Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3)

by Faith Gibson

  After they were finished with the tour of the land, Malcolm put them to work on the barn. Since they had horses coming in the next day, getting the stalls repaired was priority. Hammering boards wasn’t hard work, and Bryan enjoyed being outside. June in Kentucky wasn’t nearly as hot as the desert had been, but the humidity was high, and that made the air thick. Bryan took off his T-shirt and wiped the sweat from his forehead. When he tossed it aside, he caught Andy staring at his chest. Bryan waited until Andy turned back to hammering a piece of wood in place and looked down. Had Andy been staring at his tattoos or his body? Bryan knew he was ripped, but he wondered how someone else viewed him. He had a deep pit between his pecs, and his six-pack had recently become an eight. Bryan had been around gay men in the Marines, so having someone stare wasn’t new, and it didn’t bother him. If anything, it was a boost to his ego that others found him attractive. Well, at least his body was being admired. With him being mixed, he’d often had to endure the ridicule of being a mutt.

  Andy was the epitome of the handsome, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy next door. There was no way he would have ever been made fun of for his heritage. He had the same coloring Bryan’s mom had. He was just as fit as Bryan was, and the man was stunning. And again, why was Bryan checking him out? Thinking he should probably do something to stave off his sudden odd thoughts, he asked Malcolm, “Hey, Boss, where do the pretty girls hang out around here?” He wasn’t going to go get laid for the sake of busting a nut, but if he was going to live in Arlo, he needed to find out where he could start looking for a girl to at least hang out with. He wasn’t interested in a relationship. Not yet, anyway. He wanted to make sure the job on the farm was going to work out for him and Andy. For some reason, Bryan didn’t think he would stay with Malcolm if it didn’t work out for his new friend. The man was slowly becoming important to him.

  Mal laughed. “Not that I keep up with the women, but most of the girls I went to high school with are already married. Those who aren’t hang out at the bar. It’s filled with girls lookin’ for a good time every Friday night. If you’re lookin’ for someone more reserved, you can visit the bank. I think Addison Miller works there, and she’s really pretty.”

  “Do you think she’d have a problem with the way I look?”

  Mal stared at Bryan for a beat, frowning. “From where I’m standin’, there’s absolutely nothin’ wrong with the way you look.”

  Andy coughed, and Bryan looked his way. “You got something to say, Lily?”

  Andy started laughing and shaking his ass at Bryan. “You sure do have an unhealthy fixation with my money-maker to be a straight dude, you know that? Boss man’s gonna think we’re sweet on each other if you keep calling me Lily.”

  Bryan looked at the ceiling and prayed for mercy.

  Mal asked, “Why do you call him Lily?”

  “That’s his stripper name. Lily – as in lily-white ass.”

  Mal frowned at Andy. “You strip?”

  Andy laughed and slapped Bryan on the shoulder. “No, but I thought about it for a hot minute. Bryan just wishes I would.”

  “Right. Like I want to see your hairy ass and legs wrapped around a pole.”

  “I’d wrap ‘em around your pole,” Andy joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

  Malcolm grinned at their antics, and Bryan shoved Andy playfully. This was the type of camaraderie he’d been missing for the last few months, even if Andy’s words made him feel funny inside.

  Chapter Three

  Andy

  Bryan pushed Andy and scowled. “In your dreams, Holcomb. I’ll be making a trip into town as soon as we get paid. I need to open a new checking account anyway.”

  Andy couldn’t help himself. Messing with Bryan was too much fun, and Mal didn’t seem to mind. As a matter of fact, he was smiling at the interaction between his new workers. It was the first smile Andy had seen on the man. Malcolm Wilson was a good-looking cowboy, but surprisingly, he did nothing for Andy. Andy had a suspicion it was because both his brain and his dick were fixated on Bryan. Something about the other man called to him on a level he’d never felt. Not even with Patrick. Andy had kept his sexual orientation hidden while in the Marines. He’d been afraid to have the occasional hook-up when he was on leave, and he never sought out anyone in his unit for fear of retribution if they were caught.

