Pursuing Happiness

by Jessie Pinkham

  “I don’t know. A teenager might be easier than, say, a baby,” countered Lou. “It’s not like Matt needs to get a babysitter to come to our meetings.”

  “It is life-changing.” Matt was well aware, to the point that he’d stayed up late thinking about how he could do right by Levi. “I’m grateful that I’m able to be here for him, no matter how complicated it makes my life.”

  “What’s his name?” asked Alicia.

  “Levi.”

  “Man,” said Terry, “I don’t envy you, but your cousin’s lucky to have you. I still can’t believe there are thirty-six of you. Although, that does work out to birthday cake three times a month if you all live close enough.”

  They did live close enough, but birthdays growing up had always been less of a production than seemed to be the American norm. There was no big gathering with clowns and stacks of presents or ponies or whatever it was most kids had for their birthday celebrations. Matt and his siblings received two gifts on birthdays, one fun and one practical, plus they got to choose the dinner menu.

  He didn’t want to get into a big discussion about birthdays so he chose to ignore that. “It’s reminding me to count my blessings.”

  There were a lot of blessings. His apartment, small though it was for two, provided a safe home for them. He had a steady job where his bosses had been generous about time off for Levi’s unexpected arrival, great friends, and a supportive boyfriend. Matt was also cautiously optimistic he was in a good enough place mentally that he’d be able to help Levi walk down the same road.

  “Like living in a diverse city?” Alicia guessed.

  Yes, there was another thing for which to be grateful. “It’s on the list.”

  Best of all, the list kept getting longer, reminding him that he could do this because he and Levi weren’t alone.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When Collin got home from work he faced a pile of dishes. He really needed to get back into the habit of washing his dishes every night before bed. It was an unfortunately easy routine to fall out of despite his good intentions, and while washing the dishes he daydreamed. Maybe he should have spent a little more in rent for an apartment with a dishwasher. Then again, he wouldn’t have met Matt if he’d rented a different apartment, not to mention that he was finally saving money for the Costa Rican vacation he wanted. So, lack of dishwasher notwithstanding, this was a good apartment choice.

  He'd asked Matt over for a homemade meal. Nothing fancy, because he wasn’t a good enough chef for fancy, but he made a nice poached fish which was good on a hot summer day. Wild caught flounder should meet Matt’s requirements for humanely treated meat as well. He was still learning the details of those standards.

  By the time Matt knocked on the door all of the dishes were clean, dry, and put away, and the oven was preheating. Collin greeted his boyfriend with a kiss before ushering him inside.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “I’ve got a new phone.”

  “It looks just like your old phone.” Then again, most iPhones looked alike to Collin. He was an Android man. All the personalization options were too fun to resist.

  “It’s a newer model. Still a couple models old now, but I don’t need the latest and greatest anyway. I only upgraded because it was a dollar with a new contract.”

  “That’s a good deal.”

  “Yes. I want Levi to have a smartphone so he can use maps to get around. He’s promised to keep an eye on his data.”

  “Right. Stream porn at home on the Wi-Fi, not on the data plan.”

  Matt’s eyes widened for a second. It had become clear that he hadn’t grown up in an environment where people talked openly about sex and he was still getting used to Collin’s lack of hang-ups in that area.

  “Well, yes. That’s one way to put it,” he said before frowning.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I’m going to have to talk to him about porn, aren’t I?”

  “I don’t know about having to, but you probably should. I mean, you don’t want him thinking it’s realistic. Not to mention safe sex, you can’t skip that one.”

  “Can you bring me home a few of your brochures?”

  “Sure.”

  “Thanks.” After a minute Matt continued on their original conversation. “Anyway, the new phones were the only newsworthy event so far, unless you’re interested in beagle gastrotomy.”

  “Wait, what? You lost me after beagle.”

  “Gastrotomy is stomach surgery. We had a beagle who ate Legos and I assisted with the procedure.”

