Not Looking for Love

by Anjela Day

  “Look I’m not gone play no games with you one minute we on the next we off I don’t got time for that,” I told him looking away; his eyes were so sexy I was melting with every glance.

  “Nobody playing games with yo ass. Understand that what the fuck I say is Law! I told my nigga to take you shopping, you hung wit yo girls right!”

  “And?” I said my hip poking out, and my hand resting on it. He sucked his teeth.

  “ if I tell you to do something do it! I’m not gone tell yo ass shit wrong” He said

  “It was my birthday” I whined

  “Ok that nigga had cash” he replied looking at Aaron.

  “It’s yo job to be with—

  He popped my lips

  “No, it’s my fuckin job to protect yo ass! Niggas know who I am. That means they just who you belong to! To some niggas, that’s respect to other niggas that could be yo death sentence. So if I tell that nigga to take you somewhere it’s for a fuckin reason! Man, I’m not about to fight with yo ass or explain my fuckin action’s gone in the room, I’ll be in there when I’m sleepy.”

  Was he for real? I thought to myself standing looking at him my arms crossed over my chest? He pulled me over to him and kissed my ear

  “You didn’t hear me?” he asked in a whisper; however you could hear his tone had changed.

  “Yes, I did” He didn’t say anything after that he just smacked my ass and walked over to the couch taking a seat next to Aaron. I looked at him and his niggas and rolled my eyes as I walked into his bedroom

  “Yo babe”

  Um I’m babe naw I said out loud

  “Yes”

  “go get me a beer out the refrigerator! OH, and watch yo fuckin mouth!”he said I kicked my shoes off and put my hair in a bun on top of my head. Walking out of the bedroom and into the kitchen I didn’t even look his way I just washed my hands and grabbed two beers out. Walking over to him I handed him a beer and opened the other one

  “Yo A-Rod you thirsty?” he asked Aaron snatching the beer from my hand and passing it to his boy. He pulled me on his lap and ran his hands up and down my back.

  “You staying wit yo man tonight?” Rolling my eyes I stood to my feet. Walking to the room

  “What you eat today?” He asked kissing my lips

  “Nothing why” I said smiling

  “You look sick,” he tells me, Was he serious. I stood up and stared him down. “Whatever” I said walking into the bedroom and slammed the door. I looked in the mirror on his dresser and knew that he was referring to the weight loss, but so what I hated, being fat and the pills I took kept me thin and sexy. I stood looking at my now perfect body, not even hearing Cali come in. He pulled me onto the bed and lifted my shirt over my body.

  “You're my babe” I nodded my head yes and kissed his lips. The taste of strawberry’s still lingered from the blunt he had just smoked.

  “Yes,” I said in between kissing

  “I missed yo ass.” He said slipping my jeans off and his hands down my panties. He rubbed my ass until I fell asleep.

  I didn’t mean to fall in love with a girl, but the truth was I was in love with her ass; the day we met. It was something about her smile that had me. I loved to watch my girl sleep. I won't lie I had real trust issues, but she made it easy to trust her. She was always honest and the way it felt when we lay next to each other. As bad as I wanted to make love to her I couldn’t get the story out my head she told me the first time we slept together. I remember the look on her face when she told me how guilty she felt for her dude getting killed on their wedding day. She blamed herself because he went to pick up her wedding band. At times I wanted to tell her it had nothing to do with her, it was all because of greedy niggas trying to come up, and my brother and his best friend was the one to blame. I would get intimate with her and see that nigga's face. It’s crazy because I came up with Don and he was a cool ass nigga.

  “Baby what you doing,” Neisha ask waking from her sleep looking up at me as I watched her.

  “Nothing babe, Go to sleep I tell her kissing her face wondering if she knew the truth.

  “I love you too Neisha” I tell her and she kissed my lips. I had told her more than 20 times and even ended a man’s life for her and she still couldn’t say the words back to me. Don’t get it wrong I ’m not that pussy type of nigga, but the first time in my life I really was in love with a woman.

