Repression

by Nataya Douglas

  “Ummm, Lovette? What’s going on?” inquired Joseph. He had never seen Lovette so upset before. Her eyes looked like they were about to pour at any moment now.

  “That slime ball is actually cheating on me! He had the NERVE to be over there laid up with some girl and he was JUST with me! That’s it; I’m going over there,” said Lovette. The heartache she felt at the moment had taken over her ability to think straight. She had needed to see this for herself.

  “You sure you want to do that?” asked Joseph. “Is it really worth you going over there to start a fight? If you have all of the evidence that he’s cheating, why even go over there? It sounds like he wants the both of you to fight over him and you’re better than that.”

  Lovette knew he was right. She wouldn’t give Mike the satisfaction of knowing how bad he hurt her. If he could do this to her, he didn’t deserve to know how bad he had hurt her. He had proved he only cared about himself and at that moment, she knew she would never speak to him again.

  “You’re right. I’m so glad I have a friend like you. Had I been around Penny and Kristina, they would’ve been just as mad as me and we would’ve all been banging on his door to whoop his ass,” said Lovette. The both busted out laughing but this had been nothing less than the truth. She had two of the best friends ever and they would’ve done anything to make her feel better.

  Joseph had started to look nervous and he had hoped Lovette didn’t notice. But, she did.

  “What’s the matter? You look like you’re about to throw up,” said Lovette. Joseph was the reason she was able to calm down. He had always known the perfect things to say at the right moments.

  “Yea, we’re friends but…is that how you always see me? I mean, have you ever thought about being more than just friends?” The lump forming in his throat made it hard for the words to come out. His forehead became sweaty and he just knew he would pass out at any moment.

  Lovette was shocked. Yea, she had heard a few rumors that Joseph had liked her more than a friend but he had never shown that side. People just always assumed things and she had figured the rumors were started because so many girls liked Mike. She was positive they had wanted to break the two of them up. But, Joseph was dating Maddy and he had seemed to really like her.

  The silence had made Joseph even more nervous. He had basically told Lovette that he liked her and she hadn’t said a word yet. He knew speaking on this would jeopardize their friendship and he didn’t want to lose Lovette. She meant too much to him.

  “Joe, you have Maddy…and I…Well, I don’t have Mike anymore but…I just never knew. You never said anything. You never did anything to make me think you thought of me in that way. I’m just surprised.” She really had been surprised.

  “Maddy wouldn’t exist if you had or have any feelings for me. She’s a nice girl but she’s not you. No one comes close to you,” replied Joseph.

  He had meant every word he had just said. Joseph had always thought she was pretty but he never knew much about her. Starting a friendship with her had made him fall in love with her.

  But, there was Mike. Joseph really did think Mike was cool but he couldn’t help his feelings for Lovette. If she would allow him, he’d make her happier than Mike could.

  “You know I’ve never said anything about Mike but today, he’s shown you who he really is. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I’d never do that to you,” said Joseph.

  Lovette had begun to hurt all over again. For a split second, she had convinced herself that she didn’t care about Mike any longer. She didn’t want to feel for someone who didn’t care about her feelings.

  Then, here was Joseph saying all of the things that she never even imagined he would say…and she had liked them. She didn’t want to feel anything at the moment. She didn’t want to hate Mike and she didn’t want to like the things Joseph was saying.

  Before she could say anything else, Joseph leaned over and kiss her on the lips. This instantly made her feel revengeful. She had wanted Mike to feel how she had felt.

  Giving into Joseph, Lovette kissed him back. She didn’t know exactly how she felt towards Joseph beside their friendship but at this moment, she had a plan and was sticking to it. Removing her t-shirt and her pants, he led her into his bedroom.

  ********************************************************************************

  June 14, 1982

  Mike had been calling Lovette’s house for the past few days but was constantly told that she was either busy or not at home. This was strange because even though her parents didn’t approve of them dating, they knew they couldn’t stop them from seeing one another until Lovette left for school. Her parents had let them talk on the phone, so he wasn’t sure why she was so busy and unavailable all of a sudden.

