The Headspace Guide To A Mindful Pregnancy
Page 17
EXERCISE 4: MISCARRIAGE
APPROACH: Grieving is an incredibly personal thing and different for us all. With this in mind, there is no generic technique which will work in such tragic circumstances, neither is there any suggestion that this exercise will make the pain go away. But view it as a kind and silent friend who will offer support through your loss. Sometimes, this exercise is about feeling more at ease; at other times, it is being OK with those moments when we fear we might never be at ease again.
In the same manner, you may also like to consider this exercise for fertility, not to suggest you are necessarily ready to move on and try again, but its dynamics can be extremely effective in coping with grief.
Although painful, when we experience crying, sadness and difficult emotions during our meditation, it is simply those things coming to the surface. Meditation didn’t make them happen, we simply become more aware of them while creating a framework to let them go. Never discourage such feelings, and be confident in sitting with whatever arises. Most of all, be kind and gentle with yourself as you take this practice into your life.
This exercise utilises a slightly different type of technique. When you ask the questions provided, it’s important to ask them exactly how they are presented, in the second person, saying, ‘How do you feel …’, rather than asking yourself, ‘How do I feel …’ It’s almost as though you are asking someone else. You are not trying to answer these questions with the thinking mind, you are simply noticing what feeling arises when you drop the question into the mind. It’s a technique which requires a little practice – it asks us to pause, step back and listen. And yes, sometimes there is seemingly no emotion at all, and that’s fine too. Sit free from expectation and if there is nothing obvious, just take a moment to come back to the breath, before moving on to the next question.
The questions are based on the four foundations, with which by now you will already be familiar. Pause and come back to the breath for a minute or so between each question.
PRACTISE:
Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes in case you fall asleep.
With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
Now ask, ‘Who or what do you appreciate most in your life right now?’ Do not try and immediately answer the question. Simply ask, pause, step back, listen – and rest in the ensuing emotion for as long as is comfortable.
Next, ask, ‘How would you feel if this was your very last day?’ Again, do not try and answer the question or influence its outcome. Simply allow the emotion to come to the surface. Ask, pause, step back, listen and rest.
Then, ‘What would it mean to hold on to the past?’ As before, do not try to analyse or think about the question – it has no rational answer in this context. Simply ask, pause, step back, listen and then rest in whatever emotion arises.
Finally, ask, ‘Who do you know in the world who has not lost someone they love?’ Do not try to scroll through your internal contact list or answer the question; simply pause, step back, listen and rest in whatever emotion arises.
Letting go of any focus at all, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think; if it wants to stay with the feeling, allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that with you into the day.
INTEGRATE: It is common to sit down and do an exercise on grief and feel nothing at all, only for the feeling to come out later that day – such is the unpredictable nature of the mind. Whatever the case, the letting go will continue long after the exercise ends. As much as possible, this is something to allow and encourage. Obviously, you can ask yourself these questions at any time, but outside of the meditation framework they tend to quickly descend into negative thinking patterns. Instead, look for the truth in everyday life, as described in Chapter 4. We find appreciation, impermanence, cause and effect and suffering wherever we look. They show us that nothing lasts for ever and that if we plant the right seeds now, we create the conditions we desire for the future.
EXERCISE 5: MOVING THROUGH THE PAIN
APPROACH: When it comes to pain, we tend to get a little bit stuck, so it’s important to encourage a sense of flow. This technique has two aspects: the first is a body scan; the second is a way of examining pain with gentle curiosity. The important thing to remember is to examine pain with an open mind. As soon as we do it with the intention of getting rid of pain, no matter how subtle the resistance, we are once again holding it in place and are likely to get stuck. In short, as much as possible, sit without expectation.
PRACTISE:
Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for say 10 minutes in case you fall asleep.
With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
Begin to scan your body, shifting attention to the feet. And then, pausing in each spot for 3 seconds, slowly move up to the knees, pelvis, stomach, diaphragm, chest, throat, forehead and, finally, the crown. As you pause, sense how it feels.
