Within the Wonder

by A. K. Koonce

  “You’re afraid. Of me.” I can’t help the endearing smile that I’m trying to hold back.

  He’s sweet.

  Who knew?

  “What if I said I’m as lost as you are when it comes to love?” I ask quietly.

  He searches my face when I say that, a slow sweep of every single confusing emotion that’s tangling around inside my chest, consuming each tense breath I take.

  “Then I’d say I’ll show you, but it’ll be a terrible demonstration.”

  The tiniest smile pulls at one corner of his mouth, and all the reckless feelings in me burst like a floodgate, taking me down into the darkest shadows of the dangerous sea.

  It was so easy for me to give Cat advice, and yet, I don’t even understand my own emotions. I have no idea if what I feel for this captivating man is love.

  I think it is. I hope it is.

  But he’s strong enough to wait for me, it seems. If I’m strong enough to wait for him to figure it out first. He’s so determined in everything he does. Determined, resilient, a little broken, but completely perfect.

  Maybe I do love him.

  “You’re still unsure,” I say quietly. He doesn’t nod. But he doesn’t deny it either. I lean up into him but don’t close the distance completely, watching the change of his features as lust and love and total surprise wash across his handsome face. “If it makes you feel better…” I push against him until his back hits the mattress, his body bouncing only once before my leg slides over him, my core pressed firmly to the bulge hidden beneath his jeans. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll use you tonight.” My fingers brush hintingly to his hard chest before sliding down to the shining button of his pants, his eyes never leaving mine even as I unclasp and unzip my way through the barrier that separates my steady fingers from the thin layer of clothing sheathing his cock.

  I stroke him there slowly but firmly over his dark underwear.

  When my fingertips slip underneath the elastic waist band, he leans closer, a low hooded demand shining in his eyes. “Take your shirt off,” he rasps, a growl and a plea all at the same time.

  Only Kais could ask for more when I’m about to give him everything.

  It oddly makes me want to command him right back. “Take your shirt off.” My chin tilts up, but the snarky tone I use goes unnoticed when he leans back and pulls his t-shirt off in one fast move.

  I’m left gaping at him. Smooth, hard skin is cut across with inky swirling lines. Those black lines cover every inch of his beautiful body. He’s like a piece of art.

  And I can’t help but wonder if this artwork is hung.

  “What on earth are you thinking about? Do you want me to put it back on? Why are you laughing right now? This is incredibly awkward, Madison.”

  I’m an idiot.

  A perfect, sexy man nearly fully undresses for me, and I make dick jokes.

  No wonder I never got laid in the surface world.

  “No,” my palms flatten along the hard planes of his chest, fingers tensing, teasing, and just loving the warmth of his body, “you’re so perfect, Kais.”

  He shakes his head with a hint of a smirk. “No. I’m not. You’re just easily distracted.” His head lowers subtly, his lips ghosting over mine in the sexiest way that takes my breath away with so much want. But he never kisses me. “Now take your fucking shirt off before I take it off for you,” he commands with a hint of a growl lacing his tone.

  Without hesitating, I lift my arms into the air, straddling him and wanting him to take care of me in the most basic, sensual way.

  Big palms spread wide against my hips, his calloused hands roaming at a torturously slow pace along my stomach, my ribs, my breasts, and finally my arms. The shirt falls away, lost in the dark.

  Then we’re soft curvy chest to strong smooth chest, pressed together deliciously. Each inhale I take forces me nearer, his arms wrapping around me, and he pulls me in good and close, his mouth teasing half kisses along my jaw, my cheek, my neck. He dips lower, my back arching for him in the neediest way, but only hot fanning breaths shudder across my nipples. His blond hair tickles my skin, his temple resting on my sternum as he just breathes me in.

  That dark voice of his interrupts the silent night.

  “How do you want to use me, Madison?”

  That sentence alone sends shivers through my body with the dirty suggestion he’s giving me. His husky voice is always a magnetic command that seals my heart to his in an instant.

