Without Forever: Babylon MC Book 5

by James, Victoria L.

  “Does what bother me?”

  “Being the last Hanagan.”

  Tate let off a huff of laughter and sat upright before turning to me. He took on a pose that was pure Drew, his elbows on his knees and hands linked together. Drew had become a mentor for him without really knowing it, and it was the small things like this that I loved to see.

  “If you’re asking me if it bothers me that you’re married? No, A. You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you. I mean you’re glowing and shit, sis. I can be an asshole sometimes, but I’m not that much of a dick. You’re right where you need to be.”

  “You’re not answering the question.”

  “Not having the same last name doesn’t mean you stop being my sister.” He smiled, his dimples popping. “I know you love me. You know I love you. Now stop being a girly girl and getting all emotional. You’re setting a bad example for my nephew.”

  “Nephew?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “You know something I don’t?”

  “There’s a pool going.”

  “Tate!”

  “What?” he asked, too innocently. “Everyone’s in on it.”

  “Sutton?”

  “He’s hoping you have a girl. Said it would make Drew crazy.”

  “Rusty?”

  “Girl.”

  “Moose?”

  “Girl and boy.”

  “What?” I asked, my voice taking on another octave.

  Tate shrugged. “He said he talked to Eric. Twins run in the family.”

  I was on my feet before I realized I’d moved, and Tate, the little bastard that he was, sat in fits of giggles, his arm wrapped around his ribs as he snorted out a laugh. My eyes were already scanning the guests looking for Eric in the crowd.

  “Ayda, I’m kidding. Most people are just having fun with it. We don’t care as long as y’all are happy.” He sobered a little, his laughter dying into a smile that took me back to his preteen years. The emotional little kid that wasn’t afraid to wrap his arms around me and tell me that he loved me. Pushing to his feet, Tate wrapped his big arms around me; the new leather of my very own cut creaking as he squeezed me tight. “I love you, sis. I love that you’re happy, and the only thing I would change about today is having Mom and Dad here. They’d be proud of you, you know.”

  “Tate...” I felt my throat tighten with emotion as I wrapped my arms around him. Just when I’d thought the tears were over for the day, here he was, bringing them back with a vengeance. Mom and Dad were here with me today in the form of a locket Janette had given me. It was my something new, and she’d had Tate find pictures of my parents to put in it. I fingered it as I pressed my cheek into his shoulder. Looking out over the crowd, I met a pair of concerned blue-green eyes, and all I could do was smile brightly as a tear rolled down my cheek.

  “I love you, Ayda,” Tate whispered into my hair. “But if I make you cry, Drew and Autumn will kick my ass, so stop already.”

  “I’m not crying.”

  “You’re still a bad liar.”

  “Shut up.”

  “‘Kay,” he said with a chuckle and hugged me tighter.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  DREW

  “So, you gotta treat her right,” Deeks said for the hundredth time, his finger pointing right at me as he leaned forward, resting his gut between his parted legs.

  “I heard you, brother.”

  “You don’t get second chances with angels like her, you understand?”

  “More than you know,” I said, slapping his shoulder firmly and gripping it tightly. “Thank you.

  “For giving you a lecture?”

  “For loving her almost as much as I do.”

  Deeks dropped his finger, his shoulders relaxing, and his familiar smile rising into place. “If I’d have been twenty years younger…”

  “Don’t make it weird.” I laughed, and he laughed, too. That’s all any of us had done: laughed. No dark cloud hung over Babylon that night. Our town was clear, the stars shining bright overhead, blessing our day with a new sky, a new air—a new road to ride upon.

  Man, my heart had turned from stone to feathers, the lightness of it a joy, so full with the fluttering twirling around inside my chest.

  I’d spent the night talking and laughing with friends who were more than friends. They were family, and where I once thought the responsibility was mine to carry them, it felt good to let them carry Ayda and me for a night.

  Deeks was halfway through telling a shit joke when Slater and Jedd came up to me with a huge tumbler of whiskey, thrusting it in my face for the fifth time in the last hour.

  “Come on, you pussy. Just one.”

  “Fuck off,” I told them again, pushing the drink away carefully. “I’ve told you already. I don’t want to drink tonight.”

  “Remind me why not…” Slater slurred, the effects of all his consumption enough to make him sway when he walked now.

  Resting my forearm on the table, I looked up at him and pressed my free hand to my knee. “I always said you were too pretty to be intelligent, too.”

  “Is that why you’re ugly as fuck, brain box?” He grinned.

  “If I didn’t love you so much, you’d be seeing stars right now, brother.”

  “Come on, Drew.” Slater jabbed my shoulder with a weak fist. “Tell me, your best friend, and tell Jedd, your VP, why you won’t have one teeny, tiny, lil drink with us after all we’ve been through.”

  “Because, shithead. This is a day I want to remember forever. Every detail. So much of my life has been a blur. I want tonight to be crystal clear. All of it.”

  “You’ve changed.”

  “God, I hope so.”

