didn’t sound upset. Sam wasn’t sure why, although he was beginning to think he’d been worrying about nothing.

  It was just so hard to believe that he was finally getting everything he’d ever wanted.

  “I know you’re not interested in her, but… yeah. Just for a second.” Sam cleared his throat. “I promise I’m not normally like that.”

  At least, he wasn’t normally like that with other people. Ben, he was starting to see, was a different case. Ben meant the world to him.

  “How about I promise that you never need to be?” Ben squeezed Sam’s hand, but didn’t let go of it. “And you didn’t even come close to blowing the whole thing. But if you had? That’d be okay.”

  “It would?” Sam raised an eyebrow. He had no intention of screwing it up, but he’d never expected Ben to be okay with it if he did. Ben would have had every right to be mad at him.

  “If all I come away from this weekend with is you, I’m happy,” Ben said. “Everything else… well, my lesson for the week is that if you’re patient enough, good things eventually happen. I’ll figure the rest out when the time comes.”

  Despite his still-fading anxiety over having made a mess of everything, Sam chuckled. “You’ve changed so much,” he said. “The Ben I knew would have had a goddamn aneurysm if he’d thought someone was about to ruin a story for him.”

  “The Ben you knew was young and stupid in just about every possible way,” Ben said.

  “I still loved him,” Sam responded. “He can’t have been that bad.”

  “Well, maybe not.” Ben cleared his throat. “But I have grown up a little. I hope that’s okay.”

  “It’s perfect.” Sam smiled at him, the last of his worry fading. Like Ben said, they could figure the rest out when the time came.

  Chapter Twenty

  Once he was away from the breakfast table and waiting for the final activity of the retreat to start, Ben opened the letter he’d been passed by Annie earlier.

  The instructions were brief. They gave the address of a diner he recognized the name of in LA, a time and date—the coming Thursday, 5:30pm.

  He assumed that was decided under the assumption that he finished work around 5pm and left on time. Clearly, they really didn’t know who he actually was.

  Not that it mattered. The thing that mattered was that Ben knew Sam believed him, that he wasn’t going to lose him when he exposed all of this.

  The most damning thing was the amount. $10,000, underlined twice.

  That seemed like a strange number. It wasn’t enough money to risk going to jail over when you ran a successful business, but it was a lot of money to someone like Ben. He wasn’t sure where he’d get it if he needed it.

  Well, no, he knew where he’d get it. He’d ask Eliot for a loan. But that wasn’t the point.

  Obviously, they thought he had money. The kind of money where he could come up with ten thousand dollars and not have it seem suspicious to his partner. Or maybe they didn’t care whether or not it looked suspicious, and they figured he’d be desperate enough to come up with it anyway.

  Under other circumstances, Ben might have been. There had been times in his life where, if he’d been told he could have Sam back for ten thousand dollars, he would have gotten it somehow.

  Now he had Sam back, he didn’t intend to lose him. If nothing else, being confronted with the idea that he might had taught him that.

  He took a photo of the letter, still trying to puzzle through what it all meant.

  Eliot would have a better chance of coming up with some ideas. Ben attached the photo to an email to send to him. This way, they’d have a copy even if this one was destroyed.

  This is the note. I’ve never been blackmailed before, it’s actually kind of exciting, he wrote. Check into these two for me, see if they have history.

  Ben listed the names and business details he had, though he realized as he typed them out that Annie and Robert might not have actually existed, legally. If you were going to go into this kind of thing, it was smart not to use your own name.

  He looked up just in time to see Sam come into the room, and couldn’t help smiling at him.

  Not that he wanted to stop himself. If Ben had his way, he’d smile at Sam every day from now until one of them died.

  That was such a huge thought to have, but it washed over him like it was nothing. Sam was it. Sam was his end-game, his one-and-only.

  His soulmate.

  He’d known all that for years, but he’d been afraid to admit it—even to himself—before now.

  “Hey,” Sam said. “You look like you’re working.”

  “I just finished,” Ben responded, hitting send as he said it. Eliot could handle things, and he could take the rest of the day off. “I’m all yours.”

  “I like the sound of that.” Sam walked over to the bed, sitting down beside Ben. “How much did they want?”

  “Ten thousand,” Ben said. “You’re worth a lot more,” he added.

  “Thanks.” Sam looked down at his lap, resting his hands in it. “I was just coming to tell you that it’s time for the next thing. Another mystery, although this one sounds like it’s indoors.”

  “Indoors is good.”

  Ben stood, stretching his arms high over his head and trying not to wince as his joints cracked. They’d been cracking since he was in his twenties, so he couldn’t even blame it on age.

  “Yeah. I’m looking forward to a really long nap after all this. Not that it hasn’t been fun.”

  “Fun, but exhausting. Just like old times.” Ben smiled to himself.

  This was better than old times by a long way, and he was hoping it was going to stay like that. He didn’t have the words to express how good it felt to have Sam around again, how right it f
elt to be near him.

  Hopefully, Sam would understand anyway.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “The final thing we want you to do this weekend is very simple, but something I bet a lot of you have overlooked,” Annie said.

  Sam leaned in close to Ben to whisper in his ear. “If this is housework, I’m leaving,” he murmured.

  To his delight, Ben chuckled.

  “For some of you, it might be something you haven’t done since your wedding day,” Annie continued.

  “Sex?” Ben whispered, making Sam laugh this time.

  “Before you go today, you need to tell your partner that you love them, in front of everyone here.”

  Sam’s stomach dropped. Ben was going to hate that, and there was nothing he could do now to save him from it.

  “So I want you all to face your partner and hold both of their hands, and we’ll go around in a circle,” Annie finished.

  Sam had changed his mind. She was actually evil.

  He didn’t mind saying it. Sam’s instinct was to tell everyone he cared about that he loved them, as often as the mood struck him.

  Not Ben, though. Ben had enough trouble saying it in private that Sam couldn’t imagine him saying it in public.

  “It’s okay if you wanna tap out for this one,” Sam said softly. “I understand.”

  To Sam’s surprise, Ben only met his eyes and raised an eyebrow.

  Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Sam thought it was. Maybe since Ben knew he was acting, he wouldn’t have any trouble with it at all.

  The thought made Sam’s stomach sink again. Of course Ben intended to act. They’d had one good weekend after being apart for years.

  Ben had been saying all the right things, but none of them had been I want a committed relationship when this weekend is over.

  Sam kept forgetting that what he wanted wasn’t necessarily what Ben wanted.

  Instead of letting himself get worked up about it, Sam took a few deep breaths to combat the nervousness swirling in his gut.

  He’d already said it once, and Ben hadn’t run away or anything. He obviously wasn’t offended by Sam’s feelings, regardless of where he was with his own.