  The sound of the door bell pulled me from my thoughts. I kissed Neisha, and hopped out of bed. I pulled my gun and checked the clip. Sliding down my pants. It rested on the small of my back, just as my arm did. I walked into the living room. All my niggas was knocked on the floor or either the couch. I shook my head, and opened the door.

  “Yo that nigga Randy on some bull shit. I know that nigga done went to the cops.”

  “Cardo said walking into the living room. He looked at my niggas, and shook his head. “why niggas always at yo house?” He asked walking into the kitchen he grabbed a beer, and sat at the kitchen table.

  “Nigga we got to get rid of Randy.” He said blankly

  “What about the bitch yall was sharing?” I asked with a raised eye brow.

  “She cool”

  My brother couldn't be this dumb. That bitch Nichole was playing them both, and I wouldn't be shocked if she didn't get us all killed.

  “Nigga she not.” I tried to tell my brother.

  “Nigga Cole cool. She don't want that nigga. Plus she got all the money.

  “So let me get this right you willing to kill yo day one for some bitch.?” A rod said walking in and grabbing a beer.

  “Nigga what this got to do with you.” Cardo asked A-rod

  “Nigga everything. I told him he was dumb as fuck for doing it. Don was yo nigga the three of yall came up in this shit, yall killing friends I'm next?” A-Rod asked, and I scratched my beard.

  “Baby?” I hear Neisha call out walking into the kitchen.

  “Oh I din't know you had company. She turned to walkout the kitchen and she slowly turned and looked at Cardo.

  “Do I know you?” she asked staring at him.

  “Babe you in yo panties.” I remind her, and she looks at her body.

  “Fuck babe I'm sorry.” She said walking out of the kitchen.

  “You fuckin that nigga bitch?” Cardo asked, and I sighed.

  “When I met her I didn't they kicked it.” Nigga you gotta go!” I told my brother. As far as I was concerned, I was done. Whatever him and Randy did was on them. If I killed anyone it would be that bitch.

  “Nah that bitch know my face.”Cardo said, and I looked at him real fast.

  “Is you talking about my girl?” I asked my brother.

  “Nigga she just a bitch.” Cardo said. Out the side of my eye I could see A-Rod shake his head. Damn I could see some shit was about to go down.

  “Nigga bitches is a dime a dozen” Cardo said pulling his gun.

  “Oh so you gone kill my bitch?” I asked him speaking through gritted teeth.

  “Nigga you to much of a punk to do it, and I'm not going down for some hoe.

  I didn't know what I was doing my heart was racing, and I could feel sweat dripping down my nose. I pulled my gun and pressed it against Cardo's head.

  “You need to go bro.”

  “Fuck is yall doing!” A rod said stepping between Cardo and my gun.

  “Nah Rod, he a man let em do it. Pick a bitch before blood.” Cardo said, and I wanted to blow is head off. He had done fucked up shit , but this was beyond insane.

  “Nigga chill,” A rod said.

  “Get yall self together, and think of a better plan. That girl don't know shit, and you talking loud only going to make her wonder what's up.” A- Rod said taking the gun from my hand.

  “Cardo go, take care of the other nigga , and we'll handle girl. She's no threat.” A-rod told my brother pushing him out the house.

  I had chosen to stay with Cali and see how far we would go and it was great at first. He would dr
op me off at work and was always on time to pick me up. I would spend weeks at a time at his house and soon as my head would hit the pillow he was gone. I never questioned or asked him where he went but I had to admit I wondered. I had a key so I came and went as I pleased and days that I would chill in the house I would watch TV and chill with Aaron he apparently stayed there. I got used to not seeing Cali, but what creeped me out was that we weren’t having sex. However, it felt really intimate we sat on the couch I read a book as Cali played his game. He looked over at me and smiled. He smiled a lot around me. He grabbed my legs and placed them on his lap

  “Why you so hairy?”

  “I’m not I snapped pulling my legs back. He placed them back on his lap and gave me the don’t move look.

  “What you want to eat babe,” He asked rubbing my legs”

  “ummmmmm I moaned Chocolate I said in a seductive voice looking at the lump in his pants.

