TDX2 - Too Dull To Die
Page 4
it felt like Guido was in a bubble. Graham revved the motorbike to the max and finally it gave way with a ‘pop’. They had come to a stop in a living room, a room which Guido had a slight recollection of. “Hey, I know this place.”
“You should do, it’s in your memory.” Graham set the motorbike down and motioned for Guido to get off. Guido was amazed, there was so much detail, right down to the 70’s orange wallpaper. Did this all come from him?
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5
“Good isn’t it? Better than TV, huh? This is your life, Guido. You can watch it, walk around in it, pause it, fast-forward it, whatever. But you can’t touch.”
“Wow.” Guido looked around, and saw there were two women sitting on a settee and a child playing with blocks on the floor. “Is that…?”
“Your mother.”
“Sorry?”
“Yes, it’s your mother, and a friend, having tea on the settee.”
Guido moved closer to the child. “And who is this?”
“Who do you think it is?”
“Is that me?”
“Yes, you’re playing with building blocks. Err…Guido? Just exactly how old are you here?”
“Nine. I really liked doing this, I could play for hours, days even.” Graham moved over to the child and examined the blocks.
“Nine? Isn’t that a little old to be playing with building blocks?”
“Is it? You know, I never really thought about it.”
“And there’s nothing over 2 blocks high, it all looks the same.” Graham went and sat on the settee next to Guido’s mother. “Nice. A bit suburban, but nice.”
“What does that mean? You’re taking about my mother!”
“Yes, your mother.” Graham looked at the building blocks, leaning his head. “You didn’t work for the Council, by any chance? Planning Department?” Guido was shocked.
“Why, Yes! How did you know? I did work in the Planning Depar…”
“Thought so. Sometimes I have those details written down, but you were a bed pickup. Didn’t need them.” Graham took the pen and crossed off ‘employment’. There would be no valuable experience to see there. “So, let me guess, this must be ‘love’, ‘motherly love’.”
“Yes, I guess so, ‘motherly love’.” Graham read the form.
“Sorry, Guido, but it isn’t here, a set standard, I guess. Everyone has it, whether good or bad. ‘Love’ is here, though. Have you got any memories of that? Surely you have.”
“Love? Me in love? When was that?”
“How do I know? You lived this life.” Graham fiddled with his TT as they watched the scene. “Nothing more to see here. Let’s move on to that ‘love’ thing, okay Guido?” Graham got off the settee and sat back on the motorbike.
“Can’t I just watch a bit more? I’d like to see what I do with those triangular…” Graham revved the motorbike up and rode off towards the edge of the scene. Guido was pulled into the air by the wire, and was now flying behind the bike, limbs flailing around. “Hey!”
“You don’t need to be on it for it to work.” They disappeared with a ‘pop’ much quicker than before, Graham riding through a short tunnel and into another scene, a classroom. Graham was off the bike by the time Guido ‘popped’ through, falling to the floor.
“I think…I’ll…get on…next time.” Guido picked himself up and examined the classroom. “It’s 3rd grade. Oh no.”
“What’s the matter? Didn’t you like school?”
“I loved it, full of rules and lots of interesting information. It didn’t like me, though, and neither did the others, the teachers or the students.” The room was quiet as over twenty children worked on a Maths exercise given by the teacher sitting at her desk.
“This classroom, it’s not very colourful. A bit boring, actually, not so many pictures and stuff.”
“We weren’t the most creative kids. See that lump of clay over there along with all those other lumps of clay?”
“Yes. It reminds me of some gigantic wombat excrement.”
“Sorry? Wombat excrement?” Guido walked over to the shelf full of clay. “It’s meant to be a hippo. I made it.” He tried to touch it, but as Graham said, he couldn’t.
“Oh, right. Yes, I can see it now. Honestly. A hippo, yes.” Graham crossed off ‘art’ from the form. “So, where’s the ‘hottie’, Guido?”
“The ‘hottie’? Over there.” Guido pointed to a pretty looking girl with long blonde hair, whispering and laughing with her neighbour.
“What’s her name?”
“Tammy.”
“Mmm, Tammy. Sounds a bit trashy.” Graham went over to check her out.
“She wasn’t the most feminine of the bunch, no. But she was the most popular.” Guido now moved closer to her, too.