  Collin winced at the thought of ingesting Legos. “Not the brightest puppy in the litter, huh?”

  “I try not to judge our patients. Though I can’t say the same about some of their owners.”

  “What did the owners do, cover Legos with peanut butter?”

  Matt chuckled. “Not those owners. Someone brought in a cat he was trying to feed a vegetarian diet. Cats are obligate carnivores. They have to eat meat, and this idiot came in wondering why his cat was sick.”

  He hadn’t known that about cats, though feeding one a vegetarian diet would never have occurred to him. “Maybe the guy should’ve gone with a rabbit if a vegetarian pet means that much to him.”

  “No kidding. So that was my day. How was yours?”

  “I had a budget meeting this afternoon. Nobody likes budget meetings.”

  “Not even accountants?”

  “Nope.” At least, the finance staff at Ted’s Place didn’t. “It’s a lot of work for them, and then the rest of us come in pissy about being there. Plus nobody is ever fully satisfied with their budget.” Unsatisfactory budgets were a staple of the nonprofit world. Ted’s Place wasn’t in bad financial shape or in any danger of closing its doors. Still, there was always more they would like to do if only the funding was available.

  “I’m glad I don’t have to deal with budget meetings,” said Matt.

  “I’ll still take them over retrieving Legos from a dog’s stomach.” Collin didn’t have budget meetings very often, thankfully, or he might have reconsidered his career path after all.

  “Since I’m used to that sort of thing, I’m glad to have it. Work is still the same, no matter how much life has changed at home,” Matt said.

  “Makes sense. Have I told you how much I admire you?”

  “No.”

  “Well, I do. You’re handing Levi’s unexpected arrival really well, no matter how it complicates your life.” Collin doubted he would be taking all the changes in such a stride. If nothing else, he’d be upset over the inability to have sex in his own bed when he pleased.

  “I’m not sure what I’m doing a lot of the time.”

  “I doubt anyone would be, in your shoes.”

  Collin knew everyone walked around with their own insecurities. Take dinner, for instance. He was well aware that Matt was a better cook and part of Collin was concerned that he’d mess up their meal. That kind of thing was just life as far as he was concerned. Everyone dealt with it. Matt, however, seemed to work under the impression that everyone else was more confident than him.

  “You don’t need to be perfect,” Collin said. “Nobody is anyway.”

  “True. Besides, I think the most important thing for Levi is that he has a nonjudgmental home.”

  “Don’t forget an awesome older cousin.”

  “Who has a wonderful and very helpful boyfriend.” Matt smiled, a special warm smile that he sometimes gave Collin and seemed not to share with anyone else. He followed it with a kiss.

  The apartment could’ve been a complete shithole and Collin still would’ve been glad he rented it, since it brought Matt into his life.

  Answering his door took a lot of effort. Collin wouldn’t have bothered if he hadn’t just gotten a text telling him to expect his boyfriend.

  “Hey,” he said, sounding pathetic even to himself. That was food poisoning for you. All the puking had worn Collin out thoroughly, just because he’d wanted a
fruit cup. When he felt better he would walk back to the convenience store he’d purchased his fruit cup from and give them a piece of his mind about their sanitation standards, or more precisely the lack thereof.

  In the meantime, Matt held out a couple food storage containers which, according to his text, were filled with homemade chicken and rice soup. “For when you can eat again.”

  “Thanks a lot.” Normally Collin would’ve kissed him. Under the circumstances, with the way he’d been throwing up, that didn’t seem like a very good idea, so he refrained. “You didn’t have to make me soup.”

  “I wanted to. Should I put it in the fridge?”

  “That’d be great, thanks. I don’t dare eat just yet.”

  “Now you’ll have something ready when you do.” With the soup put away, Matt came back and stood by the couch where Collin had once again made himself comfy. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “Not unless you have a magic cure for food poisoning.”