Now reverse this same pattern, going back down the body and pausing in the same places for a few seconds, almost as though you are playing musical scales. Repeat five times, not rushing the process and still noticing where there’s pain.
Having discovered a feeling of pain, take a moment to notice the sensation. For example, where it is, how big the area is, does it feel sharp or dull, heavy or light? Take at least 20 seconds to pause, to be sure, between each enquiry.
Finally, gently resting your attention on any remaining discomfort, allow yourself to sink into it, as though you and the pain are no longer separate. Simply rest in that feeling, allowing the breath to give you a feeling of space.
Letting go of any focus at all, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think; if it wants to stay with the feeling, allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that with you into the day.
INTEGRATE: Both of these techniques can be incorporated into everyday life. The sense of flow created by the body scan can be replicated pretty much wherever you are. As I say, it is almost as if you are watching a pianist run their fingers up the piano keys in one direction and then back down in the other. You choose the speed – whatever works for you.
The second part – examining the pain – will probably require you to sit down for at least a minute or so. When you do, simply bring your attention to the discomfort, start big, and then sl
owly zoom in, noticing all the details, until you sink into the pain itself. Much like a tornado, at its very core is a place of profound stillness, quiet and ease.
EXERCISE 6: CHILDBIRTH
APPROACH: You will probably already be familiar with the approach to this exercise because it was discussed in some detail in Chapter 12 on labour and childbirth. But as a reminder, this is one of the best techniques for simultaneously developing awareness and compassion. It requires a certain courage and willingness in order to experience the full range of benefits, but the health and happiness of your child are likely to provide more than enough motivation to practise this exercise until you feel proficient and confident. For best results, I’d suggest training with this exercise from the start of the third trimester, with the intention of applying it in childbirth. In terms of how to approach labour itself, please see the integration section below.
PRACTISE:
Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes in case you fall asleep.
With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
Continue to follow the breath as you imagine your baby lying in the womb, already aware of pleasure and pain, comfort and discomfort. Without changing the breath, begin to use it as a vehicle for connecting with the baby.
As you breathe in, imagine receiving any pain or discomfort from the baby; as you breathe out, imagine sending the baby every last bit of love, kindness and comfort you have ever known. Repeat for 5 minutes.
If easier, imagine a grey smokiness leaving the baby when you inhale and a warm sunlight entering its body as you exhale. As before, repeat this process for 5 minutes, simply allowing thoughts to come and go.
If at any time you experience pain or discomfort, simply imagine this is the pain and discomfort of the baby so that he/she doesn’t have to experience it. This will allow you to breathe fearlessly and openly through the pain.
Letting go of any focus at all, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think; if it wants to stay with the feeling, allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that with you into the day.
INTEGRATE: This is a beautiful exercise for any time of the day or night. It feels a little counterintuitive at first, but once we begin, that feeling soon starts to shift. Needless to say, you can do this exercise with anyone in mind: your partner, a close friend, family member or even someone you have just had an argument with. Some people like to imagine doing it with the entire world in mind. Just take a few seconds to set up the idea and use the natural rhythm of the breath to visualise the process unfolding a few times.
As for the labour itself, if ever there was a time to demonstrate the difference between meditation and mindfulness, here it is. Obviously, you are not going to ‘find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place’ in the middle of childbirth. Nor are you likely to ‘gently place your attention on the breath’ when you are pushing for Britain. This exercise is for the time leading up to the big day, so that when it finally arrives, you will be able to apply the principles with such confidence and familiarity that you will no longer need the specific conditions of meditation. This is what it means to integrate the exercise into everyday life!
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This book is a collaboration in the truest sense of the word, and I am indebted to each and every one of you who helped make it a reality – heartfelt thanks for your generosity, enthusiasm and kindness.
As I said earlier, I could not have written it without the invaluable insight, expertise and guidance of my wife, Lucinda Puddicombe, our obstetrician, Dr Shamsah Amersi, and the resident Neuroscientist at Headspace HQ, Dr Claudia Aguirre.