  Andy wondered if fraternization between coworkers would be frowned upon by Malcolm. Not that he was expecting for anything to happen with Bryan since the man was straight, but he could certainly dream. Hell, he’d already had a couple of dreams about Bryan giving him head, and he’d used the image of Bryan on his knees as jack-off fodder ever since he met the man. Maybe working with Bryan had been a bad idea. Andy needed to get over his infatuation with his fellow Marine.

  They got back to work on the barn. The company they worked for, AAW, was delivering two horses the next day, and the stalls were almost complete. Andy was excited at the thought of getting to ride again. Back before his drunken confession, his life had been as close to perfect as one could be. He had parents who loved him, or so he thought, a bright future with the family business, and more friends than he could shake a stick at. Being in the closet had been hard, but Andy had been the golden boy at his prep school. He hadn’t felt the need to rock that boat. He never dated anyone seriously, and he took girls out once in a blue moon to keep up appearances. He did hook-up with boys from other schools, but until Patrick, Andy had kept his personal business to himself and away from his school and family.

  As far as grades went, Andy had been top in his class. He played baseball in the spring, and during the other months, he studied classical piano. Andy was an only child, so he had no siblings to back him up when things went to shit. The task of being the heir apparent had fallen to him and only him where his family was concerned. They had groomed Andy to be a leader from the time he was born. When they kicked him to the curb at seventeen, he had been lost. Everything he’d ever known had been ripped out from under him, leaving him to fend for himself. Joining the Marines had seemed like the right thing to do at the time. He’d planned to have Uncle Sam foot the bill while he tried to find himself. He was going to do four years, get out, and get his business degree.

  If Andy had been straight, that plan might have worked like a charm. Being gay, he was constantly hiding his true self while trying to fit in with the regime and structure of the military. It was worse than hiding his sexuality from his parents. There had been other gay men in his unit, but like Andy, they were afraid of the consequences of being found out. When his first tour was up, Andy thought long and hard about whether or not he wanted to spend four more years hiding who he was, but his CO had come to him, specifically asking him to stay. Andy really liked the man. He’d treated Andy like a son, and that was something Andy had clung to. He had no contact with his family once they kicked him out, and Andy had missed that terribly. Not the people, but the closeness that came with having loved ones around all the time.

  His team had become his family, but being in the closet, Andy still didn’t let anyone get too close. When he opted out after his second tour, he was no closer to having figured out who he was or who he wanted to be. The one thing he knew was he wanted nothing to do with a business degree. For eight years, Andy’s heart fell apart piece by piece as his former life drifted further away. The longer he was in the military, the harder it was to see his future clearly. The fact that he was gay made it that much harder.

  If he’d been straight, he would never have enlisted. He would have gone to school, found a nice girl to marry, and he’d have taken over the family business. Now, here he was, working on a cattle farm doing manual labor. Blue collar work wasn’t beneath him; it just wasn’t where he thought he’d be at twenty-six. As Bryan had told him, he could use this time to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Working on the farm was just a job. A temporary means to an end. He and Bryan had only been there a few short hours, yet Andy felt freer than he could remember
ever feeling. He had a boss who was also gay, so he didn’t have to hide anything – other than his infatuation for the straight guy slinging a hammer next to him.

  Andy had no idea what the future held for him. Did he see himself working a cattle farm the rest of his life? Probably not, but since he had no formal education, he couldn’t get a desk job even if he wanted to. Looking around at the wide-open space of the farm and the two handsome men he was working side-by-side with, Andy found he wasn’t in such a hurry to figure things out. There was a peacefulness in being where he was.

  “Y’all ready to call it a day and get cleaned up for supper?” Mal asked.

  “Sure thing, Boss,” Andy said, realizing he was hungry. The day had passed quickly, and since he and Bryan had arrived right after lunch, he hadn’t had anything other than coffee and a couple bottles of water. He wasn’t tired, but he was ready for a home-cooked meal. “How does your mom cook if she can’t see?”

  “She doesn’t. I do all the cookin’. That’s somethin’ I was gonna ask you both about. Do either one of you know how to cook?”

  Bryan shook his head. “You don’t want me in the kitchen. I burn toast, but I can grill a mean steak.”

