The Day You Went Away

by Jennifer Hebbard

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  EDEN

  3 MONTHS LATER

  I was huge. I don’t mean to say that I just thought I was huge, at seven months pregnant I was twice the size with this baby than I was with Blake. My ankles were swollen so badly that it hurt to walk at times and I had a constant low-grade headache. Kane has been wonderful. Waiting on me hand and foot and constantly telling me how beautiful I looked. I didn’t feel beautiful, I felt miserable. We had seen Kate regularly and although my blood pressure had been higher than she liked, it wasn’t in the danger zone and so she hadn’t admitted me. Kane was constantly nervous and pacing. When she was at work, she called at least four or five times a day to check on me, and although at times it became a little much; I knew it was because she loved me and was scared. I was scared too. I don’t know what we would do if anything happened to this baby. I couldn’t even think about it. Most of the time these days I spent on the couch either reading or watching movies, and worrying. In front of Kane I always stayed positive, reassuring her that everything was ok, that everything was going to be ok, but late at night when I couldn’t get comfortable and sleep was a distant memory, I worried. This pregnancy felt so different than Blake’s. I know I was ten years younger but it just seemed so much easier then. It couldn’t all boil down to age could it? So, I lay awake and worried and prayed. I prayed for this baby, I prayed for Kane, I prayed for Blake. I prayed that life would finally show us peace and contentment again. We deserved that much. We had earned it. Kane and I had cut down on our sessions with Sasha as of late, it was just difficult for me to travel now, even somewhere close. I was beginning to wonder how smart a decision that was now though. Kane walked on eggshells about pretty much everything these days in fear that something would upset me, and as for me, well I didn’t want to make Kane any more nervous than she already was. As a result, neither of us were communicating to the other how we felt, about anything. I didn’t want to see us slide back into bad habits, especially not now. We had worked too hard to get where we were now. Maybe Sasha could conduct a session over the phone. I made a mental note to call her and ask. I changed my position on the couch and moaned at the pain in my lower back. How was I going to get through two more months of this? Kane and I had an appointment with Kate late this afternoon, maybe she would have some advice on how to do just that.

  I hadn’t moved much by the time Kane came in from work. I hadn’t eaten anything either do to the nausea I was feeling. Kane dropped her bag, hung up her jacket and came directly to the couch and knelt down beside it. I felt better just having her near. She leaned in and kissed my forehead. “How are you feeling today?” I smiled and stroked her cheek “Hi baby. I’m ok, a little uncomfortable but that’s par for the course.” Kane looked concerned and I smiled to convey that things were fine. Kane sat on the edge of the couch and put my legs on her lap. She started to massage my swollen feet and it felt heavenly. “Oh, that feels so good” I moaned and closed my eyes. Kane continued her ministrations for another ten minutes before she stopped and stood. “We have to go baby, we’re gonna be late. “I moaned my displeasure “Do we have to? I was just getting comfortable for the first time today.” Kane leaned down and kissed my lips gently. “Afraid so love. Kate is one appointment that we can’t play hooky from. Come on, I’ll help you get your shoes on.” I laughed at that. “Well if you expect me to wear shoes at all you won’t have a choice in that one sweetheart.” Kane laughed as well as she helped me sit up and grabbed my boots. I tried to avoid shoes with ties now, and my Ugg boots were just perfect. After both boots were on Kane stood, grabbed my hands and helped me to my feet. I groaned with the effort. “Ugh, I’m a whale!” I yelled as Kane helped me on with my coat. She leaned down, kissed the side of my neck and whispered in my ear. “I have never seen anything as beautiful as you, and if I live another million years, I never will.” I leaned back against Kane’s chest and closed my eyes “sweet talker” I said. Smiling and reveling in the attention Kane was showing my neck with her lips. “I love that, I love you” I whispered. “I love you too. Now let’s go check on our little butterfly.” I smiled at that. Kane and I had opted not to know the sex of the baby beforehand but Kane still persisted on calling the baby butterfly. I love that she did. I fell in love with her all over again during this pregnancy, she was gentle and attentive and loving. She was everything you could hope for in a partner. She was everything to me and I hoped I never let her down.

