Home Sweet Mess

by Allison Ashley

  Jeni perked up at that. “What? Why?”

  “I’m seeing what he’s up to tonight. Maybe he’ll be an excuse for me to escape if they won’t let me breathe.”

  “You can’t go out. You just got chemo.”

  “I feel fine.”

  “It’s been fifteen minutes!”

  Andrew shrugged, tapping at his phone screen with his thumbs. “I’ll play it by ear. I’m just gathering my options.”

  His phone dinged with a text message.

  “What did he say?” Jeni asked without thinking. She cringed internally. Was it obvious she wanted to know if Logan had plans tonight? If he did, with who? Did he have a date? She shouldn’t care about any of that, but the questions ran through her head all the same.

  Andrew didn’t seem to think anything of it. “He’s going to McNellie’s tonight.”

  “With who?” Good grief, she had to get a hold of herself.

  This time Andrew gave her a strange look. “He didn’t say. Why?”

  “No reason,” she said in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone. “Do you really think you should go to a bar right after your first treatment?”

  “I don’t want my diagnosis to turn my life upside down. I still want to have fun and do things like normal.” He ran a hand through his hair. How long would he be able to do that before it fell out? “I won’t drink.”

  “At least let Mom make you soup first. She’s talked about it for days.”

  “Fine.”

  “And tell us all thank you and how much you love us and that you’re glad we’re here to take care of you.”

  Jeni expected a snarky reply, but Andrew put a hand on her shoulder just as she pulled into the parking lot of his condo building. She put the car in park and looked at him.

  “I love you, sister,” he said with sincerity. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  She blinked, her eyes filling with tears. “I—”

  “I’m not done. Thank you for everything. Especially for taking Mom and Rhonda and Val to your house and giving me space to deal with this. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  She swiped a finger under her eye and sighed. “Fine. You can go out with Logan tonight.”

  “Yes!” Andrew pumped a fist and jumped out of the car, leaving her sitting there, shaking her head.

  “Sneaky bastard,” she muttered. “I just got played.”

  Seemed her brother and Logan had more in common than she thought.

  * * *

  Logan: What are you doing?

  Jeni: Thinking about tacos.

  Logan: That’s weird.

  Jeni: A commercial for Mateo’s just came on TV. Now I want some.

  Logan: Let’s go. I’ll meet you there.

  Jeni: I already ate.

  Logan: Come to McNellie’s later?

  Jeni: No.

  Logan: It wouldn’t be a date. Your brother’s coming.

  Jeni: You’d still take advantage of the opportunity somehow, I’m sure.

  Logan: Just come. It will be fun.

  Jeni: There will be plenty of other women there. Have fun with them.

  Logan: Seriously?

  Jeni: Seriously.

  Logan: Fine.

  An hour later, once Jeni, her mom, and sisters had arrived back at her house, Jeni’s phone lit up.

  Logan: I just got a woman’s number. Happy?

  No.

  Jeni: I don’t have feelings about it one way or another.

  Logan: Liar

  She so was.

  Jeni: Is Andrew doing okay?

  Logan: So far so good.

  Jeni: Take care of him please.

  Logan: I will. You don’t have to ask.

  She knew that. It was something she really liked about Logan—what a good friend he was to Andrew. There were a lot of things she liked about him actually, now that she’d learned more about him.

  But no matter how much she liked him or how attracted she was to him, nothing could happen between them.

  She’d learned several things from her marriage to Jackson, but two were the most life altering. One: commitment to another person meant putting her goals to the side. Both people can’t get what they want all the time, and chances were her dreams would be the ones to go down the drain. As far as Jackson was concerned, Jeni was expected to conform and submit to his life decisions and do it with a smile on her face.

  Two: she wasn’t the kind of marriage material most men wanted. Sure, some might find her attractive or interesting at first, like Logan apparently did, but the likelihood of making someone happy long term was low. There were things she couldn’t offer, and even if it came across as selfish, in reality she was trying to protect both parties from inevitable future disappointment.

