The Land of Trademark Online

by Nikolai Chekhov

  “Definitely not made of stone,” I muttered, tapping the ground to see how sturdy it was. It still hummed with my landing, but it did not shake. Once I’d landed, I triggered the next phase of the fight, and the platform started to spinning. It was subtle, but it was the metal eye that gave it away, it was shifting out of my line of sight. It made me nervous that it might end up at my back, but I just had to keep an… eye on it. Even I winced at my choice of words.

  Reptile waited for me to step forward. His clothes were burnt to hell; smoke still rose from them. It almost felt wrong taking down this once noble man, so on a whim, I crossed my upper and lower arms against my chest and bowed to my opponent.

  He, in turn, did the same, and then we engaged by some unspoken agreement. Although I was ready for it, his overhead chop caught me by surprise. I blocked but waited for the feint to resolve itself. The moment his kick tried to snap at me, my leg connected with his pivoting leg, rocking him off balance.

  Reptile’s burnt robes cracked as he rolled backward but was on his feet before I could take advantage. It was so fluid it left me breathless, and for my troubles, I took two jabs to my chin and one to my gut. Shuffling back a few steps, I prepared myself for his dive towards my legs. My preparations were in vain, because he vanished, finally revealing his real feint.

  “Fire-blasted reptiles,” I muttered while spinning in place trying to spot him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw acid flying at me and rolled back only to feel its tongue wrap around my two left arms.

  The tongue pulled me off balance, and he shot towards me like a bullet. His claws were already slashing into my side, and I felt the sickly aura of his poison entering me. I increased my internal body temperature, hoping to fight it back, but I realized I’d have to end this fight quick.

  My bulk and four arms were my main advantage, so I let myself get pulled closer to him and used one of my free right hands to grab his tongue. The acid burned my palm, but I ignored it while my last remaining hand sent a powerful uppercut into Reptile’s jaw. I loved [Mister Fister] because the scaly bastard’s jaw slammed closed and cracked under the impact, and his teeth bit clean through that long lizard tongue.

  [Finish Him!]

  Reptile was done, he swayed there not even conscious and yet somehow still on his feet. My hands were freed and all of them covered in flames. Gently, I wrapped my limbs around the once noble warrior and brought him into a good old fashion Russian bear hug. My arms squeezed tighter and tighter, and the [Inner Dragon] built up heat and pressure between our two bodies. The flames were infusing themselves into Reptile, turning him into a ticking time bomb.

  Counting down from five, I positioned myself perfectly and released him. The corpse flew like a flaming comet towards the far side of the room. At precisely that moment, the eye opened, and Reptile exploded into it.

  Metallic screeching ruptured my eardrums, and I stumbled to my knees trying to block it out. After it ended—if it stopped, I couldn’t hear—I sipped on a [Healing Potion] and sighed. Those tasted better and better.

  The destruction of the eye revealed a secret room beyond. I was getting better at guessing where I could find them.

  [You have performed a Fatal Finisher!]

  I wondered briefly if I should be sickened by what I had just done, but the man had accepted an honorable battle. I did not feel as sickened by my actions as I did when I ripped Goro apart. Or maybe it's just a game, and I should get stop being a pussy.

  [Quest Complete: Reptile’s Revenge

  Reward: Asp’s Speed, 150 Tokens of Acclimation 75 Gold]

  Just like last time I crushed Asp’s Speed in my hand and felt the warmth of the transfer complete.

  [You have gained the Feat: Asp’s Speed, benefits are as follows:

  * Attributes: Agility +7, Intelligence +4, Constitution +3

  * Acid & Venom Resistance +20%

  Discovered the Dragon Fist Legendary Skill: Immolation

  Warning: This is a level 3 ability. TMO does not prohibit you from trying to learn skills early, so it is yours. However, it comes with a 50% chance of failure until you are of the appropriate level. Also, you cannot increase Acclimation. You were warned.

  Skill: Immolation (L)

  Skill Rank: Novice

  Acclimation Points: 1 / 15

  Type: Activated

  Effect: Wrapping a target in your arms, you can expend heat from your [Inner Dragon] and incinerate whatever you hold. This does massive damage, but it will also harm you.