  And right now, my drilling heartbeat matches his, beat for beat.

  “I don’t want to use you at all, Kais.” The whisper tumbles from my lips, and I don’t know how I have the strength to pull back and look down at him, his gaze searching the meaning behind the most honest words I’ve ever spoken.

  I never wanted to use Kais. And I don’t think he truly wanted to use me.

  Except right now.

  Right now, I hope he uses me over and over and over again.

  Unwavering strength slips around me, and with perfect, controlled moves, he flips me, my thighs the only thing holding me to him until the soft mattress meets my back. Thoughts of pure sin are flashing in his eyes when he glances from my eyes to my lips and then lower.

  He pushes from the bed, standing over me like a dark angel looking for redemption.

  Steady fingers push down the veering lines of his hips before his thumbs hook into the waist of his jeans and underwear. Every move he makes is assured and confident, and he gives me that confidence; it’s something I can physically feel in every pulse within me. But all that logical self-assuredness falls away from me when he slides off the few layers of clothes that cover him.

  A number seven angles down the line of his right hip, and I follow that ink until it ends just near his arching shaft. Every dark line and every carved muscle are pure wicked sexuality, but it’s nothing compared to the heated gleam in his eyes.

  Rough calloused palms sear up the inside of my thighs, my legs parting for him as he trails to the highest part of my inner thigh. He never takes his eyes off of me as he strokes back and forth over the lace of my panties, teasing my center but never truly touching me the way I need. Fingers hook into the inside of my underwear, and he drags them away, starting at my pussy instead of my hips like he just can’t stand not touching me there with the quickest brush of his fleeting touch.

  The material slips away.

  And then I’m naked with the strongest, most intimidating man.

  My captor and my friend.

  I can’t help the small amount of anxiety that’s rising in my chest among all the overpowering adrenaline.

  “What—what should I do from this angle?”

  For innocence’s fucking sake, will I ever not make sex awkward?

  But I want to make him feel good. As good as I know he’s about to make me feel.

  A smile carves his lips in the most sensual way. He crawls up the bed, up my body, his head tilting this way and that while his mouth skims so faintly over my lips.

  “It’s incredibly simple,” he whispers on a dark rasping tone, “When I fuck you, fuck me right back.”

  Heat washes through me at the sound of those words coming from his mouth. And then that mouth is against mine. The slowness of it all is different than when I lost my virginity in a quiet room just yards away from a full-blown party of people.

  This—Kais—he’s careful and patient. I don’t know if he’s drawing all of this out for me or for him.

  Or for both of us.

  When his tongue slides across the seam of my lips, he groans at the very first taste of me. His big palm pushes down my thigh and brings it up high against his lean hip. Smooth, hard skin teases my wetness, sliding up and down, so close to my entrance but never thrusting fully in until I’m a mess of whimpering sounds and trembling nerves.

  And still, he takes his time rolling his tongue along mine, exploring every part of me in the most unhurried way.

  When my hips start to match his though,
something seems to click. Fingers dig into the underside of my thigh, pushing me even harder against his cock, holding me to him while he fucks me but never truly fucks me.

  A pulsing feeling throbs through my clit with every grinding thrust he gives. My lips part against his, and I nearly beg for release.

  And then he slides lower, lining himself up, and ever so slowly, he sinks in with the most torturous pace. Every single part of his smooth body brushes over mine as he takes his time filling me with every inch he has to give until I’m gasping against his lips.

  My lashes finally part, and I look up into a bright, hooded gaze. With heated eyes, he slides in. Out. Slow, even strokes.

  Completely in control of his body.

  Completely in control of my body.

  He leans down, and sharp teeth sink into my lower lip, and he drags a moan from my mouth before sealing his lips to mine, kissing away the sting of pain with the most sensuous kiss that tingles right down to my core. Rocking hips only bring that sensation higher and higher, and when my hips start to meet his in a perfect display of a lust-filled symphony, I shatter beneath him.