  “You silly ma,” he said tracing my leg with his fingers.

  “Come here he ordered pulling me on his lap. I obliged and mounted his lap. I sat on my knees facing him and took my shirt off to give him a good look at my breast.

  “It’s like that he said putting his face in my bra”

  “um hum” we laughed as he unclipped my bra. I could feel my pussy throb. My body was shaking, but my pussy was getting so wet. Lust would have to, outweigh fear as he began to slip my panties off my body. My nipples were as hard as stone and I was ready. Bending to kiss his neck when his phone rang.

  “Ignore it, baby!” I whined in his ear lifting his shirt over his body. He lifted and grabbed his phone from his pocket

  “Yo,” He nodded his head and kept looking at me.

  “Yo slow the fuck down” He yelled into the phone moving to the sofa as he stood putting his shirt back on.

  “Alight nigga I got that.” He said ending his call leaving me lost. He moved fast grabbing my arm and taking me in the bedroom. He cut the lights off and put his fingers over his lips telling me to be quiet.

  He closed the door slowly and I grabbed at it,

  “Sit the fuck down babe shhh,” He said closing the door. I sat in the middle of the bed my head in my lap my hands in my hair. I could hear voices and furniture being moved, but I did as I was told and stayed put. I heard a crash and then the sound of wind blowing throw a broken window. I heard more voice followed by a loud crash. The doorknob turned and that hissing sound again. An even louder crash followed it. My hands shook and I was on edge. Climbing out of the bed I rushed into the closet and sat on the floor. I prayed so hard for my life. It felt as if I had been on the floor for hours. In the back of my mind, I was in a scary movie and I was waiting for the killer to find me. The first time I heard a sound I gripped the floor and closed my eyes. I held my breath so I wouldn’t even let out a breath. All I could think this is it What have I got myself into and how do I get out of it. The voices got closer and closer my heart went still. “Yo where your girls at?” one man said as he walked through the room. Tears ran down my face The footsteps stopped the door opened I covered my face and held my head down and screamed.

  Man, it was bad enough that I was slanging, but I never wanted my girl in the middle of this shit. When my brother and Randy called and told me he was outside I knew she couldn’t see them. So I made her hide in the room. When this nigga walked in he had his whole crew with him and, in that second I knew he was in over his head.

  “What up Nigga!” He says looking around.

  “Nigga why are they with you we got business!” I was ready to knock the fuck out, my brother.

  “Man nigga they cool

  “yeah we cool my nigga! A short little dude with corn rolls and jeans six sizes too big.

  “Yo somebody here?” Randy asked and I knew I couldn’t tell him who.

  “Yo I thought yall was gone lay low”

  “Fuck he gone lie low for the kill that nigga Don, we the—

  I grabbed the little nigga and tossed him into the wall stripping him down two his boxers.

  “You fuckin 5 0 I yell pounding into his face. My brother grabbed me and I was about to go knock him out.

  “Fuck are you telling niggas for I ask pulling my gun when the door flies open.

  “Fuck Cali,” A-Rod says walking in.

  I look over to my brother and the two niggas he with aim my gun at Randy, knowing his dumb ass was gone get me killed. I rammed my hand into the wall. I looked at The little short nigga and turned my gun on him and pulled the trigger

  “Fuck wrong with you! Randy yelled as his man hit the ground and I fired again. I wanted to blow his ass away and be done with him, But I aimed at his other goon

  “Man I didn’t do shit he cried out!”

  “Naw but you know too much!” I told him pulling the trigger twice.

  “Randy get lost No one can see you for a while you to close to this!”

  I slid my gun down my jeans and looked over at A-Rod

  “Get his legs and let's get these niggas out of here.

  ***

  It took longer then I thought. Me and Randy, got rid of boy, Then I came back to clean up the blood stains on the floor. When I was sure everything was all good I text Cardo. He had drove boys car and ditched it.

  “Babe, where are you?” I asked walking into my bedroom. I was hit with the overwhelming smell of bleach. Damn I must have used the whole gallon I thought stripping down, and heading towards the shower.