“Yeah?” Guido saw the expression on Graham’s face.
“Look around. We’re nine and a half, some of us were ten.”
“Oh, yeah. Right.”
“And do you know what?”
“What?” Graham went over and sat on the teacher’s desk.
“She fancied me.” Graham let out a guffaw, almost falling off the desk, and took a while to recompose himself.
“Really? Why? Couldn’t have been your taste in clothes. Oh yes, besides, you’re nine, your mother probably clothed you.” Graham looked at the children. “Where are you, by the way? I can’t see you in the group.”
“Over there by the door.” Guido pointed to a small insignificant boy dressed in bland colours.
“That’s you?”
“Yes.” They both moved over to the boy who was drawing a caterpillar in his Maths book. ”What’s the problem?”
“You’re not exactly ‘A’ material, are you?” Graham pointed to the picture. “Look what you’re doing to your book.” Guido ignored Graham and looked over at Tammy, who threw a glance to the boy, him. It had been a long time since he’d seen Tammy.
“For some reason, no one knew why, but for some reason she fancied me.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What did you do?” The young Guido rubbed out the caterpillar and continued with the Maths exercise.
“Nothing.”
Graham frowned. “Nothing?”
“Absolutely nothing. Safer that way.”
“Safer? The most popular girl in your class fancied you and you did nothing?” Graham was now flapping his arms around in disbelief.
“Think what would’ve happened if I’d reciprocated?”
“Something. Something would’ve happened. You would’ve had an experience to remember.”
“Guess so.” Guido dropped his head to his chest.
“So?” Graham went back to the giggling Tammy.
“So what?”
“What happened in the end? What happened to this ‘love’?”
“I was bullied into saying something nasty to her a few days from now, if I’m right about when this is, and then she hated me with a vengence. I regretted it for the rest of my life.”
“What? Not being boyfriend-girlfriend?”
“No. Saying something nasty to her.”
“Oh. What happened to Tammy?”
“I don’t know.” Guido tried to lighten the mood. “She didn’t cut her wrists over me, that’s for sure, ha.” Graham took it the other way.
“Don’t joke about suicide, Guido. It’s a serious crime for souls to commit. The worst. Other than singing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ at a karaoke night, of course.” They watched the teacher closing the exercise and asking for feedback on the questions given. Some children answered gladly, others shied away.
“So?” asked Guido.
“So what?”
“So, what now?”
“Oh. So tell me, Guido, is this the ‘love’?” Graham got the form out and found the word again.
“Yes, I guess so. After this, I was ostracised, wherever I went. No other love in my life, from me or to me. No one was interested, and I just didn�
��t think about it much, I guess.”
“Well, if this is all you’ve got, I’m going to have to cross this one out. It’s of no value. Sure, you felt it, but you didn’t experience it to any depth.” Graham got the pen out and crossed it off. Guido turned and almost jumped out of his skin, if he’d had any.
“Ahh! What the hell is that?”
“Freeze the scene, Guido.” The teacher was frozen with her mouth open as she corrected a child, while the students all became statues. Guido got as far away from the apparition as possible.
“What is it?”
“That, Guido, is the ‘other side’.” Graham went up to the creature and studied it.
“What? Is it the devil?” Graham had a close sniff, dead fish mixed with rotting cabbage. The usual.
“The devil? No, this is a hobgoblin, an ordinary hobgoblin, one of Satan’s ‘little helpers’.”
“Little helpers? I thought Santa had little helpers?” Guido didn’t want to go anywhere near the creature, preferring instead to stand next to the teacher for protection.
“Santa? What are you, six?” Graham examined the hobgoblin further. “It seems to be doing a dirty deed.”
“Is that what you call it?” The creature was squatting on a child’s shoulder.
“No, not that, he’s whispering into this boy’s ear.” Guido came a little closer.
“That’s York. He was a nasty kid. Can he hear it?”
“No, but his soul can, so he’s affected subconsciously. Poor kid.”
“Poor kid? This guy bullied everyone in class! He was the guy who…!”
“…told you to say something bad to Tammy over there? Looks like you were both done over by a hobgoblin.” Graham crossed off ‘self-respect’ from the form. “Oh, by the way, Santa, Satan?”
“What?”
“See it?”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“Tell me about hobgoblins.” Guido was repulsed