Him

by Carey Heywood

  He kisses my hand once more before releasing it to cup my face. He studies me. "Please say something."

  "I just can't believe you love me too." I croak, my eyes brimming.

  All of the tension drains from his face as the corners of his mouth pull up into his lopsided grin. "Believe it," he murmurs, his lips hovering above mine.

  "Kiss m—"

  His mouth crushes mine before I finish my command. I lift my hands to tangle in his hair. I moan when his teeth nip at my bottom lip. If we weren't in front of my house I probably would have crawled into his lap. He breaks our kiss and looks up at the ceiling of his car as he catches his breath. I'm doing the same, only watching his chest rise and fall as he inhales and pushes the air back out.

  He turns to look at me after a couple moments. "So much."

  I nod. "Me too."

  "Can I take your picture?"

  I cover my face. "I must look awful. My eyes are probably red, and my nose—"

  He cuts me off. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

  His words destroy any argument I have. I only ask that he take one of the both of us as well. He reaches into the backseat and fishes it out of its case.

  "Tell me you love me again."

  "I love you, Will."

  I hear it click three times during. He lowers his camera and leans forward to place his lips on mine. "Thank you."

  He turns the camera and holds it out to face us, his finger ready. I lean in and kiss his cheek when I hear the click. He turns his face to kiss me, and I hear the click again.

  He pulls back and smiles. "Hopefully we'll be in that last one."

  He reaches back to place his camera back in its case. I get out and wait for him to walk around. He pulls our bags from the back seat, passing me mine before we head into my house. Before Brian caught us making out on my bed, we would sometimes do our homework in my room. Since then, we stay in the family room. That doesn’t stop us from making out. It just makes us hyper aware of where my family members are. Brian is back at school. He comes home at least one weekend a month, but during the week, we don't have to worry about him. Both my mom and dad work, so right after school we usually have the house to ourselves. The family room is far enough from the front door that if one of my parents comes home earlier than expected we have enough time to separate and adjust clothes.

  Today, we can't keep our hands off of each other. We take a moment to spread a couple of text books and binders on the coffee table to make it look like we've been busy with schoolwork before Will pulls me on to the couch. We've made out before, even done some under clothes exploring but with our declarations of love so fresh on our lips, this time feels different. Will's shirt is off, and my button-up top is open. My bra has a front closure. Will stills when I unclasp it. I don’t uncover myself. I just lay there, holding my breath. Will's own breathing is unsteady as he holds my gaze, lifting his hands to uncover me. His touch is tender as he trails his fingertips across my skin.

  "You are so beautiful," he says in a hush tone before dropping his lips to mine.

  I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen his kiss. He lowers his body onto mine, and I feel for the first time the perfection that is his bare chest on mine. I grip his shoulders as his hips grind into me. He's turned on. Part of me wants to go all the way right now, but my parents could come home anytime. He moves onto his side, pulling me with him and unbuttons my shorts. His lips stay on mine as his hand makes its way into them. This is the farthest we have ever gone. I tense as I feel him touch me. The feeling, taking over me, scares me. A small part of me wants to stop, but it's only because I'm afraid of the unknown. I suck in a breath and close my eyes when I feel his finger slide inside me. When he starts moving it, my eyes flutter open and widen as he watches my reaction. I want to bury my face in his neck.

  "Don’t," he pleads. "Let me watch you."

  I blush but hold his gaze, even when I lose control and rock against his hand. I've never felt anything like this before. I feel like my limbs are numb and weighted down. It's a few moments before I can breathe normally again. The whole time, his face is a picture of awe. He seems surprised he has this power over my body. He helps fix my clothes before pulling his shirt back on. I start towards the kitchen to get us drinks, turning back when he calls out my name.

  "Wear a dress tomorrow."

  I look at him confused. "Why?"

  He grins. "I want to try something different." He pauses, chewing the corner of his mouth. "You'll just have to wait and see what."