  My back arches off of the tangled blankets, and his palm on my thigh holds me impossibly closer while he keeps that steady pace of fucking me senseless while wave after wave of pleasure pulses through my body. He doesn’t pause. He doesn’t wait for me to catch the breath that’s lost in my lungs. He. Never. Stops.

  And then I’m coming all over again, so fast my heart wants to burst just to take a break from the thundering pace it’s pounding within my chest.

  My sharp nails dig into the back of his damp neck, and the moment I lift my head to meet his eyes, he pulls me up against him, sliding me until I’m practically straddling his hips, and still he slams his hips into mine, the angle changing in the best way possible. I hover above him, letting him use my body while I just cling to the sharp angles of his neck and jaw. The shaking breaths that mingle between our lips turn to rasping moans and groans, and that lingering feeling of coiling intensity in my core never fades away.

  It releases again and again over the course of an hour, and only when I’m flat on my back, whimpering and writhing beneath him, does he slam into me so hard that it hurts.

  And then a growl of lust hums against my neck as his body finally halts, stilling with rigid muscles locked into place above me. Sweat lines our bodies, but it only makes us cling to one another even more. Long fingers slide through my damp hair, and he kisses me slowly, memorizing my lips with a branding kiss that I never want to forget.

  I was wrong before.

  I’m not confused.

  Not at all.

  “I love you, Kais,” I whisper on a heavy breath, and he breathes those quiet words right in.

  Moonlight glints against the surprise that’s shining in his sated gaze.

  “I love you, too.” He hovers, looking down on me while still filling me completely, but he never pulls back.

  I hope he never does.

  I’d give anything if he and I could stay wrapped up in this cocoon of bliss instead of stepping out into that terrible world that’s supposed to be a fairy tale.

  We can’t. When the sun rises, the tests and the trials and the dangers will all come rushing right back into our miserable lives. Tomorrow is another awful day.

  But tonight, tonight is ours.

  Twenty-One

  Lighton

  I should be with Elder Liddell this morning, but there’s surprisingly someone with more important information.

  “It worked. I was able to share her body,” I tell the man lounging in his fiery prison cell.

  “Of course it did.” Rotter pushes from the floor, and only when his pale features come closer to the magic fencing does the early morning sunlight hit his eyes.

  And the shadows beneath his bright gaze draw my attention immediately. As does the hollowness of his cheeks, the messy way his inky hair is shoved from one side and the other, the low hang of his normally high held bat-like wings, and just the overall shitastic appearance of his normally perfect suit.

  This place is getting to him.

  Liddell is getting to him.

  “You okay?” I ask, and it slams into me all at once that this is the first casual conversation I’ve ever had with this man.

  I literally just asked him about his well-being.

  I should step back and reevaluate my life, I think.

  “I’m divine. Thank you for asking.” Good to see that nasty gleam in his gaze hasn’t faded.

  I roll my eyes at his theatrical demeanor. The man would have hit Broadway hard; Cats wouldn’t have stood a chance had he been alive in my generation.

  “I wanted to give Madison an update on your trial. Give her some good news to boost her spirits during today’s game.”

  The blank stare he gives me makes me want to step back from his little home of a prison.

  “You thought my trial would boost her morale?” His gaze turns to glaring slits. “Do me a favor and talk to her about anything else. Give her an update on that pin prick of a thing you call a cock before you mention one word about my fucking trial.” He stalks back like a lion in his cage, and I note how low his shoulders slump forward when he drags his back and wings down the invisible wall and finally slouches to the floor.

  This asshole has a serious fascination about my cock. Really though.

  He needs someone. I can tell, because he looks the way I’ve felt lately.

  “You want to talk about it?” My voice is a choked sound, like simply being decent to Rotter is a strangling thing that my throat isn’t used to.

  His head lifts, eyes narrowed like he doesn’t trust my kindness at all.

  Guess I’m not the only one who feels awkward about all of this.