Similarly, from the Headspace team, I would like to thank my dear friend and co-founder Rich Pierson; our Chief Medical Officer, Dr David Cox; our Research Manager, Janice Martman, and a very special thank you to our Head of Art, Anna Charity, for creating such a beautiful cover.
Behind the scenes, I would like to thank my good friend Steve Dennis for his dedication and passion in helping to bring this book to life; my Editor, Hannah Black, for her guidance along the way; and all those at Hodder & Stoughton who have been involved, most especially Elizabeth Caraffi and copyeditor Anne Newman. I would also like to thank all those from the Headspace community who took the time to send in their incredible stories of joy, heartache, pleasure and pain for the case studies section. They were deeply moving and served as a constant source of inspiration.
Finally, I would like to thank my friends and family who, as always, have supported me along the way. In particular, my incredibly patient and understanding wife, Lucinda, who has given me the space and time to write A Mindful Pregnancy, even as we welcomed a new baby into our home; and of course, the star of the show, little Harley himself, who has so richly inspired this book.
SOURCES OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER ONE: CHANGE YOUR MIND
Lim, D., Condon, P. and DeSteno, D. (2015), ‘Mindfulness and compassion: an examination of mechanism and scalability’, PLOS ONE, 10 (2), e0118221 (using the Headspace app).
CHAPTER TWO: THE APPROACH
Grant, J. A., Courtemarche, J., Duerden, E. G., Duncan, G. H. and Rainville, P. (2010), ‘Cortical thickness and pain sensitivity in zen meditators’, Emotion, 10 (1), 43–53. doi: 10:1037/a0018334.
CHAPTER FIVE: CALM MIND, CALM BABY
Hölzel, Britta K., et al. (inc. Sara Lazar), ‘Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density’, Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191.1 (2011): 36–43.
Westbrook, Cecilia, et al., ‘Mindful attention reduces neural and self-reported cue-induced craving in smokers’, Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 8.1 (2013): 73–84.
Bhasin, Manoj K., et al., ‘Relaxation response induces temporal transcriptome changes in energy metabolism, insulin secretion and inflammatory pathways’, PLOS ONE, 8.5 (2013): e62817.
Tang, Y., et al., ‘Short-term meditation increases blood flow in anterior cingulate cortex and insula’, Frontiers in Psychology, 6 (2015): 212.
Partanen, E., Kujala, T., Tervaniemi, M. and Huotilainen, M. (2013), ‘Prenatal music exposure induces long-term neural effects’, PLOS ONE, 8 (10), e78946.
Partanen, Eino, et al., ‘Learning-induced neural plasticity of speech processing before birth’, Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 110.37 (2013): 15145–50.
Sandman, Curt A., et al., ‘Elevated maternal cortisol early in pregnancy predicts third trimester levels of placental corticotropin releasing hormone (CRH): priming the placental clock’, Peptides, 27.6 (2006): 1457–63.
CHAPTER SEVEN: TRYING FOR A BABY
University of Oxford (August 2010), ‘Study suggests high stress levels may delay women getting pregnant’, retrieved from www.ox.ac.uk.
Galhardo, A., Cunha, M. and Pinto-Gouveia, J. (2013), ‘Mindfulness-based program for infertility: efficacy study’, Fertility and Sterility, 100 (4), 1059–67.
Carson, J. W., Carson, K. M., Gil, K. M. and Baucom, D. H. (2004), ‘Mindfulness-based relationship enhancement’, Behavior Therapy, 35 (3), 471–94.
CHAPTER NINE: THE TRIMESTERS
‘Pregnancy brain’ discussed at t
he Society for Endocrinology BES annual conference.
Press release: www.endocrinology.org/press/pressreleases/2010-03-18_Pregnancy%20Memory.pdf
CHAPTER TEN: RESPECTING THE BODY
Daubenmier, J., Kristeller, J., Hecht, F. M., Maninger, N., Kuwata, M., Jhaveri, K. and Epel, E. (2011), ‘Mindfulness intervention for stress eating to reduce cortisol and abdominal fat among overweight and obese women: an exploratory randomized controlled study’, Journal of Obesity, 2011.