  I start to sag and reach my arm out to brace myself on the doorway. His chuckle follows me into the kitchen. We're innocently working on homework when my mother gets home. She invites Will to stay for dinner, and I'm surprised when he declines. After he puts his books back in his bag, I walk him out to his car.

  "I wish you would stay."

  He puts his bag in the backseat before tugging me into his arms. "I promised my dad I'd be home for dinner tonight."

  "Oh." I try not to sound disappointed.

  He cups my face and brushes his lips across mine. "Call you after?"

  I nod and rest his hands on his waist.

  He rests his forehead against mine. "I love you so much."

  "I love you too, Will."

  He kisses me again, and I pull back to watch him get in his car and pull away. Once he turns off my street, I walk back into my house. My mom asks me to set the table. My dad gets home just as I finish. It's probably a good thing Will isn’t here tonight. It gives me a chance to ask my parents about my curfew for prom. When Brian was a senior, he got to stay out all night. It’s only fair that they let me.

  My dad disagrees. "Brian didn’t have a girlfriend, Sarah."

  "But, Dad, that's almost worse. Don't you guys trust me not to do anything stupid?"

  "Of course…"

  "Well, why is it different for me then? Is this because I'm a girl? That's so not fair."

  "Honey." My mom puts her hand on my arm. "Let your father and I think about it, and we'll let you know."

  I relax. That means she's on my side. I avoid my dad's eyes because I don’t want him to get annoyed. As soon as I'm done eating, I excuse myself and hurry up to my room. I'm finishing my math homework when my mom peeks her head in the doorway.

  "I talked to your father."

  "And?"

  "No curfew, but I wanted to talk to you first."

  "About what?"

  "Are you and Will…?"

  "Mom!"

  "Honey, don’t be embarrassed. I just want to know if you are being safe."

  "We haven’t done anything, Mom."

  She exhales. "Alright, well if you do."

  "I will, Mom. I promise."

  She walks over and kisses my forehead. "I can't believe how grown up you've gotten."

  My phone starts ringing. "It's Will," I say.

  She nods her head and walks out of my room, closing my door behind her.

  "Hey, how was your dinner?"

  "Good. My dad just said he never saw me anymore."

  "Oh, That’s cool. I talked to my parents about prom."

  "What'd they say?"

  "I'm yours all night." I smile.

  "I'm pretty sure they didn't say that," he jokes.

  "You know what I mean."

  "I do. So since I'll have you," he pauses, "all night. What do you want to do?"

  "Maybe we could, um, get a room somewhere."

  "You don’t want to go to any after parties or anything?"

  I hesitate. "Do you?"

  "No, but I'll do anything you want."

  I pull one of my pillows to my chest and hug it, wishing it was him. "I only want you."

  "You and me, all night?"

  "Mm hmm."

  "Let's go out to dinner tomorrow night?"

  "What?" I laugh. "Why?"

  "You're my girlfriend. Let me take you out, please."

  "We're together every night already. You don't have to take
me anywhere."

  "I want to. Come on. I'll show you a good time."

  I'm glad he isn't there to see me blush. "Alright, what time are you picking me up?"

  ~*~

  Will drops me off instead of coming in after school. I want to surprise him for our date. There’s a dress my mom got me last year that I've never been brave enough to wear. It isn't fancy. It’s just tighter than the stuff I usually wear. I take my time getting ready and borrow a pair of heels from my mom. My dad's mouth drops when he sees my dress. He starts to say something but my mom shushes him, telling me I look beautiful. I gulp when I hear the doorbell. I can't even remember the last time Will didn’t just walk right into my house.

  My mom tells me to wait while she goes to let him in. When I see him, I have to tell myself not to drool. He's just so handsome. His expression when he sees me makes me melt. When my mom and dad are looking away, he mouths wow to me, his eyes lighting up. My mom embarrasses me by taking a picture of us. From this angle, my parents can't see his hand slide down my back and over my ass. I almost laugh at how serene his face looks for the picture, considering where his hand is. Once we're outside, he looks behind us to see if my parents are watching before crushing my body to his.

