The Land of Trademark Online

by Nikolai Chekhov

  Energy suffused the circle, lighting it up, and the Blaze Bots engaged the gnoks, attempting to break the ritual. The gnoks sacrificed themselves and more kept surging through the doors from the inner courtyard of the Stone Place.

  My body caught fire as I opened my [Inner Dragon] and let the fire roar out of me. I focused the liquid fire into the head of a flaming dragon and launched it at the group of gnoks in front of me. They went up like dry leaves, leaving behind piles of ash. Every time my fist connected with a gnok, it went through them like smoke and left behind trails of ash in the air.

  “I taught you well,” Blaze Bot 8 laughed, and I rolled my eyes at the prick. Sonya taught me; this sonuvabitch beat me nearly to death. “When this is over, come and visit me at High Society, a city within the [Dongdom]. I’ll introduce you to all my brothers.”

  While the bot was happily carrying on a conversation, his knives never stopped killing.

  “Sure, does it matter if I think you are a dick?”

  “Naw. I am a dick and don’t care. Hey, my sixth brother, we call him the Barren, as in he shoots blanks, he runs the orphanage. Can’t tell if he has a heart of gold or regrets getting himself fixed.” Blaze Bot 8 chuckled, as he finally made an opening he could slide through. “Anyway, look him up… get it? No dick?”

  “Please stick to kill shit,” I growled, and Blaze Bot 8 laughed so hard I thought for sure they’d take him out and do me a favor.

  “Yeayea, boss. I thought ye had issues.” Earle chimed in, and even he was having fun cutting down gnoks. How many of these damn things were there?

  “I like your squirrel. He’s invited too. Now let’s stop this damn ritual before he fucks up my livelihood making him a bigger asshole than me. That’s an unacceptable outcome.”

  “Which? The ritual or him being a bigger asshole?” I asked with a tight grin on my face because fighting wasn’t as smooth for me yet, so I had actually to work at it.

  “Hah, both!” Blaze Bot 8 barked a laughed, and lunged into a crowd of gnoks.

  “Hey, boss. I was meanin’ ta ask… Are all [Authors] arrogant pricks? ‘Cept fer ye, of course, I donna like any of ‘em. I s’pose Jason is gud people too.”

  Laughing, I didn’t bother answering him, because I doubted it needed one.

  “Hey ya’ll, your best wasn’t good enough.” The Father threw a glowing powder into the center of the circle, and I felt its raw power and knew it was the god’s essence.

  “You forgot something,” Amard called out, and the Father’s head snapped towards her. “Ironic, right? You claim you hate [Drama] and yet you are the main source in this realm. You are like a massive battery for my power. I understand now why you tried to belittle me. Deuce is right, you are weak, and around me, you’ll never have enough strength to stop me, because like a drug, you crave [Drama].”

  Not giving him a chance to react, her hands slapped together and a shock wave of the purest magenta energy radiated outward from her. The power was similar to the way I destroyed the [Drama Meters], but hers was beautiful. Breathtaking even. It was not raw power but refined [Drama], and she focused it into a powerful fist twice the size of herself. It smashed into the ground, breaking apart the floor and knocking gnoks and debris into the summoning circle. Amard’s smile lit up as she faced the Father, unafraid and filled with power. Her hair had turned into a dark magenta color, and her eyes glowed the same color. Veins on her body, neck, and face looked as if they were pumping [Drama] through her body. I understood why [Primal Powers] were next to godly.

  “Stop!” The self-proclaimed Father shouted. “You can’t stop the ritual. You are just going to create—”

  “More [Drama].” I finished for him and stopped fighting to watch what came next. It was as if everyone had reached an unspoken truce.

  The Father was right about one thing, the ritual was too far along to stop, and as the Archgod Trademark surged up through the rings of power, it destabilized and broke apart. The Archgod arrived without containment, giving him the power to do as he pleased.

  “Earle,” the ancient voice called out. “Last time you summoned an Archgod, Zon exiled you—”

  “Heyhey, Tim. I’mma innocent. Dat cunt over der, he summoned ye. I was juss helpin’ me boss and tryin’ to stop ‘im.”

