Longing For His kiss

by Sherri Hayes

  For whatever reason, she felt a little feisty and she was too exhausted to fight it. She lowered her voice a little, giving it a seductive tone. “I’m already in bed.”

  “Are you wearing anything?” His husky tone did all kinds of wonderful things to her body. He didn’t even have to touch her and already she was getting ready for him.

  “No.”

  The groan that came through the line had her thinking of other needs besides sleep, like feeling him sucking on her nipples while he held her hands above her head. Or him hovering over her while he filled her with every inch of his cock.

  Heaven help her, but her body and heart ached for him and it had only been a day.

  “You’d better not be touching yourself, gattina.” Alexander knew exactly where her mind had gone.

  “No, Sir.” While it was tempting and she could definitely use the release, she would not defy her Dom. Not in this. Her body was his. If nothing else, she knew that to be true beyond a doubt. And she suspected that despite all the confusion going on in her brain, he owned her heart as well.

  Alexander cleared his throat, breaking some of the spell. “I’d like to see you tomorrow.”

  “I have to work.” It was a weak excuse.

  “After work,” he said, refusing to be deterred. “We can go to dinner.”

  There was a part of her that was disappointed. Of course, that was the horny part and not the rational part. He was right. They did need to talk—sort this out—and figure out where to go from here. She couldn’t let him go. That much she knew. “I’d like that.”

  “I’ll pick you up at six.”

  “Alexander?”

  “Yes?”

  Grace worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

  There was a lengthy silence on the other end. When he spoke again, she could hear the affection he had for her coming through his words. “Good night, gattina. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Good night, Sir.”

  She placed her phone on her nightstand and burrowed under the covers. As tired as her body was, Grace had some decisions to make. Alexander said he wasn’t pushing her into anything, and that, while he wanted to get married, he wasn’t expecting her to do it tomorrow.

  After throwing off the covers, she went to the closet and dug out the box of Kurt’s things she’d saved. Most of it was from his childhood. She kept meaning to ask his mom and dad if they wanted them, but kept putting it off. There were also pictures, pictures of her and Kurt, along with her wedding ring and her collar.

  Grace brought the box over to the bed and opened it. Everything was exactly how she’d left it, her collar and ring sitting on top being the newest additions to the box. She grazed her fingertips over the silver heart and closed her eyes. A peace fell over her and the weight she’d been feeling lifted from her chest.

  She’d always felt as if Kurt was watching over her, even when he was deployed. The connection they had was strong, even from the beginning. It was then she realized that there was a part of her that had resisted truly letting go and moving on. Having an agreement with Alexander was different than giving him her whole self. It would mean that she no longer belonged to Kurt. She would truly and completely be letting him go. Saying goodbye.

  The collar felt heavier than she remembered as she lifted it to her lips. The cool metal against her skin brought with it memories of when Kurt had placed it around her neck. Even then he’d known what she needed. He’d been a wonderful Master. Not perfect, but he always made sure her needs were taken care of.

  Tears streaked down her cheeks as she returned the collar she’d worn for almost ten years back to the box and closed the lid. It was time for her to truly and with her whole heart obey her Master’s last command and move on.

  ***

  Since Alexander had left Grace’s house on Thursday evening he’d been worried about her. He was glad she called him Friday night, if only to let him know she was okay. The more they’d gotten to know each other, both in and out of the bedroom, the more intense his feelings for her became.

  On his way to pick her up Saturday evening, he stopped to buy her some flowers. Their relationship might not be conventional, but he was treating tonight as a date. This wasn’t about their arrangement. This was about them. As a couple. A couple that hopefully had a future together.

  It seemed Grace felt the same way about their upcoming evening. She answered the door wearing a fitted red dress that came down to her knees. It was more conservative than what she would wear to the club, but it still made his mouth water. There were strips of lace that gave hints of the skin underneath, skin he wanted to touch and kiss and lick . . .

  He had to focus. They needed to talk. Fucking her senseless wouldn’t solve anything in the long term and that’s what he wanted. Forever. With her.

  Alexander held the flowers in front of him, presenting them to Grace. “You look lovely tonight.”

  “Thank you.” Grace blushed and took the bouquet from him. She brought the flowers up to her face and inhaled. “They’re beautiful.”

  She took a few steps back, allowing him to come in. “I should put these in some water.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  Grace nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. As she walked away, his gaze was transfixed on her ass. He could have followed her, but he didn’t want to test his self-control. Last night had proven that even though Grace’s mind was confused, her body didn’t seem to have the same issue. He didn’t want to tempt fate.

  By the time she returned, he’d regained control of his libido—or as much control as he was able to manage in her presence. He helped her into her coat and they made their way to his car.

  Instead of going to one of their usual places, he decided to head farther out of town. After a little research, he’d found a restaurant about an hour west of the city that overlooked a small stream. The pictures online had made it look cozy and romantic.

  “Was the café as busy today as yesterday?”