  "Damn, Sarah. Wow. You look incredible."

  "You look pretty good yourself," I grin.

  And he does in his tan slacks and blue button-up dress shirt. The blue matches his eyes, amplifying them. He walks around to open my door, waiting until I'm buckled to close it. As we drive, his hand is glued to my knee. It's silly, but I'm so excited about our date, our first official one. He takes me to a Mexican place with the best salsa. Once we're seated, we dig in until the server comes to take our orders.

  "Brian took me to get on the pill," I blurt out.

  Will freezes, chip midair. After a moment, he sets the chip back into the salsa. "For real?"

  I nod.

  He looks at the people eating around us before leaning towards me. "Does that mean..?"

  I shake my head. "Not by prom, but after."

  "Would you want to?"

  My brows come together. "I thought we were going to…"

  "No, I meant," he pauses, "without a condom."

  "Oh," I spin my ring."Have you ever..?"

  He shakes his head.

  "Would you want to?"

  "Only if you do."

  I unroll the napkin and lay it across my lap. We both look up when the server comes. After he leaves, Will reaches his hand across the booth for mine. Once my hand is in his, he rubs his thumb back and forth across the back of it.

  "I don't know, maybe."

  He nods, lifting my hand in his to kiss it.

  "Anything you want."

  "Can I ask you something?"

  "Of course."

  "What's it like? You know…sex."

  He cringes and clears his throat. "I'm not sure for a girl."

  "How many people have you done it with?" This was something we never talked about before.

  He chews the side of his lip. "One."

  I cringe. "Jessica?"

  He looks down and nods. I don't know why it bothers me, but the thought of them together kills me.

  "And she wasn't a virgin?"

  He shakes his head. "She dated this guy, Brice, for two years before his family moved to Maine."

  I hadn't known that. "A lot?"

  He shakes his head. He lets go of my hand when our food comes out. We eat quietly, and I start to feel bad for bringing it up. I just wanted to know, but now that I do, I wish I didn't. I relax when Will asks if I'd like to go for ice cream after.

  Once we're in his car, he asks if I'm okay.

  "I hate thinking about you and Jessica being together," I admit.

  "I shouldn’t have done it. I guess I was excited I could, but I didn't love her. I know the difference now."

  When he opens my door for me, I know I'm over it. Jessica doesn't matter. Will loves me, and that's all I need.

  Chapter 15

  Present

  My mom and I are meeting Christine and the rest of the bridal party at a local salon for our hair and makeup. I'm having a hard time forgetting the look on Will's face when I told him why I left. That, more than anything else, gets me out of bed. I need to be busy, distracted. I check work emails on my phone and am relieved to see everything seems to be going smoothly. I take my shower before heading downstairs. There is no point doing anything more than getting dressed since everything else will be taken care of at the salon. I change into jeans and my bridal party t-shirt. It's a personalized pale blue one that says Mr. & Mrs., 6-20-2013 on the front in thick, white shimmery script, and then on the back it says Sarah, bridesmaid, sister of the groom in the same script. I have to give it to Christine. Not only is she crazy organized, but the t-shirts are useful and cute. Once we're at the salon, all the stylists will need to do is check the back of our shirts to know who we are.

  Both my mother and father are in the kitchen when I come down. My mom is too cute in her bridal party t-shirt. No multiple outfit changes this time, I think to myself. I kiss my dad on the cheek and blow one to my mom before I go to strain my orange juice. My mom starts to get up to help, but I wave her off. I'm bummed to see we are out of muffins when I sit down at the table. My dad looks a bit guilty and looks away. I bet he ate the last one. I make do with a slice of my mother's cranberry date bread. She usually only makes it around Christmas time, but it's my uncle Chip’s favorite so she made some just for him.

