My Year of Saying No

by Morrey, Maxine

  ‘I said I was good, not perfect.’

  ‘That is true. Anyway, I don’t live closer, so, unfortunately, that’s not an option either.’

  ‘Do you have any preference as to where you go for this spa weekend?’ Seb asked.

  ‘No, not especially. Why?’ I squinted at him. ‘You have your “I might have a plan” face on. Which is both worrying and exciting in equal parts.’

  ‘I wasn’t aware I had one of those faces, but it’s a good thing to know. And yes, I might just have a plan.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘An ex of mine is the manager of a small chain of boutique hotels and I’m pretty sure some of them do spa days. I’ve also got a feeling at least a couple of them are dog friendly because we talked about going to one once and obviously Scoobs would have had to come. I can ask her if you like.’

  ‘Ooooooo… K.’

  He folded his arms, giving me a front row view of perfectly muscled forearms. Perhaps I should send him a couple of long-sleeve T-shirts for days I really needed to concentrate… ‘What’s up?’

  ‘You’re still in touch then?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Spit it out, Lots.’

  ‘Well, I’m just a little concerned that if you enquire for me, that, depending on what you did, once she finds out I’m anything remotely connected to you, the rates they charge might suddenly double!’

  His brows rose. ‘Who said I did anything?’

  ‘Did you?’

  He furrowed his brow. ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Oh god, you totally did something.’

  ‘I did not,’ he laughed. ‘It was just one of those things that didn’t work out. Not enough spark, chemistry, whatever you want to call it. We still chat though. She’s a nice woman.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Want me to see what I can find out?’

  ‘Do you mind?’

  ‘Of course not. It’d be my pleasure. Especially if I know you’re actually going to get some proper rest and pampering, then it’s definitely my pleasure.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I won’t let my work slide.’

  His face was serious. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

  ‘No, I know. I’m just messing about.’

  He nodded.

  ‘I promise. I know you look out for people. For me. And I do appreciate that. It’s very kind.’

  ‘I just want you to practise some of that self-care you spoke about earlier in the year. The last couple of weeks seem to have been about everyone but you.’

  ‘Which is why I’m looking into spa weekends.’

  ‘And why I’m going to get on that right now. Talk to you in a bit.’

  5

  I may have to give you a few days free for arranging this

  I pressed send and put my phone down next to me on the table, exchanging it for a delicious juice full of organic goodness and a bunch of ingredients I’d never even heard of.

  Good then?

  My phone lit up as Seb’s reply came in. I’d turned the ringer off so that it didn’t disturb me or anyone else in the relaxing surroundings as various guests lay on loungers, some in swimsuits, some, like me, snuggled in the softest of fluffy white dressing gowns with a subtle logo embroidered on the right chest. The area was warm but not stuffy and an assortment of greenery, from small ferns to large palms, was interspersed around it, providing both privacy as well as that sense of relaxation that comes from being surrounded by plants.

  Gorgeous! I’m still convinced they’re going to come and ask for the rest of the money! I can’t believe the deal you got me

  I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps something had reignited with Seb and his ex because I was pretty sure what I’d paid for this weekend was a fraction of what it should be. And that feeling caused a little ripple in my stomach. Which was ridiculous because Seb had dated plenty of people during the time I’d known him and it had never bothered me. So why did it send a quiver of curiosity through me now? I knew the answer, of course. Before, I hadn’t been single, so what Seb did and who he saw had no impact on me. But now that I was… I gave my towelled head a gentle boink back against the top of the lounger. Now that I was – it made no difference. I just needed my body to start listening to my brain.

  A laughing face emoticon bounced in on to the screen and I could see that he was still typing.

  Don’t worry about it. They won’t. Secret? They had someone cancel a package last minute. With you there, they know they’re getting some money on top of the other person’s deposit they lost, but they’d have been unlikely to fill it this late otherwise. You’re doing them a favour

  Winky face.

  Ha! I’m not sure about that, but thanks again to you and your friend for arranging this.

  You’re more than welcome. I’m glad you’re having a nice time. Humphrey all right? (I can’t believe I have to write that name…)

  A rolly-eyed emoticon winged its way to him.

  Get over it. It’s a good name. And yes, he’s having a wonderful time! He’s having a doggy massage at the moment.

  Shocked face quickly followed by laughing one.

  He’s so chilled anyway, I don’t know what this will result in. He may just sleep for the entire next week!

  Hope you’re having one too. I think you’re probably more in need than the dog, to be honest.

  Don’t worry. I am. I’ve just had a lovely hair treatment and I’ve got a massage booked at 2

  Sounds good. Also, why is your phone not turned off? You’re supposed to be decompressing

  Funny face.

  Ha ha! It’s only on because I wanted to speak to you…

  I reread the message and deleted some of the words. Try again.

  It’s only on because I wanted to thank you for setting this up. I’m not looking at emails, messages, social media or anything else. Jess is offline at some romantic retreat Harry’s whisked her off to this weekend, so it’s fine, really

  He sent a smile.

  I’m torn between being happy to hear you’re having a good time and wanting you to switch off entirely.

