My Daddy Is a Hero

by Lena Derhally

  “Not possible honey. He LOVES YOU!” Addy replied.

  But Shanann wasn’t so sure anymore, and with good reason.

  On the morning of August 8, Chris went back to work, and Shanann started texting with another friend, Sara.

  Sara asked her if things were any better with Chris. Shanann filled her in on the conversations over the past few days and told Sara she tried to initiate sex with him the previous night, but he had rejected her. She was feeling sick to her stomach and told her friend she had never cried this hard in her entire life.

  “He said he feels there’s lack of communication and it’s not from me. I sent him 12 texts over the month begging him to talk to me. He fell asleep at7/8 pm. I tried talking to him after rejection last night and me crying for an hour alone on couch - he slept. I kicked his sorry ass out of bed, and I refuse to sleep on couch anymore this week. Told him this morning to not come home today if he can’t tell me the damn truth on what the hell is wrong! We are supposed to go to ultrasound tonight and he doesn’t want the baby. He’d abort if I said it was ok.”

  In Sara’s mind, it seemed the only logical explanation was an affair. She asked Shanann if it was a possibility.

  “He said he’s not having an affair,” Shanann said.

  “Are you sure?” Sara asked.

  “Honestly no, but what else would make him do a complete 360... We couldn’t get enough of each other before I left,” Shanann replied.

  Throughout the day, Shanann texted her other good friends, Nicki and Cassie, and updated them on all the trouble with Chris. They tried their best to support her and give advice, but they were just as perplexed as Shanann was.

  Shanann told her friends that Chris didn’t want a divorce right away, but she would fight for full custody. Feeling defeated, she told them she couldn’t afford three kids by herself in Colorado.

  Cassie’s husband, Josh, texted Chris to check in about the ultrasound. They would soon find out the sex of the baby, and Josh knew Chris really wanted a boy.

  “Are you excited for the ultrasound? Today’s the day, right?!” Josh asked.

  “Just got back to work. Yep, today’s the day. I’m excited. It’s at 7:00,” Chris replied.

  While Shanann searched the internet for “couples’ therapy” and “emotion focused therapy,” Nikki Kessinger was searching topics about “marrying your mistress.”

  Later, in the evening, Josh checked in with Chris, eager to find out the sex of the baby. Chris told him the envelope was sealed, and they would find out at the gender reveal party that was scheduled a week from the coming Saturday. Except that gender reveal party would never happen.

  Chapter 14

  “My sexy empanada”

  On the morning of August 9, Addy woke up to another distraught message from Shanann. “He said we are not compatible anymore! He refused to hug me after he said he will try to ‘work’ it out! Said he thought another baby would fix his feelings. Said, he refused couples counseling!”

  “What!?! That doesn’t sound like Chris. Did he go to the appointment?” Addy asked in disbelief.

  “Yes, but cold. Addy, I have no idea what happened.”

  “Go through his phone, make sure there isn’t some other bitch I have to kill,” Addy said, maybe thinking that Chris was having an affair after all.

  “This is total left field,” Shanann said, still in shock.

  “Why no to counseling?” Addy asked.

  “He said he’s not sitting on no damn couch saying what he just said to me to a stranger.”

  “Oh Jesus,” Addy replied.

  “I found some in our area, and if anything, this baby and kids deserve him to go,” Shanann said.

  “Is this his parents’ influence?” Addy asked.

  “He refused to hold me. Said he’s not there. He can’t. I haven’t slept most of the week. My eyes burn from crying so much. I canceled gender reveal. Nicki is going to tell me today. I need happy news right now. I said to him, how is this a few months? We were so intimate and what I thought ‘in love’ when I left! He said he had a lot of time to think. The baby in my belly deserves his full love. Either way.”

  “I’m so sorry, honey,” Addy said, at a loss for the right words.

  “I said, you sat here in this living room and said you think it would be a great thing to have another baby. We talked it out a lot beforehand and we agreed to do this. You were so excited and happy,” Shanann said, still in shock.