  She’d realized these things far too late, but either way, she’d never tie herself to another man again.

  A loud knock came from the front door. Jeni shifted to get off the couch, but Rhonda was closer and made it to the door first.

  “Did someone order food?” Rhonda asked.

  “No,” Jeni said.

  Valerie’s eyes never left the TV. “Not me.”

  Their mom had already gone to bed.

  Jeni tilted her head a little and came to stand next to Rhonda.

  A young man stood on the doorstep, a worried look on his face. “Damn, did I get the address wrong? I’ve got a Postmates order for a Jeni Bishop.”

  Rhonda looked at Jeni quizzically.

  “That’s me,” Jeni said. “But I didn’t order anything. What is it?”

  “It’s from Mateo’s. Is there someone who might have sent it to you?”

  Jeni pursed her lips to fight a smile. “Um. Yeah, there is. I’ll take it. Thank you very much.”

  The delivery guy handed over the paper bag and left. Rhonda had returned to her spot in the living room, and both she and Valerie eyed Jeni when she sat back down. Jeni put the bag on the coffee table and pulled out several wrapped items.

  “Anyone want a taco?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What are you smiling at?” Andrew asked.

  Logan glanced up from the Postmates delivery confirmation on his phone. He wished he could see the look on Jeni’s face right now.

  “Nothing important.” Logan sat back and perused the room. Jeni was right—there were a lot of women here. He’d scored one phone number, but dickhead Andrew had swiped it for himself, claiming he knew the girl.

  Whatever. Not only was Andrew a friend Logan cared about, but the dude had cancer. Logan would give him the shirt off his back if he thought Andrew needed it.

  Logan wasn’t really interested in any of the women around him anyway. He’d approached the girls earlier for three reasons. One, they’d both smiled at him, and one beckoned him over for a chat. He felt like an asshole walking away without showing some interest, and they were perfectly nice. Two, he thought it might irritate Jeni. Three, Andrew had no idea anything was going on between him and Jeni—Logan didn’t even know what was going on between him and Jeni—and Logan figured he needed to keep up his usual habits when he was out.

  “Still doing good?” Logan asked, sipping his beer.

  Andrew narrowed his eyes. “Fine. Just like I was the first four times you asked so cut it out. I get enough of that from my family.”

  Logan gritted his teeth. “Sorry, man.”

  “How was work this week?”

  “Busy. I’m sure you’ve noticed the Chiefs are doing well this season.”

  Andrew’s lip curled, and he muttered something into his water glass.

  Logan chuckled. “Anyway, took me two days to engage with audience comments on the Twitter and Facebook posts I put out during the game. And I’ve got an upcoming marketing campaign to publicize the team’s involvement with a middle school sports program.”

  “How’s the other thing?”

  “Fostering Sweet Dreams?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Man, it’s awesome.
Word finally got out about us, and the donations are rolling in. I got nine beds and two large monetary donations this week. I don’t want to complain, but it’s going so well I might need to find someone else to head things up soon. I’m spending a lot of my free time organizing pick-ups and drop offs, and with my job responsibilities, it’s a little much.”

  “Damn, nice job. How long has it been since you started it?”

  “Uh, almost three years now, I guess.”

  “That’s great. It’s a cool thing you’re doing. Have you run into Jeni at any of the events? I figured you two would cross paths at some point through foster care stuff.”

  “Not yet.” It seemed Jeni still had no idea how involved he was, and he was fine with that. He didn’t want to invite questions. “But I’m sure it won’t be long.”

  * * *

  Jeni: Thanks for the tacos, I guess.

  Logan: We really need to work on how to thank someone for a gift.

  He settled against his couch, smiling. He could picture her perfectly, glaring at her phone.

  Jeni: I didn’t ask for them.

  Logan: = gift.

  Jeni: How do they make their tortillas so good?