  I will. Stop worrying about me so much

  Winky face.

  He sent back a shrug.

  Can’t help it. This is just what I do when it comes to people I care about

  I didn’t know how to reply. The words were so simple, but they meant such a lot. That was one of the things I’d liked about Seb from the beginning. He was straightforward. Said what he meant, but without being overly blunt or rude. He took people’s feelings into consideration and I always knew where I stood with him. I imagined he’d been a good and respected officer in the army. I’d said something to that effect once and he’d shrugged it off, saying something non-committal like he’d hoped so, which made me think he definitely had been.

  There was no question of him being a complete angel – he certainly still got wound up about things, but he always tried to see things from all perspectives before leaping in and making a decision or comment. I admired this trait, although I’d been less admiring of it when someone had pranged my car in a line of traffic and he’d begun to question it. I’d told him in no uncertain terms I’d been sat there in a queue minding my own business and that the only perspective he needed to see on this occasion was that I was annoyed, sore and now the owner of a car with its boot smashed in and that I’d rung for sympathy, not a balanced view of things. Seb had laughed and the next day I’d received flowers and a box of biscuits, as well as a tube of muscle rub. The card had read ‘Some people just shouldn’t have a licence!!!’ Apparently he’d been very specific about the three exclamation marks required, just to ensure I could tell exactly how outraged he was on my behalf.

  I looked back down at my phone. There was really only one way to reply…

  Thank you

  A hugging emoji appeared, bringing a smile to my face as I put the phone down on the table and glanced at the clock on the wall across from
me. Time for a little nap before going off to collect Humph from his treatment and get him settled in the room before heading back down for my own massage. Perfect.

  * * *

  The hotel Seb’s connections had wangled for me was close to a National Trust property, the grounds of which were open to the general public for free from dawn to dusk and this had proved to be a beautiful place to take Humphrey for a long walk each day, as I absorbed the atmosphere and listened to the birds chatter, hidden from sight in the branches of the trees above. The relaxing natural landscape built on the calm feeling the whole weekend was instilling in me.

  As I returned from a walk with the dog, stepping into the elegant foyer that merged modernity with a nod to the grace of Art Deco, I heard my name called.

  ‘Ms Wentworth?’

  I looked up to see a tall brunette striding towards me on heels so beautiful, I had trouble pulling my eyes away from them for a second or two. The beauty of the shoes matched that of their owner, and as she approached me, a wide and perfect smile broke on her face at the same time as she held out her hand.

  Quickly, I jiggled Humphrey’s lead to the other hand and took the woman’s, accepting the firm but friendly shake.

  ‘I just wanted to check that everything was OK for you?’

  I nodded. ‘It’s absolutely lovely, thank you.’

  She smiled again, and gave a little laugh. ‘I’m sorry. I should have introduced myself. I’m Carla.’ At the lack of any sign of recognition on my part, she continued, ‘I’m the manager of the chain. Seb Marshall’s… friend.’ She hesitated on the last word and I wasn’t quite sure if I should make something of that.

  ‘Oh! Right. Thank you for arranging all this for us.’ I nodded down at Humphrey as I spoke and Carla smiled and briefly dipped to give Humph a little head rub.

  ‘You’re more than welcome. Seb was very insistent that you only got the best.’ She gave me a little smile and the merest hint of enquiring eyebrow.

  ‘Ha!’ I laughed, a little awkwardly. ‘Oh. Oh dear. I hope it wasn’t any trouble. It really was something I just mentioned in passing and then he said he knew someone and that he might be able to have a chat with you and…’ I tailed off, aware that I was beginning to ramble out of control.

  Carla laid a hand on my arm briefly. ‘Don’t worry about it. It really was my pleasure. Seb’s a great guy.’

  ‘He is. Yes. And, um, a great client too.’

  ‘Client?’ she frowned a little.

  ‘Yes. I’m a virtual personal assistant. Seb was my first client. Well, I suppose technically the charity is, but… so yes.’ Again with the rambling.

  ‘Oh. I see. I thought maybe he’d finally found someone who was right for him. And the way he talked about you…’

  I felt myself blush and flapped my hand. ‘You know what he’s like.’

  ‘I do.’ Those two words seemed loaded and I felt the blush deepen. ‘And, frankly, this was such a pleasure to arrange as he obviously cares about you and I’ll never be able to repay him for introducing me to my fiancé.’

  ‘He did?’

  She smiled and glanced down at her left hand. A huge sparkling solitaire diamond set in a platinum band caught the light as she moved it. ‘He did. Seb and I went out a few times, but it never came to anything. Just not the right chemistry for something to happen, I guess, but we had a fun time, so it was lovely to stay friends with him.’

  ‘He is a good friend,’ I replied, relieved to be back on more solid ground.

  ‘So then he calls me up and tells me he’s just had a meeting with this guy who’s planning on sponsoring the charity for something and thinks he’d be perfect for me and that he’d set up a dinner date for that evening.’

  ‘He didn’t?’

  ‘I know, right? I kind of wanted to be cross with him for barrelling ahead without asking me first, but there’s something about Seb. He’s a pretty good assessor of people. And, frankly, I had nothing better to do that night, so I went.’