  “I think he will come to his senses and feel like an ass in a few months,” Addy said, trying again to be reassuring.

  “I grabbed his hand during the ultrasound, and he didn’t grab back. I cringed. He rejected sex night we arrived here. Only thing I can think of, even though I don’t think he has it in him, is another girl,” Shanann said. This is a very frightening example of how little Shanann really knew about Chris, and how convincing Chris was with his “nice guy” image.

  “Did you look through his phone? Did you ask if there was someone?” Addy asked again.

  “He said last night...opposites attract but this isn’t working anymore. I did. He denied. No, I didn’t look. He’s deleting messages from his dad. I’m sure he’s not that stupid.”

  “Why is he deleting messages from his dad? This makes no sense. Any of this. It’s not Chris. He loves and adores you.”

  “I don’t know if I suck it up again and call his mom today (tape a call) so she can’t lie and twist my words and talk to her and tell her I want to have a relationship but I need her to love and respect my kids,” Shanann said, trying to brainstorm ideas as to what might make things better.

  “I think maybe you tell him that if you want to work it out with them. I thought he was on your side about what happened with CeCe?” Addy said.

  “I did last night because I thought maybe that is the only thing that happened while I was away. I told him I have been sucking up my feelings when they throw their jabs at me for him. But when it came to putting our daughter’s life in danger, I said I want to continue to have a relationship with them, but they need to love, respect and care for him and the kids better. He is (on her side with CeCe) but then he said at the beach that I put a dagger between him and his dad. His dad is the one that didn’t come to her party. He’s the one that didn’t make contact with his son and he’s the one what blocked us on Facebook, not me. It’s taking everything I have to not flip on him and them. Like every ounce of my body.”

  Shanann and Addy exchanged I love you’s and said their goodbyes. Both would be meeting up in Arizona the next morning for the Le-Vel weekend getaway.

  Shanann asked Chris if he wanted to find out the sex of the baby with her that evening, and he agreed. Shortly before noon, in perhaps the most eerie foreshadowing of all, Chris texted her a photo of the girls’ life-size doll covered in a white sheet with only the feet sticking out. Shanann assumed the girls had been playing and positioned the doll like that. It was very morbid, especially in hindsight. The doll looked like a dead body at the morgue, lying lifelessly and stiff on the black leather couch. Shanann, finding it amusing, posted it on Facebook with the caption, “I don’t know what to think about this,” followed by hysterical laughter emojis. Shanann added, “at least they covered the body together. At least we know they have each other’s back.”

  We now know at this point, Chris’s fantasies of killing his family were forming into an actual plan. In a letter to Cadle, he forthrightly admits the killings had been brewing in his dark mind for weeks. “All the weeks of me thinking about killing her.”

  That day, Chris deleted his Facebook page. Shanann texted him, asking him why he did, and he didn’t respond to her. When his father Ronnie asked him the same question, Chris answered, “Yes Sir! Finally liberated myself!”

  Nikki apparently just told Chris she had told her friends about him. Now that she was starting to tell
people about their relationship, he wanted to make sure anyone deciding to snoop on Facebook and look for him wouldn’t find out he was presumably happily married with a baby on the way.

  Even with all the turmoil, Shanann was starting to feel a glimmer of hope from Chris. He had suddenly agreed to go away for a weekend in Aspen with her when she got back from her trip to Arizona. She had placed an order on Amazon for the well-known self-help relationship book, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” and was eager for him to read it. He seemed to be talking to her a little more, although he was still aloof. He had also agreed to go with her to take Bella to her first day of kindergarten on Monday morning. Shanann thought maybe he was finally seeing the light and starting to come around. However, his change of heart was most likely because he knew he would soon be rid of her and playing along was easy knowing he wouldn’t have to do it much longer. Once Shanann was out of the way, he would be free to be with Nikki.

  That evening, Chris and Shanann opened the envelope revealing the sex of the baby and Shanann at least, was very excited to find out it was a boy. Shanann wanted to name their son Nico Lee. Nico would be honoring her Italian heritage, and Lee was Chris’ middle name. Chris told her to hold off on sharing the news with others and on Facebook until Monday. Chris, plotting to kill Shanann on the coming Sunday evening, knew she wouldn’t be around on Monday to share the news.

