Pursuing Happiness

by Jessie Pinkham

  It made sense. Collin pondered while chewing a mouthful of taco, then suggested, “We have teen programs at the center.”

  “That’s a good idea. There’s so much to think of. It’s pretty overwhelming. Oh, I talked to Stuart. He wasn’t thrilled to have a second person in the apartment, but once I explained the situation he said he’ll let it slide.”

  Good thing. Collin couldn’t have respected a landlord who made a big deal about Levi moving in, and he wasn’t in a hurry to relocate again.

  “He brought a key over this afternoon, and he’s just raising the rent by $20 a month to cover water.”

  “That’s not too bad.”

  “I don’t think so. It was a relief. Feeding another person is already going to stretch my budget to the max. I’ll have to use my savings instead of adding to it until Levi starts working, but I don’t care about that. Whatever it takes, I’m going to make this work. I’m not going to let Levi become one of the tragic statistics about gay teenagers kicked out by their parents.” Determination came through in his tone and the set of his chin. Collin admired this tremendously.

  “I know you won’t. How are you? Honestly, Matt. This is a huge change.” In his boyfriend’s shoes, Collin would’ve been more than a little overwhelmed.

  “I don’t think it’s all sunk in yet. It’s a massive responsibility, that’s for sure.”

  Collin was pretty sure Matt knew, but just in case he said, “You know I’m here for you, if you need to vent or whatever.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate your help, and I’m so glad you were out front at the right time. What are the chances? I’m still trying to figure out what I believe about God, as opposed to what I was taught, but I think Levi has a point about a miracle there.”

  “That’s cool. I’ve never been part of a miracle before. Not that I can take any credit, but it’s still pretty awesome.” He’d have to tell his grandmother. She loved a good miracle.

  “You’re not supposed to take credit for miracles,” said Matt.

  “Right. Anyway, remember to take care of yourself too. I know you’re focusing on Levi now and that makes sense, but don’t forget about yourself. You look stressed.” Very understandably so, of course.

  “I am stressed.”

  Collin debated with himself. On one hand, orgasms were fantastic stress relief. On the other hand, he didn’t want to seem as though he couldn’t keep his mind off sex while Matt’s whole life had changed. He decided to go for complete honesty, a policy which generally served him well.

  “I don’t want to seem like I have a one-track mind,” he said when he finished scarfing down his tacos, “but it’s a well-known fact that orgasms are excellent stress relief. If you’re not in the mood, that’s okay. Just offering.”

  Matt gave him a sexy little grin. “Who am I to argue with such well-known facts?”

  “Science. It’s a wonderful thing.”

  They spent a while exchanging leisurely blowjobs, and Collin didn’t need verbal confirmation to know he’d done a good job on the stress relief. Matt’s whole body was more relaxed and he wore a contented smile. Collin felt pretty good too, both on account of the blowjob Matt gave him and the satisfaction of having contributed in some way to helping his man during a tough time.

  Saturday afternoon they had a furniture assembly party at Matt’s apartment. Of course Matt and Levi could’ve done it themselves, but Collin volunteered to help as a means of showing his general support and he suspected Sarah’s reasoning was similar. Therefore, Matt took apart his old bed frame, Levi started putting together his dresser, Collin and Sarah sorted parts to the new bunk bed, and Dex watched from his hammock as though all the activity was for his entertainment.

  Matt said Collin had a tendency to anthropomorphize Dex, but Collin thought a man who talked to his bearded dragon was doing some anthropomorphizing of his own. Sure, Dex was pretty cool. That didn’t mean he was likely to become the first reptile to understand English.

  Sarah looked at the instructions. “So we line up these two pieces. Insert tab A into slot B…”

  Collin sighed for effect. “These instructions are so hetero.”

  Matt and Sarah chuckled. Levi looked at him as though he was an alien, and he guessed in important ways that wasn’t far from the truth.

  “Maybe,” said Sarah, “but I think we should follow them anyway. You don’t want the bunk beds to come crashing down.”

  “No, we definitely don’t,” replied Matt. “I’d rather not have Levi fall on top of me.”

  “And for the record,” continued Sarah, “tab A into slot B works beautifully for some of us, as long as tab A isn’t attached to a selfish jerk. Now where’s that wrench?”

  Levi stopped what he was doing to stare at Sarah for a second. Another alien moment, then. Collin suspected the kid would be having a lot of them and was a little overwhelmed. Therefore he bit back a comment on how he was fond of tab A, it was slot B he wasn’t into.

  Levi seemed to be handling his situation alright, though Matt had mentioned anger and tears in private. Collin figured those emotions were good, because anyone who wasn’t angry and sad over being kicked out for their sexuality was just burying their pain, and that rarely ended well. From what he’d seen it mostly ended in dysfunction and/or substance abuse.

  “All set,” said Matt. He dragged the last piece of his old metal bed frame into a corner. “Now if I’m lucky someone on Craigslist will want it. If not, it’s going in the dumpster.”