  I pointed at her left hand, grinning. ‘I guess it worked out.’

  ‘Perfectly. Of course, Seb did his best not to be smug about it when I told him, but he didn’t quite pull that off.’

  ‘No, well, he is a man.’

  Carla laughed and glanced at the expensive watch on her wrist. ‘I’d better get on, but I just wanted to meet you and check everything was OK.’

  ‘And check out who Seb had pulled strings for?’ I grinned.

  She wrinkled her nose. ‘Was I that obvious?’

  I shook my head, still smiling. ‘Not at all. It was really nice to meet you. I wanted to thank you anyway. And I’d totally have done the same thing. It’s obvious that Seb means a lot to you, which is understandable. But don’t worry, we’re just friends. There’s absolutely no romance there, so I’m not about to break his heart or anything. I think I’d be just as upset as you if someone did that to him, so I totally get it.’

  ‘There was some aristocrat after him when we were going out. He didn’t seem interested at the time, but I did wonder…’

  I nodded. ‘Yes. She’s still interested apparently.’

  Carla pulled a face. ‘I know he’s Mr Tough Guy, but she’s already been through three husbands.’ She made a palms-up gesture. ‘I’d just hate for Seb to get hurt.’

  ‘I know. Me too.’

  Carla touched my arm again. ‘I’m so glad he sent you here. It was lovely to meet you. I really hope you enjoy the rest of your stay, and don’t forget,’ she handed over her card, ‘anything you want, just let me know.’

  ‘Thanks, Carla. For everything.’

  ‘My pleasure. Keep an eye on that boy for me, won’t you?’

  ‘Will do.’

  She gave me another full-wattage smile and then strode off across the foyer, heading for a door marked ‘Staff Only.’

  ‘Come on, Humph. Time to go upstairs and see what we might fancy from room service tonight.’

  Humphrey looked up from where he’d flopped over on to his side and was now sprawled out like a very small, shaggy rug.

  ‘Come on, lazybones. There might even be a charcoal biccie in it for you.’

  At this, his ears perked up and he scrabbled up onto all fours.

  ‘Thought that might help,’ I said, laughing at his antics as we headed towards the stairs. As we climbed, one sentence from my conversation with Carla kept twirling around in my head… the way he talked about you.

  Back in the room, I settled Humphrey in his bed with his promised treat and switched on the mini kettle as I laid a turmeric teabag in the bone china mug. I’d turned my nose up at these when I first saw them, but, actually, they were surprisingly enjoyable.

  It doesn’t mean anything, I told myself as I gave the teabag a few dunks. As Carla had said, and as he himself had admitted, that’s just how Seb was with people he cared about. And there was no reading into that caring any further than needed either. We were friends. That was it. He cared about me as a friend. Just as he did Carla. Which was great. Lovely, in fact.

  I squished the pillows up behind me as I flicked on the telly with the remote control. With a bit of luck, he might be able to find someone to present me with a rock the size of my dog too.

  * * *

  ‘I’m thinking you could do with another weekend at that spa,’ Seb said, frowning at me as I answered his call distractedly while in the middle of ensuring my last emails of the day had all been sent and I could close my computer down for the weekend.

  ‘Hi. No, I’m fine. Just been a busy day. I’m very ready for the weekend. Did you need something doing?’

  ‘I’m hardly likely to ask that at gone five on a Friday night, especially after seeing you looking like you need to go and put your feet up with a big mug of tea.’

  ‘One sugar, lots of milk if you’re making.’

  He grinned and gave me a salute. ‘Get your arse over here and I will.’

  ‘You say the nicest things.’

  ‘Yep. They always
say I’m a charmer.’

  I gave him an eye roll. ‘Did you really want something doing? You know I don’t mind.’

  He shook his head and yawned. ‘Nope. I just shut stuff down myself and thought I’d see what you were up to.’

  ‘Well, I’m about to go and make that tea.’

  ‘OK, ring me back when you’ve got it.’

  Ten minutes later, I was ensconced on my sofa with a soft snuggly blanket, a warm snuggly dog, a huge mug of tea and three chocolate digestives.

  ‘You look like you’re all ready to hit the town this evening,’ Seb stated upon popping back up on my phone screen’s video call.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ I replied through a mouthful of biscuit. My mother would not be impressed by my manners, but I was tired and it was only Seb. I’d apologised for speaking with my mouth full once before, at which he’d given a deep rumbling laugh, telling me that he wished that was the worst manners he’d ever seen. Army life was enlightening, he’d said. Deployment was another whole step again. After that, I hadn’t worried.

  ‘What you up to tonight?’ he asked, sliding down his own sofa into a slouch and taking a sip of what I knew would be black coffee.

  ‘Pretty much this,’ I replied.

  ‘Fair enough.’

  ‘You?’

  Seb gave a slow wave over himself to indicate his own plans involved about as much movement as my own. I smiled, enjoying the fact that my friend, who was, in general, a pretty active guy, didn’t judge me for my choices and wasn’t averse to the pleasures of an evening’s sofa-vegging himself.