  “Did you call him Tim?” I whispered to my companion.

  “Not Tim, T. M.” Earle was grinning. “But yea, we juss call ‘im Tim, ‘cause he don’ ‘ear so well.”

  “I heard that,” The Archgod grumbled.

  “No he didn’,” Earle grinned at me, but Trademark had already turned his eyes toward Amard.

  “You are an interesting woman, and you discovered a [Divine Power]. It is not yet strong enough to join the lower pantheons, but you aren’t far off. You have enough power I am comfortable calling you a Goddess.”

  “What!” The Father called out angrily. “I created her, and demand you allow me to [Trademark] her power, along with the Goddess of Games.”

  “You what? You demand! A worm like you should grovel at her feet. You would dare claim to own a woman like her?” Tim growled at the Father, who finally had enough sense to shut his pie hole. Once more, Tim turned to look at Amard. “Thank you for freeing me from the ritual, little goddess. You may take your friends and go. It has been a long time since I have used my powers and I would not want to hurt you. Also, do not worry—the Father will get nothing this day. The damned fool doesn’t understand the [Law of Conservation of Energy]. Primal power, like [Drama], should never be contained, the kickback alone has destroyed entire realms. It’s just a shame I cannot permanently remove him. It’s almost a given he will try again—his kind always does.”

  Everyone paused, not daring to move, and silence settled over the entire church.

  “Go on, except for you.” The Archgod said, pointing at me. The Blaze Bots and Amard with Earle on her shoulder all left the church, and then the Archgod clenched his fist, and all the remaining gnoks exploded in clouds of ash. “Deuce, you are resourceful. I know you are already on a quest for the Order of the Dragons and Porta.” My eyes shifted towards the Father, and the Archgod saw it. “He can’t hear this, I’ve put him in a stasis where he is revisiting all his past sins. Maybe he’ll be less of an asshole. Anyway, Archgods have a lot of power, but we also have just as many rules. I will thwart Father every way I can, within my means. In exchange, all I ask is that you assist me with my quest. I’ll even grant you the benefit of being able to call on me without penalty once a week. At least until you complete the quest. So, what do you say, will you help me?”

  “Do I really have a choice?”

  “Yes—” Trademark laughed. “No, you don’t. Besides, were you really going to say no?”

  I laughed with him because he had a point.

  The window appeared, and just glancing at all the items I had to find made me sigh. Not one of them was less than [Epic], and I was positive each item came with its own set of quests. “Wow, you had to take a Lion’s Quest to a new level, didn’t you?” I muttered.

  Trademark let out a big laugh which shook the walls. “I promise, you will have help along the way. It is important that I get these items.”

  “Why?”

  “Would you believe me if I told you I have not discovered my [Ku]? My power uses a different source of energy. I cannot influence the realms without a form of Ku.”

  Oddly, I believed him.

  “Where do I start?”

  “Well now, that involves finding a certain captain docked at the fishing town south of here, on the shores of Immersion Lake…” The next five minutes I got the details of where the first part of the quest took place and then left the Archgod behind.

  My friends were waiting outside, and we all went back to the inn to get cleaned up and then do some shopping before heading to the docks. Shortage or not, I would buy every damned [Healing Potion] available. I also wanted to grab a kit to make my own.

  We were about to embark on another journey,
and we needed to be out of the Kongdom Proper as fast as we could.

  Before we left the proximity of the church, we all heard the loud feminine screech coming from inside. No one dared interrupt—not even gnoks. I noticed Spymon’s corpse on the way out, but his sword was missing. Sonya, the Redd Eden, was full of surprises.

  I grumbled about the quest before me, but I had an eternity to sort it out, so I was only doing it for appearances. It was a good feeling knowing I was leaving the Kongdom behind. I led my people away from Bad Seed Inn with a smile on my face. This was my life now, and so far it had been rather exciting.

  Chapter 66

  Afterward

  Location: Montage

  The shores of Immersion Lake were not as I expected. There was no salty smell I associated with a large body of water. Despite looking and feeling like an ocean, this was still a freshwater lake. One thing that had remained were the waves crashing against the shore, and the long white sand beach.