  Damage: 4 x the amount of heat expended.

  Restrictions: You must encircle your target with your limbs if you do not the fire will escape, and the backlash could put out your [Inner Dragon]. This will work on non-living things too, but be careful of melting things like stone and metal, they will burn you in return.

  You have completed Reptile’s Revenge, the second quest for Way of the Mortal Combatant, go to The Stone Place within the Kongdom Proper and visit the Bad Seed Inn to get the next quest.

  Because you used a finishing move you can choose from one of two Titles:

  The Immolator - This title will grant your external body 15% more resistance to fire. It also grants +5% damage to fire based skills or spells.

  The Acidic Avenger - This title will grant your internal and external body 15% resistance to acid. It also grants +5% damage to Acid based skills or spells. ]

  “The Immolator,” I said, locking in my choice. Not that it was much of a choice, and I could already hear NPC calling me a retarded monkey if I had chosen otherwise. “Also, I have five unassigned Acclimation points, can I please put those into Immolation?”

  [Skill: Immolation – Acclimation Points: 6/15

  OTM: Cheater, but well played, monkey.]

  “Hey, boss. Yer gorna need anudder shirt.” Earle made it to my shoulder again without me noticing.

  “Nice fight, but the rodent is right. You look like hell.”

  “Yea, I’m pretty sure the shirt will regenerate, it came from a [Wardrobe]. Anyway, let’s go see our loot.”

  Chapter 43

  Location: Reptile’s Revenge

  The metal eyelid had opened fully, receding into the wall and floor leaving no sign of the spherical protrusion that was there previously. Instead, there was a big circle opening, with a torch-lit room beyond. I wondered at one point if I should question the credulity of torches still burning in secret places, but Amard coughed and brought my attention to the situation at hand. There was no bridge and about a meter and a half of the poisonous river between us.

  Unbidden, laughter bubbled out of me, and I grabbed Earle and threw him.

  “Whaddafuch!?” He squealed and two black bean-like turds popped out and sizzled in the acid river below. “Fuching boss, ye gorna gimme warning next time?”

  “Why? That was way more exciting.” I grinned at him, and he flicked me off.

  “I guess I’m next?” Amard asked curiously.

  “Yup, how would you like to go over?”

  “On my two feet.” Amard ran towards the hole, and right at the edge of the acid water, jumped. Her leap arced gracefully, and she touched down lightly on the other side taking a few more steps to slow her momentum. Then she turned and bowed. “I believe you are up.” Her eyebrow raised as if to say, can you do better? I knew I couldn’t, my bulk and four-arms did not lend to grace, but what I lacked in grace I could make up for in power.

  I activated [Charge] and sped off like a bull and dove, all four arms pointed forward and my legs tensed as the powerful muscles shot me across like a bullet. Well maybe like a cannonball, not quite as fast as a bullet. I realized a few seconds too late that my jump was off, and my head smacked the top of the doorway. I felt my lower body swinging forward. The last thing I remember before blacking out was landing on the hard ground and the sound of laughter.

  Seconds must have passed, because Earle was on my face, his hairy balls tickling my nose.

  “What the fire-shit-crap—”

 
; “Boss, ye got knocked da fuch out.” Earle chittered and scrambled off. Amard was trying not to laugh, but I rolled my eyes at her and took out a [Healing Potion]. I had my favorite cotton candy flavored drink in my hand and was sipping it when we entered the final chamber. Like before there was a pedestal in the center of the room, but this time it was made from a green translucent crystallized substance. If it was [Emerald] I hoped I could take it with us.

  On it was another [LitRPG Trope], and I picked it up.

  “Stop—” Amard attempted to hold me back, but realized I had already grabbed it. “Ah well, sucks to be you. That’s for a [Lion’s Quest]; nobody ever finishes that.”

  Earle and I looked at each and laughed.

  “Did I miss something?”

  “This little bastard tricked me into picking up the first one, and I told him the same thing. But just a tip, they don’t take up any inventory space, and their perks are kind of nice. Even if you never complete the quest.”