  Kates office was a twenty -minute drive from our house and once we arrived Kane drove around for another five minutes until a spot close to the doors opened up. She helped me from the car and I waddled into the office with her arm around my waist in case I should trip or just tip over, I guess. The inside of the building was warm and I took off my coat and handed it to Kane to hold. “Are you ok” perspiration had formed on my upper lip and forehead. “I’m fine. Just warm. Aren’t you hot?” Kane shook her head “No, feels fine to me, but then I’m not carrying another human inside of me.” She laughed at her own joke and I smiled. I didn’t feel well and was suddenly very glad we were almost to Kate’s office.

  I sat on the exam table with Kane’s help and took a deep breath. “I don’t like your color baby” Kane said running the back of her hand on my cheek. “You feel warm too” Kane went directly to the door and opened it, looking out in the hall. “Kane…Kane! Come in here and sit down. Kate will be here as soon as she can. You acting like a crazy person won’t get her here any sooner.” Kane relented and returned to sit next to me. She grabbed my hand and squeezed. She looked terrified. I didn’t know how to help her mainly because I felt pretty terrified myself. Finally, Kate entered the room and Kane stood. I tugged her hand and silently pleaded with her to show some patience. Kate looked at my chart and finally put it down and looked at us. Kane looked alarmed and I looked like I was going to pass out any moment now. Kate looked concerned as she applied the blood pressure cuff to my arm and stuck a thermometer in my mouth. Kane looked about ready to jump out of her skin. “Ok here’s where we are at” Kate began. Your blood pressure is still elevated and you are retaining water, that’s why your feet are so swollen. You also have a low-grade temperature. Any one of these on their own and I wouldn’t be overly concerned, but all of them together paint a picture I don’t much care for. I’m going to recommend you go into the hospital for a couple days just as a precaution.” Kane jumped up still holding my hands. “The hospital? Is everything ok? I mean what’s wrong?” Kate held up her hands “whoa no need to hit the panic button just yet Kane. I would just feel better if Eden was monitored 24/7 for a few days until we get the fever down as well as her pressure. It’s merely a precaution but better safe than sorry right?” I nodded and pulled Kane down next to me. “It’s ok baby, just a precaution” I said to her. She nodded but didn’t look like she completely believed that. I wasn’t sure if I did either. Kane kissed my cheek and caressed my belly. “We’ll do whatever you think is best Kate” she said. Kate nodded and smiled. “Good. Now let’s see how your little one is doing.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  KANE

  Kate ran the ultrasound wand over Eden’s belly and we saw our baby and heard her heartbeat again. It was just as amazing to me this time as it was the first. I looked at the image of our child on the screen and my heart swelled. “There’s our baby” I whispered to Eden and saw her smile. Neither of us could tear our eyes away from the image, we never could. I was terrified by what Kate had said but when we I saw that baby; I couldn’t help but feel that everything was going to be ok again. “Hi butterfly” I whispered to the screen. “I can’t wait to meet you” Kate smiled at Eden and I. “Everything looks great with the baby. Let’s just take this one step, one day at a time and get that blood pressure and fever under control ok?” Eden and I both nodded as Kate wiped the excess jelly off of Eden’s stomach. “I’ll take you to the hospital and get you checked in and settled and then I’ll go back home and get us some clothes and toiletries a
nd anything else we need ok?” I helped Eden with her clothes and she nodded. “You don’t have to stay Kane; you would be more comfortable at home in our bed. I’ll be fine.” I looked at her incredulously. “I’m not leaving you Eden. We’re in this together. You and me, right? And little butterfly there” Eden smiled and nodded “You, me and butterfly.” I kissed her lips and tried to convey a calm I didn’t feel. I walked her to the car and got her settled and buckled in. I stopped for a moment as I made my way to the driver’s side. I took a deep cleansing breath and tried to slow my pulse. I was so scared, but I had to be strong for Eden, for the baby. They needed me now and I wouldn’t let them down. Not again.