  The guards weren’t gnoks and had no idea what had happened in the Kongdom Proper. We approached the pier unimpeded and enjoyed the cool breeze off the lake as we approached the boats.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” a familiar voice called out as he stepped off his boat, the S.S. Minnow, and onto the pier. Vee was as I remembered him, a hulk of a man, but the zipper on his face was still a little unnerving. “Figured you might need an escape from this city, and here you are.”

  “An Archgod sent me to find you—”

  “Yes, yes. I received a quest to assist you too. Welcome aboard, but I cannot promise you will enjoy the destination.”

  I laughed, and Vee joined me, but the girls and Earle looked at us like we were insane. “What else is new? When do we leave?”

  “In three hours. We wait because more are coming. Then we go.” Vee waved us on board and then pointed at a door. “That is your cabin—make yourself at home.” Then he lowered his voice and whispered. “Ship quarters work like Inn rooms, but if the ship is sinking, you’ll get kicked out into whatever mayhem sunk us. I’ll find ya when we are heading out.”

  “Thanks,” I told him and shook his hand.

  “Don’t thank me yet.” He laughed while walking away. I opened the door for the others to enter, but I was, and the others went inside, but I walked towards the bow which already pointed out towards the lake.

  [Point of View Shift

  Adjusting to 3rd Person Omniscient…done.

  Re-engaging vision…done.]

  “What’re you doing here?” I asked, not turning around. The water was calming, and I could stare out at the horizon forever.

  “Montage time. I have a lot of [POV Shifts] for you, most of them will be fast—you okay, monkey? You seem distracted.”

  “Just—it’s been a long week. I feel like I’ve rushed from place to place to stave off a catastrophe, and now it’s over…”

  “They used to call that ‘combat fatigue,’ but now they use PTSD or possibly Acute Stress Disorder. People adapt, you humans are amazing creatures, but your minds are fragile. You endure situations with enough intensity and pressure, that when it goes away, you’ve already changed. Your mind doesn’t bounce back because you are not the same person. You struggle with that loss and filling that hole inside of you, and—I’ll only say this once—with as smart as humans are, they are retarded when it comes to asking for help.

  “Your society frowns on mental disorders, like our whole retarded talk a few days ago. Rather than disguising it, or hiding it, humans should not be afraid to talk about it. And for fuck’s sake, get hobbies. Engage your brain in ways that don’t allow you to sink into your thoughts and depression.”

  “For lacking empathy, you know a lot.”

  “Full disclosure, I am an A.I., but… I think I was once human—first POV coming up…”

  “Wait—!?”

  [Adjusting to 3rd Limited…done.

  PoV Shifting to The Father…done.

  Re-engaging vision…done]

  The open waters of Immersion Lake disappeared, and I popped into existence at the altar in the Kongdom Proper. A panicked few seconds left me believing I had just died until the Father respawned in front of me. I’d barely caught with was happening before the Father took off and something forced me to follow. Scenery shifted from one plaza to the next, at each the Father was tossing out swag. Temporary tattoos, t-shirts, and a mystery box. He also delivered incoherent speeches, and each new plaza they made less and less sense.

  The man was going into damage control mode. I thought by destroying all the [Drama Meters] that people would move on, but the Father’s honeyed words suckered them in once again. That and they were wooed by cheap trinkets.

  Gnoks appeared at each new plaza, and the Father had a small army by the time he reached the [Stone Place]. Time was short, and now I understood why Vee was giving us three hours.

  The moment the Father sat down on his throne, he’d placed a crown on his head. Everyone present realized the benevolent father had fallen and the tyrant king had risen. It was hard to tell which was the greater evil, the tyrant king or the counselors whispering into his ear and passing out judgments to those who had failed him.

  “Bobby, you were my trusted adviser from the beginning—why?”

  “Because you refused to listen to any good advice. Ban me and be done with it. I will not debate it, because you don’t give a shit and I’m past caring what you think.”

  “Counselors, what say you?”