  “Hmm. If you say so, you’ve just been lucky.”

  “Why is that?”

  “To claim some of those, you have to act out the trope in some fashion.” Amard wouldn’t say another word after that, but her face had turned red. Earle winked at me, and I grudgingly had to admit the little dickhead was growing on me as a kindred spirit. Still didn’t completely forgive him, but his reason for betraying me took the sting out of it.

  “Are you going to tell me what you got?” Amard asked and tapped my nose to get my attention.

  [You have looted a LitRPG Trope - The Harem. Legend says the person who puts all the Tropes together will be granted an object of immeasurable power. You currently have 3/15 Tropes. This item cannot be destroyed, traded, or used as a weapon.

  Harem Bonuses: The Harem Trope has three types of bonuses:

  - Leading a Harem: All members of your harem will gain a 5% boost to all attributes. Also, when they group with you, they will gain 20% attributes gained from your Passive abilities.

  - Member of a Harem: Gain +1 to all attributes for all Harem members in your party, up to a maximum of 5.

  - Doing a Quest for a Harem: Gain 7% Luck while working on the quest.]

  “Holy crap,” Amard was looking at me funny after reading the item’s description, and then she grabbed a trope off the pedestal too. A window popped up in front of me, and it was my turn to blush while she grinned at me evilly.

  [Amard has asked to join your Harem, do you accept?

  If you accept, you will need to name your Harem, and assign roles. Since you have no one in your Harem, by default Amard would become the lead mistress of your Harem, but you still maintain the ultimate control, and you can shift roles around.]

  [You have been Seduced by Amard.]

  “Shit tits!” I said before I felt my willpower weaken. Her hands grabbed my faced and hesitantly turned my face towards her. Something in her eyes let me know she was not doing this on a whim and I could see the resolve firm in her eyes which were glowing magenta.

  “You will accept me into your [Harem]?”

  “Yes.” I felt myself saying—as if I would have said no. A pop up asked me what I’d like to name the Harem.

  “I want to call our [Harem] The Menagerie, is—is that ok?” Her vulnerability was a new side to her I had not yet experienced, and totally at odds with what I was expecting.

  “Yes, I like it,” I told her with a smile and meant it. Not because she seduced me—because I sensed that if I fought it, I could free myself from the seduction. This feeling I had was like we resonated. A deep empathetic connection. I’m not sure soulmates is the right term, but sometimes you meet people and felt the connection.

  Amard’s seduction was more like a conversation starter, and I wanted nothing as badly as I wanted Amard right now. And, if I'm honest, part of that might be the battle we just went through. I found out with Sonya that a good fight put me in a state of wanting, and that my libido was turning into a monster.

  [You are now the leader of a Harem, and all LitRPG Trope functions are available.

  Penalty: -50% to Harem bonuses - You must have 2 or more people in your Harem to enjoy the full benefits of the Trope.

  Penalty: Amard has -50% to Harem bonuses until you bed her. Enjoy! (Currently receives 25% of the bonus because of your 50% penalty)]

  I could tell she was looking over the same thing I was, and then she jumped on me, her legs wrapping around my hips while her lips pressed against mine. Her soft, agile tongue darted into my mouth, and I lost track of time as I basked in the sensations that followed. I could hear Earle chittering with laughter as he ran off.

  Hands eagerly tore off clothes, but it was a blur, and I could not be sure if it was her or me doing the tearing. Her leather armor came off revealing small perky breasts and pale unmarred flesh underneath. My rough hands felt crude and clumsy feeling her soft flesh, but it only seemed to inflame her passion even more.

  After the hour wore off, we were still going at it. As tough as Amard was, I thought she’d be more into the rougher sex, but she was more vulnerable than she let on. We went slow, and I savored every second.

  Later, as we laid there panting in our post coitus haze, something occurred to me. Dr. Soulstoner had said his daughter found a friend, and I hoped that I was not that friend.

  It did not occur to me before because I thought Amard was a guy. I should probably ask her, but I didn’t want to talk to her about it. I’d rather have the awkward conversation with her father—if she was his daughter. Blast it, what’s done is done. I wouldn’t have stopped had I known.