  When I'm done eating, I help my mom lay our dresses across her backseat before running back inside to grab a bag of extra stuff I'll need to get ready. The ladies will finish getting ready at Christine's mom's house, the guys at my parents’ house. There are three hair stylists and one makeup artist for our group. I hang out with my mom as she gets her makeup done. Christine's mom comes over to us with mimosas. We grin at each other and each take one. I'm on my third by the time I'm getting my hair done when Christine's mom offers me another one. I decline, asking for a water instead. This could be a very interesting wedding if we are all drunk before noon.

  My long brown hair is curled and twisted into a complicated-looking up do with crystal tipped pins weaved throughout. I hold my breath and close my eyes as the stylist puts a ridiculous amount of hairspray on it. My brow creases as I wonder how long it will take to wash out tomorrow. I drink some water and go to sit and wait to have my makeup done. When it's my turn, I close my eyes and relax as Kim, the artist, chats and works her magic. She goes on about primer and how important it is to use as a base, but primer just makes me think of paint.

  She has me open my eyes when it's time for my mascara. I blink at my reflection in the mirror. Kim is a genius. I am not sure if I have ever looked like this. She clears her throat, raising the wand in her hand to get my attention. I apologize and try not to blink as she coats my lashes. When I'm all done, I make my way to the ladies’ room before looking for my mom. She is with Christine. When she sees me, her eyes light up. Christine, whose back is to me, follows her gaze and turns around.

  "Wow. Will is not going to know what hit him."

  "Will?"

  Christine's smile falters as she takes in my expression. "Never mind."

  I move around to sit next to my mom, facing her. "Tell me."

  Her eyes flick to my mom's before looking back at me. I turn to my mom, who picks up her mimosa and takes a sip in an effort to avoid mine.

  "Seriously. You too?"

  She stares at a poster on the wall of a model with an angled bob. "I'm not sure what you mean."

  I lean back, folding my arms across my chest and look at Christine. "Tell me."

  She seems to consider it for a moment before leaning forward. "Will is in love with you."

  "Christine!" my mother exclaims.

  "What?" She shrugs. "Sarah has to know."

  They both look at me. I'm just shaking my head. "That's just not true."

  "Sarah—" my mother start
s, but I stand and hurry out the front door.

  I pace back and forth in front of the salon. Why would Christine say that? Does he regret what happened? I told him why I left the night before, and he had made no move to correct me. I move over to a shaded spot of the parking lot and sit on the curb. I'm still sitting there when everyone comes out. My mother and I ride in silence to Christine's mom's house. I carry my dress and bag and am directed to a spare bedroom to change. I manage to get my dress on all by myself. I just need someone to close the very last clasp at the top of the zipper. I reapply my deodorant before putting everything I had on before in my bag and slip on my shoes. I'm in search of someone to help with the clasp when I pass a tall mirror in the hall. My mother did a wonderful job removing any creases. The bridesmaid dresses are tea-length with a halter-styled neck and a poofy skirt.

  Justine and Cindy walk out of a room further down the hall and motion for me to join them.

  "That color is so good on you, Sarah," Cindy gushes. "I look so washed out."

  I look at her. She is crazy. It looks great on her, and I tell her as much before following them to go see Christine in her dress. My mother, her mother, and her step-mother are helping her in the master bedroom. We oh and ah over her as soon as we see her. Her mother and my mother are both dabbing their eyes with tissue. Her dress is strapless with a full, elaborately beaded skirt and train. I can't help but think my brother is one lucky guy. Christine calls us over and gives each of us a personalized jewelry box with a matching crystal necklace and earrings as another bridesmaid gift. They match the set she is wearing and the pins in our hair. She has to be the most organized person I have ever met.

  I've just had my mother attach my clasp when a knock at the front door alerts us that the limo has arrived. I help my mother put our bags in her car. The moms are all riding with her over to the church, Christine and us bridesmaids following in the limo. It is a group effort getting Christine into the limo with her full skirt. We are taken around the back of the church and told to wait while my mom gets out bouquets from the florist. Christine is radiant, happy, maybe a little nervous, but ready. We apply last minute lip gloss and giggle while we wait for my mom. I go to open the door when we hear a knock. Expecting my mom, I gasp and slam the door in his face when I see Brian.