  It had been 4 days since he last saw and spoke to Lovette before he had decided to just visit her house. His parents had bought him a car for his graduation gift. It was a cherry red 1979 Pontiac Firebird and had become one of the most precious things to Mike.

  Pulling up to her house, Lovette had been sitting on the porch with Joseph. He had called her phone 15 minutes prior to pulling up at her house and once again, her little sister Iris had told him that she wasn’t there. He had gotten tired of the lies and needed answers.

  Both Joseph and Lovette had watched him pull up to the side of the house and neither one of them moved to greet him. Joseph sat on the bottom step with a smug look on his face and Lovette had felt the sudden urge to just go in the house and lock the door. She knew this would turn sour quick and wasn’t in the mood for it. Mike was her past now and she didn’t want to hear anything he had to say…but then again, she did.

  “Why haven’t you been taking my calls, Love? What’s going on?” questioned Mike. He had gotten out of the car and was standing on the grass in front of the staircase. Lovette hadn’t bothered to turn and look at him. She had been fighting back her tears because she had refused to let him see how hurt she had been over him.

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you, so just leave,” replied Joseph. He had stood up and was now in between Lovette and Mike. Joseph disliked seeing Lovette pine over Mike when he knew that he was the better choice himself. Lovette said nothing and remained quiet.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know your name was Love. Next time, try shutting up when this doesn’t have anything to do with you.” Mike was already aggravated but now, he was upset.

  He was angry that he hadn’t heard from his girlfriend in days and now he was angry that Joseph felt the need to add two scents into their business. Whatever they had going on was between them and he didn’t appreciate Joseph answering for her. Before Joseph could reply, Lovette spoke up.

  “Joseph, I got this. Can we talk later?” she said. Almost going against her wishes, he turned around and nodded. Walking up the steps to reassure her that he would be back if she needed him, he hugged her and then kissed her on the lips. This had sent Mike in a range. Running up the steps and grabbing Joseph by the back of the neck, Mike shoved him into the screen door.

  “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND PUTTING YOUR LIPS ON HER?!” screamed Mike. He had Joseph pinned up against the door with his forearm into his neck. Struggling to get free, Joseph had been the bigger man but was no match for Mike’s adrenaline and strength.

  “’MIKE, STOP! YOU’RE GONNA KILL HIM!” screamed Lovette. Her parents had been gone for the evening and she was glad. Had they been home, her father may have killed Mike for breaking the house’s glass door. Plus, they didn’t want her dealing with Mike anyway. Breaking his focus, Joseph had gotten free and jumped down off of the porch.

  “Had you not been a cheating bastard, you’d still have her as your girlfriend. She’s not yours anymore. Lovette, I’m not leaving you here with this maniac,” said Joseph while struggling to breathe. He had been embarrassed that Mike had overpowered him so quick and had refused to make eye contact with Lovette.

  “Call me another name and I’ll rip your throat out
!” seethed Mike. “I wouldn’t dare hurt her but you’ve only saw a glimpse of what I can and will do to you!”

  “Joe, just go! We’ll talk later. I’ll be fine.” She just wanted to get this conversation with Mike over so he could leave. He had been pacing on her front porch in an attempt to calm himself down. Joseph must’ve taken Mike’s threat seriously because he headed down the driveway towards the road.

  “What in the hell are you doing kissing him?! Is this why you haven’t been taking my calls?! Because you want to be with HIM?? I trusted you! You told me that there was nothing to worry about with him and now, look!” shouted Mike. This had been the first time Lovette saw him angry. He had never yelled at her or even engaged in an argument. He had always been the levelheaded one.

  “You have some NERVE! You started this whole thing!” shouted Lovette. She had become even more enraged at the fact Mike was trying to play the victim. He had clearly wanted his cake and to eat it as well but had the audacity to get mad at her for moving on.