  “No.” Grace turned to face him, resting her head on the back of the seat. She seemed more relaxed than she had when he’d left her Thursday night. Or maybe she was just tired. “Things started a bit slower and we had a short break between breakfast and lunch. Beth was still happy, though. She’s pretty sure this week will be her best since opening the café.”

  “That’s great.”

  “It is.”

  He turned off the highway and continued down a two-lane road that would lead them to their destination. They still had quite a way to go and he wanted to keep the conversation light. “Have you ever been out this way?”

  “I think so, but it’s been years. Dad used to like to go for long drives in the country sometimes. We’d get in the car and head out with no destination in mind. We found some really cool places. A lot of small towns and parks that we had no idea existed.”

  “You don’t talk much about your dad,” Alexander said, leaving it open for her to say as little or as much as she wanted on the subject.

  “He died about five years ago. Parkinson’s. Kurt was stationed in Texas at the time, so Gabby and Mom had their hands full. One day Gabby called to tell me that I should come home if I could, that they didn’t expect Dad to make it more than another month or two.”

  “I’m sorry.” Alexander hadn’t meant to go down such a sad path. He’d figured she’d maybe share childhood stories of her dad, not reminisce about his death.

  It was almost as if he hadn’t said a word. “When I got there, I realized my dad was already gone. His body was still there, but his mind wasn’t. He didn’t recognize me. He didn’t recognize anyone . . . not even my mom. We were all strangers to him.”

  Alexander knew what Parkinson’s disease could do, both to the person and to their family. Hearing about it from Grace’s perspective, however, was a lot different than reading about it in a textbook or seeing it in a clinical setting. This wasn’t some random person he had no connection with.
This was Grace’s father.

  Purely on instinct, he covered her hand with his.

  She laced their fingers together and squeezed. “Kurt and I had gone to see him the year before. We’d talked about going to Hawaii, but changed our minds. I’m glad we did. Dad was still in his right mind then.”

  Alexander remained quiet, holding her hand and letting her talk. Grace had stayed in Missouri with her mother and sister for the last month and a half of her father’s life. She’d helped her mom with the funeral arrangements and helped her get all the legal stuff in order before she’d returned to Texas.

  “Was Kurt able to get leave to come to the funeral?” Alexander asked. He really hoped she hadn’t had to deal with that alone.

  “Yes. It was lucky he was stateside at the time. It wasn’t a month after we returned that he was shipped out.”

  They talked a bit more about her family throughout the remainder of the drive. It wasn’t the lightest of conversations, but since it appeared to be the direction Grace wanted to go, he went with it.

  “Oh wow,” she said when they pulled up in front of the restaurant. There were white lights everywhere—along the roofline, draped over bushes, woven through the trees. They were clearly going for a winter wonderland theme. All it lacked was the snow.

  He rounded the vehicle and opened her door, offering her his hand. “Ready?”

  Grace placed her palm in his and exited the car, a look of awe on her face. “This is amazing.”

  “Wait until you see the inside.”

  As promised, the inside of the restaurant was as spectacular as the outside. Alexander gave the host his name and they were led past the large fireplace in the center over to a bank of windows. The host held out Grace’s chair for her while she sat down. “Thank you.”

  He handed them both a menu. “Your server will be right with you. Enjoy your dinner.”

  Alexander knew the moment Grace looked outside. The lights lit up a scene that looked to be out of a painting. “How did you find this place?”

  “You can find just about anything on the internet these days.”

  She seemed a bit flabbergasted, which made him smile. It was the exact reaction he’d been hoping for.

  “Good evening. My name is John. I’ll be taking care of you this evening. Can I get you started with some wine?”

  Alexander ordered them each a glass of wine and an appetizer while Grace continued to gaze out the window. He let her drink in the scenery while he scanned over the menu, every now and then glancing her way.

  John returned with their wine. “Do you still need a few more minutes?”

  That seemed to jar Grace out of her fixation. “Oh.” She turned her attention to her menu and began scanning over the items.

  Alexander chuckled. “Yes, please.”

  Nodding, their server left them alone again.

  Then Grace surprised him. She looked up, meeting his gaze, and placed her menu facedown on the table. “Will you order for me, Sir?”

  He was trying not to read too much into her request. “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is.” Her voice was full of conviction.

  When their server returned with their appetizer, Alexander ordered for both of them, making sure to get something he knew she’d like. “I’ll get this put in for you right away. Is there anything else you need at the moment?”

  “No. I think we’re fine. Thank you,” Alexander said.

  John nodded. “Enjoy your appetizer.”

  Alone once more, Alexander speared one of the stuffed mushrooms and held it up for her. “Mushroom?”

  She giggled, leaned forward, and opened her mouth. Her lips closed around the food and he felt a reaction below his waist. Grace was flirting with him. That had to be a good sign.

  He ate one of the mushrooms himself, and then stabbed another one and offered it to her. “I want to talk about Thursday.”