  “If I did, I’d be a lot richer.”

  “Maybe you’ve only recently figured it out?”

  “Sorry. No magic cure.”

  “In that case, you could distract me from how shitty I feel.” Here he was, stomach roiling and entire digestive system up in arms when they were supposed to be having fun at his brother’s Labor Day barbeque. Collin figured he was allowed to indulge in a bit of self-pity.

  Matt sat on the other end of the couch. “How?”

  “I’m not picky.”

  After a moment of thought Matt offered, “I can tell you about the time Sarah went hiking to impress a guy.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “She’s not the outdoorsy type. She’s very… is ‘indoorsy’ a word?”

  “Why not?” Every word had to be invented at one point, and Collin had been known to create his own vocabulary from time to time.

  “Okay, she’s very indoorsy. This was when we shared an apartment over a lawyer’s office, and Sarah had a crush on the paralegal, Dan. The law office was open -”

  “Was he hot?” interjected Collin, since Matt left out that important detail.

  “Dan? Yes. Sarah thought he could’ve been a Calvin Klein model.”

  “I want those juicy details.”

  “Sorry.”

  Maybe he’d been a little too harsh. “It’s good. I’m just cranky. So we have Dan, who could have been underwear model, and Sarah was crushing on him.”

  “Right. The law office was open one Saturday a month, so one weekend we were just getting home from Target when Dan left work. I ended up bringing our bags upstairs while she flirted. It was a bit awkward.”

  Personally, Collin didn’t let such situations make him feel awkward. Matt very often felt that way, though. It sounded exhausting.

  “Eventually Dan suggested we should go hiking. I guess he felt he had to include me because I was there. Sarah said yes immediately and I figured, why not? I had nothing better to do the next weekend.”

  “And you wanted to watch the train wreck?”

  “More like provide moral support when she regretted her decision. Hormones aren’t known for inspiring wonderful choices.”

  “No, they aren’t.” Collin had been there, along with most of the human race.

  “I’m used to being outdoors, so I made sure we packed appropriately. The next Saturday Dan picked us up early and we drove out to a trail he liked. It was a nice day and the first half hour or so was fine. Things started to go downhill when we passed a bog which was inhabited by lots of mosquitos.”

  “Let me guess: you got devoured.”

  “We did, and to make matters worse, Sarah is one of those people mosquitos just love.”

  “My mom is like that.”

  “So she was already unhappy before the bridge incident.”

  “Bridge incident?” asked Collin. With that name it ought to be good.

  “There was a little wooden bridge over a brook. Not a fancy one, just some slabs of wood across the water, no railing. Dan was walking in front and he stepped on a stick which sent a snake flying.”

  “You’d think the snake would’ve slithered away,” observed Collin.

  “It was dead.”

  “Okay, no slithering then.”

  “The snake corpse hit Sarah in the forehead. She screamed and tried to jump away, which only meant she fell off the side of the bridge into the brook.”

  “Somehow I don’t imagine this hike improved her feelings for the outdoors.”

  “Not at all. Dan was a decent guy. He apologized for the dead snake and helped her out of the brook. She wasn’t hurt, aside from her pride.”

  “Is that when you decided to give up on hiking?”

  Matt shook his head. “No. Sarah insisted she’d be fine, because she was still trying to impress Dan.”

  “Even a hot guy is only worth so much suffering,” said Collin, who had some experience of his own in that department.

  “I’m getting there. It was a nice trail, and I enjoyed myself. Sarah got happier the more her shorts dried, and the whole excursion was starting to look up again until we took a restroom break.”

  “There were restrooms on this hiking trail?” Collin had never heard of such a nicely equipped trail.

  “I’m using the phrase loosely. It was more a case of going behind a large tree.”

  “Probably much less convenient for the ladies.”

  “Much. Especially because Sarah didn’t recognize poison ivy.”

  He cringed. “Please tell me this poison ivy didn’t end up where I think it ended up.”