  “What are you talking about?! Started what?! I haven’t seen you in 4 days! We’ve never gone this long without seeing one another and talking. Now, you’re talking about I started this?!” As soon as it clicked into his mind what she could’ve been talking about, Lovette had already started to reply.

  “Don’t act like you weren’t just laid up with another girl! I heard EVERYTHING! I bet you your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel that good, huh?” mimicked Lovette. She was just about done talking to him about this.

  “Oh shit, Love. I swear I didn’t cheat with her. I’ve been calling you for days and had you taken any of my calls, I was going to tell you about it.” He now felt bad for not coming over sooner. Maybe this would’ve all been avoided had he just come over to let her know what had happened.

  “The girl next door, Stephanie, knocked on the door and told me she was selling raffle tickets to help support children in foster care. I told her she could wait in the living room while I went into my bedroom to get my wallet. She just kept smiling, giggling and acting weird. I gave her the money and told her that I had to go, hoping that would make her leave. The whole thing was just weird.”

  “Right when I was turning around to give her the money, she had walked into my bedroom. She kept smiling, giggling and stuff. That’s when the phone rang. She jumped to answer it. The girl is just weird as hell. I had been trying to get the phone from her and I swear I didn’t know it was you that had called. Please, believe me, Love. I didn’t touch her at all and wouldn’t dare. Have you seen her?!” explained Mike.

  Lovette wasn’t convinced. She had heard every word he had said but she just knew he was fooling around. She had the gut feeling before she had made the phone call to him and this only confirmed what she knew was true; Mike was a cheater AND a liar.

  “Mike, not only are you a cheater but you’re going to sit there and lie to my face! You don’t even have the balls to tell the truth! She said she touched you! Not one time did I hear you deny it! You just kept on asking for the phone back!” Lovette had been in full blown tears at this point. “You can go to hell! You need to leave! I don’t ever want to see you again!”

  Lovette’s words had severely stung Mike in the chest. She had never talked to him like this before. She had been a little argumentative here and there but she was never this harsh to him. It hurt even more that she didn’t believe him and he had been telling the truth. He had never cheated on her or even thought about doing so.

  The worst part of it all is that he wasn’t sure if Lovette and Joseph had been cheating behind his back the entire time. Was this her way of not feeling guilty about what she had been doing? So many thoughts had begun to flow through his mind and all of a sudden, he started to feel sick to his stomach.

  “Lovette, I never touched her. I never even thought about touching her. Then you sit here and kiss Joe in my face before you even knew my side of the story. I bet he convinced you that I was the bad guy and you fell for it, huh? I’ve never lied to you before and I have no reason to start lying now. Ya know what? Were you already foolin’ around with Joe?” Mike needed to know if she had used this as a way out.

  “WHAT?! I’ve NEVER cheated on you! And with JOE?! Don’t turn this around on me because you got caught in the act! Joe was the one who suggested I give you a call because I had the feeling you were cheating!”

  “He was the one saying he understood why I loved you and how you were a good person! He had taken up for YOU! And for what?! For you to turn out to be the lying cheater that you are! I wasn’t expecting for him to kiss me just now but you can’t say anything; we’re DONE!” shouted Lovette.

  “Done? Love…done? No, I swear. We can even go over to Stephanie’s house so she can clear this whole thing up. I didn’t do anything with her!” Mike paused for a second and whispered, “Wait…did you do anything with Joe?”

  The look on Lovette’s face had displayed nothing less than guilt. She shifted from making eye contact with Mike and started to cry again. He had known exactly what this meant.

  “Wait, so…you’re telling me that you went and fucked Joe because you thought I had cheated on you?! You…are…INSANE! Who does that?! You hadn’t even talked to me yet and you just couldn’t wait to get back at me, huh? Couldn’t wait to get back at me for something I didn’t even do! You know what, you’re right; I should just leave.” Not waiting for a response, Mike stormed off the porch.