  Andy had loved to cook when he’d been at home. He didn’t have much time to spend in the kitchen with their cook, but when he had, he’d paid attention. “I’m not too bad. If you give me a recipe, I can cook most anything.”

  “Good. I’d like for us all to take turns. Bryan, you can make sandwiches on the night it’s your turn. You can make a sandwich, can’t you?” Mal joked.

  “Yeah, I can handle that as long as it isn’t grilled cheese.”

  Andy would love to see Bryan in the kitchen wearing nothing but an apron. The man was so fucking sexy. He’d only seen him without a shirt, but he had imagined what the gorgeous man looked like completely naked. “I’ll teach you how to cook,” Andy offered. He knew spending more time around Bryan would be torture, but for some reason, he was drawn to the straight man. Maybe it was because Andy knew Bryan was safe. Or maybe it was the challenge of wanting something unobtainable. Either way, he would have to work on keeping his dick in check around his new friend.

  “You’re going to need patience, but if you’re willing, so am I.” Bryan grabbed his T-shirt and pulled it back on before the three of them made their way inside.

  Mal stopped at the sink and washed his hands. “Good. I don’t have a grill, but we can see about gettin’ one.”

  “You don’t have a grill?” Andy asked before he thought better of it.

  “I had an old one, but it finally rusted through. If I want burgers, I fry ‘em up.”

  “Do you fry steaks, too?”

  “Nah. I usually broil those, but it’s been a while since I had one. Back when we had more cattle, we used to fatten one up and slaughter it for the meat. It would last us most of the year, but when the farm started dwindlin’, I had to sell off all the calves for money. Now, if y’all wanna go ahead and shower, I’ll get supper started.”

  Andy felt bad for Mal, so instead of putting his other foot in his already full mouth, he asked Bryan, “Do you wanna go first?”

  “Sure. I won’t be long.” Bryan headed toward his bedroom, and Andy stayed in the kitchen with Mal.

  “I just wanted to say thanks for the opportunity, Mal. I don’t know anything about cattle, but I’m a quick learner and a hard worker.”

  “I appreciate the help. It wasn’t that long ago that I had no idea what I was goin’ to do. If AAW hadn’t come along and bought the place, both Ma and me would have been out on our ears.”

  “Wow. I didn’t know.” Andy washed his hands before asking, “Is it okay if I get some water?”

  “Make yourself at home. Glasses are in the cabinet over the counter next to the fridge. I make sweet tea every mornin’, so if you’d rather have that, help yourself.” Mal grinned. Obviously, he found the thought of making tea humorous. Andy had already overstepped, so he didn’t ask.

  “Thanks. I’ll stick with water for now and have some tea with supper. So, what are you making?”

  “Meatloaf. It’s easy and doesn’t take much to put it together. While it’s cookin’, I can put vegetables on the stove. By the time we’ve all showered, it’ll be ready. I’m not gonna brag and say it’s all that, but my cookin’ is edible.” Mal slapped his flat stomach. “I do like to eat.”

  Andy smiled at his new boss. So far, Mal had been nothing but nice and laid-back. Andy prayed he stayed that way. “Does your boyfriend come by often?”

  “Nah. He lives in California. He’s a drummer for a rock band, and we don’t see each other much.”

  “What’s the name of the band?” Bryan asked as he returned from his shower.

  “Damn, you’re quick.” Andy loved taking showers. Stood under the spray letting the water run down his back until the hot water was all but gone. He’d have to remember he was sharing with three other people.

  “He was in 7’s Mistress, but he just took a job with Divining the Dark.”

  “Your boyfriend is Cade Anderson?” Bryan asked, his eyebrows shooting north. Andy had never heard of either band, but the way Bryan had reacted, they must be big time.

  “Yep.” Mal blushed and turned back to the stove.

  “Damn, Boss. How’d you snag someone like him?” When Mal turned and frowned at Bryan, he caught his mistake. “I didn’t mean it that way. You’re a good-looking man, but you’re a cattle farmer in a small town, and he’s a rock star. How did you meet?”