  “Baby, where you at come wash yo man down, and let me spoil you.” I shouted for my girl, but she didn't answer. Neisha was spoiled, as fuck. So I knew for a fact that she would catch a cab home, just to piss me off. Not tonight. I told myself slipping in a pair of jogging pants. I loved her, but I was sick of the childish games she was playing. Hell this was chess not checkers. I'd already made my King move earlier that day. I'd asked her to marry me. She agreed, and we just did it went to the court house, and signed the papers.

  I knew after her first wedding it made no scene to prolong what we both wanted. She was damn sure all I wanted. I hoped I was all she needed. But again she was doing the bull shit.

  My phone ringing pulled me from my thoughts. I looked at Neisha's name and sighed.

  “babe where are you?”

  “WHO are you Kahili?” She asked sucking her teeth.

  “Babe come home, I can't sleep with out you.” I assured her.

  “I'm pregnant, and I ...” She paused and I could hear her crying.

  “Baby tell me where you are I'm on my way.”

  “Don't come I cant see you right no!” she said her voice shaking.

  “Babe. Look we agreed it was us against the word. Come on Aneisha, it's late, and I don't want you out there like this where are you can we talk? Face to face babe.” I asked and she sucked her teeth, followed by a long sob.

  “I'm at my apartment.”

  “Why babe, man forget I'm on my way don't move.” I ordered ending the call. I grabbed my keys, and made my way out the door.

  “Bro where you going?” A-Rod asked startling me?”

  “Going to pick up Aneisha.” I told him twisting the wdding band on my finger. I don't know why I did it I just did.

  “Really, yall getting that serious, I'm best man or nah?”

  “You always the best nigga I know, but it's a done deal bro. I said I do already. She's my wife.” I said smiling.

  'Damn I'm married. I said out loud letting it fall out my mouth.

  “That's what's up my dude. I'm still throwing you a party. Congrats bro.” A-Rod said pulling me in for a hug.

  “She's a good girl I like her.”

  “Nigga shut up sound like a punk.” I joked and we both laughed.

  “Let me go get my cry baby, Oh my nigga she having my baby.” I told him jogging to my car.

  “Damn tonight had been a fuckin night. Only thing I need was a blunt, and my babe.

  My heart was still racing. I sat down in my living room looking at the bottle of diet p
ills. Any one who know pills, know that diet bills are so many uppers to keep you from thinking of food. Your body is high, and you don't even know it.

  I could feel the baby in my belly move so I knew that pills were a bad idea. But I really just needed something to relax me.

  If I'm being truthful I could feel the baby move a couple months ago. I had been debating if I should keep it or get an abotion. I really was lost about Kahlil and I didn't know how long he and I would truly be together. So when he asked me to marry him I was flabbergasted.

  My last wedding was a mess, and I just couldn't see me being anyone's wife but Don's. I also couldn't see myself living with out Cali. Despite the fact he'd been acting weird the last few months. Always asking off the wall question, mainly about Don I knew I wanted him in my life.

  I was even exited about telling him he was going to be a dad tonight, until I heard that voice again.

  “I knew all of Don's friends, and seeing his two best friends with Cali, had me intrigued. I din't want to question him, but I know I heard Don' and kill come out the mans mouth I didn't want to jump to anything, but When Cali left Cardo came in our room.

  That alone made me curious. He didn't say much, it was just the look he gave me made my skin crawl. Soon as he left, so did I. I went home, and got Don's phone. I looked up Niko's number. He and Marco were the only two I could think of that Don was still close with before he died. “The conversation wasn't long. Marco just told me to stay put.

  It's crazy because when I called Cali he said the same thing. I was a ball of nerves sitting in my apartment.

  “Babe what's good?” Cali asked walking through the door. He was showered and in a Nike jogging suit. Damn he smelt good before he even walked in.

  I stared at him, wanting to tell him what I'd done, but I just wanted to be with him.

  “Kahlil, babe can I asked you something?” I asked as he walked towards me.