  The hospital was only a few blocks from Kate’s office. I pulled right up to the ER doors and ran around to help Eden out. The nurse sitting at the triage station was a friend of mine. “Hey Patty.” I greeted her. “Kane! Is everything ok?” Patty looked from me to Eden the concern evident on her face. “Everything’s fine. Dr Fletcher just thought maybe it would be a good idea for Eden to vacation here for a couple days. She should have called ahead I think.” I kept my hand on the small of Eden’s back, massaging it as she leaned into me. Patty hit a few keys on her computer. “Yep it’s all right here. We are going to take you right to OB and Dr Fletcher said she’ll meet you up there. Let me get a tech to grab a wheelchair and we’ll head up.” I knew Eden wasn’t feeling well when she didn’t complain about using a wheelchair. I had enough adrenaline pumping through my system that I could have probably carried Eden all the way to the fifth floor myself. The tech arrived with the wheelchair and I helped Eden ease down into it. It was hospital policy that an employee pushes the wheelchair so I just walked beside it holding Eden’s hand. We took the elevator to the fifth floor. The walls up here were painted in brighter more cheery colors than the other floors. The nurses wore pink scrubs and there was a whole wall of newborn pictures on display. The tech wheeled Eden to room 5107 and I helped her out of the chair and into the bed. Kate came into the room about 15 minutes later. “Ok guys you’re all set. You are just going to be monitored Eden and given an antibiotic for the fever. If there are any issues or if you have any questions at all you call me. Day or night ok.” We nodded, “Thanks Kate” I said as I sat on the edge of Eden’s bed. “You two get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.” With that Kate left the room and I turned to Eden. “How are you feeling?” Eden laid her head on my shoulders. “Ok. Tired, I guess. I didn’t sleep well last night.” I kissed her head. “Why don’t you lay down and try to rest now. I’ll run home and get some things and be back before you know it. Is there anything you want?” Eden smiled. “Just you.” She said already dozing off. I laid her down, pulled the covers up to her shoulders and kissed her. “You have me. Forever. I’ll be right back.” Eden just nodded and I stopped in the doorway and looked back at her. “Please God, let her and our baby be ok. I won’t make it without either of them.” I sent up the prayer and left Eden’s room in a hurry to get what we needed and return to her side.

  I walked in our front door and everything was so dark and silent it unsettled me. I knew I was just nervous and on edge with everything going on and I tried to not let my imagination run away with me. I hurried upstairs and grabbed Eden’s purple suitcase out of the hall closet. I didn’t know how long Kate would keep her in so I wanted to make sure she had enough clothes. I threw socks and panties and sweats and pajamas haphazardly into the suitcase. I grabbed Eden’s toiletry bag and the book she had been reading off of her nightstand. I couldn’t think of anything else she would need so I closed and zipped up the suitcase. I grabbed an old duffel bag from the back of our closet and threw similar items into it for myself. I didn’t think I could concentrate on a book so I grabbed a few magazines and threw them on top. Some deodorant, a brush and I was ready to get back to the hospital. I didn’t want Eden to be alone for long and I felt I had been gone too long already. I locked the door behind me and threw both bags into the trunk. I rushed back to the hospital, probably going a little faster than was needed but I wouldn’t feel calm until I could see Eden again. I needed her more than I needed my next breath. Everything would be ok, it had to be. I walked back into Eden’s room and noticed that the nurses had dimmed the lights. Eden lay on the bed softly snoring and I breathed a sigh of relief. I put our bags down next to the closet and crept quietly over to the recliner that had been placed next to the bed for me when I was gone. I made sure Eden was warm enough and sat down on the chair. I wanted to hold her hand again but I was afraid I would wake her and she desperately needed her sleep now. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. I didn’t think I would be able to sleep but it wouldn’t hurt to rest my eyes for a bit. The excitement and worry of the evening was ebbing away and my body sagged with exhaustion. As scary as it was that Kate wanted Eden in the hospital, I was glad she was here surrounded by Doctor’s and Nurse’s that could help if something were to go wrong. I started to drift off when I heard a noise in the corner of the room. My eyes snapped open but I didn’t move in the chair. I turned my head slightly towards the window and just beyond it I could see a … shimmering of light. I watched for a moment as it seemed a figure was trying to form before disappearing all together. I wasn’t sure if what I saw was real or a product of exhaustion but either way, I felt comforted. I smiled and felt myself drift off dreaming of Eden and butterflies.