  Oh well, shit happens. Amard sprawled across me, and I wrapped multiple arms around her and kissed the top of her head. She snuggled into me, resting a hand on my chest before my eyes drooped close. Clearing a dungeon was time-consuming and exhausting.

  Chapter 44

  End of Day Four

  Location: Summary Room

  “Hey buddy, welcome back. Missed you and all that,” NPC was on his couch again, but this time he was stitched up, and his stuffing was back into place. Both button eyes were where they should be. Other than having more scars than a burn victim, he almost looked like a normal life-sized teddy bear. He no longer had that creepy zombie bear vibe. “What’s it like sleeping with the boss’ daughter?”

  “Shit tits, I am a retarded monkey.”

  “You said it, not me.” NPC was laughing at my sour face. “Relax, I have no idea if she is or not. Private data like that isn’t stored on the game servers. Considering what I know, it should be interesting when you come face to face with the Father. Actually, a better question is what’s it like to sleep with a human for a change?”

  “Not helping, and if hadn’t wanted to have sex with Amard, would seduction really have forced me?”

  “Seduction lowers inhibitions, but ultimately the choice is yours. It’s closer to placebo than not. You wanted her, I mean off the charts craved her. I don’t think she even needed seduction to get you to agree. But… I think she was on the fence, and it convinced her.” NPC rubbed his nose, the furry paw covering most of his face. “Get to it, monkey. I haven’t got all night, and on the bright side you are finally leveling up. Changed your XP display to account for your title bonus”

  [Today’s Summary]

  [Experience Summary:

  Current Level: 2

  Unspent Experience: 4,140 XP

  - Today: 2,284 XP (2,175 * 5% Dungeon Bonus)

  - Carried Over: 1,256 XP

  Experience needed for level 3: 1,500 XP

  Alternate Experience Purchases:

  —One Time Purchases—

  Level 2:

  +1 Attribute of your choice (Purchased)

  +5 Acclimation Points in any skill of your choice (Purchased)

  Any Level:

  Author Skill (Purchased)

  —Unlimited Purchases—

  +1 XP Coin (Cost: 100 XP)

  —Limited Time Purchases—

  Title: The Alternate (Purch
ased)

  How would you like to spend your Experience?]

  “Level up.”

  “It’s about time too.”

  “Bite me.”

  [Experience Summary:

  Current Level: 3

  Unspent Experience: 2,640 XP

  Cumulative Experience needed for level 4: 3,000 XP

  Alternate Experience Purchases:

  —One Time Purchases—

  Level 3:

  +1 Feat slot (Cost: 2,500 XP)

  +1 Uncommon Feat - Random (Cost: 500 XP)

  Level 3 Monk ability (Cost: 1,500 XP)

  Level 2:

  +1 Attribute of your choice (Purchased)

  +5 Acclimation Points in any skill of your choice (Purchased)

  Any Level:

  Author Skill (Purchased)

  —Unlimited Purchases—

  +1 XP Coin (Cost: 100 XP)

  —Limited Time Purchases—

  Title: The Alternate (Purchased)

  Are there any more additional purchases you would like to make?]

  “The monk ability, is it random, and is it rare or better?”

  “It’s a specific ability, and it is considered [Rare]. Class abilities are always available for purchase. Every base class has a few skills you can only get through here. So I think the developer who came up with it is a liberal crybaby. Boo hoo, everyone should have a trophy kind of bullshit.”

  “So it’s rare, but everyone has it?”

  “You got it; see you can teach a monkey new tricks.”

  “I will hurt you, you conservative dick.”

  “Woah Woah. Woah. Don’t lump me in with the crazies. Liberals are pussies, but conservatives are moronic Neanderthals, worse than monkeys.”

  “What’s with all the snarky messages in game?”

  “I’m fucking bored and watching you all day is about my only source of entertainment. Let a brother have some fun.”

  “Fine. Whatever. Just don’t do it while I’m in the middle of combat or tense situations.”

  “Deal.”

  “Oh, and can anyone else see them? I feel like I’m losing my mind when they don’t talk about it.”