  Logan: Hell if I know. But they are. Any left over for me?

  Jeni: Nope. Rhonda and Valerie had some too.

  Logan: Damn. My plan was to have an excuse to stop by tomorrow.

  Jeni: Guess you’ll have to think of something else.

  Logan: Yeah?

  Jeni: Sure. I won’t be here.

  Logan: Working?

  Jeni: No, I’m driving to Lawrence for the day to see a friend.

  Logan: That’s too bad. We have a softball game tomorrow night, and I thought you might want to play.

  Jeni: No! Seriously?

  Logan: Yep.

  Jeni: I want to play so bad. But I can’t cancel on my friend last minute. It’s almost November so I assume the season’s almost over?

  Logan: We have two more next week. A few of the earlier games were rained out so we tacked on one more week at the end. One on Tuesday night and the Championship tournament on Saturday.

  Jeni: Count me in if there’s an open spot.

  Logan: I’ll check and let you know.

  Jeni: Thanks.

  Jeni: I guess. :)

  * * *

  Four days later, Logan knocked on Jeni’s front door. Shawna, one of the three women required to play coed softball, had sprained her ankle playing soccer with her son yesterday. It wasn’t a grievous injury so Logan wasn’t an asshole for being a little pleased about it, right? Shawna was out for the last two games, which meant Jeni had an open invitation.

  Better still, she agreed to let him pick her up.

  Jeni opened the door. “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  Shit, she looked sexy with her hair pulled in a high ponytail and legs clad in tight-fitting pants. He’d always been drawn to athletic women.

  He handed her the team shirt he’d brought.

  She took it but didn’t move. “I’ll just change in the car.”

  “What?” Logan croaked.

  “What? I’m wearing a sports bra under here,” she said, tugging at the hem of her Nebraska T-shirt.

  Logan was about to protest further when Rhonda approached, followed by Valerie and Jeni’s mom.

  “You’re so sweet to take Jeni to play softball,” her mom cooed.

  “She misses it,” Rhonda said.

  “She had a full scholarship to play at Oklahoma, you know,” Valerie added. “You should let her pitch and watch the strikes pile up.”

  “Jeni was the star of our little farming town,” her mom said with a sad cluck of her tongue. “Did she tell you about what happened?”

  “Hello?” Jeni waved a hand in the middle of the little circle of people. “I’m right here.”

  Her mother and Valerie looked at her like they’d just realized she was standing there. Rhonda rolled her eyes and winked at Logan, and he grinned.

  Rhonda might be his favorite.

  After Jeni, of course.

  “Well you don’t exactly talk much, honey,” her mother said. “I just thought Logan should know—”

  “Are you ready?” Jeni interrupted with a hand on Logan’s forearm. He wished he wasn’t wearing an Under Armour shirt underneath his jersey so he could feel her fingers against his skin.

  “Sure. Yeah, we’d better head out so we aren’t late.” He smiled at the other women. “I’ll have her home at a decent hour, I promise.”

  Everyone laughed. Except Jeni.

  “Why did you say that?” she said as they climbed into his truck. “This isn’t a date.”

  “Calm down, I know.” He started the ignition and backed out of her driveway. “Women are usually excited to spend time with me, you know.”

  “I’m sure they are.”

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “I’m serious.” She turned the full force of those golden eyes on him, and it took his breath away. He focused on the road as she continued. “I’ve had the full Logan Davis experience. I can’t blame them for coming back for more.”

  Was she suggesting his talents in the bedroom were all he had to offer? He supposed his track record with women pointed to that.

  With Jeni, he wanted much more.

  “Hell, I tried to come back for more,” she added. With impeccable timing that was no doubt intentional, she unbuckled her seatbelt and pulled her T-shirt off over her head.

  Logan tried and failed to keep his eyes on the road. Her body was spectacular, even in a sports bra and belted softball pants. Her stomach was flat and smooth, and his eye caught on the small smattering of freckles across her collarbone. He shifted in his seat, attempting to maintain control of the truck and his body.