  “He came in the bar one night. Sat there ‘til closin’ time, and when he needed a ride back to his hotel, I offered, not knowin’ he was stayin’ in downtown Nashville. When he was lookin’ to drink, he wanted somethin’ out of the way and ended up in Arlo. Long story short, he spent the night here, and the rest is history.”

  Mal had already told them about the bar he owned. He had recently found someone to take it off his hands, and now he could devote all his time to the farm. Andy was looking forward to visiting the watering hole even if it didn’t belong to Mal any longer. Ever since he’d gotten out of the Marines, he preferred the smaller taverns to big, noisy bars. They weren’t as conducive to finding someone to take home for the night, but they were easier on his nerves. Now that he had a job, he hoped his nerves would calm the fuck down and he could feel like his old self again.

  Andy excused himself to the shower. While he washed off, he wondered what it would be like to have a famous rock star as a boyfriend. The long distance had to be hard as hell to handle. The trust Mal put in Cade’s fidelity… Andy didn’t know if he could do it. He’d already had his trust abused once, and Patrick hadn’t been famous. He cringed thinking of the last time he’d been with Patrick. Shaking that image away, Andy hurried and finished bathing so he could get back to the kitchen. He didn’t want to miss out on any conversations between Mal and Bryan. Yeah, he was nosy.

  When he walked back into the large room, Mal was pulling a bag of potatoes out from under the cabinet. Andy asked, “Do you want me to peel those while you take a shower?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” Mal handed over the spuds and the knife.

  Andy got busy peeling and cubing the potatoes, putting them in the pot to boil. “You cook a lot?” Bryan asked, coming to stand next to Andy at the counter. The scent of Bryan’s body wash accosted Andy. He hadn’t seen it in the shower, so Bryan must have taken it back to his room. If they were going to share the bathroom, they might want to discuss where they put their things.

  “Not as much as I’d like. It’s hard to cook for one person without having a lot of leftovers. Not that I’m opposed to leftovers. I’ve eaten my fair share of them over the last six months. Cooking feels a little tedious with no one else there to appreciate the trouble.”

  “I don’t think that’ll be a problem here. I know I’ll appreciate the trouble, especially since I’ve been living on take-out and frozen dinners. I used to try to help my mom out, but I just neve
r could get the hang of it,” Bryan told him.

  Bryan was watching Andy’s hands as he slid the knife under the brown peeling. Andy looked away from the distracting man and returned his attention to what he was doing. He didn’t need to cut himself the first day on the job. Andy had peeled his share of vegetables when he was younger. His family dinners were big to-dos, but he preferred helping Francine in the kitchen over making small talk with his parents’ friends. He had always been scared someone would ask about a girlfriend, and he’d have to lie. Whenever he had to go to a function for the family business, Christy would accompany him. His best friend loved dressing up and attending the fancy parties, so it wasn’t a hardship for her. She loved Andy more than life itself and did whatever she could to help keep his secret. They stayed in touch while he was in the Marines, and she begged him to come back home to Irving when he got out. She was the only one who ever wrote him. The only person left in the world who loved him. Still, Andy had no desire to return to the city where he’d been beaten then kicked out of his home.

  He would never forgive his parents for turning their backs on him. He did miss his best friend and promised to go see her once he got his feet under him. When she asked him why he was settling in Nashville, he explained to her that it was both country and big city living all rolled into one, sort of like Irving. What he didn’t tell her was for a brief moment, he’d considered trying to make a go of a music career. Andy could play the shit out of a piano, and country bands employed keyboard players. What he hadn’t counted on was the loud noises and the elbow-to-asshole crowds giving him anxiety attacks.

  Bryan’s movement brought him back to the task at hand. As soon as the last potato cube was in the pot, Andy washed his hands and looked around the kitchen. It had a warm, homey feel to it, the very opposite of the one he grew up with. Nothing was new. As a matter of fact, everything was old and worn, but gave the room character. Andy would bet there was a lot of history in the house. He was eager to add to that history. Turning to Bryan, he said, “Like I said earlier, I’ll be glad to teach you. If nothing else, you can help cut up vegetables. I’m sure you’re handy with a knife.”