  Finally showing a change of heart, he agreed to go to counseling and said he would read the book Shanann had ordered for him. They also discussed selling the house and moving somewhere cheaper together. Then, when Shanann told Chris she loved him, he reciprocated the sentiment. However, he still didn’t want to sleep in the same bed. He gave her a quick kiss before leaving their bedroom to sleep in the basement, and that gave her some hope as well.

  The flicker of hope Shanann felt was for nothing though, because after Chris left the bedroom and went to the basement, he transferred more semi-nude selfies of Nikki into his secret calculator app.

  The morning of August 10, Shanann left for Arizona very early before the kids woke up. She sent a text message to Chris that was filled with her usual optimism and exuberance.

  “Good morning honey! Sorry to make you wake up twice today. I didn’t want alarm going off. We are checked in and everything, it’s already a mad house here today! Enjoy the girls! Don’t forget King Soopers 10-11. I told Bella I was leaving for work with Nicki and I assured her I was always coming home. They usually don’t eat right away, lately. Give them lots of kisses for me. Thank you for everything last night. I miss and love you so much! I am still in shock we are having a little boy! I’m so excited and happy! I really thought it was another girl. Thank you for letting me hold you this morning, it felt good! Your letter is on the counter. Have a great time with kiddos. They truly missed you. Love you baby. Send me pics.”

  On the counter, was the letter she mentioned. What is reprinted here was taken from a screenshot sent to Sara, Shanann’s friend.

  My Dearest Chris,

  I don’t know where to begin. I am so lost for words. I can’t even explain how hard the pain is. The last five weeks have been the hardest. I missed everything about you. I missed your morning breath, your touch. Your lips. I missed holding you. I missed smelling you in the sheets. I missed talking to you in person. I missed watching you laugh and play with the kids, that I love so much about you. I missed seeing you naked and on top of me, making love to me. I missed having you around when I first felt alone and upset. I just flat out missed the hell out of you.

  I really don’t know how we fell out of compatibility or if that is someone else’s words. The only thing that changed this month was everything going down with your family. I can’t change what happened, but I can try to work things out with you, with them. But there must be a mutual respect with everyone…

  The rest of the letter was cut off.

  Later that day, Shanann texted Chris, saying she landed in Arizona, but Chris was preoccupied with making other plans. Now that Shanann was out of town for the weekend, he was eager to be with Nikki. Because of the state of their marriage, Shanann wanted to stay home in Colorado, but Chris encouraged her to go. Then, he reached out to his friend Jeremy Lindstrom in hopes that Jeremy’s teenage daughter Mary would be able to babysit for a few hours Saturday night.

  “Do you think Mary is available to watch the girls for a few hours tomorrow night? I won a raffle at work for a Rockies game. It’s with people I don’t know from work, but I haven’t been to a game in a while where the kids aren’t involved and only last an inning lol.”

  “Of course,” Jeremy replied. “Which house?”

  “l would say my house because the girls would fall asleep easier and all it would be is watching the monitor,” Chris responded.

  Jeremy agreed to Mary arriving the next evening at 6:15 and staying until 10 pm.

  That afternoon, Chris took Bella and CeCe on a car ride to meet up with his co-worker, Troy McCoy. Chris buckled the girls into their car seats in Shanann’s white Lexus SUV and made the drive to a Safeway parking lot so he could give Troy an Amazon Firestick.

  Troy gave Chris a smile and a wave when he pulled into the parking lot. Just as Chris was handing Troy the Firestick, their co-worker, Kodi Roberts, called Troy.

  “Hold on one sec,” Troy said to Chris, taking the call.

  “There’s a leak in the bypass line at 319,” Kodi said over the phone.

  Chris strained a bit to try to make out what Kodi was saying to Troy. Then Troy hung up and exchanged goodbyes with Chris. As Troy peered in the backseat of the Lexus, he saw Bella and CeCe laughing and smiling. He waved to the girls, and they waved back to him. Troy watched the Lexus drive off into the distance.