  “You know what you have to do for more.” His voice sounded rough to his own ears.

  “I can’t date you, Logan.” She put the jersey on and lifted her hips to tuck it in.

  Logan nearly groaned aloud. “Can’t, or won’t?”

  “Both. It’s nothing personal. I don’t plan on dating anybody. Been there, done that, wasn’t worth it.”

  “Was Jackson the only guy you ever seriously dated?”

  “I mean, I had boyfriends in high school, but do those count?”

  He shrugged.

  Jeni answered her own question. “I’d consider him the only serious one.”

  “And you ditched him because he was bad in bed?”

  She whipped her head around, an incredulous expression on her face.

  Logan blinked. “That’s the only thing you’ve told me so far. He got you out of the house after your accident and took care of you while you healed. He was a selfish asshole in bed. I’m out of information.”

  Jeni kept her face turned toward him for a moment, possibly debating whether she wanted to tell him more. They had a few minutes before they arrived at the softball field, and he hoped for as much as she’d give him. He wanted to know everything about her, especially things that affected her decision to date him.

  Finally, she sighed. “I think I mentioned that when we got married, we moved to Lincoln and went to the University of Nebraska for college. He knew I wanted to be a social worker and work with kids, so I needed a Master’s degree. During our last year of undergrad, Jackson’s dad died suddenly of a heart attack. He wanted to move home to his family’s farm to help run things, but he said it would only be temporary until they sold the place. Family’s important, and I didn’t mind taking a semester or two off.

  “Once we got there though, he didn’t want to leave. The farm was hours from a major town, and me continuing school was impossible. I kept asking when we would get back to our life, and one day he sat me down and said he planned to keep running the farm. He liked doing it, and it was our new life, whether I liked it or not. He said he had a responsibility to his family and I needed to support him in that and basically expected me to conform to the farm wife. Cook, keep the house clean, wash hi
s clothes. I’d watched my mother do that my whole life, and it was never something I wanted for myself. I tried to do it for a while, just to give it a chance. I hated it. I was miserable, and I hoped Jackson would notice and we could figure out something that worked for both of us.”

  Logan liked Jackson less and less the more he heard. “I’m guessing that never happened?”

  “Nope. No one lived nearby, so I had no friends. Jackson was always out working, so I was alone all the time. It was miserable and lonely. Worse even than the days after my accident, the situation Jackson swore he was saving me from.”

  Anger spread through him, hot and intense. “I can’t believe he didn’t give you any say in the matter.”

  Jeni sighed. “I hated the idea of divorce, especially at such a young age. But his refusal to compromise on anything I wanted, and the fact that I c—” She stopped short, her lips clamping shut. “I just decided I wasn’t doing it anymore.”

  Stopping at a red light, Logan turned his gaze on her for a moment. What had she stopped herself from saying?

  “The divorce was relatively simple. He wasn’t happy being married to me by that point either, so he didn’t resist.”

  Not happy with Jeni? Fucking idiot.

  “After that, I moved to Omaha and finished my Master’s degree. Got the job here in Kansas City, and the rest is history.”

  Logan absorbed the information. She spoke again after a few moments.

  “You’re quiet.”

  “I’m processing.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t stay in a situation where you were unhappy. It sounds to me like you did the right thing.”

  She nodded. “I think so too.”

  “But…”

  “But?”

  “I think it could be different with someone else.”

  “When people get married, someone has to sacrifice something. It’s inevitable. One gets a promotion in another town, and the other one has to quit so they can move. One loses their job, and the other has to pick up a second one to make ends meet. They get married over a mutual love of travel, have one bad flight, and one of them is too scared to fly again. The examples are endless. I just don’t see how it’s possible to pursue my dreams if I’m tied to another person. I’ve had to give up everything I wanted once before, and I’m not doing it again.”