  In between alien moments Levi had gotten his dresser half built. “This will be great. No more living out of my bags and a real bed. Not that I don’t appreciate your couch,” he hastened to add, as though Matt could possibly take offense, “but it’s not the most comfortable for sleeping on. The cushions keep sliding off in the night.”

  They’d never encountered that problem when fooling around on the couch, but maybe Levi was one of those guys who moved a lot when he slept. Collin had dated someone who did and learned he didn’t care for being kicked throughout the night.

  “Of course the bed will be nicer,” said Matt. He peered over Sarah’s shoulder at the directions. “Okay, this doesn’t look too bad.”

  She said, “It never does until you start.”

  Her furniture pessimism was unfounded. With four of them it didn’t take long to assemble the bunk bed, which wasn’t a bad setup and made efficient use of limited space. Having full instead of twin beds made the bunkbed concept much less juvenile, though obviously sex with Matt would be happening at Collin’s place now.

  “I bet Dex will think this is a new jungle gym,” said Sarah.

  Matt nodded. “Probably.”

  Levi climbed the ladder and flopped down on his new bed. “Way more comfortable than the couch.”

  “I’d be worried if it wasn’t,” said Matt.

  Sarah added, “It should be even better with sheets and a pillow. So how do you like the city?”

  “It’s overwhelming,” said Levi. “Crowded, and noisy. But I like the diversity. People with neon hair, guys holding hands, dogs wearing clothes, and nobody stares.”

  “You’ve never been to Philly before?” This came as a surprise to Collin, though in retrospect it probably shouldn’t have. The Aldridges probably viewed it as some kind of modern Gomorrah, to be avoided at all costs lest it contaminate their immortal souls, or some crap like that.

  Levi shook his head. “No.”

  “It’s a culture shock,” said Matt. “It grew on me, but at first it was pretty overwhelming.”

  “The worst part is the homeless people begging,” said Levi.

  Collin would’ve said the notoriously high unsolved murder rate. Still, Levi brought up a good point.

  “It’s sad,” agreed Sarah. “Here we are, the richest country in the world, and people still end up on the streets.”

  “It could’ve been me,” said Levi, very quietly. “It almost was me.”

  Ted’s Place wouldn’t have just wished him
luck and sent him on his way. They’d have gotten him in touch with a teen shelter for starters, and then helped him look for Matt and/or explore other options. In fact, that kind of assistance was one reason why LGBT centers were so vital.

  That wasn’t Levi’s bigger point and Collin knew better than to say it. Instead he watched Matt pull his cousin in for a hug and promise, “It’s not you, and it’s not going to be. You have a home with me as long as you need it.”

  Sarah’s eyes were misty, so obviously Collin wasn’t the only bystander getting emotional over this.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lindsay and whoever it was she knew able to pull some strings in the northern part of the state were efficient. One week from the day Collin found Levi, they were in Lindsay’s office staring at legal papers.

  “As I expected,” she told Levi, “your parents were happy to make Matt your guardian to avoid the state opening a child abuse investigation. It’s been signed and notarized.”

  She slid the papers to Matt. “You’ll need to sign this in the presence of a notary. Keep one copy and bring the other one back for me to send to my colleague who’s helping us out.”

  “Okay.”

  “I should warn you, since this isn’t legal custody, not everyone will find it acceptable. But most places will, especially since Levi is old enough to speak for himself. You should be able to get him enrolled in school, make doctor appointments, et cetera. And it spares you a long legal process.”

  Matt was all in favor of skipping a long legal process. Besides, this was only for two years until Levi turned eighteen. “I can’t thank you enough for all your help, Lindsay.”

  “I’m happy to be of assistance. Hopefully we’ll see you both at some of our events.”

  He nodded. He already attended with Collin sometimes, and Levi was enthusiastic about the teen programs.

  “I can’t wait to come meet other gay people my age at the teen ice cream social,” said Levi. “Not that I’m looking for a boyfriend right now, but just hanging out with other gay teens will be great.”

  Lindsay smiled. “That’s wonderful to hear. Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with.”

  “Will do,” said Matt. “Now we’re going to find a notary.”

  He searched on his phone. Which reminded him, Levi didn’t have a phone. “There’s a notary a few blocks away, and we have just enough time before they close. Then we’ll get you a phone.”

  “Aren’t phones expensive?” asked Levi.

  “They don’t have to be. Besides, my contract is over which means they’ll be happy to give us a great deal on phones if I sign another two-year contract.”

  “I don’t need a fancy phone that doubles as a computer.” Obviously finances were still stressing Levi out, despite having been told multiple times now not to worry about being a monetary burden. “Just something that will let me call you is fine.”

  “I want you to have a smartphone. Maybe not with a ton of data,” he conceded, because that could get expensive, “but when I first moved to the city I kept getting lost. One of my coworkers suggested a smartphone, and I found it really helpful.”

  He’d experienced firsthand how overwhelming it could be to move to the city, and Levi would be on his own most days. Having been lost plenty of times himself, Matt would feel better knowing Levi had maps at his fingertips.

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so. You’ll be able to get directions wherever you want to go. Like I’m using now.”

  “It is more convenient than lugging around a map of the city.”

  “Much more convenient. Here we are.”