  There was a slight hesitation as she took the mushroom. Grace finished chewing and swallowing before she responded. “I know.” She glanced down at her empty plate, and then back at him. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I just . . . I needed time to think about some things . . . to come to terms with how I feel.”

  Alexander swallowed and it felt as if he had a lump stuck in his throat.

  “When Kurt died, I didn’t imagine I’d find anyone else that would make me feel the way he did. I thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life and I was okay with that. Or, I’d accepted it, at least. Then, you showed up with his letter. I didn’t know what to think, but I trusted Kurt. He knew me better than anyone.”

  The noise around them faded into the background as he waited for whatever would come next.

  Grace lifted her right hand and placed it flat at the base of her neck over her collar. She met his gaze and held it as she spoke. “I’m ready, Master. Ready to be yours.”

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  Chapter 28

  Alexander took his time responding. Hearing her call him Master had him wanting to take her right then and there, to hell with all the people around them. That, however, would most likely get them both arrested. Not exactly how he foresaw the evening ending.

  He studied Grace, trying to get a feel for exactly what she’d meant by saying she was ready. She toyed with her napkin as she waited for his response.

  Picking up his wineglass, he took a sip. “I’m going to need a bit more than that. What, exactly, are you ready for, gattina?” He’d added the term of endearment to let her know he wasn’t upset by her declaration.

  Grace looked out the window, and then to him. Her eyes held something in them he’d never seen before. “I realized I’ve been holding back. Emotionally.” She paused. “I’m sorry.”

  He’d known that, but he’d been willing to give her time to work through it. “You were still grieving.”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  Several minutes passed as he waited for her to continue. It would have been so easy to brush this conversation under the rug and go on with their evening, but they needed to talk this through.

  “When we started”—she glanced around the room before going on—“seeing each other, I hadn’t thought of sharing my life with another man. My heart still belonged to Kurt, and as far as I was concerned that was how it would always be.”

  He’d known this as well. The love Grace had for her husband wasn’t in doubt. Neither was Kurt’s love and devotion to his wife. He’d been an attractive man and had numerous opportunities to cheat while they were deployed, but he never had. It had made Alexander long for that type of connection with someone.

  Grace gingerly placed her hand over the top of Alexander’s where it rested at the base of his wineglass. He twisted his wrist so he could grasp her fingers.

  “When you told my mom that you wanted to get married, I panicked. Not because I couldn’t see myself marrying you, but because I could. The more I thought about it, the more real it became.” She hesitated. “And then you said you loved me.”

  Grace closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to keep it together. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, encouraging her to take her time.

  “I wanted to say it back,” she admitted, “but I couldn’t. It felt like, if I did, that I would be betraying Kurt. Giving you my body was one thing. Giving you my heart . . .”

  Alexander’s own heart felt as if it was going to beat out of his chest, but he waited until she looked at him again. “And now?”

  “Now I realize that what I felt for Kurt doesn’t mean I can’t feel that way for someone else. I don’t have to choose. Kurt was my past.” Her shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath in and let it out. “You are my future.”

  They stared at each other across the table, holding hands. This was how their server found them when he brought their food. Alexander thanked him, not breaking eye contract with Grace, and sent him on his way.

  After brushing his thumb along the inside of Grace’s wrist,
Alexander let go of her hand so they could eat. She followed his lead and picked up her fork.

  They concentrated on their dinners for a while, letting everything that had been said sink in. Alexander was the first one to break the silence. “I never want you to feel as if you have to forget Kurt. His memory lives on as it should. In both of us.”

  Moisture pooled in her eyes, but she fought to keep the tears at bay.

  Nothing more was said as they finished their meals. Alexander paid the check, and then whisked Grace out the door.

  Outside, he steered them away from the parking lot to a walking path that led down to the stream. It was lit with the same holiday lights that surrounded the restaurant. He wrapped his arm around Grace’s shoulders and she snuggled close.

  The sound of the stream became louder as they rounded the corner. It was chilly and there were no other people in sight, which suited him just fine. Alexander led her over to a wooden bench a few feet from the path, sat down, and pulled her into his lap.

  Grace leaned against him, her eyes focused on the rambling water in front of them. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

  He held her close and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “You’re welcome.”

  The sounds of the night surrounded them as they sat. He took the edges of his trench coat and tried to cover some of her legs so she wouldn’t get cold.

  “You know, I’ve never been to your apartment.”

  Alexander grinned against her shoulder. “Is that your way of trying to wheedle an invitation out of me?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “Well, since neither of us has work tomorrow, why don’t you stay over at my place? It will, however, mean you’ll have to take the walk of shame tomorrow since you don’t have any clothes there.” He hugged her closer.

  “I’m okay with that, if you are.”

  He ran his nose up the length of her neck to her ear. “Anything that has you in my bed is all right by me.”

  A shiver rippled through her. “Master?”