  “It wasn’t anywhere extra delicate, but it was all over her legs and butt,” said Matt. “And once she started to itch, we turned around. Poor Sarah was miserable for days, and she avoided Dan afterwards.”

  “You know, I don’t feel quite as sorry for myself anymore.” Still sorry for himself, because he was damned miserable, but poison ivy would last longer than his bout of food poisoning. When Collin was in middle school, his brother’s encounter with poison ivy left Todd itchy for two solid weeks.

  “Glad to be of service,” said Matt.

  “You really do talk about Sarah like a sister.”

  “We don’t have a choice about the family we’re born into. The family we create is entirely up to us. That’s what my therapist says, anyway.”

  Collin nodded. “Well, you’re off to a good start with Sarah.”

  “I know. Even if she does call my apartment a cave.”

  “Please. Caves don’t have windows.” Despite his best efforts, Collin couldn’t finish the statement without yawning.

  “I should let you rest,” said Matt, standing up. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Any time.”

  Collin fell asleep not two minutes after his boyfriend left. He dreamt about caves with windows and, even odder, air conditioning.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Matt got home as Levi recited, “Yo hablo, tú hablas, usted habla, él habla, nosotros hablamos…”

  So far, so good with the online high school. Matt could check Levi’s progress and he was already ahead of schedule in three classes, including Spanish I. Neither of them had ever learned another language while homeschooled. The educational program coordinator Matt had spoken with suggested a foreign language since Levi aspired to attend college, and on occasion Matt wished he spoke some basic Spanish. It would have helped with a few clients at work. When he mentioned that, Levi thought it seemed like a good reason to pick Spanish as his foreign language.

  When Levi finished he said, “I’m conjugating –ar verbs.”

  Matt wasn’t sure what an –ar verb was, other than Spanish. “That’s good.”

  “Tomorrow morning I have the first videoconference with my teacher. I hope my pronunciation is okay.”

  “I don’t think anyone is expecting you to sound like a Spaniard at this point.”

  “I sure hope no
t.” Levi closed his laptop. “You’re not going to walk me around forever, are you?”

  “No. Just this time.”

  It was Levi’s first teen event at Ted’s Place and Matt wanted to make sure the walk went well. He remembered how crowded and overwhelming the city was when he first arrived, and he thought just to be on the safe side he’d go with Levi. There was a nice park nearby where he could sit and read his book club’s next selection. The original plan had been to grab dinner with Collin, but he was still recovering from food poisoning and wasn’t up to going out.

  “I’m sure I can handle walking by myself, with my phone. You don’t have to reorganize your evening on my account,” said Levi.

  “I’m just going to read. I can do that in the park as well as here, and I want to make sure you get there okay. The city can be intimidating until you get used to it.” Matt had gotten himself thoroughly lost on more than one occasion, though the map on his phone cut down on such misadventures considerably.

  “You’re sure I’m not being a nuisance?”

  So that was the root of the problem. “No. Don’t worry about being a nuisance, okay?”

  Levi did not look convinced. “But I’m already making your life so much more complicated.”

  Well, yes. He was, and Matt couldn’t pretend otherwise. It didn’t mean he regretted welcoming his cousin into his home, even if he couldn’t mess around with Collin on the couch anymore and he’d almost choked on his last grocery bill, factory farm chicken and all.

  “Convenience isn’t the most important thing in the world. Wait, is that why you’ve been so paranoid about not leaving your stuff out?”

  Levi nodded slightly. “I don’t want to get in your way.”

  They were two people and a bearded dragon in a small studio apartment. Getting in the way was inevitable. “I’m not doing this grudgingly,” he said. “I want you here, Levi.” His own experience of homelessness had been plenty traumatic. Matt would never forget curling up on the backseat of his car under a blanket, physically cold but thinking the discomfort wouldn’t be so bad if he hadn’t also been utterly alone.