  At the sound of the door opening, a middle-aged woman greeted them. “Hello, how can I help you?”

  “I need paperwork notarized.”

  “You’ve come to the right place. May I see it?”

  Matt pulled out his paperwork. He paused for a second, hit by the gravity of what he was doing, and then handed it over.

  “Alright,” she said, “go ahead and sign.”

  He took the pen and scrawled his signature. She stamped and signed below, and he guessed it was official now. He’d taken responsibility for Levi. It was such a weighty obligation that he handed over his debit card without really paying attention to the fee. Yes, at sixteen Levi was going to be able to take care of himself a lot. He also had major changes and would need some guidance. After all, Matt hadn’t been very prepared to deal with life outside the bubble he grew up in, and he’d even spent time in public taking his vet tech classes.

  Levi hugged him when they were outside. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  “I’m glad I can be here for you.”

  “Me too,” said Levi. “I’m really starting to feel like I might be okay.”

  “You will. It’ll take some time. You have every right to be sad and angry now, but someday you’ll realize that the good things in your life are more important.”

  “Is that what happened for you?”

  “Yes.”

  He was going to prioritize getting Levi a therapist, since his cousin had a lot of understandable hurt, anger, and sadness. Matt knew there was a grieving process, because no matter how angry he was that his family abandoned him, he’d missed them. He hadn’t known how to define himself or even be himself without his family. There was no rushing the process of mourning what had been and what he’d thought his family was, which was to say a loving and supportive bunch. Grief mixed with rage and internalized homophobia was an unpleasant combination, and yet he was most of the way to being living proof that the recipe for pain could be overcome and a stronger, happier man could emerge through the process.

  The stronger, happier man was what he wanted for Levi. Maybe his experience could make it easier on his cousin. Sarah had been Matt’s miracle, offering her couch and friendship when he needed it most. Now it was Matt’s turn to be Levi’s support. He only hoped he was up to the task.

  Matt rushed into his book club meeting. “Sorry I’m late.” Only two minutes late, but still. He hated being tardy.

  “No worries,” said Jeff. “Everything okay with the family emergency? We missed you last week.”

  “More or less. I’m now my sixteen-year-old cousin’s guardian.”

  All six of them looked at him. It was Alicia who said, “Wow. That’s some family emergency.”

  “Why, if I may ask?” That was Elspeth.

  Matt already had Levi’s permission to explain. “His parents kicked him out for being gay.” Levi was now happy for the entire world to know he was gay, and it didn’t take a degree in psychology to realize this was a defiant reaction to his parents.

  “You have a gay cousin too? What are the odds?” asked Evan.

  “There are thirty-six of us cousins, so not really that low.”

  “Thirty-six?” Terry stared. “Woah, that’s insane.”

  Insane was actually a pretty accurate way to describe Matt’s family, along with reactionary, homophobic, fearful, and of course sex-negative.

  “And I thought I had big news,” said Lou.

  Matt inquired, “Oh? What’s that?”

  “I have a date Friday night.”

  “You finally asked Becky out?”

  “She asked me. I appreciate a woman willing to take the lead.”

  “That’s great,” said Matt. “Have fun.”

  Jeff was a stickler for talking about books during book club time, so they got into the time travel adventure which had been the week’s reading and which Matt had barely finished on his lunch break. Afterwards, though, they lingered to chat.

  “How are you and your cousin doing?” asked Terry.

  “Pretty well, all things considered. I’m sure there’s going to be a lot we’ll have to figure out as we go along. But he’s settling in, we enrolled him in the state’s online high school, and he likes my bearded dragon, so we’re off to a good start.”

  “Bearded dragon?” Alicia cocked her head in confusion. “I think
I’ve heard the term, but what is that?”

  “A reptile native to Australia. They make good pets.” He flipped through pictures on his phone. While not a real photo enthusiast, he did take pictures of Dex from time to time. “Here. That’s Dex.”

  He suspected Alicia wasn’t a reptile person but was too kind to say so out loud. At least, she didn’t seem overly impressed with the picture. Matt didn’t take it personally. Reptiles weren’t for everyone.

  “How did your cousin end up with you, anyhow?” Lou asked.

  “My family is intensely homophobic, so I was his only option.”

  “Oh.”

  Nobody seemed to know quite what to say to that, so Matt continued, “Actually it’s amazing how he found me. He went to the LGBT center for help, which happens to be where my boyfriend works, and Collin recognized him because we have the same color hair.”

  “That is pretty amazing,” agreed Evan. Matt was proud of himself for successfully moving a conversation past awkwardness.

  Elspeth said, “Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.”

  “You should ask for her gingerbread cupcakes,” suggested Jeff, earning himself an eye roll from his fiancée.

  “He only says that because he wants to ‘taste test’ them.”

  Jeff said, “Honestly, though, Elspeth is right. Not that the cupcakes are a bad idea, because they definitely aren’t, but if you need something, let us know.”

  “Thanks.” It was good to have friends who cared. “I really appreciate the offer.”

  “Talk about life-changing.” Evan shook his head. “I don’t even want to be responsible for a goldfish, never mind a teenager.”