  Kenny and Moose joined us, Ben not far behind, and the rest of my brothers soon gathered around. The night was growing darker, and I’d yet to spend any reasonable amount of time with Ayda. Every time I looked her way, she was beaming, talking to someone with enthusiasm and an energy I wished I could bottle for my darkest of days. In this world of mine, where darkness had always been present, she had become the bright light I couldn’t look away from.

  I imagined a nice country boy—someone with a plot of land, a homely ranch, several horses, and a mom who could take Ayda under her wing and drag her into a loving family. Into a home where they ate together every Sunday and baked pies for each other just because their love was pure. I imagined someone loving her who wasn’t me—a man without any stains on his heart or blood on his hands. When I looked at her, I knew with every part of my soul she deserved that man.

  But none of that mattered.

  Because when I looked at her, I also knew no one, no cowboy, no straight-laced, church-going momma’s boy could ever love Ayda the way I did. They could never cry out to the universe for them to rain pain down on their lives every day, so long as they got to curl up in bed with her at night and fall asleep in her arms with her lips pressed against their head.

  She could have done better.

  She never would get better than me.

  Together, we were perfect, a fantasy I never realized I’d had until I saw her laughing with her friends, wearing a wedding ring that marked her as mine for life.

  “I hope I look at a woman like that one day,” a voice sighed.

  I turned to see Rubin standing beside me, happy and carefree, like a young kid his age should.

  “You will,” I told him. “Just go for the one who makes you angry the first time you lay eyes on her, and know that that anger isn’t because you hate her… it’s because you know she’s going to be the one to break down all your bullshit and expose you for who you really are. Then watch that hate slide right into love, brother.”

  Rubin smiled, reaching out to grab onto my shoulder. “Mind if I come to you for advice if that happens?”

  “You’d better.” I reached up and rested my hand on his, tapping it twice. He was a new feature in my heart—another thing for me to protect and provide for. I planned on upholding all the promises I’d set to him in
recent months.

  “Happy wedding day, bro.” Rubin offered, his eyes sparkling with contentment.

  “Thanks, kid.”

  Laughter erupted behind us, pulling our attention in that direction, and when I looked behind me, Autumn was charging forward, her eyebrow raised as she approached.

  “Oh, hell,” I muttered under my breath, but she was on me before I could ask any questions or try to protest, pulling me up by both hands, her strength surprising me.

  “Up you get,” she said through a heavy breath, standing me on my feet and brushing her hands down over the chest of my tailored vest to smarten me up.

  “Autumn?”

  “Come on now, Drew. You know more than anyone that the best part of a wedding is always the first dance with your lady. I do believe she’s wearing the right boots for a bit of two-stepping. Go spin her around while we all watch on like fools.”

  When I looked up, Ayda was being led to a small dance floor by Sloane, the two of them giggling, and their eyes bright with enthusiasm.

  With a small flourish, Sloane spun Ayda into the middle of the dance floor, leaving Ayda to slow to a stop in front of me. Pulling her dress up, she flashed a pair of white cowboy boots and tapped the toes together before glancing back up at me.

  “You owe me a dance, husband,” she called out above the buzz of conversation, silencing almost everyone between the two of us.

  Husband.

  Fuck, yes.

  I turned to her fully, my legs shoulder-width apart as I reached up to unfasten my bowtie, my eyes on hers the whole time as she watched me. I unraveled it and left it hanging around my neck before I popped the top two buttons of my white shirt open, and then moved to open every button on my black tailored vest, pushing the edges back before I walked over to take her in my arms. With one hand around her waist, the other holding her hand tightly, I pulled her close, so our faces were only an inch apart.

  “At your service, wife,” I whispered.

  “Say that again,” she moaned quietly.

  I dropped my mouth to her ear, my lips brushing against her lobe as I breathed warm air onto her skin. “Yours for life, wife.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment, her lips still smiling. When she opened them again, all I could see in those pools of blue was warmth, love, and raging hormones.

  “I think I’m ready for that ride now,” she said quietly, the last words fading as the music started.

  Together, we danced a dance so natural, the two of us moving in perfect time as our song rang out around us—a song I’d chosen to tell her what I felt about her. Tangled Up in You by Staind led us around the dance floor, the lyrics I’d listened to a thousand times now there for everyone to hear and understand how I felt about the woman in my arms.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off her, couldn’t get her close enough or tell her how much I loved her. Everything I felt was all-consuming, wrecking me, and reducing me to what I was as we danced together. I mouthed the lyrics to her as we moved around, and when it came to an end, I didn’t stop dancing, needing to hold her this close for so much longer.

  “You and me now, darlin’,” I told her softly.

  Pushing her fingers into my hair, Ayda pressed her body to mine. “Forever,” she whispered.

  Deeks and Autumn joined us on the dance floor, as did Kenny and Sloane, and an awkward-looking Tate, with Libby dragging him along. Once the space around us was crowded, I knew it was time.

  We’d shared enough of our day with everyone else.

  It was time to step into the night on our own.

  With a small kiss to the forehead, I pulled away from Ayda and jerked my head in the direction of the exit. She didn’t have to say a word. The blush of her cheeks and the excitement in her smile told me everything I needed to know. She couldn’t wait for us to be alone either.