  “Mike, you’ve been acting weird for the past month! You’ve probably been cheating this entire time and you have the nerve to make it seem like I’m so wrong!” This made him stop in his tracks. He stood there for a few seconds and said nothing. For a moment, he had thought about just leaving and letting her continue to assume things. Turning around and facing her, he spoke.

  “You wanna know why I’ve been acting weird for the past month? My mom just told us that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn’t know how to tell you or even talk about it. If you felt like I was seeing someone else or something was going on, you could’ve asked me instead of assuming. But, you chose to listen to a dude that’s wanted you this entire time.”

  “Yea, I’ve always known he wanted you but you cherished the friendship and I trusted you. The first moment he got, he slid in and convinced you that I was the bad guy, huh? So, I guess that makes me the dummy, right? Bye, Lovette.” Getting into his car, Mike slammed the door and sped off down the dirt road.

  Lovette had become speechless. Mike was right; all she had to do was ask him why he was acting strange. She knew he wouldn’t lie about something as severe as this and it made her feel even worse that he had been suffering in silence this whole time.

  Now, Lovette had to face the reality that Joseph was a factor. She cared for him but she acted out in revenge. Mike was the one she had been in love with. Knowing it was best to give him a few days to cool off, Lovette had decided she would call Mike to apologize. Hopefully, he would forgive her and things could go back to how they used to be.

  Chapter 10: Joey

  March 10, 2001

  Sitting up straight in his bed and gasping for air, Joey was awakened from his nightmare. He dreamt of Mary and his mother visiting the shed every night for the past week but hadn’t worked up the nerve to tell his father about the dreams. He took a deep breath and began to count to 10. Somehow, this would calm his nerves before he needed to do anything. Reaching into his nightstand, he opened his medicine bottle and swallowed a pill.

  Walking to his father’s office downstairs, Joey knew he could usually find him there. Knocking on the door and pushing it open, he was greeted by both of his parents. His mother had been sitting across from his father at the desk and they both had turned to see who had entered the room. Lovette smiled and motioned for him to sit next to her.

  “Hey, mom…dad. Mom, do you mind if I talk to dad alone?” said Joey. Lovette instantly had a look of concern on her face. A feeling of slight disappointment came over her due to the fact he didn’t want
her a part of the conversation.

  Joey had never asked to speak to his father alone and this had somewhat alarmed her. But, she knew that her husband would tell her what was said between the both of them later on. Standing up to kiss him on the cheek, she replied.

  “Sure. Is everything okay?”

  “…yea. Just guy talk, ya know?” Joey was a horrible liar and Lovette could see right through him. He knew that his mother knew he was lying and began to sweat under his arms. If anyone knew he wasn’t telling the truth, it would always be his mother. Leaving the room and closing the door, Joey had turned back around to face his father.

  “Dad, I’ve been having these weird dreams. I know we aren’t really supposed to talk about this but I’m scared,” said Joey just a notch above a whisper.

  “Walk with me outside.” Joseph had a feeling what this had been about. He had forbidden his son to talk about it inside the house or around anyone besides him. Walking out of the office, Joey followed his father outside. Silence filled the space between the both of them until they had both reached the edge of the lake.

  “What’s this about, Joey?” asked Joseph. It had been awhile since they had talked about anything private. Joseph loved his wife and would do anything she had asked him to do but there were certain things he had wanted to make sure she didn’t know about. Certain things he felt could ruin everything between the two of them.

  “It’s Mary. I think she knows something about the shed. I can’t put my finger on it but I just know it. I keep having nightmares about her going there and pulling up the door,” said Joey. He had felt a great deal of relief lifted from his shoulders. Keeping this to himself had made him nervous about what he should do.

  “A nightmare?” Joseph was confused. “You think she knows about the shed because of a nightmare?? Joey, we’ve talked about this. No one knows about the shed. It’s an abandoned building that has been there for a long time now. Have you been going there?” questioned Joseph.