  When Chris and the girls were back home, Ronnie asked Chris if he could Facetime with the girls since Shanann was away. Chris told him he was afraid Bella would tell Shanann and Ronnie agreed it was a good idea not to talk to them and avoid drama.

  After a day of catching up with her Le-Vel friends in Arizona, Shanann got into bed and started searching for resorts and Groupon deals in Aspen. She thought it would be a good place for a romantic weekend getaway and was looking forward to quality time with Chris.

  He had been with his daughters that night and wasn’t able to see Nikki. She had been out that evening and Chris texted her. “Hope you had a great night beautiful. Miss you! Get home safe! Sweet dreams my sexy empanada.”

  • • •

  When Shanann woke up the morning of August 11, she texted Chris first thing.

  “Good morning baby! Are the girls up?”

  “Good morning. They are watching cartoons in bed,” Chris responded. Chris and Shanann sent some casual messages back and forth. She told Chris about the crazy thunderstorms the night before and asked him if he wanted the cable NFL package for the fall, trying to put her focus on planning for a happy future together as a family.

  Chris spent the day with the girls, and Shanann spent the day with friends in Arizona. Chris told Shanann that Mary, Jeremy Lindstrom’s daughter, would be coming over to babysit for a few hours so he could go to the Colorado Rockies game. Always a careful and attentive mother, Shanann asked him to make sure Mary knew not to feed CeCe anything she was allergic to.

  That evening, Chris dressed in black jeans and a white T-shirt ordered pizza for his daughters and Mary. He gave the girls their medication and told Mary she could put them to bed at seven o’clock. He also gave her the baby monitor and said he would be back by ten o’clock. Mary had never babysat the girls before, but she found them very sweet and easy to take care of. While she was watching them, she received a text from Shanann in Arizona. “Hey love, this is Shanann. How are the girls?” Mary told her they were doing great and that CeCe had three slices of pizza. Shanann graciously thanked her for watching them and told her if she needed anything to just ask.

 
Chris drove to Nikki’s apartment first. When he got there, they drove to the Lazy Dog Restaurant and Bar for dinner. Nikki looked at the menu and realized it wasn’t the same menu as the Lazy Dog she usually went to. She told Chris she wanted to leave and go to the other one, and he obliged. After all, Chris was always the easy-going one.

  Over dinner, they talked about Chris and his fitness plan. Since he had lost so much weight, he had become focused on a healthy lifestyle, working out, running, and clean eating. Chris paid for the meal on his joint credit card with Shanann. Up until then, he had been using gift cards he received from his company, but again, he knew he would no longer have Shanann to deal with, and he could be careless if he wanted to.

  After dinner, they went back to Nikki’s place and had sex. Chris noticed it was close to ten o’clock and told Nikki he had to leave because his babysitter had to be home soon. He rushed out, but he had to stop at the ATM first to get cash to pay Mary.

  While he was driving home, Shanann called him because she had received an alert on her phone about a $62 charge on their credit card at the Lazy Dog Restaurant. Shanann asked him what he ordered there. He told her he just had a salmon and a beer. As stated earlier in this book, after they got off the phone, Shanann searched on her phone for the Lazy Dog Restaurant to see how much a salmon and beer cost. She was easily able to deduce that the meal did not amount to $62.

  When Chris pulled up to the house, Mary’s mother, Jennifer, was waiting in a parked car in the driveway. Chris paid Mary, thanked her, and said he would see her tomorrow at her little brother’s birthday party.

  Nikki, by herself in her apartment, started her internet searching again, this time for “Chris Watts,” “Shanann Watts,” “Ronnie Watts,” and “2825 Saratoga Trail,” where Chris and Shanann lived. It is unclear what motivated her to search for those things and what she was looking for.

  Before he went to bed, Chris called Shanann, knowing she would soon be gone for good. Shanann went to bed that night, unaware that the next day would be the last day of her life.