  I awoke with a start when I heard Eden talking with someone else in the room. I opened my eyes to see Kate in her starched white Dr coat standing by the side of the bed removing a blood pressure cup from Eden’s left arm. “What’s going on?” I asked groggily trying to wake my brain up enough to pay attention. I looked at my smart watch and was shocked to see I had slept a full five hours. “Good morning love” Eden said with a smile and I stood from the chair, stretched my back and bent over to kiss her. “Good morning, how are you feeling?” “Much better” Eden said with a smile and we both turned our attention to Kate. “Your fever is gone so the antibiotics did their job. Your blood pressure is back to an acceptable level. Over all, everything looks good. I think one more night for observation and then you can go home.” Eden and I turned to each other with huge smiles at the news. “But Eden, I want you on complete bed rest for the next eight weeks. No exceptions. We are going to tread very lightly in the last stretch of your pregnancy. No chances.” I nodded at Kate and looked down at Eden. “We’ll do whatever you say.” I said and Eden nodded her ascent. “Ok then, I’ll leave you two alone for now. Eden rest and more rest, I mean it. I’ll see you for your regular appointment next week. We’re almost there.” With that Kate left the room and Eden and I were alone. I caressed Eden’s belly and I was apt to do recently. “You here that butterfly? We’re almost there” I kissed the belly and felt a tiny foot kick out at my face. “Hey! No kicking Mama first thing in the morning!” Eden laughed out loud and I joined her. It was a new day, and things looked bright.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

  BLAKE

  “But it’s not fair!” I yelled at Jacob who just nodded and smiled but said nothing. I knew I sounded like a baby but I couldn’t help it. Jacob had come to tell me that he was taking Alicia away and I didn’t want to let her go. “She’s just a kid Jacob. She needs me.” Jacob sat down and looked at me silently for a moment. “Yes, she does Blake, and she always will, but it’s almost time for her to move beyond here now.” I started pacing, shaking my head. “What does that even mean? She shows up here out of nowhere and doesn’t remember where she even came from and now you say she has to move on? Move on to where? And who will take care of her?” It didn’t seem right, at least not to me. “Where Alicia goes is not relative. It’s time for her to transition and as far as her being taken care of, well trust me when I say that she will be so loved and cared for.” I sat back down and looked at Jacob with tears in my eyes “Will she even remember me?” Jacob moved to the seat next to me and placed his arm around my shoulders. “Not in the sense you mean no. She won’t remember this
place or her time here but she will know who you are. I promise you that.” With that Jacob took his leave and I was left alone with my thoughts. I didn’t understand most of what Jacob had said but I also felt that right now I didn’t need to, or more precisely, wasn’t meant to. I didn’t know how it all worked, I don’t think even Jacob knew that. What I did know was that I was going to miss my friend. I didn’t know how much longer we had together and I wanted to spend as much time with Alicia as I could before her time came. I set out to find her, knowing that if I followed the animals and the laughter that’s where she would be.

  It was getting dark and I had looked everywhere. Alicia was nowhere to be found. I looked for Jacob too and couldn’t find him either. I was tired and frustrated and so I returned home. As I approached, I saw Jacob standing outside my door. Blake, where have you been? Jacob looked worried and Jacob never looked worried. “I was out looking for Alicia. I couldn’t find her anywhere. Have you seen her?” Jacob looked at me and shook his head. “No one has seen her Jacob and there are a lot of people looking.” I suddenly panicked. “Is she gone already? Did I miss her?” I was nearly in tears and Jacob walked to comfort me. “Is she ok Jacob?” I asked with a trembling voice. “I think so” Jacob replied “it’s just a little early for her to go yet.” Jacob turned away from me then. “Way too early.” He said under his breath but I heard him and it scared me.