  I led the way, pulling her along as I walked backward and she followed. We’d almost made it to the exit when I turned around and slammed straight into the chest of my father. He was there, as always, blocking the way, his arms behind his back and his legs parted like he was a doorman or some kind of security. Standing right beside him was Sutton, and that familiar smirk of his made me step back and raise a brow as I pulled Ayda into my side.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, eyeing them both.

  Sutton shrugged, enjoying every second of whatever this was.

  “Sorry, son. We can’t let you leave yet,” Eric said smoothly, pulling an envelope out from behind his back and holding it in front of me.

  “Why not?”

  “We’re under orders ourselves,” Sutton said, his southern drawl dragging the words out longer than they needed to be.

  “There’s someone important here who wanted to say something before the night was through,” Eric added.

  I stared into my father’s eyes for far too long, taking the envelope from him with a slightly shaky hand before glancing at Ayda for reassurance. With reluctance, I peeled myself away from her and opened the envelope, pulling out a one-page letter with a script I recognized in an instant.

  Looking up at Eric, I wanted to tell him I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t read the words in front of me, but my father looked like a father then, and his encouragement forced my chin down, for the words of my other father to drift into my heart.

  Well, look at that.

  You’re reading this damn letter, written by my beat-up old hands.

  I wouldn’t blame you if you needed a minute.

  Would understand if you needed to put this aside and come back to it another day—a day less important than this. I don’t want to make this about me.

  But you know I needed to be there in some way, right, son?

  The kid I’d given grief to his whole life.

  You think you’d get away with that on your wedding day? Did Ayda think she’d get away with that? Not a chance. I told you both before: I’ll never die.

  My body may have given up, but this soul of mine lives on in splattered ink and wrinkled paper.

  So…

  Looks like you both made it.

  The white wedding, the tears of joy, and the promises of forever.

  It’s gone down that way, yeah? God, I hope so. As I sit here writing this with a lump in my throat, all I hope is that you got what you both deserved.

  I’ve never seen two people look at each other the way you looked at each other. The minute she walked into The Hut, ready and willing to bend so you could break her, Drew, I knew she was the one.

  Do you believe in magic? I did. All my life. I believed in magic, fate, and all that other bullshit most men scoff at when someone mentions it.

  Seeing you two together was some kind of magic.

  Oh, boy, oh, boy. Never lose that. I hope, even after I’m long gone, bored up in Heaven (because I’m too pure for Hell… and Hell is just a lie created to scare those of us who want to live fast and die young) that you two understand what you’ve got in each other.

  You’re gonna face hard times.

  You’ll face good times, too.

  You’ll have babies, argue, fight, want to run away, want to go back to the beginning, and you’ll struggle. No one is immune to that. Not even you.

  But none of that matters because even when at your weakest, the two of you are stronger than an army of beasts. An army of Hounds. A motorcycle club filled with old men and young dreams.

  I’m not here today to make you cry.

  I just couldn’t let the pair of you get married without telling you some facts.

  I’m proud of you.

  I believe in you.

  I love you.

  Until we meet again, keep being the perfect version of you.

  With more love than you can imagine a man like me could give,

  Harry.

  P.s. Eric is about to hand over a key.

  You’re gonna stamp your feet and tell him you can’t accept it.

  I’m gonna be up on this cloud, son, not giving a shit. />
  Take the key.

  Go and see your new home.

  Walk around in it. Spend time in it. Imagine a room for a baby someday.

  And know I made that house yours long before Ayda even came along.

  You’re so much more than you’ll ever believe you can be, Drew.

  The Hounds are your family.

  You, though… You’re allowed to be you, too.

  Go and make a life for yourself. Live it every day.

  Love you, pres.

  I wish I could be there to tell you that to your face.

  I could barely see Sutton and Eric when I looked up. My tears fell silent, but hard, the ache in my chest unbearable as I stared at them, speechless.

  Eric held out a key. “Follow FM 709. Veer left about a quarter of a mile down. You’ll see a turn in. Follow it up.”

  Taking the key from him with a shaky hand, I parted my lips to say something, but nothing came out, and all I could do was turn to Ayda to help me.

  Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she looked between me, and the key in my hand with absolute wonder. Her chest stuttered as she drew in a breath. “We should go and see,” she whispered. “For Harry.”

  I ran my forearm over my eyes, sniffing up hard and clearing my throat. “For Harry.” I nodded.

  Eric stepped forward, embracing me for the second time that day, his chin resting on my shoulder as he patted my back.

  “So much love in one room for you,” he whispered to me and me alone. “If you can’t see what you’re worth today, I don’t know when you ever will. Be proud of yourself, Drew.” And just as quickly as he embraced me, he uncurled his arms and slipped away.

  “You need a police escort, or…?” Sutton smirked at me.

  I huffed out a laugh, wiping my weeping eyes again like a fucking pussy, before I shook my head and pulled Ayda close. “We’re good, man. Thank you.”

  Like a friend, he looked between the both of us, his smile pure. “Yeah. You’re good.”

  When he drifted away, too, I looked at Ayda and started to walk us both into the fresh night air, and I sucked in a much-needed breath as I glanced up at the stars in the clear night sky.