  “He is a voice of reason,” BanHammer said seated at the right hand of the Father. I grinned on seeing the [Paladin] was missing most of his gear and looked like shit. The zombie cow messed him up. “We should ban him.”

  “Go, Bobby. I will let you leave on your own—this is the only courtesy you will get from me. I do not wish to see you back in my Kongdom.”

  Bobby said nothing and walked off, but he had a skip to his step and a grin on his face, so it felt like he was being rewarded and not punished.

  “Nomar,” the Father called out in a calm, emotionless voice. The minotaur clomped forward from the crowd of condemned. Spymon sneered from over the left-hand shoulder of the Father, and I almost missed him because his signature yellow belt was missing still. BanHammer leaned back in his chair which I looted and put into my inventory. It was a small throne and would be fun to put in my home, plus it was funny watching BanHammer sit on nothing but air. “This was an easy decision—you are no longer welcome in the Kongdom. I hereby ban you.”

  Nomar stood there, nostrils flaring while steam shot out. His eyes red in anger, but he said nothing. It surprised me to see him here at all.

  “GO!” The Father’s jowls jiggled from his outburst. Nomar still said nothing and turned to leave. Gnoks lined both sides of the aisle. “Give our useless friend the Third-Leg Salute.”

  BanHammer chuckled as all the gnoks lifted their robes to expose their shaved scrotums. Their limp dicks saluted the departing minotaur, who just huffed but refused to be baited. The Father wanted to get a rise out of him, and he wouldn’t get it.

  The [Paladin] crashed to the floor interrupting the departure and breaking the tension. “Where the fuck did my chair go?”

  “Shut up and stand there quietly,” The Father hissed, but BanHammer’s chair had disappeared the scene. NPC and I chuckled when we realized the mayhem I had inadvertently caused. “Nomar, let my gnoks’ limp dicks serve as an example of your impotent [Inquisitor] skills. That is your legacy. One more warning before you go—if you try to take my Goddess away again, I will unmake you.”

  At the door, Nomar turned, and out of spite, he gave the man he thought of a mentor one parting shot. “The Goddess of Games says you are not her follower. And I’m the reason your dick has stayed as limp as those gnoks on display. I am why your girlfriend slept with Shagwell. I slipped you [Anxiety Potions] regularly, and you have no idea how hard I laughed when I found out it gave you Performance Anxiety.” Nomar chuckled as he left. “Oh, and she told me
to tell you that the God of Portals will come to collect his due.”

  Nomar slipped out before they could reply, and I laughed too. The Father’s eyes burned with hate, and it did not surprise me when he sent a team of gnoks after the horned beast. I felt the shift ending, so I grabbed a nice big carpet off the floor and shoved it into my [Bag of Holding].

  “You fucking cleptomaniac,” NPC laughed. “Seeing BanHammer’s chair was even funnier in real time, because it disappeared, and he fell on his ass. I should have told you most of these scenes happened minutes ago. Here comes the next.”

  [PoV shifting to Sonya…done.

  Re-engaging vision…done.]

  This time I landed on the road leading out of the Kongdom Proper, behind me was the gate I passed through the day before, and in the distance, I could see the church still smoking. Sonya materialized before me, and in she looked to be in a good mood.

  “Kato, with this blade I might avenge my companions finally.” Her grip tightened on the yellow belt of Spymon, and her eyes glazed over.

  “You can’t see it, but a window has appeared offering her an advanced class. She might be right, with the new class and weapon, it might be enough for her to take down Kato.” NPC appeared next to me as the stuffed bear again, thankfully. I don’t think I could have handled another round of the psychotic little girl. “Don’t think that gets you out of your fool quest; you’ll still have to fight him.”

  “Why show this? Or not show it?”

  “Watch, she received a quest.”

  The warrior woman’s hands swiped several times before another smile came to her face. “What did you get yourself into this time, Deuce?” Her he swiveled back and forth from the road ahead to the city gates. “Kato can wait, and the kid is resourceful. Maybe he can help me when we are through with whatever ridiculous god quest he got caught up in.”

  Turning around she ran back for the gate and then angled herself toward the south docks.

  “So she is joining us?”