  “It’s…it’s pretty bad, Mr. Farrow.” His arms hang over his knees, and he looks past me rather than at me. “It was fun at first, but I think I’ve made a real mistake. The first one in over a century, so I suppose that’s good odds.”

  Ever the humble assassin, this one.

  “It can’t really be a mistake. You saved Madison from being where you’re at now.”

  His dark eyebrows lift, and he nods in agreement, as if he hadn’t considered that.

  “She’s safe because of you,” I whisper, digging up a real genuine compliment within myself for him.

  “I saved her life,” he echoes strangely, his voice sounding farther away now.

  “I wouldn’t go that far. You’re thriving. You’re alive.” I smile, but the smile doesn’t last as he looks up and levels me with a dark look of total emptiness.

  “For now.”

  His words, mixed with the lost screams of the other prisoners, chill me to the fucking bone.

  He’s alive. For now.

  I’m still shaking away Rotter’s eerie behavior when I get to her room. It’s early, just after dawn, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was sneaking here in hopes of getting her alone for a few minutes.

  After the first Alice Game, I think I’m closing the distance I created when I fucked up before. Things are better between us.

  It’s just a matter of time.

  A smile pulls at my lips, my hand turns the knob, and then that smile turns to a disgusted glare when I stand in the open doorway to find the one thing I did not fucking expect.

  Kais Fucking Sinner St. Croix is pushing the back of her head down his shaft, his jaw tipped up to the ceiling in complete ecstasy. She isn’t wearing a shirt, a bra, nothing besides a small pair of black panties that are hugging her ass while she kneels on the floor between his boots.

  And the words that seem to be my life motto fall from my lips before I can stop them. “Where the fuck was I?”

  Madison pulls away from his slick cock, her arms hugging herself to cover her most perfect tits from me. As if I haven’t seen them before.

  I hate that we’re like this.

  Pain and uneasiness stabs through me, and I just openly gawk and glare at K
ais when he shoves his cock beneath his jeans. I don’t know if I’m more offended that she chose him or smugger that mine’s impressively bigger.

  Like…at least a quarter of an inch. Maybe half on a good day. Half an inch is pushing it, but half an inch is half an inch, and you can’t argue with that.

  I’m mentally still measuring when Kais’s growling yell filters through my messy thoughts. “Shut the fucking door, asshole.”

  My attention swings back to her, and she looks so small curled up on the ground, covering as much of her smooth skin as she can.

  So many thoughts and emotions are tearing through me that it’s hard for me to choose just one and focus on it long enough to go with it.

  I pick rage. Fucking fuming anger at how screwed up all of this is.

  But hurt is what shines through my quiet voice instead. “I-I don’t understand what we’re doing.”

  Her delicate shoulders pull down at the same time as mine fall, and the tension in my throat won’t allow me to say anything else.

  I thought I had this four way relationship figured out.

  The jealousy in me says I don’t though.

  She stands, but she doesn’t come to me.

  It’s just me. Everyone else knows exactly who they are and what they’re doing, but I have no fucking clue. That’s what always gets me into these messes. Like the accident with my sister, the arrangement with Liddell, the screwed up relationship I have with the most beautiful woman I’ll never have. Sometimes Madison wants me and sometimes…sometimes she forgets I exist.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing either.” She mirrors my sorrow, and it infuriates me that I have the stupidity to feel bad for her sadness.

  Her emotions spiral my own until I feel like I’m sinking despite knowing I have the strength to swim. Giving into the sensation of falling just feels easier right now.

  “Madison likes you, you fucking git.” Kais says with his usual tone of affection. “She likes you, and she likes me, and for some unknown ridiculous reason, she likes Rotter too.” His hands splay wide at his sides, and I hate how much I’m comparing his lethal muscle tone to my bulky frame. Is that what Madison wants? Someone like that? “Stop thinking. Not talking is what fucks us all up. We have to talk to be able to do this, or it’s not going to work,” Kais commands, and my attention shoots back to his stern features. “Emotions aren’t straightforward, so you have to express them, okay?”